Wario and Waluigi: The Blues Brothers

Chapter 5

Wario and Waluigi visit the female nun and offer to give her money to save the orphanage but she refuses it then she hits them as they are saying some foul language and then kicks them out of her office and offers a little friendly advice

Are you okay? Waluigi said

I'm fine. Wario said

You are such a disappointing pair. the female nun said

Huh? Wario said

What? Waluigi said

I prayed so hard for you. It saddens and hurts me that the two young men whom i raised to believe in the Ten Commandments have returned to me as two thieves with filthy mouths and bad attitudes. the female nun said

Seriously? Wario said

Are we that bad? Waluigi said

Yes. You are. the female nun said

Oh. Wario said

Wow. Waluigi said

Get out. And don't come back until you've redeemed yourselves. the female nun said

Suddenly like a vampire the female nun went backwards into her office while the door closed for her

Well, that didn't go so well. Wario said

Yeah. Waluigi said

What a pain in the ass. Wario said

Yeah. Waluigi said

While Wario and Waluigi were on the floor someone called out to them

Well well well. a voice said

Huh? Wario said

What? Waluigi said

Wario and Waluigi turned to see a man who dressed just like them standing before them

Boys, you gotta learn not to talk to nuns that way. the man said

Wario, Waluigi. the man said

Curtis! Wario and Waluigi both said

Wario and Waluigi approached Curtis while hugging and shaking him

Hey man. Curtis said

It's been a while. Wario said

You look fine, man. Waluigi said

Good to see you, man. Wario said

Definitely good. Waluigi said

Thanks. Hey, buy you boys a drink? Curtis said

Sure. Wario said

Okay. Waluigi said

Great. Let's go. Curtis said

Wario and Waluigi went to Curtis's place as Curtis was preparing drinks for them

Boys, things are bad. Curtis said

Really? Wario said

How so? Waluigi said

They're gonna sell this place to the Board of Education and i'll be on the street. Curtis said

What? Wario and Waluigi both said

Yeah. Curtis said

How long? Wario said

That money's got to be in the Cook County Assessor's Office within 11 days. Curtis said

Oh. Wario said

Yeah. Curtis said

They wouldn't turn you out, would they? Wario said

Shit! What's one more old nigger to the Board of Education? Curtis said

What about them orphans? Waluigi said

The children come in this place and i get to talk with them and they get to talk to me...orphan boys...boys with no mother and father. I never had no children and you boys and all those boys are like my sons. They're gonna take all my sons and put them in state institutions. Curtis said

What? Waluigi said

We'll get the money, Curtis. Waluigi and i will get the five thousand bucks. Wario said

Good. Curtis said

Curtis, you and the Penguin are the only family we got. Waluigi said

I know. Curtis said

You're the only one that was ever good to us singing Elmore James tunes and blowing the harp for us down here. Waluigi said

Well, the sister was right. Curtis said

Huh? Wario said

What? Waluigi said

You boys could use a little churching up. Curtis said

Churching up? Wario said

Yeah. Curtis said

How? Waluigi said

Slide on down to the Triple Rock and catch Rev. Cleophus. You boys listen to what he's got to say. Curtis said

Curtis? Wario said

Yeah? Curtis said

Wario takes a sip of his drink before continuing to talk

I don't want to listen to no jive-ass preacher talking to me about heaven and hell. Wario said

Wario, you get wise. You get to church. Curtis said

Alright. Fine. Wario said

Yeah. We'll go. Waluigi said

Good. Curtis said

Where is the church anyway? Wario said

It's here. Curtis said

Here? Wario said

Yeah. Curtis said

Here where? Wario said

In town. Curtis said

Oh. Wario said

That's perfect. Thanks, Curtis said

No problem. Curtis said

Okay, let's get going. Wario said

Yeah. Waluigi said

Good luck boys. Curtis said

Wario and Waluigi went into the Cadillac and then drove to the Triple Rock Baptist Church to meet Rev. Cleophus

So this is the place huh? Wario said

Yup. This is it. Waluigi said

Do we have to do this? Wario said

Of course, we do. Waluigi said

Why? Wario said

Curtis wants us to go to church. Waluigi said

I'm not doing it. Wario said

Why? Waluigi said

It's gonna be boring. Wario said

No it won't. Waluigi said

Yes it will. Wario said

No it won't. Waluigi said

Yes it will. Wario said

Come on Wario we have to do this. Waluigi said

Do we really? Wario said

Yes. Waluigi said

Seriously? Wario said

Yes. Waluigi said

Alright fine. Wario said

Perfect. Waluigi said

But it's still gonna be boring. Wario said

Just relax okay? Waluigi said

I'll try. Wario said

Wario and Waluigi exit the Cadillac and are now about to head into church

All i'm saying is we got to figure out some way to get that money honestly. Waluigi said

That could be a problem. Wario said

It's like the Penguin says. Waluigi said

What did she say? Wario said

We've got to make that move towards redemption. Waluigi said

Oh. Wario said

Exactly and that's why we got to go to church. Waluigi said

We've got to make that move towards redemption. Wario said mocking Waluigi

What? Waluigi said

We got to go to church. Wario said mocking Waluigi said

What? Waluigi said

Bullshit. Wario said

Seriously? Waluigi said

Yeah. Bullshit. Wario said

Come on. Waluigi said

Alright. Wario said

Wait. Toad said

Toad? Wario said

What is it? Waluigi said

I want to go to church too. Toad said

Really? Waluigi said

Yeah. Toad said

Why? Wario said

I wanna see what it's like. Toad said

That's it? Wario said

Yeah. Toad said

No way. Wario said

What? Toad said

You can't come. Wario said

Why not? Toad said

It's gonna be boring. Wario said

What? Toad said

Yeah. Wario said

But i wanna come. Toad said

No way. Wario said

What? Toad said

You heard me. Wario said

Come on. Toad said

Wario let him come. Waluigi said

Excuse me? Wario said

Toad wants to go to church. Waluigi said

Seriously? Wario said

Yeah. Waluigi said

Why? Wario said

He wants to check it out. Waluigi said

That's it? Wario said

That's it. Waluigi said

Are you sure? Wario said

Yeah. Waluigi said

Are you really sure? Wario said

Yeah. Waluigi said

Alright fine. Wario said

Good. Waluigi said

Let's go Toad. Wario said

Alright. Toad said

Thanks, Wario. Waluigi said

It's still gonna be boring. Wario said

Let's just go see what they have to offer. Waluigi said

Okay. Wario said

Wario Waluigi and Toad then went inside the church as everyone was sitting down and they were standing as they were about to listen

And now, this week's sermon is from our beloved. The Rev. Cleophus James. the black man said

Everyone except Wario Waluigi and Toad clapped for Cleophus James who went to the podium

James. the first black man said

Come on, Reverend. the first black woman said

Come on, preacher. the second black man said

And now, people. Cleophus said

Take your time. the second black woman said

And now, people. Cleophus said

The people cheered for Cleophus as he began to speak

When i woke up this morning. Cleophus said

The people cheered for Cleophus as he said some words

I heard a disturbing sound. Cleophus said

The people cheered for Cleophus again as he speaks

Yeah. the people said

I said, when i woke up this morning. Cleophus said

Yeah. the people said

I heard a disturbing sound. Cleophus said

The people cheered for Cleophus again as he speaks

What i heard was the jingle-jangle. Cleophus said

Cleophus is saying some words for Wario Waluigi and Toad and the people in the church stay tuned

TO BE CONTINUED