Chapter 5.
More images come and pass, they are of no importance, but again they slow down to show me what I need to see, or perhaps what I want to see, or even both.
John was sitting on his bed, the lights are off, the door is locked, it is the middle of the night by the ship's standard, but he cannot sleep again. Second day in a row he is being tormented by nightmares. John gets up and walks over to the table, on it are an opened bottle of scotch and a small container of antidepressants. He tried both but neither help, alcohol just gives him a headache in the morning, and the meds just screw over with his perception. He tries to clear his thoughts, it doesn't work either, he tries to switch his mind to something else, and Liara comes to his mind.
John did not blame Liara for what happened, it was only logical that she would go searching through his head, there was no one to blame but himself, for sealing Akuze away instead of dealing with it as he should have. Then again, would he be the man he is right now if he did not bury Akuze in the depths of his mind? John shook his head as if to try and shake the thoughts out of it, Liara's image was much brighter now, she was in his thoughts all the time now, ever since the meld, it was strange, he did not get the same result after Shiala, perhaps the meld he and Liara shared was more then just an exchange of information? Or perhaps...
Realization came to John like a thunder strike, he let out a laugh and smiled, saying out loud: "Commander John Shepard, the first human spectre, survivor of Akuze is... in love." John stood there for a couple of seconds, collecting his thoughts, it seemed that all he needed all these years to let the pain go away, was her, it was so simple and yet complicated at the same time. He needed to talk to Liara, he needed to see her, apologize to her, and tell her how he felt.
John walked up to his locker and got dressed, he walked out of his quarters and walked across the mess hall. Shepard stopped a split second before opening the med bay doors, he started second guessing himself. A barrage of "what if"s flooded his mind.
"What is this? Middle school?" he muttered to himself.
John stood there for a few more seconds, finally, he turned around and started to walk away when he heard a voice behind him.
"Shepard?"
John turned around only to see Liara peeking out from the med bay, John wasn't ready for such a turn of events, "Liara!" was all he could answer. There was a moment of silence, when finally Liara spoke.
"Shepard, I..." she lowered her eyes, her expression full of guilt, "I did not mean to..."
"I know." Shepard interrupted her, before she could continue, "Don't worry, it wasn't your fault, in fact... I am glad it happened, because it made me realize something." John turned around completely and walked up to Liara, "There is something I need to tell you Liara, but I would prefer if we continued this conversation elsewhere." John preferred to keep their interaction away from prying eyes and loud mouths.
Liara raised her eyes, she was intrigued by the way Shepard was acting, she was not sure of what Shepard wanted to tell her, but she could tell the Commander was nervous. "What could make a battle hardened soldier like him nervous?" Liara spoke, "The med bay and the lab are empty Shepard, doctor Chakwas is in the sleeping pod tonight, we could talk there.
Both entered the med bay and walked through it into the lab, there Liara walked up to her table and turned around, curious as to what Shepard wanted to tell her. "So what did you want to tell me Commander?"
John looked into Liara's blue eyes and he could not bring himself to say anything, "I... um... just wanted to... um..." he faked a cough and tried to start over again, "I wanted to tell you Liara, how I feel about you." He said and looked at Liara, searching for a response of any sort.
Liara's eyes widened, her heart rate accelerated, she did not expect this from Shepard, yet she realized that she wanted to hear it from him, but before she could answer, Shepard continued.
"Liara, I do not know how you feel about me, but I want to you to know, that I cannot get you out of my mind."
Liara's heart skipped a beat, she took a deep breath and spoke, "I... feel the same way Shepard." and she couldn't help but smile, seeing how the first human spectre, just made a sigh of relief as if his life was on the line. "I do feel the attraction between us Shepard and after the meld, I keep thinking of you as well." Liara blushed, and looked away in embarrassment, and before she knew it, she felt Shepard's strong arms embrace her. She did not fight it, in fact she welcomed it, she embraced Shepard back, feeling his strong muscled back in her arms, feeling his breath on her neck, Liara T'Soni was the happiest asari in the galaxy that moment.
John let go of Liara, now was not the time to explore this further. Both wished each other a good night. Shepard walked out of the med bay and was almost at his quarters, when his personal comm made a sound of incoming message.
"Yes Joker?" John answered.
"Sorry to wake you up Commander, urgent message from the Citadel just came through." Joker replied.
"Put in the comm room, I'll take it there." John sighed and started walking up the stairs.
Shepard walked into the comm room and powered up the console for the incoming transmission, as the projections appeared he stepped back a bit.
Before him stood the Council, the salarian councilor spoke, "Shepard, we received information about one of Saren's allies on Noveria."
The asari councilor continued, "Matriarch Benezia, has passed through Noveria's customs exactly 8 hours ago, you are to investigate her actions."
The turian councilor spoke, "And you are to use lethal force if she does not cooperate, We hope your little trophy from Therum will not cause problems?"
"No, she has already stated her position on the matter." John answered, thinking exactly the opposite.
"Very well, Shepard, proceed with the mission." spoke the salarian councilor again.
Shepard nodded and the console powered down, ending the transmission. John turned around, walked up to one of the chairs and sat down, he was not sure how to approach Liara on this matter, he decided it was best to tell her right away and let her choose for herself if she wanted to go on this mission or not.
"Joker." John talked into his comm, "Set a course for Noveria."
"Aye aye Commander."
John stood up and walked out of the comm room, heading down towards the med bay.
The squad was running down an iced up tunnel, everyone was breathing heavily, long mission was taking its toll. At first they had to fight through Noveria's bureaucracy, and security, literally in the case of the last one, then they had to break through the heavy geth fortifications, before they could even reach Peak 15, the complex where Matriarch Benezia arrived just a few hours ago. Finally, once they reached the facility, it was overrun by the geth and some sort of an alien lifeforms, they fixed the power lines and restarted the generator and finally were able to reach the lab complex, when their advance was halted by the facility's survivors and security. Shepard and his team had to work covertly behind the security chief's back in order to gain access to the main lab where Matriarch Benezia was stationed, it was also here that they learned that the alien lifeforms were in fact the rachni. They got the card from a medical officer, taking down a sleeper agent of Benezia, an asari commando, in the process. Now they were running towards the main lab, both Liara and Tali were holding up better than Shepard expected, especially in Liara's case, she was calm, used her biotics rationally, and her shots were precise, he was starting to wander if Liara was in denial.
A rachni soldier spotted Shepard's team and immediately charged them, John dodged the acidic spit and with a biotic blast crushed the rachni against the wall, killing it in the process. Finally they reached the main lab, the door was long gone and on the platform in the middle of it stood an aged asari, wearing an unusual outfit. She was looking at a large glass chamber which contained the biggest rachni specimen John has seen so far.
The asari spoke "You do not know the privilege of being a mother. There is power in creation, to shape a life, turn it towards happiness or despair. Her children were to be ours, raised to hunt and kill Saren's enemies." Benezia turned around to face Shepard and his squad through them and stopping on Liara, "I won't be moved by sympathy, no matter who you bring into this confrontation."
John replied "Liara is here because she wants to, not because I asked her to be."
"Indeed, what have you told him about me, Liara?" Benezia asked, with her gaze focused on her daughter.
"What could I say, mother? That you're insane? Evil? Should I explain how to kill you? What could I say?" Liara yelled out, emotions getting the better of her.
Benezia ignored the outburst and turned to Shepard again, "Have you faced an asari commando unit before? Few humans have."
But John would have none of it, "I can't believe you would kill your own daughter!"
Benezia's gaze was ice cold, "I now realize I should have been stricter with her."
As the last of those words escaped Benezia's mouth she launched a devastating biotics attack on Shepard's squad, with John getting the majority of the blast, he got knocked back and hit a side of a wall nearly loosing blacking out from the impact, the shields breaking. If it wasn't for the shock absorbers in his armor he would have been dead.
John shook off the hit and quickly rolled into cover, he heard a noise on his right, he turned and saw several geth units enter the chamber to aid the matriarch, Shepard looked to his left, to his relief, both Tali and Liara were alright and were now taking cover and taking shots at the matriarch distracting her. John hopped over the crate he was hiding behind and threw a grenade towards the geth. As the grenade exploded John ducked behind a better cover, he looked over the crate and saw that all the geth units were dead, John smirked and stood up immediately receiving a biotic blast to the back of his head, sending his flying over the crate. Cursing his own arrogance, John crawled behind the same crate, peaked out and shot a well armed asari biotic. Two more commandos ran into the room, one was swiftly taken out by Tali's shotgun blast. the other took a flight from Liara's singularity. John took the opportunity to take aim at Benezia and took a shot.
It was over, John stood up and walked towards the platform where Benezia was kneeling down, holding her shoulder. She looked up as Shepard approached her, "This is not over." she stood up, "Saren is unstoppable. My mind if filled with his light. Everything is clear."
John spoke as both Tali and Liara moved in behind him, "The rachni did not cooperate, why should I?"
"I will not betray him. You will... You... ugh..." Benezia's expression changed, as if a completely different person was looking at Shepard right now, "You must listen, Saren still whispers in my mind, I can fight his compulsions briefly, but the indoctrination is strong."
"Why are you able to break free of his control now?" John asked, the change was too sudden to be trustworthy.
Benezia replied, "I sealed a part of my mind away from the indoctrination, saving it for moment when I could help destroy him, it will not last long."
John was convinced for now, "So you could turn on us again?"
"Yes, but it would not be my will, Shepard." Benezia's eyes were full of grief. "People are not themselves around Saren, you come to idolize him, worship him, you would do anything for him. The key is Sovereign, his flagship, it is a dreadnought of incredible size and it's power is extraordinary."
"Sovereign is not like other ships. Where did it come from?"
"I cannot say, the geth did not build it, it's technology is far more advanced then that of any known species. The longer you stay aboard, the more Saren's will seems correct. You sit at his feet, and smile as his words pour into you. It is subtle at first, i thought I was strong enough to resist, instead I became a willing tool, eager to serve." Benezia continued, "He send me here to find the location of the Mu Relay, its position was lost thousands of years ago."
"How can something that big go missing?" John asked.
"Four thousand years ago a star nearby went supernova. The shock wave propelled the relay out of it's system, but did not damage it. It's precise vector and speed were impossible to determine. As millennia passed, the nebula created by the nova enveloped the relay. It is difficult to find any cold object in interstellar space. Particularly something swallowed in hot dust and radiation."
"Someone on Noveria found it?"
"Two thousand years ago, the rachni inhabited that region of our galaxy. They discovered the Relay. The rachni can share memories across generations. Queens inherit the knowledge of their mothers. I took the location of the relay from the queen's mind." Benezia lowered her eyes in shame, "I was not gentle."
"You can still make it right. Give me the information."
"I was not myself, but i should have been stronger." said Benezia as she approached Shepard, "I transcribed the data to an OSD. Take it, please."
Liara finally broker her silence, as the scientist in her spoke, "Knowing the Relay's coordinates is not enough, do you know where he planned to go from there?"
Benezia replied, "Saren wouldn't tell me his destination, but you must find out quickly. I transmitted the coordinates to him before you arrived." Benezia's expression began to change again. "You have to... stop... me. I... I can't..." Benezia grabbed her head, "His teeth are at my ear, fingers on my spine!" Benezia backed away from Shepard and the rest of the squad, "You... you should... Ugh! You should..."
Liara quickly ran up to Shepard, "Mother!" her eyes watering, "I... Don't leave! Fight him!"
Benezia let go of her head and raised her eyes, "You've always made me proud Liara." She closed her eyes, and her biotics flared up, she opened her eyes again, with the cold gaze back and spoke harshly, "Die!"
The matriarch was about to unleash her biotics on the group, but Shepard was quick to draw his pistol, with one shot through her abdomen, Benezia fell down. Now leaning against the tank with a rachni she spoke again, "I cannot go on, you will have to stop him Shepard."
John ran up to dying asari, "Hold on! We have medigel, we can…" Shepard reached for his pack of medigel.
"No! He is still in my mind. I am not entirely myself, I never will be again…" Benezia refused.
Liara walked up and knelt next to Benezia, "Mother…" tears rolling down face.
Benezia smiled at her daughter and spoke for the last time, "Good night little wing, I will see you again with the dawn."
John was resting in the captain's quarters, thinking over their last mission. He wished he did not take Liara on this mission with him, but deep down he knew that it was the right thing to do, she needed to hear those words from her mother, to know that she loved her and that she had no choice. Still, the guilt was heavy, pulling that pistol's trigger was one of the hardest things he had to do. And another thing Saren will have to pay for.
John got up and walked out of the room, the Normandy was heading for Virmire and was now in a steady flight through the Mass Relay. Most of the crew was in the sleeping pods, only a few people were present on the crew deck, even Kaidan went off somewhere. Shepard couldn't stop thinking about Liara, even thought she said that she was fine with Benezia's death and did not seek comfort, he could clearly hear the tone of her voice change when she said that. Several hours have passed now, and he decided to go check on her.
He walked into the med bay, afraid that Doctor Chakwas might be there. He paid quiet a few visits to Liara and he was afraid the Doctor might tell some of the other crew. He really did not need the unwanted attention and an endless stream of Joker's "jokes" about the issue.
Luckily for John the med bay was empty and proceeded into the med lab. As he got to the door he heard something. He stopped and stepped to the side, so the motion detectors won't notice him and open the door. He listened in and what he heard made his heart skip a beat. He heard a woman crying, very quietly, but the frequent sobs and sighs made it clear.
Shepard walked all the way to the entrance of the med bay and started walking towards Liara's quarters, stomping a bit harder to make sure he was heard. The back door opened and John walked in. Liara was sitting at her desk, she was quickly wiping her eyes. "Sh-Shepard!" She gasped, her voice trembling. "I-I did not expect you at this hour." She hasn't turned around to show him her face. John walked up and placed his arm on Liara's shoulder without turning the chair. He could feel her trembling and sobbing.
"I am here if you need to talk, Liara." he told her quietly.
Liara put her hand on Shepard's hand, she was holding a data pad with her other hand, a picture of Benezia was on it, she was wearing a beautiful yellow dress.
Briefly, all was quiet when suddenly, Liara stood up from her chair and embraced John tightly her tears running anew, her sobs were now loud, she was not holding back, there were no need for words.
A few minutes later Liara calmed down, she let go of Shepard and wiped her eyes. She looked up at John and gave him a faint smile.
"Thank you Shepard, I am sorry you had to see me like this." She said with a sad tone, her eyes were wondering back to the photo of her mother on the data pad.
"Don't be sorry Liara, she was your mother, and she loved you. So much that she was able to break free from Saren, even for just a moment." John looked at Liara and she nodded.
"You must be starving, I know you always forget about your meals. Would you like to go grab some food from the storage?"
"Yes I would like that." Liara replied, her voice no longer trembling,
They walked out of the med bay, grabbed some rations from the drawers and sat down at the table in the mess hall. They sat quietly at first, eating the food and looking at each other. Shepard broke the silence.
"How are you feeling Liara?"
"I'm much better now, thank you Shepard." there was a somber smile on her face, "I thought I was ready to face her, accepted that she was no longer the person I remembered." Liara was fidgeting with the fork, "But I was lying to myself." she put the fork down and clasped her hands, "As soon as I saw her, I couldn't help myself." Liara finally looked up at Shepard, "I am glad you were there to stop her Shepard, I choose to remember my mother the way she used to be, kind, beautiful and smart. And not what Saren turned her into."
Shepard chose his words carefully, "I am sorry Liara, I wish I was not the one who..."
Liara reached out and grabbed his hand instead. "Shepard, you have nothing to apologize for, in fact I want to thank you." She said in a quiet voice. "I am glad I was there to see my mother, to hear those words from her, it meant so much for me."
John held her hand tight, both of them sitting in an empty mess hall, a quest moment stretching for a few seconds. Finally Liara got up and walked up to Shepard, she leaned down and gave John a light kiss on his cheek and whispered quietly in his ear. "You have done enough for me John." She went back to the med bay, and as she was about to walk through the bay door, she turned to Shepard and wished him goodnight.
John just sat there holding his cheek for a bit, finally he smiled and went back to his quarters.