A/N While it may not be trigger warning worthy, I do feel it necessary to say that this chapter does reference the awful things that happened in Chapter 12. This chapter's title is the song Bumper Cars by Alex & Sierra. This song, I felt, described the constant struggle Elyssa and Solas seem to find themselves in.
Tick. Tick. Tick. The clock on the wall passing time was the only sound in the kitchen. Elyssa didn't dare breath, she didn't dare move. This couldn't be real, it just wasn't possible. There was no way fate was this cruel to her. No, this had to be some kind of sick joke. This had to be… she couldn't be… All at once everything hit Elyssa, making her stomach churn. She didn't say a word, instead she ran past Salem to the kitchen sink, losing what she had eaten that day in a series of loud projectiles. She heard the footsteps behind her, tensing when a large hand came to lay upon her back. This was it. Everything she hoped to have here, a home, a family, happiness; it was all going to go away now.
"It's going to be okay," Salem whispered. She began to rub large soothing circles in Elyssa's back. Elyssa turned the sink on, using the water from the faucet to rinse her mouth out. Moisture pooled in her eyes as she stared at the stainless steel abyss, wanting nothing more than to be able to disappear like the water down the drain. She had tried and failed at that, just as she failed at everything. She was still here as some cruel form of amusement for whatever being decided how fate played out. That had to be what it was. Her life was the punchline for some horrible joke.
"How?" Elyssa growled under her breath. She pushed Salem's hand away, turning to face the older woman. "How would you know!?" Salem opened her mouth to reply, but Elyssa cut her off. "It's not okay! It's never going to be okay!" She choked out a sob, her knees shaking as she barely held herself up. "My mother was right," she whispered angrily, "I'm always going to fuck up."
Elyssa felt the firm grip of Salem pulling her into her chest, wrapping her arms around her securely. "I may not know exactly what you're going through right now, but I do know what you've been through. I've been there too. I used to think I was nothing but a failure," Salem admitted, "but I'm not and neither are you. You will make it through this, I promise."
Elyssa let the woman's embrace comfort her, let it soothe the ache in her heart that never seemed to go away. All she had wanted was to move on from the past, but here it was, still haunting her. Was she doomed to forever run this wheel of misery? Never to find relief and happiness? Was peace ever going to be a thing she would get to experience? She wrapped her arms around Salem, laying her cheek flat into her torso. She felt calmer, Salem let her stand there, holding her while she cried. "How can you be so sure?" Elyssa sniffled.
"Because," Salem patted her back gently, "you're not alone in this. You have people here to support you, no matter what happens."
Solas glanced at the clock on the wall. It had to be time for school to be over with, right? The seconds and minutes had seemed to drag on through eternity, now there was only fifteen minutes left before his last class was finished and he could leave. It was Friday and there wasn't a game tonight, football season being officially over with for the school year. That meant he was free to go straight to the Adaar house for dinner. It meant he was free to see Elyssa for the first time since she'd left the hospital Monday. He hadn't been able to disagree with Salem when she'd said Elyssa needed space to get used to everything, that she needed time to adjust. It hadn't stopped him from wanting to see her nonetheless.
At long last, the final bell rang, releasing Solas from his physical prison, the mental one still present in the concerns that swarmed his mind. How was Elyssa? Would she be happy to see him? Would they ever be able to talk about the moments they had shared? The words they had said to each other? The things that had passed between them? Where did they stand now? What were their hopes for the future? Did they want the same things? And most concerning, where did they go from here?
He pulled into the driveway of the Adaar house, noticing that Salem's Impala was missing. That was odd. Solas hadn't seen her at the school, he had assumed she had decided to take the day off. It wasn't unlike Salem to play hookie every now and again. As he continued to ponder the abnormality, he noted that he hadn't seen Krem or the Iron Bull either. He walked up to the door, frilly cakes in hand. It was the Iron Bull that opened the door for him, face somber. Solas's heart began to race, what had happened? Where was Salem? Was she okay? Was Elyssa?
"Solas," Iron Bull acknowledged his presence with surprise, "it's you."
"It's Friday," Solas answered, "I always come over on Fridays."
"Yes, of course," Iron Bull nodded. He stared over Solas's shoulder, the sound of the Impala's engine coming from down the road. "You… uh… you may want to come sit down."
"What's going on?" Solas asked, "why do I need to sit down? Where's Salem? Where's Elyssa?" He threw question after question at Iron Bull. Iron Bull took the cakes from Solas and ushered him to the couch nearest them. He left Solas standing in the living room while he went to the kitchen to put the desserts away for the time being. When he returned, he looked at Solas's still standing form and let out a loud sigh.
"Sit," he ordered, "trust me, you're going to want to."
Before Solas could ask him any more questions the front door opened with a loud creak. "Kadan, how did it go?" Iron Bull asked the red-head at the door. Salem's eyes were misted, her mouth set in a hard frown. She shook her head slowly, despondently.
Solas paid no attention to the qunari woman. Instead, he focused on the smaller frame of the elven girl behind her. Her eyes were puffy and rimmed red. Her mouth turned down, bottom lip quivering. Her normally alabaster cheeks were pale and tear stained, her shoulders slumped. She stared down at her feet, refusing to meet his gaze. "Elyssa?" he asked. He kept his tone soft, questioning, though his mind shouted in panic.
Elyssa lifted her eyes to meet his, moisture pooling in their green depths. She opened her mouth as if to say something, then immediately closed it. Tears began falling, following the same paths already etched onto her skin from the ones that came before. Solas stood up, wanting nothing more than to comfort her. He hadn't taken but a step when she let out a heart-wrenching sob and ran past him. His eyes followed her as she ran up the stairs, his ears picking up on the sound of a door closing followed by deep sobbing breaths. Solas felt a grip cold, and unrelenting squeeze his heart. He began moving to the stairs, unwilling to let Elyssa sob without any comfort. His advances ceased when Salem placed a hand on his shoulder.
"Let her be," she sighed, "have a seat."
Solas rounded on Salem, his muscles tensing. "I do not wish to be asked to sit again," he gritted through clenched teeth, "I want to know what is going on. Why is she upset? What have you done to her?"
Salem's jaw visibly clenched, Iron Bull took a hesitant step towards the woman. "What have I done?" she repeated incredulously, "I haven't done shit to her Solas."
"Well someone must have," Solas exclaimed loudly, "and I demand to know who."
"Then you need to look in a fucking mirror," Salem growled.
"You're implying that I have done something to upset her?" Solas scoffed, "I haven't even been able to see her since she was in the hospital. How could I have caused this?"
"You slept with her!?" Salem yelled, "you slept with her and you left her to deal with the consequences!"
"Salem what are you saying?" Solas asked, heart thundering. His stomach clenched uncomfortably.
A soft voice from the top of the staircase kept Salem from answering. "I need to tell him," Elyssa sniffled. Salem looked at the young girl, concern masking the anger she had just been exhibiting.
"Elyssa, are you sure?" she asked softly.
"Yes," Elyssa answered, walking down the stairs, "it was my choice too."
Salem nodded, indicating for the Iron Bull to follow her out of the room. When they were gone, Elyssa came to sit on the couch Solas was still standing by. She patted the seat next to her slowly, her eyes focusing on that spot, not looking at him. He took the seat without argument. "Vhenan, please," he begged in a soft whisper, "what's wrong?"
"Solas, I-I…." Elyssa stuttered, unable to tell him what was wrong. Solas waited patiently for her to find the words to answer him. More than anything, he just wanted to help. Elyssa didn't try answering again, instead she pushed a piece of paper in his hands. He looked curiously at the official looking document. Why was she giving him this? Where had it come from? What did it have to do with her being upset now? It had the name of the hospital at the top, followed by Elyssa's basic information. He continued reading, nothing standing out to him until he got to the near bottom of the page. His gaze focused on one small little sentence. Pregnancy test: positive.
"You're pregnant?" Solas whispered, unable to believe the words in front of him. Elyssa nodded her head dejectedly. An eerie sense of deja vu snuck up on him, forcing him to remember things he had long since lay to rest. He didn't want to go back to that place from years ago. That time when he had been a shattered and broken shell of the person he had hoped to be. When his life was ruled by a cruel woman with midnight hair and hunter's eyes. He was a different man and Elyssa was not Andruil.
Elyssa began sobbing again. Solas pulled her into his chest, letting her cry in the comfort of his embrace. He understood her fear. She was young, not even legally an adult yet. She had been through so much, had felt so much pain, and now she was pregnant with her teacher's child, his child. "Ssshhh, vhenan," he whispered soothingly, "it's okay."
"I-I don't know if it's yours," her voice was as soft as a breeze, so soft he almost didn't hear her. But hear her, he had. Solas froze, air refusing to enter his body, heart refusing to beat. Here he was, again. Would he never learn? Would he always open his heart to women that would crush it under the weight of two lines, now three words? He had been made a fool once again, and once again he was paying the price. The weight of her admittance crushed his heart, sending a piercing jab to the thing he had so stupidly left open. He felt the dull ache, too familiar to him now. This was the reward he got for bearing his heart to another. This was the life he was doomed to lead. Always the fool that accepted the doe eyed apology, the insincere compliment, the blatant lie. He would never be the person the woman he opened his heart to would choose, he was always the one they turned to when things went wrong, expecting him to pick up the pieces of their infidelity.
Solas stood abruptly, looking at the young woman he had loved, the one he had thought was different. "I need some time alone," was the only goodbye he gave her before leaving her behind with the shattered pieces of his heart.
Elyssa watched as Solas walked out. He said nothing to the Adaars. He hadn't even gotten the small cakes he had brought for dinner. He had left them, left her. He had been so supportive for the too-brief-minute before she had told him the truth. She could have lied, she could have kept that secret, but Solas deserved better. He deserved to make the choice, just as she had to. She had three weeks to decide, three weeks to choose to keep the life growing inside of her, or end it. She had five weeks until she could find out who the father was, Solas or… Justice. How could she be expected to make that decision alone? How could she make that decision at all? Keep the child of the boy that had assaulted her or kill the child of the man she loved? Either way she went, she was risking the other being the outcome. Could she live with herself if it had been Solas's child she killed? Could she live with the decision to carry the child if it wasn't his?
"He just needs some time to wrap his head around it," Salem murmured. Elyssa hadn't even heard her come back in the room. She tore her eyes away from the door that had closed behind Solas's retreating frame. The Adaar family were all gathered in the room now, all of them looking at her with sad, pitied looks. She stood, looking at the ground surrounding her feet. She couldn't stand the sorrow that hung tangibly in the air.
Absentmindedly, she nodded. "Yeah," she responded, her voice dull, "I-uh-I'm gonna be in my room if anyone needs me." She walked to her room, retreating to lay curled into a ball. Lily jumped onto the bed to lay next to her head. Elyssa reached out to pet the cat, taking solace in the small comfort. Her heart felt like it was breaking, the dull ache pulsing with every beat. Solas left, and she couldn't blame him. She would have done the same thing in his place. She was alone again, as she always had been. There was Salem, Krem, and Bull; while she was glad to have their support, they could only do so much. She could only do so much on her own. She wasn't even eighteen yet, and here she was facing easily the hardest decision of her life. Her mind repeated the question over and over, what was she going to do now?