The days passed slowly. Work was full of routine tasks, but Sarah's mind couldn't calm down. Chuck had been a little distant since last Tuesday and it was starting to bother her. The kisses were shorter, the hugs a little looser and she felt a certain melancholy in the air. Carina was right, she had absolutely everything, but she couldn't feel complete. Chuck, she realized, was always there, offering a touch full of tenderness, of warmth, a touch that made her skin crawl, but in a sweet, almost innocent way. As if he was there to remind her that she was loved, cared for, protected. His fingers tracing light lines on her arm, his hand resting gently on her back, the lingering kisses on her forehead... they were caresses that spoke of affection. But that wasn't what she wanted now. That wasn't what she needed. She felt a terrible hunger, an urgent need that had nothing to do with affection or security. No, what her body was crying out for now was something more primitive, more ferocious. She wanted to be desired in an almost wild way, she wanted kisses that left her breathless, hands that grabbed her skin with the same restlessness she felt inside. "Relationships are like that, aren't they?" she wondered.

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A few more days passed, and she was getting a little upset. He offered her those sad eyes of an abandoned dog and she returned to it with the look of a lion looking for its next meal.

Chuck wasn't an obtuse guy, he was realizing that something was bothering Sarah, he knew exactly what it was, after all, they had been together for almost three years. The PJ's remained more delicate in general, occasionally lace, silk and a generous amount of skin appeared during the night, but he obviously wasn't going to do anything outside of her time.

Not that he didn't want to (maybe it was what he wanted the most), but she needed to set the pace, and, for him, that was fine. He really wanted to talk to Sarah about that night last week, but he didn't want to seem invasive, pressuring her and asking about her reasons for asking him to stop.

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It was late when Chuck locked the door and went to the bedroom. He had been playing with Morgan in the living room while Sarah read something. He sighed and opened the door. The room was completely dark, and he lay down on the bed next to her. After a few seconds Sarah moved and turned to his side, snuggling; Chuck automatically opened his arms to accommodate her as was his habit.

"Good night, Sarah," he murmured.

She didn't answer, but gently ran her left hand over his face, his neck, his chest, his abdomen and stopped a few inches before his navel, on a strip of his shirt that had been lifted and touched the exposed skin. Chuck shivered at the touch but remained silent. Sarah looked at him, who just smiled and kissed her softly on the lips. She opened her mouth, allowing their tongues to interact and continued her manual exploration. Chuck sighed and opened his eyes when Sarah's hand went inside his underwear and touched him, squeezing gently. He had forgotten how good that felt. Sarah pressed herself a little closer to Chuck and felt him harden in her hand. NOW he was speaking her language. But as things heated up, a twinge of anxiety and doubt settled in her mind. She knew she was pushing Chuck into a zone of vulnerability. She gripped him tighter, feeling Chuck shiver discreetly as he writhed and deepened the kiss. Maybe she was testing his limits. "Mine or his?" She wondered and didn't know how to answer, maybe she was trying to force a reconnection that he, and especially she, weren't sure if they were ready to fully accept. He was so soft, his hands roaming through her blond hair. "Why don't you just take me? Why don't you make me feel alive?" she thought, but never said. She didn't have the courage to admit out loud that, as much as she loved the gentle touches, the whispered words, now she craved something rawer, something that would make her forget everything, that would make her lose herself completely in that moment. She wanted him to decide for her, but it seemed he wouldn't. She wanted him to want her so desperately that he couldn't contain himself. "Why doesn't he understand that?" she wondered, as he kissed her so softly, so carefully. It was almost as if he was afraid of hurting her, afraid of going too far, of crossing an invisible line that she herself didn't know where it was.

"You're holding him by the penis, I think the limit was a few miles back…" Carina would surely say if she could. She knew it wasn't fair.

It wasn't fair to expect Chuck could guess her thoughts, that he would understand this need that she could barely explain to herself. But at the same time, she couldn't help the frustration that grew every time he pulled away a little more.

She wanted so badly to give in, and for him to give in, to let go of all the barriers that her own heart had erected. When he pulled her closer, his lips tracing a fiery trail across her skin, Sarah pulled back slightly. "Chuck... wait," she whispered, her voice breaking a little.

He stopped immediately, breathless and confused, his eyes dark with desire. "Are you okay? Did I do something wrong?"

She shook her head quickly, but there was a lump in her throat that she couldn't untie. "No, you didn't do anything wrong... just..."

Chuck pulled back, gently pulling away and rolling onto his side, pulling up his pajama pants and clearing his throat.

"It's okay, Sarah," he said in a voice he tried hard to keep neutral, though she could hear the hint of frustration.

"Chuck..." Sarah felt her face burn, she couldn't even look him in the eye. "I'm just..."

Chuck began, his voice still a little hoarse. "I'm just going to get some fresh air..." He stood up and left, closing the bedroom door behind him.

Sarah lay there in silence, lost in her own thoughts, until she finally turned her back to the door, feeling a pang of guilt eating away at her heart. She didn't want to keep hurting him, but at the same time, she still felt trapped in a tangle of confusing emotions.

Chuck waited a while in the bathroom, until his heart stopped beating like it was going to explode and his erection subsided. After a few minutes of staring at the toothbrushes, he put on his slippers and decided to go to Morgan's apartment, hoping he wasn't asleep. When Chuck arrived, Morgan had just gotten out of the shower, with a towel wrapped around him.

"Chuckster! Dude, I didn't expect to see you here so early, are you up for another game of Halo?" Morgan said, smiling, until he realized that Chuck didn't reciprocate his excitement. "Did something happen?"

Chuck let out a heavy sigh, throwing himself on the couch. "I don't know, Morgan. I guess I'm just... frustrated. With this whole situation, you know? I mean…, I get that Sarah's trying. But every time we get close to... you know... something more, she ends up pushing me away."

Morgan frowned, clearly thinking carefully. "Man, I get it. You're human too, but... maybe she just needs more time."

"I know, I know," Chuck replied, rubbing his face with his hands. "But honestly, Morgan, this is killing me. I keep wondering if she really wants this, to be together, to share, or if she's just trying to prove that we're growing up... It's eating me up, Morgan."

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Meanwhile, Sarah was lying in bed, staring at her phone. She knew she needed to talk to someone who could understand her struggles.

"Carina? It's late, I'm sorry. But I couldn't call anyone else," she said quickly when the line was answered. "I need to talk to you... about Chuck and me."

On the other end, Carina, always direct and practical, seeing the serious tone, answered bluntly: "Oh, that sounds serious. What's going on?"

"Things have gotten a little complicated since our last conversation," Sarah sighed, closing her eyes as if the effort of explaining was draining her. "I've tried to get closer to Chuck, twice, but... I'm not sure I want the same thing he does now. He wants something different, and it's scaring me..."

Carina was silent for a moment, absorbing the words. "Let me guess... it's some really weird fetish, isn't it? But think about it, you were married to him, maybe you'll get used to it quickly..."

Sarah swallowed hard. "No Carina, it's not that." She sighed impatiently. "It's almost the opposite actually. It may seem strange, but I just wish he wouldn't be so... passive. When he starts interacting, I feel tiny, but not in a good way, I don't know if you can understand me... I feel exposed. He knows everything about me. Things that maybe even I don't know... and he's so different from other guys, he's in no hurry, he doesn't try to dominate..."

"You want sex. That's it." Carina said interrupted.

"Yes."

"Chuck won't do that." Carina sighed.

"What do you mean he won't do that?"

"That's too little. He'll ask you for much more. And deep down you know that that's why you're blocking yourself." Carina spoke and Sarah remained silent. "I don't know Chuck in that sense, but he doesn't want you for one night, he wants you until the end. You didn't get married for nothing."

"I know. I think I want him too, in that sense."

"You think so? He doesn't want you for a night. "I have questions, Sarah." She paused. "Maybe you don't know…" Carina spoke much more quietly and softly. "Chuck has some issues with abandonment. He seems like an easy person to read, but there's a lot he doesn't show… You need to be honest with him," Carina advised, with characteristic frankness. "Try not to push him too hard, maybe that will only make things worse. I can't believe I'm going to say this…" She smiled and continued "…but I think it would be good to wait a little and only try to play house when you want to go all the way."

"I want to be with him so much, Carina… but there's something holding me back."

Carina let out a soft but understanding laugh. "Maybe you need to do something to prove to yourself that you're ready to love, and not just get physical like you're used to. Something that shows him—and yourself—that you're really into it."

After talking to Carina, Sarah felt a weight lift off her shoulders, although the insecurity was still there. She knew she had to do something before Chuck got tired of her indecision.

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Chuck returned a few minutes later and lay down on the bed. She didn't dare look at him.

"I've been thinking..." he began, his voice low and tired. "I know you're trying…, and I appreciate that. But I need to know... are you doing this because you really want to?"

Sarah stopped, her heart racing, and felt the world stop for a moment as Chuck's piercing gaze fixed on her, waiting for her answer. She knew his question wasn't just about that night, but about what they both meant to each other after everything they'd been through.

"Chuck," she began, a tremor in her voice, "I know I've been... confusing. And you've been so patient with me, even though you don't know what's really going on in my head. But the truth is, I want this. I want both of us."

Chuck took a deep breath, trying to hide the mix of relief and frustration he felt. He approached her, stopping just a few inches away.

"I just need to know that you really want it, Sarah. That you're not trying something just to feel like we're making progress, because we are, even if it's not in that regard."

Sarah just nodded. The silence that followed was tense, but not uncomfortable. It was as if they both knew they were about to cross an invisible line, a point of no return.