Chris: Last time on total drama island. Players lost their heads in a game of capture the skull and, Ripper won it for the frogs by using Bowie as a human shield. And because she chased players around on a jackhammer including two of her teammates Wayne and Raj, Scary girl was voted off. Who's going home today? Find out right here right now on... TOTAL DRAMA ISLAND!
(Intro)
(At the frogs of death's cabin)
Emma: I'm glad we won, but I still can't believe he did that to you.
Ripper: What up nerds? (All his teammates glare at him) What? None of you are glad to see the guy who won the last challenge for our team?
Bowie: We're not glad that you used me as a human shield!
Ripper: Which help us win the challenge, may I remind you.
Bowie: Ugh! I am so voting you off if we lose tonight!
Ripper: If you even try to vote me off-(Notices Millie writing in her notebook) Are you writing about us fighting?
Millie: No, I'm not. Honestly I'm not.
Bowie: You better not be.
Millie: (Confessional) Yes, I was writing about Ripper and Bowie's fight. It's perfect research to show how bad my generation is becoming.
(In the ferocious trout's cabin)
Zee: So Chase, how are things going with Priya?
Chase: Uh, what do you mean?
Zee: Well you spend a lot of time with her, and she seems to like you.
Chase: Really?
Zee: Yeah dude.
Zee: (Confessional) I may not know a lot of things. But I can definitely tell when two like each other. (Drinks a soda, then gets a blank look on his face) I just forgot what else I was going to say.
Chase: (Confessional) You know, if I don't get Emma back, maybe I should ask Priya out. She is a lot more fun to be around, and really pretty.
(In the dining hall)
Julia: Baked beans. Ok. Be grateful for every meal. Hashtag give thanks.
Wayne: Hey, Julia. Looking good today.
Julia: Thanks, one of the hockey guys. But it's what's inside that counts.
Wayne: Oh no Raj. If it's what's inside that matters, then I'm in trouble!
Raj: For sure, eh! You were in that outhouse for ever.
Wayne: All the stuff that matters- gone!
Raj: Hey, if it makes you feel any better, it landed on top of my stuff that matters.
(Wayne and Raj giggle, then Wayne looks at Julia)
Wayne: We're talking about our poop.
Julia: (Covers her mouth due to being grossed out) Well, I'm done eating for the day. (Pushes her bowl of beans to Wayne and leaves)
Wayne: Cool! Sweet bones beans!
Chris: (Loudspeaker) Attention, campers! Be at the beach on the far side of the island in ten minutes for today's epic challenge.
(At the far side of the beach)
Chris: Morning, campers. I hope you enjoyed your... breakfast. Today's challenge is a simple race from this side of the island to the other side. First team to have all its members on the dock wins, and the losing team, as always, will be sending someone home. (Smirks)
MK: We can tell from that smirk that there's a catch. Just tell how we're gonna die.
Chris: Just because there's never not been a catch, MK, doesn't mean there's always going to be a catch.
Ripper: Awesome. There's no catch.
Chris: Of course there's a catch.
Damien: Land mines! It's land mines isn't it?
Chef: Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold up Chris. We specifically said no land mines.
Chris: Relax. There are no land mines... in this challenge.
Millie: So what's the catch?
Chris: Let's just say you'll want to do this as silently as possible.
(Priya farts)
Chase: Priya! Do you just do...?
Priya: (Blushes in embarrassment) Um, e-excuse me.
(Chase farts)
Chase: (Embarrassed) Uh, my bad.
(Then MK farts, then Damien, then Bowie, then Wayne and Raj fart multiple times)
Emma: You guys are disgusting... (Farts really loudly, making hockey bros laugh)
Emma: (Confessional) That came out of nowhere. Well, not nowhere. It just... took me by surprise... is all I'm trying to... (farts) I might have trouble crossing the island silently.
Emma: That's why today's breakfast was baked beans!
Damien: Oh, that makes sense. Beans contain raffinose- a carbohydrate that ferments inside our large intestine...
Ripper: Nerd! Hey, I wonder if that's what's causing the farting.
Damien: Yes. That's exactly what I just explained.
(Emma continues farting)
Ripper: Wow! You got some real power there, Emma. More than just a pretty face.
Emma: Ew! Are you flirting with me about my farts?
Ripper: Yes. I am.
Chris: Yes, the all-bean breakfast was part of the plan. Now shush your butts and get moving so you don't get eaten by any of the raptors.
Raj: The basketball team?!
Chris: No.
Millie: Maybe you missed this news, but dinosaurs are now extinct.
Chris: Are they?
(Distant roaring)
Damien: W-what was that?
Chris: Gee, I might be wrong, but I'd say it sounded a lot like a raptor.
Bowie: Huddle up. (The frogs of death; Ripper, Damien, Millie, Emma and MK huddled up) I am buying none of this. If there were raptors coming, Chris would not be standing here with us.
Chris: Let the challenge begin. (Races off on a jet ski)
Chef: Argh! Come back! (Jumps into the water)
Chris: No, I won't come back because I can't hear you.
(Chef swims after Chris who still speeds off on a jet ski)
(Suddenly a load of raptors appear scaring the contestants and making them runaway)
(With Zee Priya and Chase)
Zee: (Panting) I think we're ok.
Priya: For now at least.
Chase: Don't worry Priya, I'll- (Farts like crazy)
Priya: Ugh! (Covers her nose)
Zee: Clench! Clench! Harder. Cap that toothpaste, buddy. You got this.
(Chase clenches his butt hard)
Zee: You did it.
Chase: (Laughing) Oh, yeah.
Priya: Finally, I can breathe.
(Rusting sound)
Zee: Dudes, what's in that bush?
(A deer pops out of the bush)
Chase: No worry bud. It's just a-
(A raptors appears out of nowhere eats the deer causing Chase, Priya and Zee to scream and hold each other in fear before making a run for it)
(With Ripper Damien and Millie)
(Damien farts)
Millie: Damien! Stay quiet! (Farts)
Damien: Safe your lectures for own butt!
Ripper: Just do what I'm doing. Using a pillow to mute my butt trumpets. (Stifled fart)
Millie: Is that MY pillow?
Ripper: Uh, yeah. I wasn't going to use my own. I don't want pinkeye.
Millie: (Confessional) Grrrr! (Writes in her notebook)
Ripper: (Confessional) I normally only use this pillow trick for weddings and funerals, so it feels weird to not to be wearing a tie right now.
Millie: Give me back my pillow right now!
Ripper: Ok, but taking the silencer off my butt cannon puts us all in danger. (Takes the pillow out of his pants) Uh-oh. (Let's out of huge fart which alerts the raptors)
Damien: Eeh! Run!
(Damien, Millie and Ripper run away)
Ripper: What did I tell ya, huh? Here's your dumb pillow.
Millie: Put it back in your pants.
(With Raj, Wayne and Julia)
Raj: So we're still trapped in our own end and need a controlled breakout.
Wayne: Treat it like it's overtime.
Raj: Sudden death.
Wayne: True that, Raji. Go with an F1 -F2-F3-T4 check system.
Raj: Ah, classic torts man down execution.
Wayne: Then that's the plan. Ready to drop the puck, Jules?
Julia: (Texting) What are you two even saying?
(Screeching roar)
Wayne and Raj: Go! (Run off)
Julia: Wait! (Hides behind a rock as raptor shows up and chases the hockey bros)
(With Bowie and Emma who were being chased by a raptor)
Bowie: Everything will be fine... ..if we just stick together.
Emma: Agreed!
(Bowie trips on a rock onto the ground)
Bowie: Ow!
(Emma runs off unaware that she left Bowie behind)
(With Chase Priya and Zee)
Chase: See? Smart idea to hold our butts shut with our hands, right?
Zee: Yeah, man. My glutes can relax like they're just at home watching Tv.
Priya: Little bit of an over share there Zee.
Zee: My bad.
(Gurgling noise could heard coming from Chase)
Chase: (Freaked out) Oh, no. I got a big one coming.
Priya: Hold tight, Chase.
Zee: You this bro.
Chase: (Struggles) I can't hold them. They're cracking apart. Guhhh, one of you please help me!
Priya and Zee: (Horrified) What?!
Chase: Please, if one doesn't help, it's all our butts.
Zee: You do it Priya.
Priya: Why me?!
Zee: Cause I'm dude and you're girl. It will be less weird for you.
Priya: (Looks at Chase struggling) Ugh! Okay, fine. (Holds Chases butt shut)
Chase: Now we just got to wait it out.
Priya: (Confessional) I can't believe I'm saying this, but... Chase has a really cute butt.
Priya: Hey, you work out a lot, Huh?
Chase: (Blushes) Well, I do do a lot of extreme mountain biking.
Priya: (Giggles) Well that explains why you're bum is like statue hard.
(Zee smiles at the two)
Zee: (Confessional) Those two are so into each other.
Chase: (Confessional) Not gonna lie, I kinda liked Priya holding my butt. (Realizes what he just said) That sounded a little bit weird, didn't it?
(Zee looks behind him and notices a raptor coming towards them)
Zee: Uh, guys. Sorry to ruin your moment, but we gotta go, like now!
(Zee, Priya and Chase run as the raptor chases after them but Zee trips and gets prosthetic leg stuck)
Zee: Argh!
(Chase and Priya stop as they heard Zee scream)
Chase: Dude, come on.
Zee: Dude, my leg is stuck. Help!
(Chase runs back, trying to help him but the raptor changes at them)
Priya: Chase, the raptor!
Chase: Priya, you go ahead. I'll help Zee.
Priya: No way.
(Chase tries to pull Zee's prosthetic leg, just as the raptor reaches them Priya charges at it using a stick to pole vault and kick the raptor away from Chase and Zee)
Chase: (Amazed) Whoa.
Zee: That was awesome.
Priya: Thanks, I went to olympics camp when I was thirteen. I knew it would come in handy for I when I came on this show.
Chase: Well it was awesome. You're awesome.
Priya: (Blushes) Oh, well, thanks.
Zee: Uh guys, I still need help.
Chase and Priya: Oh, right.
(Zee detach himself from his prosthesis leg)
Priya: Wait, don't you need that leg?
Zee: Nah, I packed another one. But I'll need help getting to the other side of the island. (Puts his arms around Chase and Priya shoulders as they help him in the challenge)
Chase: (Confessional) After seeing Priya take out that Raptor, I realized, that I'm falling for her. I really hope she feels the same.
(With Wayne and Raj who were tired)
Wayne: (Panting) I'm getting tired of all this running.
(Bowie appears who was also tired)
Raj: Oh, hey Bowie.
Bowie: Hey to you too.
(Raj blushes, which doesn't go unnoticed by Wayne)
Wayne: (Confessional) Is there something going on between Raj and Bowie that I don't know about? Nah, if there was I'm sure Raj would tell me.
Bowie: We better get moving before that raptor makes us its lunch.
Raj: Wait, I have an idea. Wayner, you got any hockey tape?
Wayne: Only five rolls!
Raj: Cool, here's the plan. (With the hockey tape, they use it to create a trip line with it)
(Wayne and Raj in the Confessional together)
Raj: We pulled this trick on our teammate, Keith Campbell, during a tourney in Shellbrook. (Giggles) It was hilarious.
Wayne: So hilarious. Not to Keith, though.
Raj: Nah. He seemed super mad when we saw him at the hospital.
(The Raptor was close by sniffing)
Wayne and Raj: Hoot-Hoot!
Wayne: Hey, dragon, over here!
Bowie: (Confessional) It's a dinosaur, not a dragon. That's all I came here to say.
(The raptor tries to run over them but trips over the hockey tape)
Raj: Penalty!
Wayne: Two minutes for tripping.
Bowie: (Giggles) Nice one.
Wayne: Hey, that mud scum is pretty slippy. Why are we doing all this running when we could scum skate?
Bowie: That's... brilliant.
Raj: Go snow owls!
(Wayne, Raj and Bowie skate on the mud)
Bowie: (Confessional) Sometimes, those hockey boys amaze me.
Wayne: Go hard right to the buzzer.
Raj: Let's do it!
Wayne, Raj and Bowie: Turbo boost! (All three of them out a big fart that propels them forward towards the dock, where they're the first to arrive)
Chris: From the starting line to the farting line. The hockey bros are first here for the ferocious trout and Bowie is the first here for the frogs of death.
MK: (Confessional) Time to watch this and see what we got. Ok, been recording confessionals for a few days now, here's the 4-1-1. Chase is starting to get over Emma and has developed feelings for Priya. Wayne suspects Raj is gay. AND Millie is writing a thesis paper that throws everyone here under the bus. Ha-ha! And princess Julia is not the positive yoga sunshine rainbow she pretends to be. And she calls us all butt knuckles.
Chris: Emma's the second member of the frogs of death to make it.
(Emma arrives)
Emma: Bowie, I'm so glad you're okay. I thought I'd lost you.
Bowie: You mean when you ran away?
Emma: I thought you were right behind me.
(Emma and Bowie hug)
Chris: Hold on. Here come three more members of the ferocious trout. (Chase and Priya arrive carrying Zee)
Chase and Priya: Woohoo! (Accidentally dropped Zee as they hug each other but they let once they realized what they were doing) Oh, uh, sorry. Hi, it's okay.
Zee: Uh, guys. Don't wanna interrupt your moment, but...
Chase and Priya: Sorry Zee. (Pick up Zee as Emma glares at them)
Emma: (Confessional) Seriously?! He apologizes for dropping Zee but not for cutting my brakes?! Where's my apology?!
(Meanwhile, the rest of the frogs of death run into the dining hall and into the kitchen, farting along the way once inside)
Damien: We can stop farting and make it to the finish line silently if we can find ajawin and eat it. (Goes into the cabinet and searches through the spices) Sumac, juniper, fenugreek... sweet flag. (Farts) Wow!
Ripper: (Eating beans from a pot) I found this giant pot of beans on the stove if anyone wants more.
Damien: (Gasping) Ajwain! Quick, give me your hands! (Gives ajwain to Millie and Ripper) Normally, you boil this with limes and serve it in tea, but there's no time for that, so this will have to do.
(Millie and Damien eat the ajwain)
Ripper: I can't believe I'm going to silence my greatest gift and a shot at the world record. I can feel a winner inside me just dying to get out.
Millie: This is neither the time nor place.
Ripper: Alright, alright. (Gurgling) Wait!
Millie: Oh, no.
Damien: Are you kidding me right now?
Ripper: This is the one! (Pulls the pillow out of his pants and farts as Millie and Damien cover their noses in horror while screaming) One steamboat! Two steamboats! Three steamboats! Four steamboats! Five steamboats! (The sound manages to get the raptor to sniff the door of the mess hall) Forty seven steamboats! Forty eight steamboats! (Stops farting) Yes! I've tied the world record!
Millie: (Confessional) Ripper did it! He actually accomplished his— (Realizes what she's saying) Why am I impressed by this?!
Damien: Are you crazy?!
Millie: Sh! Look! (Points at the door as they noticed a raptor outside of it)
Ripper: We're fine. Raptors can't open doors. They have the brains of nine year olds.
Damien: When did you learn to open a door?
Millie: I partially agree with Ripper. Twisting a door knob requires a dexterity that raptors don't have.
(But sure enough, the raptor manages to open the door)
Damien: Are you sure about that?
(The raptor roars causing Damien, Millie and Ripper to scream)
(In the woods with Julia)
Julia: I am so glad I skipped the beans this morning. (she steps on a branch, the sound of it snapping was enough to attract the raptor's attention) Oh, crud. (The raptor roars in her face)
Julia: (Confessional) No. Not today.
Julia: Mouthwash! Ever heard of it? For reals, they should change your name to halitosisaurus. Your breath reeks of caveman, girl. And get some whitening strips and aligners for your teeth already. Your grille looks like a fence made of mud. I can't even talk about your dry, scaly skin because I will literally barf in my own mouth. You have bags under your eyes. You have puny little chicken wing arms. And your toenails? Big yikes. It's actually no wonder you went extinct because no one would want to get with that! (The raptor whimpers and runs away as Julia heads for the finish line unaware that also MK happened to be nearby on the tree recording the entire thing)
MK: (Confessional) Ooh! Let's upload the lowdown Julia onto her MySelfieGram account and see what all her followers think. #TheRealJulia. I hope that raptor's okay.
(In a cave somewhere, the raptor is crying while eating ice cream. As it looks into the mirror, it throws the bowl at it)
(Back at the dining hall, the three frog members are cornered by a raptor)
Damien: This is it! This is how I die!
(Millie and Ripper try to hold the raptor back with brooms)
Millie: We... can't hold it back much longer!
(Damien notices the pot of beans and open flames behind him)
Damien: Hm... beans? Fire. I got this! (He grabs the pot and shoves the beans into the raptor's mouth) Now RUN!
(As the raptor's stomach starts rumbling. It sees the open flames before bracing the inevitable, as it lets out a large fart towards the flames. Right when the three are far from the dining hall, a large explosion is heard, surprising Damien)
Damien: (Confessional) Did I just do that? I just did that!
(At the dock)
Chris: Julia, you are the last to arrive for your team, which means the ferocious trout win.
(The ferocious trout cheer)
Chris: And a close second place loser finish for team frogs. (Laughing) See you at the elimination ceremony.
(At frogs cabin Millie arrives to find her teammates glaring at her)
Millie: Uh, why are all staring at me?
Bowie: Care to explain all the horrible stuff you've been saying about us in this notebook? (Holds Millie's notebook in his hand)
Millie: (Gasps in shock) Where did you get that?!
MK: (Confessional) I found it under her pillow and decided to show it to the whole team. She said some things even I found insulting.
Meanwhile in the trouts cabins, Julia was looking through her account when she suddenly finds a video of her roasting the raptor uploaded without her knowledge)
Julia: (Gasps) How did this...? Who uploaded this to my account? Argh! I'm down to 3,000 followers?! Who did this?! (Roars)
(At the campfire pit)
Chris: Frogs of death, welcome to your third elimination ceremony. Care to do the honors Chef?
Chef: Emma, Bowie tripped and you left him behind. That's not what a teammate does.
Emma: (Confessional) I didn't know he tripped, I thought he was right behind me.
Chef: Ripper, you put your needs in front of your team's survival when you tied that world record. If not for Damien's heroics, you'd all be inside a raptors tummy right now.
Damien: (Confessional) You hear that? Heroics. I'm here to play now. Million dollars, I'm coming for you!
Ripper: (Confessional) I knew that fart might get me eliminated, but I'd rather be a world record fart holder than a millionaire. I'm no dummy!
Chef: Millie, not only did you write bad things about your teammates in your notebook, you demanded Ripper give back your pillow, which he clearly needed to mute his farts. That nearly got your group eaten by raptors.
Millie: (Confessional) Okay, that's true. But he was farting through my pillow.
Chris: I think it's clear who's on the chopping block, so let's get right to it.
Damien.
Bowie.
Emma.
MK.
Chris: You are all safe. And the final marshmallow goes to... Ripper.
Ripper: Yes!
Millie: What?!
MK: It's your own fault for writing bad stuff about us in your notebook.
Chris: Millie, follow me to the dock of shame, please.
(At the dock the shame)
Millie: Clearly I came onto this show for the wrong reason. I wanted to show how bad my generation was, but now I regret it. (the Drone of Despair grabs her by the head and carries her away)
Chris: Wow, huh? This day had everything. Farts, explosions, dinosaurs.
Chef: Argh! Help! (Gets chased by a raptor)
Chris: (Laughs) We should probably catch those so no one gets eaten during our next episode of... TOTAL DRAMA ISLAND!