A/N: I'm pretty sure that this is not what my professor had in mind when I was instructed to write a thematic paper on Justice and the New Testament but hey whatever it takes to get the story written right? I know it has been close to three months since I have written on this story and I am so sorry. Life has not cooperated with my wanting to write. I want to thank everyone for their patience with me just know that no matter how long it takes me I do complete all my stories.
I'm sitting on the couch going through some case files when I hear a knock at the door. I jump up quickly hoping to be able to answer it before it wakes Olivia. She was in so much pain by the time we arrived to our apartment that it took all I had not to break down in tears. How I managed to get you into the bed and away from you before I broke down was a miracle.
"Elliot, I gave you a key for a reason" I whisper as I jerk the door open expecting to see him on the other side but that's not who it is. It is Shane the woman I have been dating for the last few months and the one I have forgotten to call the last few days.
"Why would Elliot have a key to your place?" She asks as she leans forward to kiss me only to have me turn my head to the side to avoid it.
"He has gone to Olivia's apartment to pick up some of her items to bring them here" I inform her as I pull the door closer to my body and block her way into the apartment.
She pulls back in shock as the words finally register "Why would he be bring you Olivia's stuff. I thought you both were in the process of getting a divorce."
"We are, or were, honestly I don't know right now" I sigh in defeat. For as close as we have become again in the hospital and her sending Rebecca packing, I honestly have no clue if she wishes to work on our relationship. I know I want to salvage what we have now more than ever but I honestly have no clue about you. Yes, there are signs that I still turn you on and get to you like always but there's a fine line between lust and love.
"Alex, how do you not know? The divorce papers were on your table the last time I was here ready for her to sign. Either she signs and it goes easy or she doesn't and it's dragged out in court. Trust me from experience you want the former not the latter."
I close my eyes and exhale slowly as I think of the words I need to say to her. The last thing I want to do is to hurt her because she has been nothing but great to me. She respected the fact that I was still legally married and that I saw Olivia on a regular basis due to our jobs. Hell, she even respected the fact that Olivia was always my date at work functions to keep up appearance till the divorce went through and we announced it.
"Olivia was in a bad car accident about a week ago and was just released earlier today." I say in the steadiest voice I can only to hear it crack when I say accident.
"Alex, how bad?"
Tears come to my eyes and start to fall despite my best attempts to stop them. She steps forward and takes me into her arms and holds me as I finally fall apart. I have probably endured one of the most stressful weeks of my life and the one person who I could always come apart on was the one person who needed me to keep it together.
It takes me a few minutes to pull myself back together and step out of her arms. I'm grateful for the shoulder to cry on and everything but I hate myself for what I know I must tell her. I never intended for our relationship to take this turn but at the same time I never saw a way to salvage my marriage to Olivia either. For as much as I care for Shane, I love Olivia more, and will do anything to get her back.
"You've decided to work things through." She states matter of fact as everything starts to fall into place for her.
"I'm hoping so" I answer as I wrap my arms around myself in a protective manner "I'm so sorry to do this to you. After everything that has happened this past week I can't sign those papers without truly being able to say we tried. I still love her and I've realized being by her side in the hospital that I'm still in love with her."
She looks down as she shoves her hands in her pockets. I can tell she's struggling to keep it together and not lose it. I can only hope and pray that she will gracefully bow out and not become overly emotional. My fear isn't of what she will do to me or say to me but what Olivia will do if she wakes her. She is in no condition to fly into her over protector mode that she has when she's with me.
"Are you sure this is the right thing to do?" She finally asks raising her head to look me in the eyes.
I close my eyes to the pain and anguish I see in her eyes when she looks at me. It's similar to the look Olivia had on her face the night I told her. Oddly enough even though it hurts me to see it, it doesn't shatter my very being.
"I am" I say as a smile crosses my face. Despite the fact that Olivia could walk out on me a second time, this time with her signature on papers finalizing the destruction of our marriage, I know I want to do this. I am willingly walking into uncertainty with my eyes wide open and couldn't be happier with the thought of doing so.
"For your sake I hope it works out for you." Shane finally says as the tears start to fall from her eyes "You're an amazing woman Alexandra and deserve the best. I hope you can finally get what you want. Please understand that I won't be waiting on the side lines for you to come to if it doesn't work out either."
"I know" I whisper as I step forward and hug her tightly. I know the pain she is going through and I hate that I am the cause of it. "I am so sorry to do this to you."
She pulls back and gives me one of the saddest smiles I have ever seen.
"I am to Alex. I am too."
Before I can say anything else she turns and walks away without ever looking back. I slowly close the door and lean against it as I start to cry once again. Somehow I have managed to destroy two lives because of my selfishness and I hate myself for that. How I ever allowed myself to get to this point I have no clue and decide it would be best to figure this out before I take a second chance with Olivia. The last thing I ever want to do is to hurt her again.