A/N: Apparently having to write a thematic paper for a religion class gives me the motivation I need to write on this story. If only I could send this in in place of my paper. It would be so much more helpful than trying to figure out what to write on the subject. Anyways I hope everyone enjoys and forgives me at the end of this chapter.
When I wake up I am in some of the worse pain I have ever felt in my life. I attempt to sit up more hoping to alleviate some of the pain only to end up cause more. Without thinking I clench my teeth to keep from crying out which only causes me even more pain. Unable to keep quiet, I scream out into the quiet room as tears start falling down my face. Before I can attempt to move again the door is tossed open and a light floods the bedroom.
"Easy, let me help you" I hear Alex whisper in a soft voice as she steps into the room.
I squint my eyes against the light and can't help but notice how it seems to frame her entire body as if she was an angel. Although, I have always thought she was an angel sent to save me from myself. Before I met her my life revolved around work. I had it in my head that no one wanted me, not only because of my background but because of my job as well. Seriously who would want to be with someone who couldn't guarantee they would make it home alive.
"Do you want to stay in here or would you like to come out to the living room?" She asks me as she helps me to get into a better position.
If I'm honest with myself I would love to go into the living room but I'm not sure I can handle it. What I do know is that I want to spend some time with her. I know that she had some files to go over from when we arrived at her apartment and the last thing I want to do is interrupt her work.
"Hey" She whispers as she carefully sits on the bed "What are you thinking?"
I inhale through my mouth which reminds me of the sound of someone slurping on a straw.
"I want to go to the living room" I manage to say while 'slurping' after every second word. "But I'm afraid I won't be able to."
"We can try if you want" She tells me as she carefully brushes my bangs off my forehead "Your choice"
"Stay here" I finally say after I consider it. As much as I want to try to go out there I'm scared that it will cause me even more pain than I'm already in.
"Let me go and get your pain medicine and fix you something to eat." She says as she stands "I had Elliot go to the store and get you some soup and what I need to fix your shakes the way they showed us. What would you like?"
"Soup" I answer with the best smile I can despite the fact that it hurts. I want to make it as easy as I can for her because she doesn't have to be here doing what she is doing. I hate myself because I know that I am such a burden on her at the moment.
I lean back against the pillows and close my eyes to the pain that is tearing through my body. I am starting to understand why they told me not to let my pain medicine lapse at all. I'm taking short controlled breaths when I hear a noise to my right side. I know without looking that it's Alex.
"Here let's get your pain medicines in you while your soup is heating up." She says as she helps me into a better position.
I greedily take the medicine she has in the special syringe and there's a part of me that wish I could take a second dose. I glance up at her as places the medicine on the nightstand by my side of the bed. I can tell that something is bothering her and it pains me more than my actual physical pain.
"What is it?" I force out hoping to sound as calm and nice as I can which is impossible. A simple yes from me at the moment sounds like I'm about to lose my temper even though that's not the case.
The pain I see in her eyes when she connects with mine is so intense that I have to look away. Am I the cause of the pain? Is it too much for her to handle having me here?
I start thinking about someplace else I could go to but the only thing I can come up with Elliot's and the last thing they need is another child to care for. I remember in one of my rare lucid moments in the hospital the doctor talking about a rehab center. I need to find his number and ask him how I can get moved to one of those. Maybe I could call Fin and have him come and take me to his place but I'm sure he doesn't need me cramping his lifestyle. I had never wanted to have a family member as much as I do now.
"Your soup should be warm enough for you" She says in a pained voice that pulls me from my thoughts. I watch her leave and realize that she no longer has the same confident walk that she has always had. Her walk now resembles someone who has the weight of the world on her shoulders.
Before I can figure out where my phone is she is back in the room and sitting by my side. As she fills the syringe to feed me I turn my head. I hate that I am so dependent on her or anyone for that matter.
"I fixed you cream of potato" She says to me as she strokes my arm "Do you want something different? I just figured you would want this since it's your favorite."
"You didn't answer" I ground out in frustration.
She sits the syringe in the bowl and places it on the night stand. She exhales slowly as she turns and takes both my hands in hers. The look on her face tells me I'm not going to like what she has to say and I feel my heart plummet to the ground.
"Shane stopped by while you were asleep" She informs me as she strokes the back of my knuckles with her thumb.
It is then that I realize how much of a burden that I am on her. I know that she is seeing Shane and that they have a decent relationship. I can only imagine what type of strain my being here is putting on them and it's not fair to them. This just resolved my dilemma about finding a rehab home to go to.
"You're not a burden" She says in a stern voice as she dips her head down to look into my eyes. As always I am taken back by how well she can read me. "I want you here. I need you here."
"Alex" I choke out trying my best not to break down.
"No, listen to me." She says in a soothing voice as she wipes my tears away with shaky hands "We are where we are because we kept too much from each other and I want that to stop now."
I shake my head and struggle to sit up to get out of bed only to be stopped by her.
"I want you to stop and listen to what I have to say." She informed me as she stared deep into my eyes. If it wasn't for the glint of a smile on her face I would have thought that my hopes of reconciling was shattered "Shane stopped by and we talked." She inhaled and exhaled slowly.
I look at her with hope building in me mixed with a little pain for what I can only imagine what Alex maybe feeling. I have hurt her once again and once again I wish my life had been taken in the accident. It's not fair to her to keep putting her through everything that I have put her through.
"I told her that for the past week I realized that I not only love you but that I am still in love with you. She has wished us the best and walked away." She continues as she makes sure she maintains eye contact with me. "I know without a doubt that you are my soulmate and the one I am to be with till the day I die. Olivia, I want to salvage what we have. I want us to work through our issues and become a couple again in every sense of the word, not just for appearance sake. I want to take the divorce papers on the kitchen table and set fire to them in the fireplace. When the time is right I want to walk down the aisle once again and recommit myself to you."
I feel the tears start to fall from my eyes once again and for once I can truly say that this time they are tears of happiness.
"My question is" Alex took a deep breath as a flash of fear crossed her eyes "Is that what you want? Do you want to see if we can work through this or is what we have truly gone in your eyes?"
I close my eyes and send a silent prayer to the Lord above, that I don't believe in, for this opportunity. How the hell I am so blessed to fix what went wrong, with the best woman to have ever walked the earth, is beyond me but it's not a chance I'm willing to pass up. I'm unable to pull her in my arms and give her my answer the way I want to so instead I nod as I smile the best I can. As I do this I can see the weight that she is carrying lifting off her shoulders and a look of peace finally cross her angelic face.