A/N: This is your warning this chapter is heartbreaking. Remember I'm cute and you love me. Also to the guest reviewer who keeps on saying they hate this Olivia I am portraying my question to you is have you ever had a partner cheat on you? Have you ever had the million doubts and questioned your worth when its happened? If you haven't you don't understand this side I'm writing but for those of us who have more than understand it.

I walk into the living room from the kitchen and smile. Alex is stretched out on the couch reading a book. She is wearing one of my old t shirts, a pair of her faded blue jeans and no shoes. I can see her perfectly manicured toenails and for whatever reason I find it oddly erotic. There's a calmness about her that I've never seen or felt before and I can't help but worry. The old saying the calm before the storm keeps floating through my head.

"Are you going to join me or just keep staring at me?" She asks without ever looking up from her book.

"Can I do both?" I ask as I carry my bowl of potatoes to the couch.

Just last week I had my wire removed and was finally cleared to eat soft foods. Now instead of living off strictly soups and protein shakes I can include such foods as mashed potatoes and cream corn. To be able to eat a food of solid substance was amazing but not nearly as amazing as finally being able to talk to her without sounding angry.

She lowers her book and silently watches me as I make my way around the couch. I know she is wondering what I am doing because for the first time since I have moved back in I am not heading for my recliner. I don't want to be in my recliner I want to be by her, I have to be touching her, I need to be touching her. I can see the shock in her eyes when I tap her feet so I can sit down but she pulls them in and then places them in my lap without ever saying a word. I sigh as I finally feel whole again and begin to slowly eat my dinner.

"Did you get enough or would you like some more?" I hear her ask as I sit the bowl on the end table. Even though I am able to do more for myself now days she still insists on waiting on me, for a lack of better words.

"I'm fine for now" I answer as I twist in the seat and smile at her "Can we talk?"

She instantly sits up and places her book on the coffee table. The mood in the room has changed drastically and I mentally berate myself for it. I can see the worry and sudden pain in her eyes and it hurts me so bad that I have to look away.

"The day you told me about her my world shattered." I finally say as I stare at the book she was reading.

"I know" She says in a hushed tone as she pulls her feet to her chest and wraps her arms around them.

A tear slides down her cheek and I have to fight the urge to stop and just pull her into my arms.

"I started replaying every time we made love and wondered where I went wrong? What wasn't I doing that you wanted or what was I doing that you didn't want? Every scene I replayed was perfect, at least to me."

"Because it was perfect." She chokes out as she brushes the tears from her face "You were perfect each and every time."

I smile as I stand and walk over to the fire place. There is a picture of our wedding day hanging above it and all I can do is stare at it. After a few minutes I lower my head unable to look at you or our picture as I say what I have to say.

"I have spent my whole life thinking I was never enough. That no one would ever love me the way I so desperately wanted to be loved. My mother never loved me the way a mother should so why should anyone else." The tears are falling freely and burning my open incision but I enjoy the pain. I need the pain to remind me why I'm here today. "That night you leaned over and kissed me took me by surprise. I figured since you initiated the kiss I had a chance to at least take you out on one date. So I asked you out."

I finally turn around and face you.

"When you asked if there would be a second date I was amazed."

"Oh Liv" you sob out as cover your mouth. You start to stand but I stop you by shaking my head no.

"I realized a long time ago that there are two types of people in this world. Those who deserve love, find love, and marry their love. Then there are those of us who wants to love and be loved so badly that it's almost pathetic but no matter what we're not that lucky. That we would never find "the one" and get married. I figured out very early in life I fell into the second group. Partly because of my heritage but mostly because that was just the way the cards fell."

I walk back toward you and carefully sit on the coffee table.

"Then the icing on the cake was I became a cop. Sure everyone loves a cop, a woman in uniform, the underlying strength they exhibit, the thoughts of what they can do with handcuffs. No one loves playing second to the job. No one loves canceled dates or hearing I have to pull an extra detail. No one loves wondering if when I walk out the door that would be the last time they would ever see me."

I take a chance to look you in the eyes and I see nothing but pain and sympathy for me. I hate seeing both with a passion so I look away once again.

"Not long after I graduated the academy I decided that I would never put anyone through that. I would have short flings when I couldn't stand the lonely nights any more but that was all. I would find my happiness within my job and that would just have to be enough. But I couldn't walk away from you."

You reach forward and take my hands in yours and give them a gentle squeeze.

"I thought my luck had finally changed when we got married. I finally stopped waiting for the other shoe to drop and then years later it did."

I finally look up at you and wipe the tears from your eyes "You know I never once blamed you. I blamed myself for it. I figured this was what I got for thinking I could ever be lucky enough to fall in the first group. That's why I never yelled at you or argued over the fact that you cheated on me. I felt, still feel, I got what I deserved."

"Honey no"

"It's ok Alex." I say as I pull my hands from hers and stand. I move away from her despite her pleas to come back. I stare at the front door wanting nothing more than to walk out of it "They say there's a price you pay for love. My biggest regret is that you had to pay that price. That because I knew I was living a fairytale that was going to end I pushed you into the arms of another woman." I turn and I'm shocked to find her right there "I want you to know I have never once regretted falling in love with you because I don't. I just wished I could have spared you all this pain."

"I would gladly take this pain if it means a chance to be loved by you" She tells me as she pulls me into her arms and a tight embrace. I want to push her away and spare her more pain but I can't. The embrace is so warm and loving that all I can do is wrap my arms around her and finally cry the tears that I've kept at bay for a lifetime.

Now let the true healing begin.