Chapter Two: Dreams that Haunt us
The harsh and bright spotlights lit up the arena.
She listened as her blood pumped, her ears buzzing with static as the cheers of the MECH soldiers echoed as background noise to her. She blinked, eyes peering at her opponent; the long blonde-haired woman was taller than her, withmuscles that showed her workout. She wore a wicked and excited smirk.
A voice, just as distant as the cheers, announced the fight. He called the match to begin, and Zelda shot off towards the woman, herbare feet slapping against the stone floor.
She hadn't been the only one that charged, her opponent, Hundred and Four, did too.
Zelda ducked the punch, throwing her own one and catching Hundred and Four's stomach.
They threw and pulled punches and kicks, even a tackle from Hundred and Four at one time but neither was willing to back down, unwilling to lose because there would be consequences if you lost.
It was every person for themselves within the arena after all.
She was just fine with that, feeling the way her lips curled up savagely, her blood pumping as she beat into Hundred and Four with her newly acquired enhanced strength.
Hundred and Four kicked her legs out and she went down but rolled in time to miss a kick aimed for her head.
She tackled Hundred and Four as she was getting to her feet; her cybernetic hand found blonde hair and, with strong and forceful motion, smashed Hundred and Four's head down on the concrete floor a brutal number of five times.
Only when Hundred and Four choked and fell practically limp underneath her, did she finally back away, rolling and staying crouched low like a wild and feral animal.
"And the winner is Eighty-four!"
There was a roar of cheers as bets were won and jeers were made at the fallen woman.
She giggled as she licked her bloody lips.
Zelda jolted awake, hertorso pitching upwards as a scream threatened to tear from her tight throat. Instead, she slapped land over her mouth as she failed to stop the sob, her heart beating wildly and painfully fast within her chest.
Wide and wild eyes searched around the room, like she expected someone to be standing there. From her time duringOphiuchus, it had been wired into her that you must always remain alert, never allow weakness to be shown, or suffer the consequences.
She suffered those consequences enough to know what they entailed.
The door opened sharply and suddenly drew the start of a scream from her, blonde hair appeared and—Hundred and Fourcame rushing into the room, a wicked grin across her bloody face and throat.
" I killed you!" She squeaked, clutching at her hair, pulling and tugging painfully.
Hundred and Four's shape shifted and suddenly, it was Bumblebee's holoform that stood there, where he immediately climbed onto the bed and into her lap, throwing his arms around her.
She fought momentarily against the body holding her—the laughing and cheering echoing loudly and—it wouldn't stop.
It was only when she was smothered by not one, two or three, but the seven bonds she now shared. The smothering drowned out the cheering and laughing, the images of blood on her hands and allowed her brain to begin to process what was happening.
It didn't stop the sobs, however.
Sideswipe was next into the room, only seconds behind Bumblebee. He crawled onto the other side, pulling Zelda into his arms from Bumblebee, allowing the younger Autobot to climb into Zelda's lap and cuddle her that way.
The contact, the smothering and gentle humming from the faux-heart beat from the holoforms was enough to soothe the sobbing, quickly drawing the exhausted and phantom-aching Zelda to sleep once more, only this time dreamless.
Which was all they could ask of.
Sunstreaker was last into the room, pushing the door too as he took in the sight of his brother and Bumblebee cuddled against Zelda.
He exhaled and sat on the edge of the bed.
Bee was already falling back to recharge, and Sunstreaker nudged his brother to do the same,~Recharge Sides.~
He got a sleepy grumble, which was likely supposed to be a protest but ultimately the red twin fell into recharge also, never once letting up his grip on Zelda.
Sunstreaker sat stiffly on the bed's edge, watching the recharging trio for a long time, thoughts all jumbled. The terror had hit him—them—all so suddenly and it was accompanied by this deep aching pain and horror.
They'd known it was Zelda the moment he and Sideswipe had come online—his audio receptors only picking up the thrashing of her form but no sounds other than the slight hitching of her inhales.
She had been suffering silently, and it was only when it hit them all full force—what had awoken them—that she herself had been pulled from the chargefright.
But the question was what had she been dreaming of? What had scared her so much that it fed down their bonds with her? And why now, after the month of knowing her, was this the first time she'd had a chargefright?
He watched as Zelda dumped her bag onto the chair, putting the one he carried on the bed. When Zelda didn't move again, he turned to look at her only to see she was staring at the bed with a pensive but…longing expression.
It startled him a bit to be truthful, he had not seen such an expression from Zelda yet—a playful version, sure, but a serious one, not so much.
Sideswipe appeared at the door, noticing it as well. "What's with the look?"
His voice startled Zelda from her thoughts. She blinkered in surprise, her brows raising a tad as she glanced at Sideswipe. "What look?"
"The wistful look?"
Sunstreaker wasn't sure why that memory of all things came back to him but there was definitely more behind the look than just her desire for her hammock. It had bugged him for a while afterwards, but hedidn't want to just ask her about it, especially after their time at the park.
The quiet sound of the door opening drew his attention. He tensed but the sight of ginger hair had him relaxing. Aria leaned on the door frame, eyes lingering on Zelda before she turned her attention to Sunstreaker.
She smiled weakly, looking exhausted, but her eyes expressed her gratefulness. Sunstreaker nodded.
Without a word, Aria turned and left, closing the door behind her.
I woke up that morning feeling incredibly warm. I blinked,odd. But memories from last night, choppy as they were, flashed back. I swallowed thickly, screwing my eyes closed and forced myself to breathe evenly. There is no point working myself up again.
Finally, I turned my attention to the blonde holoform with his face buried in my stomach. Bumblebee was snoring softly, almost purring, and it wasincrediblyadorable.
My eyes were taken to the body on my right, the one cuddling me against them. Dark hair entered my vision, Sideswipe. I exhaled quietly but deeply at his peaceful expression.
I swallowed again as this weird, tight, fluttery feeling settled in my chest, spreading.
Damnit.
I wanted to hiss at how unfair I was, and my eyes burned. This wasn't what I wanted. I didn't want to suffer anymore—why couldn't I be allowed to just turn off my emotions to anything that would get me hurt?
I had given it freely once before and look at where it got Adan.
Dead.
He was dead and I was alive and—and I would hate myself for the rest of my life because of that.
Because Silas loved to make me suffer, loved to hurt others and…
I gritted my teeth and tore my eyes away from Sideswipe and they landed on Sunstreaker instead.
My hands were shaking as I gently pushed Bumblebee off me and removed Sideswipe's arms so that I could get off the damn bed. I needed space. I needed to breathe.
I stumbled out of the room, closing the door behind me, and made my way to the bathroom. The cool air that came in through the bathroom window made my mouth dry, but as I sat on the edge of the bath, I could breathe.
I buried my face in my hands. Fuck, why me?
I wasn't kidding when I said there were thousands of better people than I am, far more deserving than I am, because I was going to get attached to them—it was guaranteed now.
And… and I couldn't let that happen. But I wanted to—but I can't, not only for my sake but for theirs too.
They didn't need someone like me. Someone who walked a fine line. Someone's who's been on both sides and loved it, hated it, relied on it, was thankful for it.
I let out a breath, eyes burning again, and I didn't stop the tears as they escaped, but I furiously wiped them away. I bit back the humourless and bitter laugh that wanted to escape, and my throat burned in response for some fucking reason.
Three months since my last breakdown, I'd been doing so damn well too.
I forced myself to just breathe, desperately trying not to let my mind wander and find another damn sinkhole to drown itself in. One breakdown was enough.
I pushed myself to my feet, reaching for the mirror door above the sink and pulled it open. On the top shelf was prescription medication, most notably my prescription. I took several seconds, debating if I wanted to take one. Unscrewing the lid and tipping the bottle, a pill tumbled out onto my palm. I threw it into my mouth and dry swallowed it. I had long since learned to do it without any liquid.
I dumped the bottle back into the cupboard and splashed some water onto my face in an attempt to freshen up. I gazed into the mirror and bloodshot, puffy eyes stared back.
Abandoning the bathroom, I moved downstairs where I spotted Aria sitting on the settee. She looked up as I came in, she smiled but her expression tightened, "What's wrong?"
I sighed heavily and flopped down beside her, resting my head on her shoulder.
"Sunbird?" She questioned. "I can tell you've been crying."
I swallowed. "Just remembering my dream."
Aria frowned; she likely didn't believe me. She sighed. "Alright."
I grinned, reaching up and poking her cheek, only to get an electric shock. We yelped in unison, sharing a look before laughing.
"It's been a while since that's happened," She giggled, resting her cheek on my head.
I chuckled, nuzzling my nose into her shoulder as I continued to grin. "Last time it was with Eden while we'd been on the mats. Scared the bloody crap out of him."
Aria trailed off her laughing as I hummed, quite content with just staying snuggled against Aria for a while longer.
"You wanna talk about your nightmare?"
Or maybe not. My jaw clamped shut as I stared ahead, intending not to say anything.
"Zelda," Aria began.
I hissed lowly, sitting upright. "No, I don't."
"Zelda," she tried again, but I was on my feet and heading for the kitchen. She sighed loudly, and I twitched, flesh fingers trembling. I clenched both hands into fists. I needed to punch something, but there wasn't anything, damnit.
Instead, I tried to occupy myself by making breakfast. The bowl, the cereal, the milk, and the spoon. I may or may not have clenched the latter in my fist and bent it
I raised the crooked thing with a deadpan expression.
Shitty weak metal.
I straightened it out again and took a mouthful, dumping the spoon back into the bowl as I put the milk away and chewed a little aggressively.
"Zel-da!" Bumblebee's chirpy voice came from behind me, and I turned to greet him.
"Be—Oomph!" he barrelled into me, and I hit the counter behind meh "Bee, what's the matter?"
However, as I set my hands on his shoulders, and before he could answer, I zapped him too. Bumblebee's holoform tensed, his eyes widened as his breath hitched and—
Well, his holoform fizzled out of existence.
"The fuck?" I couldn't stop the words from escaping and obviously drawn from my swear, Sunstreaker and Sideswipe came rushing around the corner.
"Doll?" Sideswipe asked, face concerned.
"What happened, are you hurt?" Sunstreaker questioned.
"I'm fine," I waved my hands, primarily bewildered. "But… Bee's holo glitched when I accidentally gave him an electric shock."
The twins shared a confused look. "Electric shock?" Sideswipe questioned.
"Primus!" Bee appeared from the doorway to the garage, where his body was. "You gotta try that!"
"Try what?" Sunstreaker raised a brow.
"She shocked me with AllSpark power and short-circuited the software but gave me a massive overload on energon through the holo somehow!" Bee grinned, holo shaking as if he was on a sugar rush. "It's amazing!"
I spotted Sideswipe eyeing me up, and I shot him a deadpan look. He grinned, shuffling forward, and I held my palm out because if he was insistent, I might as well make it easier for him.
He touched me and, much like the Bee, shocked him. His eyes widened, and even Sunstreaker behind him tensed, choking on a breath as their holoforms cut out much like Bee's had.
Talking about Bee, he was currently giggling away.
Damn.
It was dark by the time we arrived back home, and I wanted nothing more than to curl up in my hammock. I murmured a thank you to Sunstreaker as I climbed out and pulled my bags with me.
He hummed in response before transforming. He stretched lightly, rolling his shoulders before sighing.
I began my travel to my room, intent on just ignoring the outside world for the rest of the day and waking up tomorrow morning having put all this behind me. But it would seem that wouldn't be happening as Optimus appeared and called my name.
"Zelda."
I stopped abruptly, almost freezing. I hesitated a second before turning. "Yeah?"
He knelt. "I wish to speak to you regarding last night if you would."
His tone was soft, and I knew he meant nothing malicious because the bond would give it away. I let out a breath.
"I had a nightmare is all, Optimus," I offered. It wasn't really a lie, just a twist of the truth.
But the look in Optimus's optics said he saw through it. "Forgive me for not believing it was just a 'nightmare' as you humans call them."
My shoulders slumped. I felt kid a damn kid being scolded—all I needed was to shoe the ground, and I would complete the look.
I shrugged. "I live a dangerous lifestyle with what I do, Optimus, I've seen some shit. It sometimes just comes back to me in the form of nightmares."
"Hmm," was the response.
I suddenly wanted to pout, damn.
"You are a stubborn one, you are aware, yes?" he rumbled, tone light.
I grinned. "I know." I blinked as I recalled what happened this morning. "Actually, now that I have you here, I've been having some trouble with zapping." I wiggled my gloved hands. After the third time I had zap Bumblebee, I thought it best."The guys said it was AllSpark related."
Optimus offered his hand, and I stepped on. "It would be best to consult Ratchet about this."
And thus, I was taken to the alien doctor, who was just as curious about the situation. He scanned my form and hummed.
"It seems you already have somewhat of a build-up of Energon," he offered.
"Energon?" I echoed before frowning. "Isn't it fatal to humans?"
Ratchet had a whole discussion with Aria about it a week ago after Ironhide had made an offhanded comment on being mindful of where they (as in the Cybertronians) bleed.
"Normally yes," he drawled. "But you, Zelda Larsson, are not an average young woman."
I nearly flinched. Instead, I pouted. "How rude of you, Ratchet."
He grunted, rolling his optics. Optimus hummed with amusement despite how his faceplate gave nothing away. Skill.
"Well, if I have a build-up what's gonna happen?" I asked.
"You need a way to successfully harness the power or pass it on. You should be able to create energon physical," Ratchet said thoughtfully. "How many times did you zap the twins and Bee?"
I crossed my arms. "Bee three times, and Sunstreaker and Sideswipe each once, but they both glitched together."
"Twins are more likely to do most things together. Glitching could just so happen to be one of them," Ratchet offered, before holding out his hand. "Now I want to see if you've managed to make a dent into the build-up or not by zapping them."
I eyed him before glancing at Optimus, who nodded. I sighed and pulled my right glove off. I brushed my hand along his servo and the familiar zap happened. Ratchet's form became ridged.
I watched as he stumbled slightly, shuddering his optics. Optimus reached out and helped stabilise him.
"You okay?" I asked slowly. I had not seen a direct reaction, only via their holoforms. The actual thing was a bit startling.
He cleared his throat—or did the Cybertronian equivalent. "Fine, I'm fine. I was not expecting such a boost to my systems."
I snorted, turning to Optimus with a grin and offered my hand.
"Perhaps another time," he rumbled, optics flickering with mirth.
Ratchet offered his hand again. I touched it, but this time, nothing happened. "Ah, like I'd thought."
My brows went up. "So I'm like a super-powered battery that recharges itself."
"In essence yes."
I stared at my hands curiously, that was kinda cool.
"Now that is sorted," Ratchet said. I blinked and turned to him. He glanced at Optimus quickly before turning back to me. I narrowed my eyes—he better not.
"Optimus has likely already mentioned it but—"
"Ratchet," Optimus tried lightly, but I interrupted.
"Nope!" I answered, throwing my hands up, spinning on my heels and made for the door.
"Zelda—" Ratchet tried but I cut him off.
"You're not the first to ask, Ratchet, but you are going to be the last!" I stormed out.