The Day After.
Gimme Gimme Chapter Six.
Harry woke up feeling a bit hung-over.
He yawned and remembered his night out with Daphne Greengrass; she'd been incredibly clever and witty and rather beautiful.
He got out of bed and dressed for work.
A bit later he cleaned his teeth and thought about they way he'd found those mysterious runes on the cave wall at Caerbannog, that had let Daphne break the curse on her sister. Really, she was incredibly clever and kind and good-looking.
And the meal had been decent too… though maybe the dessert wine had packed a bit of a punch.
It occurred to Harry that he should scour his library for mysterious old books to give to Daphne as presents: she'd enjoy them, given that she was incredibly clever and witty and rather beautiful. And certainly wasn't an Unspeakable – why he'd ever thought that. It was just silly.
It wasn't till he got to the Auror office and put on the memory charm detecting helmet at the start-of-shift check, that things started to go sideways. Well, the memory-charm-detecting helmet with the gauge broke, the glass on the gauge cracking and the indicator needle pinging off to embed itself in the door-frame of Dawlish's office.
It was, thought Harry, going to be one of those days.
Harry was confined to a holding cell – per procedure – till someone from the Obliviators came to take a look.
Fosse, who Harry didn't like much (like most Obliviators,) did a few charms and nodded "Yup, he's memory charmed all right."
Dawlish nodded "That was very informative, Obliviator Fosse. Now, can you get him back to… well I hesitate to say normal."
"Depends if they knew what they were doing, and if they were being nice," said Fosse, casting a charm on Harry's head and sucking in air through their teeth. "Oh, don't like the look of that," he said.
"Don't like the look of what?" asked Harry angrily.
"Your hair, it's actually cursed. Who did that?" asked Fosse.
"Oh get effed," said Harry, who had long since stopped expecting respect for defeating Voldemort or something.
"Well, we're gonna need someone to do Legelimancy and that's a right pain in the arse to arrange" said Fosse.
"Surely you need to be able to do that to check if your memory charms work?" asked Harry.
"Officially no. I'd need a permit from say, head of DMLE," said Fosse.
"Consider it back-dated. I need Potter working. Get on with it," said Dawlish, stomping off.
"Hasn't got any more personable since he made head," said Fosse. "All right this'll feel weird." he said.
"I've been legelimised before. I'll turf you out if you go looking at classified stuff" said Harry.
"What, with your mystical occulamancy powers" said Fosse derisively.
"Yes, those," said Harry.
"Legelimens!" said Fosse, casting the spell and Harry felt his mind being casually rifled over.
"Any idea when to look?" asked Fosse, and Harry wondered about yesterday.
"Thanks," said Fosse, and Harry remembered his night out with Daphne Greengrass.
She'd been incredibly clever and witty and rather beautiful.
"Right, well that's a little odd," said Fosse. And Harry remembered his night out with Daphne Greengrass. She'd been incredibly clever and witty and rather beautiful. But the details were vague.
"Must have been a stinker of a date," said Fosse.
An hour of charms later, Harry remembered a date with Daphne Greengrass at a little pizza place.
She'd turned up in a dress that was probably okay if you went to a tea-shop, and he'd ordered pizza.
Daphne said she'd like a drink – Harry had ordered fizzy stuff.
And Harry had ordered Hawaiian pizza, which sent Daphne into a frenzy, as she protested loudly that pineapple had no place on pizza. That had annoyed Harry, and he'd suggested she was needlessly snobby about food.
"I'm not!" she'd protested.
"Well, we could go for some Japanese?" Harry had suggested instead, imagining some takeaway sushi – but Greengrass has gone quite an off-colour, and ended the date early.
"So anyway," said Fosse "Stinker of a date, and then she memory charms you to imagine it went well. Lucky for you."
"Lucky for me?" asked Harry, feeling confused. How could being memory-charmed be a good thing?
"Good-looking witch is prepared to memory charm you so you'll go on another date – she must be dead keen on you," said Fosse. Harry considered that for a moment. That was, he thought, a definite positive about the situation. Assuming she was actually pretty.
"I have one question?" asked Harry.
"Yeah?" said Fosse.
"How much of my memory of that date is real, and how much is memory charms? Is she even good-looking?" said Harry, starting to mistrust his memories… and Daphne Greengrass. Who… well he had no memory of being memory charmed by her, but Fosse assumed it was her. Unless it wasn't… and he had been on nice date, and someone else had memory charmed him to think he had. But then been caught out by the Auror office's checks.
Harry had a sudden moment of relative clarity, and saw Mad-Eye Moody in a different light. If your enemies (or possibly girlfriends) could memory charm you… what even was real. Was anything real? Harry briefly considered becoming very paranoid and reclusive, and rejected the idea. He wasn't paranoid, nobody was 'out to get him' since he'd beaten Voldemort, and Daphne Greengrass was probably quite nice. Assuming, thought Harry with a sudden chill down his spine… that she existed at all?
"I um," said Harry, swallowing with difficulty. "Need for an Auror to come; there are some checks I need to make."
"Some checks?" asked Fosse.
"To see how much I've been memory charmed; there are files they can refer to, and Dawlish has met the girl I went on a date with… well that I possibly went on a date with."
"Ah, You've got all paranoid about reality then?" asked Fosse, "some of the muggles we obliviate that are a bit squib, or keep really complicated records, get like that."
"And what do you do?"
"Well, if they go snooping around too much, talking about half-remembered things, we just memory charm them some more," said Fosse.
"Oh," said Harry, as that sounded fairly unsatisfactory. "And if they get really paranoid?"
"We charm them to think something else. Like, that the government's memory controlling them with the wireless, or that space monsters stick things up their bottoms," said Fosse "That one's really popular with the American Obliviators. The muggles have this whole little religion about it. They certainly don't think there's a statute of secrecy."
"Space monsters?" asked Harry, who'd seen one or two very old Sci-Fi films on TV growing up, and Dudley had posters from some on his bedroom walls – the bloody violent ones mostly.
"Little grey, elf sized things with big black eyes and a fondness for putting things up people's bottoms," said Fosse "The muggles came up with it, we keep it for Americans if they're caught in an action here in Britain. That way the US office can use the same thing, and the muggles don't go completely mental."
But Fosse did send a memoaerogramme back to the Auror office.
Ron turned up a little bit later.
"So he's memory charmed then?" asked Ron.
"Out the Wazoo. Now he's getting all paranoid," said Fosse.
"Ron, Daphne Greengrass?" asked Harry.
"um… Lethifold woman?" asked Ron. "She has the weirdest things going on at her flat. Hermione's got a theory that she does it to have a reason to call you over when you're on nights."
Harry blinked. That… was very reassuring actually. "Recently?" asked Harry.
"Well you did complain like a little bitch about having to do a Patronus for hours when she got attacked by two Dementors that would not leave." Ron added casually.
Harry exhaled. That… was what he remembered, though he would not have described having to keep a Patronus up all night as 'complaining like a little bitch.' Ron was so smugly three inches taller than Harry.
"I went on a date and got memory charmed," admitted Harry. Ron snorted. "Ruddy hell." he said.
"Well she likes him enough to make him think it went great" said Fosse.
"That's some kind of record, even for you," said Ron unsympathetically. "But good for you going on a date."
"Well she is incredibly clever and witty and rather beautiful" said Harry.
"Memory charm for that phrase," said Fosse snidely. Ron frowned, "She's not that good-looking" he remarked.
"Really?" Harry asked.
"My sister's loads better looking," said Ron. Harry glared at Ron for a moment.
"What?" asked Fosse.
"Never mind," said Harry. "That didn't work out. She um, thinks I'm still possessed by Voldemort."
"He's not," said Fosse "That would stick out. Still?"
"Ninety-five," said Harry, "He got me in the Atrium on level one after the Department of Mysteries fiasco. Threw him out by thinking about things he hated."
"Threw… you know who out of your mind?" asked Fosse slowly.
"Did not enjoy, would not recommend," said Harry, "he had a connection to my mind till I killed him. To do with the failed killing curse."
Fosse twirled his wand and Harry felt a pressure on the edge of his awareness.
"Oy! That's a state secret!" said Harry. Fosse lowered his wand.
"Yeah you can't know," said Ron, lifting his wand.
"What you gonna do?" asked Fosse, his wand shaking.
"Well, I could oblivate you," said Ron. And he smiled. Fosse did not.
"Anyway," said Harry, hoping to change the topic. "Daphne Greengrass is a real woman?"
"Lethifold woman" said Ron.
"So she's plain then" said Fosse snidely.
"I mean, she's too tall and too blonde, and her nose is too big" said Ron "And her hair's all lank and flat."
Fosse lifted one eyebrow. "Tall blonde, and not that good looking?"
"There are miles better looking birds" said Ron smugly.
"Who aren't Hermione?" asked Harry.
"Well, given that my sister won't date you any more, I suppose" Ron conceded. He frowned "You do remember your theory about her?"
"What theory?" asked Harry.
"That Greengrass is lying about working in the Central Records Office" said Ron.
Harry shook his head "That was just paranoia. I went on a date with her, Ron, she certainly isn't an Unspeakable."
"And she memory charmed you," said Fosse. Who lifted his wand "Just gonna have a wee rummage?"
Harry sighed and let Fosse cast Legelimancy on him, and Fosse rapidly reviewed Harry's ridiculous, slightly paranoid theory that she was an Unspeakable.
"Yeah, she's an Unspeakable" said Fosse, lowering his wand.
"No she's not, that's ridiculous."
"Grey robes in her wardrobe, talked about doing experiments, and the Unspeakables had you do a patronus charm all night as some sort of experiment" said Fosse.
"And Harry wrote Greengrass Unspeakable on his notepad at home" said Ron.
"That was in my room!" said Harry.
"It was on your desk and I was looking for a quill" said Ron dismissively. "She probably is. Still… she does want another date with you."
"I dunno" said Harry.
"Does pineapple on pizza matter that much?" asked Fosse.
"Oy!" said Harry indignantly "It's about Obliviating me and implanting false memories" he said petulantly. "And that's my private life. And stuff."
"He really hasn't been dating? He's famous and all, every body figured he'd be drowning in witches?" said Fosee.
"Nah he's been real mopey." said Ron, and he hesitated "Course… he's cheered up the last few weeks…. With callouts to Greengrass's flat."
"Cor. Bet she's in lingerie" said Fosse, lifting his wand.
"No, you bloody can't have a look!" said Harry "And she doesn't. It's too cold for that sort of stuff."
"Well, I've got a report to write" said Fosse "Potter, you now remember what happened last night. Still a bit messed with, what with the protestation that she's not an unspeakable."
"Just because she's clever and would like some old books from my library as a present, maybe something in obscure runic languages" said Harry, and he hesitated, eyes crossed. "Bloody hell! The cheek of her!" he complained.
"Well there you go, He's broken the suggestions and is now his own" said Fosse.
"Bugger," Harry complained. "I was really looking forward to another date. And now I can't."
"Why not?" asked Ron.
"Cos she'll memory charm me." complained Harry.
"Just… um… say not to." said Ron.
"That'd do it," said Fosse, "Also, write a report, give your boss a copy and one to Weasley here. You can tell the Unspeakable you've got hard copies, so there's no point in her memory charming you… and go somewhere that's not pizza or Japanese. Bob's your uncle."
Harry closed his eyes and sighed. She'd seemed such a nice girl. The lingering memory of that powder blue bra taunted him.
"So can he go back to work, only he's late for his shift" said Ron.
"I'll write him up okay" said Fosse.
"Can't you… check with the Department of Mysteries?" asked Ron.
"Nah they're pretty much a law unto themselves." admitted Fosse.
Ron elbowed him conspiratorially on the way back to the office. "Brainy girls eh." he said.
Harry sulked – he was good at that.
[AN: No Harry Potters were harmed in the making of this chapter.]