An Ace In The Hole
Chapter Three: The Game
Dear Aunt Harley,
Not sure if you'll get this or not but I just wanted to let you know that I'm okay. A couple of characters showed up and escorted me to a school in Britain called Hogwarts to learn magic. I was mad at first but now I'm starting to have fun. I'd like to stay and see what I can learn. It looks to be fun. You'd love it here. They say I can come back home after my year is done as long as I don't go telling everyone about this place. Tell Mistah J that I said hi and that I'm making friends. The owl can probably return a letter if you want it to.
With Love and Always Smiling,
Harry
"Albus, I really do not approve of you reading a student's mail." said Professor McGonagall sharply, standing in front of Professor Dumbledore's desk.
"Normally Minerva, I wouldn't either." sighed Professor Dumbledore, leaning back in his chair. "However, Harry's home life is unique and we must be careful."
"Anything in his letter alarming?" quipped Professor McGonagall.
"Actually, this letter is quite promising." mused Professor Dumbledore. "It seems that he is enjoying being here and is even making friends."
"Albus, are you sure that this is in the best interest of all involved?" asked Professor McGonagall. "That is, Mr Potter being here."
"Minerva, it is what's best for our entire world." replied Professor Dumbledore, gazing over the top of his half-moon spectacles. "As long as Lord Voldemort still exists, no matter his condition, our world needs Harry Potter."
"Will you be sending the letter on then?" asked Professor McGonagall, folding her arms.
"I see no reason not to." replied Professor Dumbledore, smiling. "Matter of fact, I think it might help settle outside issues before they arise."
Lucius blinked a couple of times as he came to. His vision was slightly blurry; dehydration slowly setting in. He wasn't sure how long he'd been bound to that chair, his mouth taped and his wrists tied behind the back of the chair – by a common Muggle no less. It was disgraceful for a servant of the Dark Lord to be subservient to filth. The slamming of the door to the dungeon drew his attention from his internal musings.
"Oh good… you're awake." chuckled the Joker sadistically, rubbing his hands together.
Lucius watched as his psychotic captor did some sort of bizarre dance; crossing the floor quickly.
"I really l-o-v-e what you've done with the place." growled the Joker, tilting his head only inches from Lucius' face. "It has a real medieval flare… but let's cut the chit chat, shall we? Let's play – Pop Goes The Weasel!"
The Joker backed slowly away from Lucius until he was at least three feet away.
"Recognize one of these?" asked the Joker, withdrawing a revolver from his jacket. He loaded a single round into the cylinder, then spun it madly. "Crude? Yes… I know, but it's a crude world we live in."
Quicker than Lucius could blink, the demented jester closed the gap between them; shoving the barrel under Lucius' chin.
"Now, I'm a fair man." cackled the Joker, an evil glint in his eyes. "So in the spirit of fair play… we'll take turns… You go first!"
'All Around The Mulberry Bush,' sang the Joker.
CLICK!
The Joker cackled again as Lucius flinched at the sound of the hammer striking the firing pin.
"Now, it's my turn." hissed the insane clown, shoving the barrel of the pistol into the side of his own face.
'The Monkey Chased The Weasel.'
CLICK!
"And that's the end of round number one. Oh, this game may take a while!" laughed the Joker. "Before we start the next round, let's chat!"
The Joker pulled a knife from his pocket and slit open the tape that covered Lucius' mouth; cutting his lower lip. Lucius spit the blood from his mouth into the face of his captor.
"That was rude." sighed the Joker, smirking. "Thought you were… high society."
"What do you hope to gain?" retorted Lucius. "Even if I tell you the whereabouts of Hogwarts, you'll never get past the protective wards. You're wasting your time you bloody bastard!"
"Oh, but I believe you know a way." said the Joker. "How else could the parents of, oh what do you call them… ah yes… Muggleborns. How could they ever visit the school in case of an emergency?"
Lucius sat silent – staring at his captor. The clown wasn't a fool, however he would not allow this filth to enter Hogwarts.
"No answer?" taunted the Joker. "Well, I guess we'll just have to continue to play our little game."
The Joker jabbed the barrel back under Lucius' chin.
'The Monkey Thought It Was All In Fun,'
BOOM!
Lucius' chair was suddenly moistened with the release of his bowels. The underneath of his chin was burning and causing him immense pain, but amazingly he was still alive.
"Did that sting?" asked the Joker, clearly amused. "That was what we call… A BLANK!." The Joker reached into his pocket and withdrew another round, loading it into the revolver. "This time… we'll use live ammo!"
Lucius involuntarily shook from his head to his toes at the thought of doing that again. The bastard was going to kill him – he was sure of it..
"Now, where was I?" mused the Joker. "Ah yes… anything you'd like to tell me? No? Good! We have all the time in the world to play!"
'Pop Goes The Weasel!'
"Harry!" grunted Hermione, walking down the corridor beside him. "Would you please stop singing that childish song?"
"Childish?" repeated Harry while smirking. "Depends on who is singing it."
"You really need to –" began Hermione.
"Need to what?" interrupted Harry, now staring at her with a crooked smirk.
"Sober up, mate." said Neville from his other side. "This will be your first Potions class and Snape doesn't cozy up to humor."
Harry smirked at the thought of these two trying to keep him from having some fun. Since the moment he was Sorted into Gryffindor, Hermione had been 'mothering' him.
"Yes Mom. Yes Dad." simpered Harry, a smile curving his face. "But seriously you two, I've been here nearly a week now and I've yet to receive detention."
"You sound disappointed!" exclaimed Hermione.
"Listen Hermione, you'll never know your limits until you push yourself to the edge." said Harry, forcing himself to sound serious. "The same can be said for the rules. If you never push to see where the line is, you live in fear of the line."
"Harry –" began Hermione.
"Hermione, I'm not saying to go get expelled." interrupted Harry. "I'm just saying to find the detention line and cross it only if necessary."
Hermione shook her head at his logic. She had never lived in his world. Never seen the things he had seen. This powder puff world was going to bend to his ways or break from the strain.
"Hey Harry!" called Fred from behind them.
"Wait up!" called George.
Harry, Hermione, and Neville turned to see the Weasley twins hurrying to catch up.
"What's up, Fred number one and George number two?" asked Harry, gaining a wide smirk from Fred and George.
"Remember that 'Head' problem?" asked Fred.
"The one you told us about." said George.
"Yep." replied Harry, popping the "P" sound.
"Here's your answer." said Fred.
"Made it ourselves." said George, handing Harry something wrapped in a cloth.
"Don't open it here." said the twins in unison.
A large smirk spread across Harry's face as he tucked the package inside his robes. Neville looked curious while Hermione looked nervous. If it was what he thought it was, life there just got much more interesting.
"Thanks guys, I mean mates." said Harry, unable to hide his excitement. "I'll check it out after class. See you two at supper."
The twins smiled and Harry honestly thought that the mischief hiding behind their eyes could possibly rival his aunt Harley's infamous look. They gave him a half bow, then skipped away down the corridor.
"What did they give you?" asked Hermione, frowning hard.
"I'll show you later." replied Harry devilishly, making Hermione blush.
"Do you think it's –" began Neville.
"We'll discuss it later." interrupted Harry in a whispered tone. "Too many ears in the open."
To Harry's delight, both Neville and Hermione nodded in agreement. He had been slowly expressing to Hermione the level of distrust he had with the school. Nothing this 'Powder Puff' could be on the up and up. She was defensive, but had been willing to listen. Neville, on the other hand, was proving to be a much quicker convert to his ideas.
The three made their way to the dungeons and found an open table near the front of the classroom. 'Anyone who goes to this extreme to frighten students must have something to hide' Harry mused to himself as he looked about the classroom. It was dark, damp and possessed that eerie feeling, commonly associated with the intro to a bad horror movie. They were sharing class with the Slytherins and he could barely suppress his joy at the setup.
Professor Snape swept into the room in dramatic fashion before turning to face the class.
"It seems that we have a new addition to Gryffindor." said Professor Snape silkily. "Mr Harry Potter."
Whispers broke out throughout the classroom at this. Professor McGonagall had told Harry that people would find out, so he wasn't angry yet.
"Excuse me, sir," said Harry politely, raising his hand "but my name is Harry Quinn."
"According to the official ledger of Hogwarts, your name is Harry Potter." snapped Professor Snape. "And while you may be justified in not wanting to claim that name," a sneer curled the Professor's face "it is your name and you will answer to it in my class."
"Forgive me, Professor," retorted Harry, deciding it was time to test the line "but I will not answer to Potter. It is not my name."
Professor Snape swooped over to their table and slammed his hands onto it, leaning down to face Harry. Neville nearly fell out of his chair and Hermione gasped.
"Listen to me, Potter!" shouted Professor Snape. "You will show me respect in this classroom and in this castle! Whatever you think makes you special is a lie! You are nothing more –"
Professor Snape stopped mid sentence as Harry broke down laughing in front of him. He blinked several times, clearly unable to comprehend this reaction. The entire classroom went silent as they watched; holding their breath as one.
"You think I'm funny?" asked Professor Snape coldly, regaining his grasp on the moment.
"Oh no, Professor." snorted Harry, slowly sobering back up. "Call me Potter if you wish. Call me whatever you want." Harry's gaze suddenly turned deadly as he growled through the laughter, "I like you… Professor."
Professor Snape backed away from the table several steps; not breaking eye contact with Harry.
"Detention, Mr… Potter," said Professor Snape after a very long minute "for disrupting my class."
"As you wish, Professor." replied Harry, nodding his head and chuckling darkly.
Harry glanced over at Hermione and winked as Professor Snape turned to his blackboard to begin outlining the lesson for the day. He then glanced to his left and noticed Malfoy for the first time. He was staring at Harry with a mixture of hatred and horror.
"That was bloody brilliant!" exclaimed Neville in a hushed tone as they exited Snape's classroom nearly an hour later.
"No it wasn't!" hissed Hermione. "Now Harry has Detention!"
"Small price." said Harry calmly as they ascended the stairs together.
"What? Because now you know where the line is?" retorted Hermione.
"No." replied Harry. "Because now I own Professor Snape."
"What do you mean?" asked Neville.
Harry waited till they reached the top of the stairs, then yanked Neville and Hermione into what looked to be the school trophy room.
"Listen," hissed Harry, ignoring Hermione's protest "if I had allowed Professor Snape to control that exchange, he would have owned me for the rest of the year. I didn't grow up learning my manners and how to host tea parties. What I was taught was how to own every situation. Where I grew up, you either understood the system or you got smoked. So Detention, in my opinion, is a small price to pay for what I gained."
"Is where you're from really that bad?" asked Neville, looking at Harry in awe.
"Nev," replied Harry. "you can't even imagine the city I grew up in."
"Why didn't your family just move?" asked Hermione, truly trying to understand.
Harry smirked, "You don't just move away. It's not allowed. They create their puppets for their own amusement. They give us strings and make us dance. But when you don't dance like the others – they call you a freak and try to stop you. So you do the only thing you can – you cut your strings."
"You're not a freak, Harry." said Hermione softly.
"Seriously?" snorted Harry. "Even here I stand out like the circus freak. My parents were killed by a maniac that everyone feared and the only reason I'm still here is because when he tried to kill me too, something strange happened. Now, I'm the Boy-Who-Lived-With-A-Scar." Harry leaned on one of the trophy cases. "But it's okay. I've never fit in and I'll never want to."
"We've never fit in either." said Neville. "My uncle nearly killed me just to see if I had any magic in me and my family still wondered if I had enough to get in here until my letter came. Hermione is the most brilliant student here and she'd be honored above all if she wasn't Muggleborn."
Hermione glanced at Neville, then stared at her shoes.
"And there's my point." said Harry, slapping the case. "Things are no better here than the city I grew up in. The difference between me and you two, is that I know how to handle being the freak. I know how to deal with the 'normal' people." Harry air quoted the word, normal. "The best part is, I can teach you two how as well. We don't have to live in the shadows of others… or be what others want you to be."
"We'll never be accepted." said Hermione. "They'll always be a bigot in every room."
"Who said anything about being accepted?" retorted Harry, grinning broadly.
"Dreaming of trophies you'll never own, Potter?" drawled Malfoy, standing just outside the trophy room.
Harry moved past Hermione and Neville; stepping out into the shadow of the Grand staircase. He was pleased to see Malfoy and his goons take a step backwards.
"I may have given Professor Snape permission to call me Potter, but you will address me as Harry Quinn." growled Harry. "As far as trophies go, those aren't my speed. I prefer more personal things as trophies… like a finger or an ear. Things that mean something."
"You don't scare me, P-Po… Quinn!" squeaked Malfoy, eying Harry's glare. "You're just covering for the fact that Quidditch tryouts begin tomorrow and you know you'd never be able to do it."
'This stupid sport again', thought Harry, rubbing his face with one hand.
"Tell me, Malfoy, will you be putting a broom –" began Harry.
Hermione cleared her throat loudly, interrupting Harry. He glanced back at her and smirked.
"Will you be trying out for Slytherin, Malfoy?" asked Harry, revising his question and smirking viciously.
"A formality – really." sneered Malfoy, regaining some confidence.
"Trying out to be a Bludger, Malfoy?" asked George, prancing down the staircase behind Malfoy and his goons.
"Or will you be Flint's new broom?" asked Fred, right beside George.
"Watch yourselves, Weasleys." spat Malfoy, spinning around to face the twins. "If someone accidentally cursed you both, your dear old daddy wouldn't be able to afford the loss – let alone the funeral."
Before Malfoy or his goons could flinch, Harry was directly behind them.
"Never turn your back on me, Malfoy." hissed Harry in Malfoy's ear, gripping him in the back of the neck and causing him to wince. Malfoy's goons did not dare interfere. "Red keeps going on and on in my common room about how dangerous Quidditch is – played up on flying brooms high in the air. Yet here you are, going to try out for your team just like him. He says accidents happen all the time. So tell me, which part of your anatomy do you want me to keep as a trophy when your first and only game ends?"
Footsteps warned Harry's sensitive ears of someone approaching and he released Malfoy; taking a step back from him. Sharpening your senses to your surroundings was something that Mr J had taught him. Unfortunately nobody had ever taught Malfoy, who spun on his heel and drew his wand on Harry just as Professor McGonagall turned the corner.
"Mr Malfoy!" growled Professor McGonagall. "Please explain what you are doing!"
Malfoy gaped at the Professor, but said nothing.
"Put your wand away at once!" demanded Professor McGonagall. "Next time I see you with your wand out and pointed at a student Mr Malfoy, I will see that you receive Detention for threatening a fellow student. Am I clear?"
"But… but..." is all Malfoy could manage while stowing his wand.
"Now, it is about time for supper." continued Professor McGonagall. "I'd advise all of you to either go to your common rooms or head to the Great Hall."
"Right away, Professor." said Harry.
He, Neville, Hermione, and the twins made their way into the Great Hall together. As Harry took a seat at the Gryffindor table, he looked back to see that Malfoy and his two goons must have went to their common room. About that time Luna and Lian entered the Great Hall, Luna waving merrily at Harry. Harry smiled, returning her wave.
"Now you'll have to try out for the team, Harry." said Neville, getting Harry's attention.
"Yeah mate." said Fred.
"You practically challenged ickle Malfoy." said George.
"You misunderstood." retorted Harry. "I merely inferred that accidents happen all the time and that something bad might happen to him – that's all."
"For the record." said Fred.
"We'll stick with you challenged him." said George.
"If anybody asks." said Fred, both twins smiling.
Hermione rubbed her temples as they waited for the food to appear. Harry was definitely going to have to find a way to loosen her up. The look in Neville's eyes told him that his trophy room speech had at least gotten through to one of them.
"If anybody asks what?" asked Ron Weasley, walking up the aisle between the tables; followed by Seamus and Dean.
"We'll deny we're related." said Fred.
"If anyone asks during tryouts tomorrow." said George.
Ron rolled his eyes as he sat down a few spaces from Harry. Dean and Seamus chuckled under their breath.
"Hey Harry, you going to tryout for Quidditch tomorrow?" asked Dean, earning a glare from Ron.
"Quinn doesn't know the first thing about Quidditch." snorted Ron. "He'd fall off his broom and mess up his scar."
"Hey Ron," said Neville a little too forcefully "w-when are you going to start c-calling Harry by his first name. He's in your bloody year and house, for Merlin's sake."
Every Gryffindor present went silent at hearing Neville address – well… anyone. Harry noted that he did stutter a bit, but the overall reaction was priceless. It took Ron a few moments before he could recover and respond.
"I'll starting calling him Harry when he stops calling me Red." said Ron, barely audible and staring at Neville in shock.
"It's alright Nev." said Harry. "He can keep calling me Quinn. I like calling him Red too much."
Ron's ears turned red as he turned his stare to Harry. The twins snickered at their brother's reaction, making his ears turn an even darker shade. Before Ron could retort, the food appeared; distracting him from the topic.
"What about it Harry?" chimed Seamus. "You going to tryout tomorrow?"
"Tell me, why should I?" retorted Harry. "I understand that it's the sport of wizards and witches, but what would I gain from it besides broken bones?"
"Some think it's fun." said Fred.
"While others do it for the glory." said George.
"Why do you two do it?" asked Harry, dipping some shepherds pie onto his plate.
"It's a bloody rush!" exclaimed the twins in unison.
"Sounds like fun." sniffed Harry. "Too bad I don't know the first thing about riding a broom. Too bad."
"We can teach you!" said the twins in unison.
"Tryouts are tomorrow." said Hermione, stating the obvious. "There's no way Harry can learn enough to compete in a game like Quidditch before then."
Harry glanced at Hermione. Suddenly, this sounded like a challenge – and he loved challenges.
"Got some time this evening?" asked Harry, smiling at the twins.
Ron nearly choked on his food as the twins replied in unison, "Absolutely!"
"Are you mad?" exclaimed Hermione.
"I believe the jury's still out… literally." retorted Harry, smirking at her. "Do I have other plans?"
"But… why?" asked Hermione, ignoring his question.
"When in Rome… kill a few bulls… Or is that Spain?" retorted Harry, smirking devilishly.
~Ace~
Later that evening the twins had convinced Madam Hooch to allow them to use the Quidditch pitch and a school broom to teach Harry the basics. Madam Hooch stuck around to help Harry and to make sure that nobody was injured. After getting a quick once over on the basics from an insistent Madam Hooch, she allowed the twins to take Harry up.
They started off slow, taking Harry twenty or so feet into the air. It was an incredible rush to be that high on just a slim piece of wood. They circled the pitch slowly as the twins gave him instructions. Soon they were taking him up higher and higher until they were level with the top of the goal posts.
Harry looked down to see Madam Hooch looking on and nodding encouragingly. He also noticed that Neville and Hermione had joined them in the stands.
"Ready to try some speed, Harry?" asked Fred.
"Sure!" replied Harry.
"Head down to the opposing goal posts, turn and come back." said George.
"Go as fast as you feel comfortable." said Fred.
Harry smirked then took off for the opposing goals, leaning low against his broom. The wind started humming in his ears the faster he went. He reached the goals a bit too fast and had to squeeze through one of the hoops before turning and heading back.
"Excellent flying, Harry!" exclaimed Fred.
"You're a natural!" exclaimed George.
The feeling reminded Harry of the first time he had pulled a job for Mr J. Harley had called him a natural then too. He wished Harley could see him now. He couldn't wait till he was able to serve up all that this school had to offer on a silver platter to Mr J. Of course, he knew that a few eggs would have to be broken before his omelet was ready.
"Bye-the-way, thanks for the holster and the new toys." said Harry, having his first true moment alone with the twins. He pushed up his left sleeve just enough to show that he was wearing it. "Incredible idea!"
"Nothing to it." said Fred, smiling broadly.
"Wizards use them for wands all the time." said George smirking.
"So why not for your Muggle fancy." said Fred.
"Where'd you pickup the artistic blades?" asked Harry excitedly. "I've never seen anything like them. They're sweet!"
"That's our secret!" exclaimed the twins in unison.
"You never asked why." said Harry, his curiosity getting the best of him. "How come?"
"None of our business why Dumbledore doesn't want you to have them." said Fred, shrugging his shoulders.
"All we know is that it's not right for him to discriminate." said George.
"Besides, we don't care." said Fred.
"As long as you don't use them." said George.
"On us!" said the twins in unison.
The sing song manner in which the twins answered could have been quite dizzying if Harry wasn't already use to it.
"No chance." smirked Harry. "Losing one of you two would be a damn waste!"
The three of them chuckled as they got back to it.
"Wait… who else carries my kind of knives around here?" asked Harry, catching on to what George had said.
"Some bloke in Ravenclaw named Joseph Wilson." said Fred.
"A sixth year, I believe." said George.
Harry made a mental note to find out more about this Ravenclaw.
They practiced another thirty minutes before landing beside a very impressed looking Madam Hooch. She wished Harry luck on tomorrow's tryouts before taking the school broom away from him and heading back to the castle. Neville and Hermione joined them as they exited the pitch. Neville was really excited while Hermione remained quiet. Harry could tell she was worried.
As they were headed back to the castle, a figure stepped into their path.
"Nice flying out there." said Hagrid, carrying his flowery umbrella.
The massive man was accompanied by a huge dog that was drooling worse than Harvey Two-Face.
"Thanks." said Harry politely. "I'm going to try out for the team tomorrow."
Neville glanced at Harry several times. 'He was going to have to break Nev of that' mused Harry to himself.
"Good luck then tomorrow, Harry." said Hagrid smiling. "Gryffindor was me house as well. Wanted to play, but was always too big for a broom."
"Too bad the sport wasn't football. You would have been a star." said Harry smirking at the thought of Hagrid stomping players into the dirt. When Neville looked at him confused, Harry added, "It's a Muggle sport kinda like Quidditch, only played on the ground."
"Foot-ball. Interesting." mused Neville aloud.
"Hagrid, is this your dog?" asked Harry, reverting his attention back to the big man.
"Oh yeah – this is me boar hound, Fang." replied Hagrid, focusing back onto Harry.
"Nice to meet ya, Fang." said Harry, extending his hand to the dog to smell, which nearly licked his arm off; tail wagging madly.
"Well, we'd best be getting back." said Fred.
"To the castle." said George.
"Good seeing you, Hagrid." said the twins in unison.
Hagrid smiled broadly, waving as they headed up to the castle. Harry thought the over-sized man was a good hearted individual, but he felt like there was something of a dark side to him. He just couldn't put his finger on it yet.
~Ace~
The next day, Harry walked with Neville and an apprehensive Hermione as they headed up to Defense Against The Dark Arts from the Great Hall. He was extremely interested in getting to this class as Hermione could barely speak of this Professor Lockhart without breathing heavy. She was nervously stuffing a book entitled, 'Voyages With Vampires' back into her satchel that was supposedly written by this Professor as they walked. He had read over the book and found his writing to be bloated. Neville informed him that Professor Lockhart was a fancy for most of the witches in the castle.
When Harry entered the classroom he nearly jumped for joy. 'The man was as arrogant as he looked in the picture on the back of his books!' thought Harry excitedly. Professor Lockhart was standing in the middle of the classroom, offering to sign student books while a life-size painted portrait of himself smiled and waved from across the room. Harry watched Hermione with mischief in his eyes as he waited for her to jump into the book line. She spotted his stares and instead made her way to a nearby empty table. He and Neville quickly joining her; Hermione refusing to look at him.
"Well hello there!" greeted Professor Lockhart flamboyantly, once he was finished signing books. "Welcome to Defense Against The Dark Arts – taught by me, Professor Gilderoy Lockhart."
Harry bit his lip as the self proclaimed celebrity waited for applause – which most of the witches in the room provided.
"I Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League, and five-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile Award will be teaching you the ways of dueling and self defense." said Professor Lockhart commandingly. "But don't let this winning smile fool you. I didn't get rid of the Bandon Banshee by smiling at her!"
It seemed to Harry as though the poor fellow was waiting for someone to laugh. Not one to let the moment pass him by, Harry broke out into a sadistic laugh. The Ravenclaws were sharing class with Gryffindor today and by the looks on their faces, it was clear that they were as shocked by Harry's outburst as Professor Lockhart.
"Well now," said Professor Lockhart, attempting to recover once Harry had finished. "I hope that you've all brought a complete set of my books — as they will be the curriculum for this year."
"Excellent!" continued Professor Lockhart as everyone nodded. "I thought today that we'd start out with a little quiz. Nothing to worry about — just to check how well you've read up and how much you've taken in."
Professor Lockhart handed out the test papers to every student before returning to the front of the class.
"You have thirty minutes to complete the test…" said Professor Lockhart "starting… NOW!"
Harry looked down at his paper and nearly burst out laughing again. Every single question was about Lockhart himself! Fifty-four questions, ranging from his favorite color to his ideal prefect birthday gift! Harry had to bite his fist to stop a giggling fit. The poor Ravenclaws glanced at Harry nervously; still not use to his antics. Neville simply stared at the questions in disbelief while Hermione briskly worked away at the questions. Harry knew none of these answers, so he answered them the best that he could.
When thirty minutes finally expired, Professor Lockhart gathered up the tests and began skimming over them.
"Tut – tut." said Professor Lockhart, frowning. "Hardly any of you knew my favorite color or my true life's ambition."
Professor Lockhart finished skimming over the tests before calling out, "Who is Harry Quinn?"
Harry raised his hand, earning a glare from Hermione.
"Some sort of joker, are we?" asked Professor Lockhart.
"Not yet, but with some work…" sighed Harry optimistically.
"Just so you know, that would not be my ideal birthday gift." said Professor Lockhart sternly.
"Really?" asked Harry. "I figured a three way with Fate and Destiny was right up your alley!"
The room broke out into laughter. It took a few minutes for Professor Lockhart to regain control.
"Settle down, settle down all of you!" shouted Professor Lockhart. "Five points from Gryffindor, Mr… hang on…" continued Professor Lockhart, now focusing on Harry's forehead "I've changed my mind. It's the first class for us and I'd hate to start off with a negative. Besides, another student deserves my praise! Who is Ms Hermione Granger?"
Hermione's arm shook as she raised her hand.
"Excellent work, Ms Granger!" turning his attention away from Harry. "Perfect marks! Ten points to Gryffindor for doing so well!"
Hermione turned three shades of red. Professor Lockhart's eyes flickered back to Harry before moving on.
"Now, today I have something exciting for you!" exclaimed Professor Lockhart dramatically. "Under this cover on my desk I have some of the most fearsome creatures you'll ever want to meet!"
The class held their breath as they waited. Harry sniffed dryly as he doubted that a Solomon Grundy or a Gorilla Grodd was under there.
"I ask that none of you scream as it may provoke them." continued Professor Lockhart dramatically, grasping the cover then jerking it away. "I give you… Freshly caught Cornish pixies!"
Harry wasn't for certain if he should laugh or not until Ron, Seamus and Dean fell out of their seats laughing. Professor Lockhart looked extremely upset by their reaction.
"Laugh now boys," said Professor Lockhart "but it might not be so funny if you had to round them up! They're devilishly clever and as fast as lightning. Let's see what you make of them!"
Professor Lockhart opened the cage and the little blue creatures went crazy; flying every which way. The room went into panic.
"Come now!" taunted Professor Lockhart. "They're just pixies! Do something with them!"
"Can we kill them?" shouted Harry, gripping his left wrist.
"W-WHAT?" retorted Professor Lockhart, looking shocked.
"CAN – WE – KILL – THEM?" repeated Harry as loud as he could through the chaos.
"NO!" shouted Professor Lockhart. "YOU CAN ONLY CAPTURE THEM!"
"OH WELL!" shouted Harry, as he grabbed his satchel and turned to leave the classroom. "BYE!"
Ten to fifteen minutes later, Hermione and Neville caught up with him on his way to Charms class.
"I cannot believe that you walked out on class and left us in there!" hissed Hermione.
"I can't believe you stayed." retorted Harry calmly. "How'd the hunting go?"
"It was a nightmare!" exclaimed Neville. "After a minute or two, Professor Lockhart attempted some mad spell that did nothing then bolted out of the classroom!"
"Did you get them rounded up, Hermione?" asked Harry as though it was the obvious answer.
"Yes we did – no thanks to you!" huffed Hermione. "And Neville, I've already told you – Professor Lockhart was just giving us a chance to get hands-on experience."
"I wonder how many wizards he killed to get those stories for his books?" mused Harry aloud.
"How can you insinuate such a thing?" asked Hermione in shock.
"I'd rather believe that he stole those stories rather than made them up." retorted Harry. "Besides, I don't think he has the brains to invent them."
"I know that the rules don't apply with you Harry, but you shouldn't go around saying things like that." scolded Hermione.
"He's probably right, Hermione." said Neville, straightening his robes.
"Show me proof, then I'll believe it!" huffed Hermione, folding her arms.
"You just had it, Hermione," said Harry "and you scored perfect marks too."
"How does that test prove anything?" retorted Hermione.
"It was all about him." said Harry. "He only talked about things that pertained to him. If he had done any of that stuff, it would have been on the test. He would have been dying to talk about his accomplishments!"
Hermione went silent and Harry could see that he was bursting the exalted bubble she had for this Professor Lockhart. He hated to upset her, but she needed to understand that Lockhart was not one to look to for knowledge or advice.
"Hello Harry Quinn, Neville Longbottom and Hermione Granger." said Luna, startling the three.
Luna was exiting Charms class with Lian and Ginny, just as they were about to enter.
"Luna, you don't have to use our last names all the time." said Hermione, sounding slightly amused.
"Okay, Hermione." said Luna dreamily and smiling. "Harry, we heard that you were going to try out for Quidditch. May we come cheer you on?"
"I'd be honored." replied Harry, bowing slightly and smiling devilishly. "Cheer! Roar! Make a scene!"
The three girls giggled at his antics, waving as they headed off to their next class.
"Before you say anything," said Harry, spotting Hermione's face "I like to have fun and so should you. Laughter is food for the soul."
"Yeah, but too much food is bad for you." retorted Hermione as they walked into the classroom together.
~Ace~
When supper finally rolled around, Harry finished off his plate of food quickly then made his way down to the Quidditch pitch with Hermione and Neville in tow. It was time for the Gryffindor House Quidditch tryouts.
"Time to play!" mused Harry darkly to himself as he put on his tryout gear in the Gryffindor locker room.
Harry finished strapping up his boots then made his way out of the locker room and onto the pitch to join Seamus, Ron, Dean, and two older Gryffindors that Harry did not know; a husky boy and a beautiful dark complected girl. Most of the Gryffindors were in the stands watching along with Hermione, Neville and the twins. Luna and Lian along with several other Ravenclaws, Hufflepuffs and Slytherins were in attendance as well.
"Alright you lot," said Oliver Wood, pacing in front of them "there are only two vacated positions on the team, but if you fly well enough you can still make the sub-list in the event of an accident or injury. Now, Chasers Leon Pitts and Marc Spein graduated last year. Katie Bell is moving from Seeker to Chaser, thus leaving a Chaser position and the Seeker spot vacated."
"I won't be a reserve this year." hissed the older girl.
Harry glanced over at the others and was delighted to see that only the older girl looked confident. Wood went over the rules of the game and what each ball was. He released the snitch and the tiny winged ball took off like a bullet.
"Now," continued Wood "first we'll start off with Chaser trials. Everyone mount their brooms and lift off on my signal. Everybody ready? Excellent! On three! One… Two… Three!"
Harry shoved off, rising high into the air; following Wood. Once they were high enough, Wood began with basic quaffle passing exercises. Harry did well, despite what Wood referred to as his 'unconventional play'. He played rough, physically challenging the others for every pass. He also challenged his competition with his mental mind games. His high pitched singing seemed to distract Ron and Seamus while the older boy, Cormac McLaggen, missed catching the quaffle twice when Harry yelled out, "LOOK OUT! HE'S ON YOUR BROOM AGAIN!"
The dodging and defending exercises saw McLaggen called on three times for fouls. Each time, the large boy argued with Wood – calling him jealous of his abilities after the third call. By the time they reached the scoring exercises, it was clear to see that Dean and the older girl named Alicia Spinnet were the best Chasers out there. Neither had been distracted once by Harry's antics.
"Now our last exercise is for the Seeker's position." said Wood, gathering the competitors around him; hovering twenty feet above the pitch. "This exercise is very simple. If you catch the snitch, you win."
Ron, Seamus and Spinnet joined Harry for the Seeker tryouts while Dean and McLaggen decided to wait with Wood. Harry watched as the other three began circling the pitch. He started to follow them before remembering what Mr J had taught him; you'll never get ahead by doing what others do. He pulled on his broom and soared high into the air so that he could see the entire pitch at once. The sun was peaking in around a cloud now, casting light and shadows onto the stands and goal posts. Something glittered in the sunlight near the base of a goal post. It was the snitch and he could tell that he was the only one to spot it. If he simply dove for it, the others would beat him to it. That's when he decided to do something 'Ace' would do.
Harry angled himself to where Ron, Seamus and Spinnet were directly between himself and his objective. Then with a jolt, he dived towards the three broom riders screaming and laughing, "I HAVE YOU NOW MY PRETTY!"
"GO HARRY GO!" screamed Luna from somewhere in the stands as Harry pelted towards his fellow competitors.
Spinnet spiraled straight up, Ron screamed and Seamus sped away towards the opposite end of the pitch. The wind from Harry blistered Ron as he blew past him, diving for his intended target. He caught the snitch merely five feet from the ground as he fell from his broom at the same time. Wood and the others landed next to him as he slowly got to his feet.
"HAVE YOU LOST YOUR BLOODY MIND!" shouted Ron.
Harry opened his hand and held up the snitch.
"Bravo Quinn!" roared Wood with delight. "Incredible catch!"
"He's mad!" exclaimed Ron, his ears turning red again. "He could have bloody well done me in!"
"Clever is the word I would use, Weasley." retorted Wood. "Besides, you look like you'll live."
"Brilliant is what I'd call it." said Spinnet, looking at Harry in awe.
"Okay," said Wood, turning to face the other potential Gryffindor players "our new Chaser is Alicia Spinnet!"
Harry clapped along with everyone else, except for McLaggen who merely grunted. The Gryffindor crowd in the stands above them began to clap and make noise when they realized that Alicia had been chosen. Harry heard a girl in the stands shout, "GO ALICIA!"
"As for our new Seeker – there's no doubt. Harry Quinn!" exclaimed Wood, looking as though he'd already won every upcoming match.
The crowd in the stands cheered and Harry's fellow competitors clapped except for Ron who looked as though he could get sick. Harry stared at Ron, smiling innocently. He knew 'Red' had issues with him and normally he wouldn't care, but he could become an issue to his plans. There was only two options: neutralize the issue or find a place to 'store things'.
As Harry made his way off the pitch, Hermione, Neville, Luna, Lian, the twins and many other students that Harry hadn't met yet came streaming down to congratulate the new Gryffindor players.
"Excellent move out there, Harry!" shouted Neville, patting Harry on the shoulder.
"Amazing dive!" shouted the twins in unison.
"What can I say... I had some great teachers." smirked Harry as they exited the pitch; heading up to the castle.
"Hey Luna, how'd you know that Harry had seen the snitch?" asked Neville.
"I didn't." replied Luna dreamily. "I thought he was going after the others."
Several people laughed, but Harry just grinned devilishly at Luna before giving her a wink. 'She truly is a kindred spirit', mused Harry as Luna smiled brightly.
"My thoughts... not yours!" exclaimed Harry, looking up at the sky.
"Who are you talking to, Harry?" asked Hermione, furrowing her brow.
"Shhhh! They're listening." replied Harry, pointing up.
Everyone around Harry stared at him for a moment before shaking their heads and laughing at what was becoming known as 'Harry being Harry'.
"Mistah J?" asked Harley tentatively.
'Mistah J' was sitting in the lush arm chair in the study of Malfoy Manor. He was clutching a letter in one hand while occasionally flicking the cage of the owl that had brought it. The owl hooted at him indignantly.
"Ah Harley," sniffed Mistah J "our little Ace is growing up. He's written his first prison letter!"
"Prison letter?" repeated Harley, sounding startled.
"Observe." said Mistah J, tossing the letter to Harley. "He knew that someone would be reading his letter from his oppressive dwelling, better known as Hogwarts."
"Do you think they know we're here?" asked Harley.
"The owl did, and now so will they." replied Mistah J dramatically. "Unfortunately, we'll have to leave this cushy abode in search of newer surroundings."
"I know a place you can go." said Narcissa Malfoy, speaking up from the corner.
"Careful, pet." said Ivy, stepping out of the shadows. "I didn't give you permission to speak."
Narcissa jerked involuntarily at the word, 'pet'.
"Now now, Ivy." said Mistah J, leaning forward. "Let's hear what she has to say."
"T-There's a p-place up north in Scotland." said Narcissa nervously. "It's a magical safe house. Not even my husband knows of it. We'll be safe there."
"We'll be safe?" repeated Mistah J, tilting his head to one side.
"Take me with you and I'll take you there." said Narcissa imploringly. "If things go a wry, I can help."
"And leave your life behind?" mused Mistah J softly. "Who will nurse your hubby back to health? I know shattered knees mend quickly in your world, but it's the mental scars that hurt the most."
"I know you were going to kill him." retorted Narcissa. "Leave him alive and take me. He'll do nothing against you as long as you have me."
Mistah J started laughing hysterically for several minutes before growling, "I love it!"
"Forgive an ill informed girl, Harley dear," said Ivy, striding across the room and ignoring Mistah J's antics "but what did Harry's letter say?"
"In essence," hummed Mistah J, causing Ivy to roll her eyes "it says that he was taken against his will, but has found something of value. He wants more time to investigate and he's already building up a gang. Knowing our dear Harry, he'll turn the place upside down before he's done – in more ways than one."
Mistah J sprung from the cushy arm chair then strode across the study to where Narcissa sat nervously on a small sofa. He flopped down beside her and slung an arm around her shoulders.
"Now tell me, what things might Harry find to do at this – Hogwarts?" whispered Mistah J viciously into her ear. "Be a good little witch and I'll leave daddy Warbucks alive when we leave."
"That it?" scoffed Ivy. "We're just going to leave Harry there?"
"No no no, my poisonous counterpart." replied Mistah J, tilting his head to one side. "We're not leaving the land of tea and crumpets without my Ace. However, like any good hand one has to be... patient. Besides, that bumbling British Rip saw us enter these majestic shores. I'm sure by now the Bat is flapping his way here."
"I thought the Bat was finished." said Ivy, placing a hand on her hip in defiance.
"Ivy my dear, the Bat's not gone until I'm having bat wings for breakfast." sighed Mistah J, laughing sadistically at his own mirth.
A/N: Hope you enjoyed the new chapter! Chapters remain unbeta'd but I'm hoping that changes soon (fingers crossed)! For now, any mistakes are on me. Please review and let me know what you think. I really enjoy reading reviews and getting PMs. This chapter is a diving board. Things are going to start really moving in the next chapter.
To answer a common question: for those of you wondering which Joker this is... channel the Hamill! As always, thanks for reading!