Chapter Twenty
~Christian~
Seven weeks later
I pinch the bridge of my nose.
I have no desire to know anything about Elena. However, if Elliot's calling me from another continent, something must have happened.
"Explain."
"Well, you know Mom shut the bitch out after she found how she'd been treating Ana, right?" he asks, and he doesn't sound happy.
"Yes, get to the point," I reply.
"So, I stopped by the house tonight, and Morticia's bony ass was sitting on the couch drinking wine with Mom."
I let his words sink in. Elliot's quiet because he knows I'm either digesting the information rationally or getting reading to blow up.
"How did Elena worm her way back into Mom's good graces?" I hiss through the teeth I'm grinding.
"I don't know. Dad had taken refuge in his study, and once I saw her, I joined him. He was irritated that Elena was there, but I knew better than to delve. When I pulled into the driveway and saw her car, I prayed that I was hallucinating."
"Mother fucker. I thought hearing how Elena treated Ana was enough for Mom to tell her to go to hell. I don't understand."
Elliot laughs humorlessly. "When was the last time that the whore called you? I don't see her reemerging in Mom's life, and then starting to call you incessantly, as a coincidence, dude," he says.
I get out of the pool and head down to the beach. I want to put as much distance between Ana and this phone call as I can. The last thing that I want her to hear is this conversation.
"Neither do I. Did Elena say anything to you?"
"Fuck no. I hugged Mom, asked where Dad was, and the bitch threw me a smug look when Mom got up to greet me."
"Of course. Mom couldn't see it. Fuck."
"You don't like this, and I don't like this, Christian-"
I interrupt him. "You don't have to remind me."
Elliot doesn't immediately reply.
"Listen. You aren't going to like what I'm going to tell you, but you're going to listen."
I walk further down the beach. The sand is piping hot under my bare feet. The scene around me is out of this world beautiful and serene. The water as flawless as any diamond could be. But whatever my older brother is about to tell me is going to shit all over this beach.
"I'm all ears," I say.
Elliot doesn't hesitate. "I'm not going to eat another meal with that pedophile. Especially now. I've spent years dying to punch her in the face, but, now, Christian, you've got to tell them," he replies.
He stops, I suppose to let his word marinate. I pull at my hair and imagine I'm choking Elena Lincoln to death.
Now I'm convinced she's up to something, but for the life of me, I can't figure out what.
"That's easy for you to fucking say, El!" I bark.
"The fuck it is. Yeah, your shit is heavy, but I've got to tell them that I knew! Dad's going to knock me on my ass," he starts. "I've told you Mom and Dad aren't going to fucking banish you from the god damn family, numb nuts. It wasn't your fault. It's all on that bitch, and Mom and Dad will see that." He inhales deeply. "They love you, and they aren't going to suddenly hate your guts."
My stomach churns and I sit on the sand. Why do I feel like Elliot is pushing me into telling my parents about my fucked past with Elena?
"You've always told me you wouldn't push this, Elliot. Why the fuck does it sound like you are now?"
"I'm not, Christian. I gave you my word back then, and I'm not taking it back. But, bro, Christian. I'm not saying this to be judgmental, so shut your damn mouth before I finish… what you told me when Ana was in the hospital . . . Fuck. Christian, aren't you worried she'll hurt Ana?"
He shuts up. I'm quiet and barely holding onto my tempter.
"This is much more than her fucking you when you were a kid, man," he continues.
Incensed, I say, "What in the hell are you implying, Elliot? Do you fucking believe for one second that I'd allow that cunt to hurt Anastasia?" I snarl.
Before I can blink, he quietly retorts, "You already did."
My heart stops and stomach drops at the same time. Silence crackles through the phone and between the distance of two continents. I want to beat the fuck out of Elliot and shake his hand for speaking the truth at the same time. Neither of us says anything for a long moment.
"I shouldn't have said that, bro—" he says.
I interrupt him. "Yes, you should have. Elena didn't ever lay a hand on Ana, but she did put the idea in my fucking head. My sick ass followed the road she was leading me down that day—"
Now Elliot interrupts me. "Shove that self-loathing up Flynn's ass, Christian! That shit doesn't work on me. Jesus, how long are you going to sing that song?" he says. He sounds furious. "That cunt's fucked, not you. What that sagging bitch did to you was not what BDSM is about," he yells down the line. "Not only did that bitch abuse you, she fucking brainwashed you, too."
Flynn, Ana, and Elliot.
Son of a bitch. I'm digging my fingers into my eyes. When I open them, I see stars.
"Don't go there, Lel. I'm not playing around. I do not want to hear another word about brainwashing or being a victim. You didn't call me a victim when you found out I was fucking her, did you?" I ask him, trying my best not to shout. I look around and see Taylor standing outside of the villa staring at me.
He scoffs, but I know Elliot, and I can tell he's getting ready to explode.
"I was mother fucking eighteen years old and didn't know she was beating the fuck out of you, and shoving shit up your ass!" he yells. "God damn, what's wrong with you? Are you fucking defending her?" Elliot's breathing heavily, and I'm barely holding onto my rage.
"No," I reply. "I'm not a fool, Elliot."
"You sure as shit sound like one. A big mother fucking fool."
I want to kill someone. I want to call John. I want Ana.
No, Ana doesn't know.
"I'll ignore that, brother," I hiss.
Elliot begins to laugh. A loud, bitter laugh. "Like I give a fuck. You know what? I don't care if you deny that she abused you and stole twelve years of your life. What I do care about is the fact that woman is our mother's so-called friend. I do care that your denial will once again bring that woman inside of our parents' home, and sit down with me at family dinners—"
"Like it really bothered you before?" I interrupt him again. "Where has all of this outrage been hiding?" I ask sarcastically.
"Fuck you, Christian. It did bother me, and you fucking know it. You know I hate her; I always told you that you were a dumb ass for helping her with those stupid salons. Why? Do you want to know why?" He's almost screaming at me. "Because she was making our mother look like a fool. Because you, my baby bro, were allowing our mother to look like a fool."
Elliot's voice is menacing. I've heard this voice many times – all right before he beat the hell out of someone.
I say nothing as tears fill my eyes. I know he's right. I've always known what he's saying is true. I've let the woman who saved my life down since the minute my parents brought me home.
"What do you want me to do, Elliot? Break our mother's heart? Is that it?" My voice breaks.
"Man, you're full of shit . . ." His words trail off. I can hear him muttering to himself, but can't make out what he's saying. "I'd love for you to tell our parents the truth, but I know you won't. You probably never will. I'll never go back on my word and break your confidence, even if I'm asked directly, so don't worry. But I do have some things to say, and you're going to fucking listen."
I don't respond, so he continues. Each word like a knife plunging into my heart.
"I will do everything that I can to prevent that evil woman from coming anywhere near Kate. If she so much as breathes on her, there will be consequences, and I'll willingly take the hit if Mom crawls all over me for not being a fucking gentleman again, just to save your ass."
"Elliot," I warn him.
He doesn't stop.
"I will do everything in my power to keep Elena Lincoln away from our baby sister. If she looks at Mia the wrong way, there will also be consequences. If I end up in jail over my actions, I'll still save your ass," he continues. "Thank God that Mia already hates the bitch. I don't suppose it ever bothered you that a woman who treated you the way she did as a fucking kid, was near our baby sister, did it?"
The knife twists and I nearly choke.
Jesus.
Elena around Mia.
Talking to her.
Sitting beside her at fucking parties and family dinners.
My, God.
"El—" I begin, but he pays me no heed and continues talking in that low voice. I'm well aware that my brother would be kicking my ass if we were in the same room.
"Did you ever think about that, Christian, or did you just not care?" He stops, and takes a deep breath. "I want you to listen very carefully to me now. Hell will open if I see that woman approach Ana. I saw Ana's' reaction at those two birthday parties back then, and now I know why. Whether you believe it or not, whether you're no longer in business with Elena Lincoln, or in contact with her, she's gunning for your woman, bro. Now that I know what happened – what you did – due to her influence, I can clearly see she's out to get rid of Ana," he goes on."
"I don't mean fucking killing her, but I do know she was doing everything to rid Ana from your life and is probably still hoping she can. She's a leech, bro, and she's managed to get back in with our mom. Elena hasn't done that because she missed their so-called friendship. Remember how many times she's called you in the last few months. Think about the time she talked to Ana. The woman is dangerous; she isn't Leila Williams dangerous, but she's a danger to your relationship, and to Ana. I love that girl, and I won't sit back and let Elena fucking Lincoln hurt her."
Elliot stops for several minutes and I say nothing.
In fact, I'm not sure if he's disconnected the call before he starts talking again.
"I've kept my teeth on my tongue for a decade when I only thought you fucked her, and believed you made our parents look like idiots then. But this BDSM and submissive shit has changed the game plan."
Nine weeks ago. Harborview Medical Center
"I get it, Christian. You were a Dom and the women were submissives, and there was a contract because you've got a stick up your ass, and blah, blah, blah..."
"Shut the fuck up, Lel. Seriously, just shut the fuck up."
"These were the only kind of relationships you were in? Strictly Dom and sub?"
"Why do I think you know more about BDSM than you're letting on, big bro?
"Dude, I wasn't born last night. Answer me or I'm taking you down to the parking garage and kicking your pretty boy ass. Spill."
"Yes, I've never been in any other kind of relationship. Only ones that were strictly BDSM."
"Because you couldn't let anyone touch you? Same as the reason you were fucking Elena. You said she knew where you could be touched."
"Yeah."
"Whoa. Hang on. How'd you get into BDSM?"
"Elliot. Just drop it."
"Morticia was into BDSM and got you into it, didn't she? That's the fucking kind of relationship my baby bro was having as a kid. Holy hell. Please tell me I'm wrong. Tell me she wasn't hurting you."
"Elliot."
'You've two seconds before I knock you on your ass. Talk."
"Fine. Yes, it was Elena. Now keep your mouth shut."
"I've kept my mouth shut since I was eighteen and found out she was fucking my fifteen-year-old brother."
"I know."
"Wait a fucking minute and you better be honest. Is that the kind of relationship you have with Ana? Are you hitting her?"
"WHAT? Fuck no, I'd chop my hands off before hurting Anastasia. Why are you looking at me like that?"
"But it started out that way, didn't it? The BDSM and Ana?"
"Elliot."
"If you say my name one more time instead of answering my questions, I'm putting you through a wall."
"Yes, but it was just for several weeks. She hated it and it wasn't for her. She left me."
"Mother fucker. It all makes sense now. Why you never took her anywhere. Why all I saw her do was cry. She was crying over you."
"God, why did you have to tell me that?"
"Why'd Ana leave you?"
"That's none of your business."
"I just made it my business. A girl that I think of as my sister is in a hospital bed because one of your previous subs put her there. Now, back to my question. BDSM involves pain. Did you hurt Ana?"
"I don't want-'
"You seem to be misunderstanding me. I don't give a fuck what you want. Tell me everything or I'm going to kick your ass. Did. You. Hurt. Ana?
"That cunt is bad news for our family. And now our family consists of Kate and Ana. When you get back to Seattle and she starts trying to blast her way back into your life, which she will, by the way - enjoy dealing with her. Then consider what's going to happen when Ana either remembers, or is told, about Elena's little suggestion that you hit her with a belt. And if you are as smart as you think you are, you'd know that when Elena finds out Ana doesn't remember that, she's going to drool all over herself while she fucking fills her in," he tells me.
Tears are in my eyes and I'm close to throwing my phone into the Indian Ocean. Elliot just won't shut up. He won't drop the mirror that he's holding up in front of me.
He doesn't understand.
No one understands.
"Bro, you're begging for trouble. You're on your knees asking for it the longer you keep this shit from Ana. I'll never tell anyone, even Kate, who's the woman I'll marry one day," he tells me. "Christian, the truth always comes out in the wash. I pray that Ana eventually gets her memory back, but you said she never knew the truth about you fucking hit her. So, if she gets her memory back and you aren't honest with her, you're fucked," he goes on. "If Ana never remembers jack shit and she finds out about Elena, and the belting she manipulated you into laying on Ana, you're still fucked. Your secrets and straight up lying to the pregnant woman you want to marry are going to blow up in your face, and could fuck up everything between you and Ana. Also, your secrets and lying to our parents could come out, and not in a way you'd want them to. Imagine that nightmare scenario. It wouldn't fuck up their love for you, but you'd hate yourself more than you already do if they find out on their own."
Elliot takes a shuddering breath and stops talking. He didn't allow me to break into his monologue.
"Elliot, please. Listen, I know all of that, and I'm not going to let Elena Lincoln hurt Ana or my family," I murmur.
"Christian, I fucking love the shit out of you, but I hate to inform you that you're one blind mother fucker. You already have allowed Elena Lincoln to hurt Ana and our family, and man, you've let her hurt you, for what? Twelve or thirteen years? You haven't spoken to or seen that woman in months and you're still her puppet."
"I've never been anyone's god damn puppet!" I yell.
"God damn fucker. I'm not going to give a power point on the details of how you, the great CEO, has done everything that your pimp has told you to. You pay John Flynn for that, and I've got to say that he hasn't done a very good job of it," he replies. "In fact, he's done nothing to help you in all of the years you've been shoveling money into his bank account," my brother says.
"Maybe you should mind your own damn business, Elliot."
"It wouldn't be my business if you hadn't told me about all of this shit. Remember that? Guilt drove you to tell me the truth about who that batshit Leila Williams really was to you, what all of those women were to you, and why your entire adult life has been a fucking secret, along with hitting Ana!" he yells. "Don't you agree it's time to finally remove Elena Lincoln from our lives?" he asks.
"I think this narrative is over," I seethe. My voice is weaker than my emotions.
Elliot's scrambled my thoughts and I'm so angry I want to beat the shit out of something. Preferably Elliot.
"Yeah, I agree. Believe every word I said, Christian. Your secrets remain safe with me, although I'm keeping the ones that I love safe. However, if I were you, I'd keep my fingers crossed that nothing happens that causes me to choose between keeping your secrets, or keeping my loved ones safe." Elliot says matter-of-factly and evenly.
"Are you threatening me, Elliot?"
"Absolutely not. I'm just being the voice of reason, seeing how you've placed me square in the middle of a pile of shit, otherwise known as the lies and secrets you live with, I think I'm allowed to have a voice. I know you're used to being the scary CEO who causes commoners to quake in their shoes, but I'm not a commoner, and you, little bro, could never cause me to quake in my shoes." His words are angry. His voice is loud.
"We're brothers and I don't want us at odds. I didn't mean to tell you about my shit and make it your burden. I should have just kept my damn mouth shut," I tell him.
"No, you shouldn't have. You told me because you needed to confide in someone, and you know that you can trust me. None of this is my burden, Christian, it's yours. But it doesn't have to be. Shit, you could just let it go and it wouldn't be anyone's burden."
"Let it go? You mean tell Mom and Dad about how Elena Lincoln introduced me to BDSM when I was fifteen? I could school them in the expert ways to use a cane across a woman's ass, and then spill my guts about how my supposed girlfriends were really submissives that I had sexually deviant arrangements with," I yell at him. "Then I can sit Anastasia down and tell her all about Elena, and then throw in the fact I allowed her to put Ana through hell for months in the name of being Elena's friend. Then, I can tell her that she did, in fact, spur me on to hit Ana with a belt. Is that what you mean? Would that be me letting everything go?"
"Who says you have to tell Mom and Dad about the BDSM or the women?" he challenges me.
I want to scream.
"That's still lying by omission, now, isn't it? I thought you want me to tell the truth!" I exclaim, anger coursing through me.
"You already are lying by omission, you fucking asshole! I do want you to tell the fucking truth! I want you to trust our parents and tell them about Elena fucking Lincoln, because it's wrong that our mother thinks she's her friend, bro! I've told you to tell them for years because the woman sitting across the dining room table from Mia is a pedophile succubus, who probably laughs at Mom knowing she's clueless that she fucked her son for six years. You're scared of their reaction and I understand that—"
"You don't understand shit about me, Elliot." I interrupt him. "Don't even get started. I'm supposed to sit Mom and Dad down and tell them about the day they sent me to work over at Mr. and Mrs. Lincoln's house?"
"You are such a prick, and I do not mean that kindly. Yeah, you should finally sit our parents down and tell them about the sickness in our family, Christian," he throws it right back in my face. "It's fucking festering!"
"Oh, so I'm the family sickness? Is that what you're telling me now?" I scream.
"God damn, how are you a successful businessman? You only hear what you want to and then twist it into some new negative label for Christian Grey," he screams down the line emphatically. "The sickness isn't you! Go fucking sit in the sand and think really hard about what I said. Figure your shit out, man. I want you to make it right so it doesn't pound you in the face down the line. If you don't, I promise you that the truth will be coming to a theater near you very soon."
"What the fuck?" I scream back at him. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?
Elliot sighs. When he speaks, he sounds exhausted. "Nothing. Nothing at all. Forget why I called. Fuck, just forget that I called. My lips are sealed. If I ever have the misfortune of running into Lincoln's cunt ass, I'll kick it if she looks at anyone that I love the wrong way. Give Annie Oakley a kiss from me and have a great vacation."
"El!"
My words are met with silence.
Elliot hung up on me.
I'm sitting on the sand with tears running down my face.
My head is pounding and I don't have any idea how to process what transpired between me and my brother. I've probably just completely alienated him.
I run through every word he uttered and change my mind.
He said nothing judgmental or anything that I don't already know. Yet, I'm fucking furious and want to knock him on his ass. He was only calling to tell me fucking Elena was sitting in our family home and made an excellent argument that she's more than likely trying to stir up shit.
I just don't understand why Mom would allow her to step over the threshold of her home after knowing how Elena slighted Ana. That makes zero sense; my mother adores Ana. I already know she'll be out of her mind happy when she finds out that Ana is making her a grandmother.
Fuck, should I just answer when Elena calls and find out what she wants? Should I just call her back so that I'll know? She wants something, and if it's to start trouble I need to know.
Why did Elliot think I needed to be reminded of what an asshole I am for not telling Ana or our parents about this shit fucking mess?
Elliot's description of Elena being dangerous to Ana and our relationship rings true. I know it's true because she nearly succeeded in splitting us apart because I kept telling Ana she was my friend and that's why she was still in my life, despite hurting Ana. My actions led to the ultimatum Ana gave me the night before our lives were flipped over when she was attacked.
Fuck.
I can see Elliot's face walking into our parents' home and seeing Elena sitting in the living room.
Smug.
He said she looked smug.
Elliot called to warn me about Elena. I didn't like what he was saying, or maybe he just confused the shit out of me.
Fuck, I don't know. I only know it was the most heated argument I've ever had with my brother, and it was about Elena Lincoln.
I'm not a fucking blind idiot.
I know Elena fucking messes everything up, but what Elliot wishes that I would finally do…
I jump, and it takes me a second to realize why.
"Christian! Christian! Christian!" Ana's angelic voice, its musicality is oozing down the beach as she jogs towards me. She's put on a pale blue sundress.
She grabs my arm.
"Christian, look! she screeches excitedly. "The sun is setting!
The Zanzibar sunset.
The sun is setting, a sunset like no other I've witnessed. Ana's face is shining with happiness as she looks up at the sky, and the ambient light is highlighting her hair.
She looks like the angel that she is, and I tell myself that as the sun sets over Zanzibar tomorrow, Ana won't be looking up at the sky.
She'll be looking down into my eyes.