Good evening sirs and madams. The name's Cairbre Lleugyffs. I'm a bard by trade. That is I tell the stories and share the news of the goings on in this wide expanse which we call The Imperium Principalli. And as a whole pitcher of beer has been procured for the slacking of my thirst, I suppose I'd best tell you part of the grand story that everyone wishes to hear these days. Indeed, I will confess a bit of planning for this story. You see, I knew the group that you wish to hear about when they were just wee lads and lassies. Even then, I knew they were going places. And by places I don't mean all the way to this remnant of our ancient homeland, that now lies beneath us, dead and barren. Poor old earth. How our ancestors loved you. May she forever remain vibrant and beautiful in our most ancient of tales. But I digress. I am here to tell you the tale of the four heroes and heroines who saved the whole of humanity. Or so 'tis said. By me anyway. And like heroes or heroines who are great and mighty today, they started out ordinary in the most common of circumstances on Bridget.
Ah, emerald Bridget. Of all the planets that are found in the Imperium, there are few as beautiful as Bridget. A world of islands and small continents, it is almost entirely bereft of deserts. And our story begins in the woodlands that surround the great city of Londinium. 'Tis a lovely city, Londinium. All the music and poems of the Imperium worth repeating come to Londinium, for that is the spiritual heart of we Bards.
Coming from the lower streets as it were, Aiden Doolan was a fighting man. Indeed by the time he decided to be an auxiliary and make his living adventuring through The Mare, he was already famous for the number of fellows he had knocked to the floor in the various pubs in that fair city. He had kisses from all the waitresses as his capital and the shoes of a man rising up in the world. But he wasn't going to make it all on his own. Indeed he never would have gotten anywhere if he hadn't developed a friendship with Father Paddy O'Donnellan. Now Paddy was a praying fellow. Spent an hour or so daily on his knees. But he knew that ministry in the Kirks was not for him. He didn't have the patience for it. Nor was he one for the politics that come from running a Parish. And since auxiliaries, or adventurers if you go by the common tongue, need spiritual guidance on a routine, if not hourly, basis, he thought it best to ply his spiritual talents with them. He was the stunning contrast to Aiden. Aiden was possessing broad shoulders, deep set brown eyes, a shock of curly light brown hair and a jaw that dared you to strike it with your fist, so that his fist might return the favor. No no no, Paddy was a light built fellow, the sort that no women would give a second glance to, with a dark black short beard that went with his short hair. His fingers were light and thin and his nose pointed. But never underestimate the brain behind the small frame. That was where Paddy's strength lay. And eventually, there was a young woman who did note that about Paddy. And that is where Toffee Woulfe comes in.
Now ever since The Dire Comet dusted our old dead earth with his tail, when parents give birth, one never knows who's going to come out of that womb. And while Toffee's parents were human and elf respectively, she came forth with a pair of tiny horns and a wee tail poking out the back. And as she grew up, so did the horns and tail. For Toffee was a Tiefling. And as her skin possessed that creamy tan color, her parents called her Toffee from the beginning. And while she could be as sweet as that candy, she remained a Tiefling and one skilled in Sorcery at that. More than one fool underestimated her and got their face burned off. But to look upon her is to look upon a woman whose beauty has long been praised. Her hair reddish, a dusting of freckles upon her cheeks, and a slender well proportioned figure, she has been the subject of numerous paintings. But because Toffee noted that Paddy was smart, she joined them right away. But Toffee never came alone. No my listeners, she had a dearest friend, the drow girl, Maia Kilmartin. Ah Maia, what can you say about her? That long snow white silken hair that falls below her shoulders, those slim fingers and waist, the deep set ultraviolet eyes that glimmer like a pair of gemstones adrift in a sea of mischief. And the narrow face that holds that classic eternal elven grace, all done up in a rich grey color. And those were the four that would find themselves looking for work one early summer's day on the outskirts of Londinium back well nigh thirty years ago. Of course they might still be looking for work if I hadn't passed by. Call it magic, or instinct, either one works for me, but I saw those four together and I knew immediately that if given the right push (a few or more times) they might amount to something. And folk who amount to something are the food and drink of we bards. For we tell those stories of heroics and daring do. Naturally I was starting to listen in when I found them. That's another thing about us Bards. You can spot us quickly enough if you look for us. For when we are plying our trade, we wear the spring green wide lapel coat with the yellow trim. But when we are plying new stories to tell, we don't. And then we just sort of blend in and if you see us at all, your brain informs you that we are no consequence and anything we hear you say won't have any leave to remain in our brains. Ah, the things we hear just siting at the next table and nursing a one drachma beer.
"Well that was a mighty fine lunch," began Aiden. "I can't eat another bite. Thanks for the spring Maia."
"You are most welcome," replied Maia.
"Which reminds me," intruded Paddy at this juncture. "I seem to recall that you were begging the street vendor for a free sausage for breakfast today as you hadn't a drachma to your name and he couldn't let a poor little drow girl starve on the streets could he? And then you gave him that 'I'd sleep with you for a meal' look that you seem to have perfected to the point that I suspect more than a few cooks have cashed in on. And then you spring for lunch?"
"Well I didn't have any money this morning, I'm flush now," replied Maia.
"When did you have the time to earn enough money to buy us all lunch?" pressed Paddy.
"Well I didn't need that much time. I mean she just up and left that purse on the chair like it was no big deal. I suspect she's very rich and superficial and given that the purse had over two thousand drachma in it. it was clear that she did not value it."
"So you stole the purse," sighed Paddy.
"No, I did not steal the purse," corrected Maia. "I stole the money inside it. Big difference."
"Really now," japed Paddy.
"Yes, really," replied Maia. "I took the purse to her and gave it to her letting her know that it had been left back there. She sort of absentmindedly thanked me and then turned and walked away, so if you think I feel the least bit guilty of draining her of her pub crawl funds, well, dream on."
"That's a lot of money for a pub crawl," observed Paddy.
"Well that's what she was talking about with her friends as they were getting ready to leave."
Paddy at this juncture sighed.
"Look, Paddy," replied Maia. "If it makes you feel better, the moment we can find a job to do, I won't be needing to plunder the superficially vacuous wealthy."
"Just because someone doesn't deserve the property doesn't give you the right to expropriate it from them," replied Paddy.
"Well that's just your opinion," replied Maia with a wave of her hand.
"It also happens to be the teaching of Holy Mother Church as well," continued Paddy.
"So?" replied Maia. "Just because Holy Mother Church says it's wrong doesn't mean it's wrong."
"Yes it does," continued Paddy.
"That's your opinion too," countered Maia with a second wave of her hand.
Frustrated, Paddy turned to Toffee.
"Just what do you see in this scamp?" he asked.
"She's my friend and she's loads of fun," replied Toffee leaping to Maia's defense. "And she's generous if she has the money to be generous with."
"What?" continued Paddy.
"Pretty much," continued Toffee. "She gets horribly sentimental when she runs into orphans. Why there was a time she nicked four really fine wallets loaded up with drachma bills so that the orphans of St. Pádraig's orphanage could have a fine goose dinner for Christmas."
"They gave me so many hugs," sighed Maia. "I was covered in goose gravy afterwards."
Well getting work is not always easy but if you happen to have a bard listening in at the table behind you who happens to know a certain Brother Oisín Sullivan of the Knights Ecclesia who is looking for a group of down on their luck adventurers for a little mission of mercy... well... let's just say that a few moments later the same Knight of Holy Mother Church honed in on our little group. The fact that Paddy was clearly in the garb of a Cleric helped I'm sure. And so after a little prompting from me, which was easy enough because he was only three tables over...
"You come well recommended," began Brother Oisín looking particularly resplendent in his silvery armor with his holy sword strapped onto his waist.
"We do?" queried Aiden.
"Of course we do," replied Maia. "I mean you recall the meeting we had the other day with the mayor?"
Aiden looked blankly at her for a moment before he caught her meaningful glance. "Oh!" he cried out. "That meeting."
"Yes," finished Maia. "That meeting."
Brother Oisin had no expression on his face that indicated he either believed or did not believe Maia's observation, but he merely said, "I am needing a group of auxiliaries who will travel to Marthy and assist the farmers there."
"Marthy?" queried Maia. "Where is Marthy and more importantly, what is Marthy?"
"It's in the middle of the Chicken Country," replied Paddy.
"Chickens..." observed Maia in a rather unenthusiastic tone. "We're going to Chicken? Country."
"These are not just any sort of chickens," suggested Paddy.
"Indeed, the good father has it right," added Brother Oisin. "Chicken Country is what they call the area to the south and west of Londinium about 700 kilometers down the Tara and Adair rail line."
"Why do they call it Chicken Country then?" asked Maia.
"Because there are chickens there," observed Toffee with an established 'Well Doh' expression upon her face.
"Not just because there are chickens there," added Paddy. "Lots of chickens there. Indeed it's one of the largest chicken producing provinces in all of the Imperium, let alone Bridget."
"So why are there so many chickens there?" asked Toffee. Her curiosity was up.
"Bugs," observed Paddy. "There are piles of bugs in that part of Bridget. Makes for plenty of food for the chickens to feed upon so naturally that is where all the chicken ranchers ended up congregating. When you have that much free food for the birds at your disposal, it makes sense to raise them there. And because they eat all those bugs, well, the area is a bit more livable than it would be otherwise."
"I'm guessing then," mused Toffee as she ran her finger along the rim of her coffee cup, there's a problem with the chickens that auxiliaries would be sent in to handle."
"Pretty much," answered Brother Oisin.
"Death chickens," japed Toffee. "Their cock-a-doodle-do strikes fear into the hearts of men. And their beaks peck death on all who get in their way while their claws scrape up ancient eldritch secrets of maleficence from the very ground of your mother's vegetable garden."
"Not quite," chucked the good brother. "But if that were the case we'd come calling right quick. I fear it is more dull and prosaic a threat. There is a reptilian predator, called The Pack Raptor, which has had an explosive growth of numbers over the past year and they are wrecking havoc on the chicken population. Bipedal with a mouth full of sharp teeth, they are one of the fastest lizards in all of Bridget. Your job will be to go down there and fight them off. They are aggressive little buggers and while the roosters will charge them to protect the hens and chicks, the raptors are so good at predation there are almost no roosters left and so the raptors are now getting at the hens and chicks."
"And are they going to pay us the ten thousand drachmas that come from such work?" asked Aiden.
"Of course, though they can not afford to cover your travel expenses," replied Brother Oisin.
"Just what sort of expenses are we talking about?" asked Maia whose eyes were darting about.
"I'm guessing about 1,500 for the train tickets," mused Paddy.
"That's a lot of wallets... I mean drachma," observed Maia.
"I'll cover you," sighed Paddy.
"Oh you are such a sweetie!" cried Maia, somewhat genuinely surprised.
"We're not even going to make the ten K that we're supposed to get then," sighed Aiden.
"It's a start," answered Toffee. "And we need a start if we're going to get anywhere. And who know? Maybe something will kick up once we've hunted these little lizards to extinction."
Now naturally all of you are so well off, ten thousand drachma is not anything at all, but for the typical person, this is a very nice and tidy sum. Life on Bridget is known for it's economy. The average day to day expense for the working lad or lassie at the time of our story ran about sixteen drachma. And the wages reflect that as well. So people don't just 'take the train' to get to other parts of the planet. They can't afford to go that far. Usually most folk are familiar with a coach or taxi service where a wagon can take you to more local places for far less. But the rail wasn't the only part of the trip. The distance between the village of Marthy and the nearest station on the Tara and Adair line was another twenty seven drachma payment each. Needless to say it was a few days of travel before they reached the village. It was a delightful place, as are most sites on Bridget. The woodlands were giving way to great grassy plains which meant a lot of open ground for wheat farming, vineyards, (though between you and me, wines from Bridget are nothing to tell tales about, unless they end in a drunken brawl, which given the Irish nature of the lads of Bridget, isn't so far fetched an idea), cattle and sheep ranching, and of course all the chickens. And even though the village of Marthy was not Londinium by a long shot, hardly a place to unwind unless you were keen on the local tavern, they were at the end of a long train and coach ride and were glad to have their feet on good ground and a goose feather mattress at the local inn.
"I'm so glad that trip is over with," sighed Toffee. As she shook out her legs from the jangling nerves that came from seat after seat after seat on the long jiggling rides.
"Me too," agreed Aiden. "I didn't like the talk that the conductors were having with the rest of the staff. There were complaints that money was missing from wallets and purses."
"Fancy that," added Maia. "I wonder who would be bad enough to go nicking wallets and purses on the train.
Paddy just gave her a long slow look.
The four of them were standing in front of the village of Marthy. It was a quaint little place. The buildings were looking a bit worn from the weather but even so, there were flowers growing by the walls with hedges and fruit trees carefully placed to provide both food, border, and shade. And in the center of town were two larger buildings. The first was clearly the local 'inn'. It was more of a place to get drinks at the end of the day than a place to let rooms. So the team was privately wondering if they would be sleeping in haylofts until they solved the problem.
"Think we'll get lodging?" asked Aiden.
"Only one way to find out," suggested Paddy. "Me or you?"
"I'll handle it," replied Aiden.
He started walking across the street reaching the door of the pub when a fellow sort of half stumbled out of the establishment and bumped into him.
"Quit pushing me you fat cow," was the fellow's greeting.
"You bumped into me you drunken lout," was Aiden's neighborly reply.
"Oh and I suppose you think you're man enough to say something like that to me? I'll have you know I punch cattle for a living," The scent of the yahoo's breath suggested a copious amount of whiskey had been fortifying his courage as of late.
"I punch back," suggested Aiden.
"Them's fightin' words you pasty faced city boy!"
"Is there a place for a quick bet?" queried Maia to no one in particular.
"Well this raised the Mouse's temper and to me he made a grump, and he swore he'd paralyze me with the handle of a pump..." sang Toffee under her breath.
"You haven't got the manhood to punch me," suggested Aiden.
"Must you provoke him like that?" sighed Paddy.
"Manhood it is?" cried the drunk. "I'll show you manhood!" And he threw a punch right at Aiden's face. The fist connected and Aiden gave with the blow.
"Something you can cast to speed this along?" queried Maia to Toffee.
"I know Blade Ward and True Strike but they only are cast on myself. Anything else could kill the drunkard and we're not here to anger the locals," replied Toffee.
Paddy for his part had walked up and prayed that Aiden might be given the Guidance to choose the path of deescalation. But Paddy had a bad habit of never backing down from a fight and had used the spiritual insights granted to him by Paddy's prayer to get the fellow to throw the first punch. Aiden now returned the favor with both fists. This had the effect of knocking the fellow back through the door of the pub.
"I'll have your head for that," screamed the drunk who charged Aiden head on. Aiden for his part simply met the fellow's arms with his grip, and swung the fellow by him, accelerating the drunkard's speed while adding to his overall lack of grace and balance. The drunkard landed in the middle of the road face down.
"Nice bit of exercise for the day," remarked Aiden. "I think that worked a few of the muscle kinks out of that rail and coach trip."
"But I quickly surprised him and I caught him by the throat, and I shook that little monkey 'till the tale fell off his coat," sang Toffee.
"For I'm a strong as any lion," joined Maia thus forming an improvised duet. "I was raised on eggs and ham. I'm the terror of all fighting men, along the River Glam."
Aiden for his part walked into the pub and found that there was one room for let, which had four beds in it. He took the lodgings for the team and then began to query about the Raptors and the Chickens. Paddy shortly joined him and as he was more the people person, he was quickly able to determine that the chief issues were to the north and west of the village.
"Not by the village however," the bartender added. "They don't like getting too close to humans. It's when you're not looking that they strike. Little scalie foxes they are."
"Hmm," mused Toffee when she heard this.
"Looks like we're going to have to corner them to get them into a fight," concluded Paddy.
"Eh?" asked Aiden. "Don't animals fight harder when they're cornered?"
"Indeed," sighed Paddy. "But if they don't like humans, no matter where we wander over the area they will be attacking the chickens somewhere else."
"So how do you corner an animal when you are standing in the middle of a grassland or woodland that has, if I am not mistaken, nothing resembling corners?" queried Aiden.
"You know?" proposed Paddy. "That's a really good question. But if we can find their tracks, we can trace them to their lairs. And they will defend those."
"Desperately I would imagine," sighed Toffee.
"Do we have any other alternative plan?" queried Paddy. "I am open to suggestions."
"You're the brain bomb in the team," observed Maia. "I'm just the pretty little girl whose fingers won't keep still."
"Fine," sighed Aiden. "But last time I checked, we don't have Ranger in our team. How are we going to track them?"
"Well I happen to have studied a lot of the natural world in my youth," replied Paddy. "Grew up on a farm next to the forests north of Londinium. There was plenty of interaction with animals and plants. I know how to track."
"Should have been a Druid then," mused Toffee. "If you were being such a nature boy."
"Nah," sighed Paddy. "Learning herbs and woodland lore is fun enough, but Druids don't help people straighten up their broken lives. I want to make a difference in someone's life some day."
"Heh," laughed Aiden. "I can do that every day. One moment they are happy and ready to take on the world, along with me, then a few moments later they are knocked out on the floor."
"Oh you think that's something?" suggested Maia. "One second they are rich, the next second they are poor."
"One second they are cool and collected. One second later they are on fire and freaking out," suggested Toffee.
But do any of them conclude that their lives are better after they have met you?" There was a collective silence before Paddy finished with, "There! That's the difference."
And with that, the team set out through the farmlands.
Now when the old earth began to die back in the early 1800's, there were only a billion people on the entire planet. And there were vast tracts of land which were barely occupied if at all. Now, take that billion people, and scatter them across the seven hundred planets and you can all easily imagine how much of Bridget is wilderness. While originally roughly half of Earth settled upon Bridget, while the other half settled on Hermes, since then they have been moving out, sorted by their ancestral national languages and customs, to other planets as well. This is why the Danish are entirely on Hermes, the French are entirely on Aphrodite, the Amharic are on Circe, the Japanese on Artemis, and so forth. So unlike this city of Constantinople which remains in orbit over our old dead earth, where every square meter of land is occupied, there were, and indeed still are, vast tracts of land in Bridget which are pure untouched wilderness. And so once our team set out from the village, they quickly were going down wagon roads which often passed through leagues of woodland and grassland. And that was when they were lucky. More often than not, they were trekking through high grass and woodland undergrowth.
Paddy looked down on the ground. "If it hadn't rained in the last day, these tracks would no longer be here. But as the ground was wet, they left tracks, and they went that way."
The team proceeded to leave the road and began to work through the tall grasses. While Aiden, Maia, and Toffee had no idea what Paddy was looking for in those tall grasses they were presuming that he knew what he was doing. But all that disturbed vegetation unleashed the hordes of insects which the area was notorious for.
"Bugs! Bugs! Bugs!" snapped Toffee slapping her legs yet again. "Little ravenous blood suckers! Can't be eaten fast enough!"
"Must be something in your chemistry," mused Paddy. "They seem to be honing in on you while Aiden hasn't had to slap once." He paused to brush a winged insect off his sleeve.
"They're smart enough to know that they'll die the moment they get within the range of Aiden's fists," mused Toffee.
Paddy held up his hand. "You see the grass waving and jerking like that?"
Aiden drew his sword and dagger. He fought with both his fists on the street and taverns and rings. And accordingly he fought with two blades in the field. And just a matter of seconds later, the first of the lizards leaped up at Aiden and a handful of seconds after that the rest of the party was engulfed in leaping reptilian teeth and claws.
Now this might sound a bit unsettling and if you are not used to the wilderness then that is perfectly understandable. There are old skeletons of ancient life upon Earth that were called dinosaurs. And there was this one skeleton of a creature they called a Tyrannosaurus Rex. And you would have thought the Pack Raptor was a long lost son of such a monster. But these lizards were small fellows, no higher than a man's knees. And while a single fellow might be taken down by a thousand cuts; for their teeth, while sharp, are small, he will take a few of them with him prior. But these were not just ordinary folks, they were men and women destined to save the Imperium. So naturally they were more than capable of defending themselves.
Maia had a pair of throwing knives out in a single swift glance and Aiden managed to see one of those small black blades bury itself in the head of one of the lizards in the middle of it's leap at him. To his side, Toffee suddenly erupted flames from her fingertips which spread out in a vast fan in front of her which engulfed several of them, immolating them almost immediately. Aiden then warded off one of the lizards with his dagger but he was able to slice through another one of them who fell into two pieces upon the ground. Paddy called down the blessings of The Good Lord while his buckler managed to knock a lizard presently in mid-flight towards his arm.
The pack was not so easily discouraged however. True to Paddy's estimations, they were defending their lair which was close. And so they pressed their attack. Toffee was not armored and accordingly was struggling to keep either Aiden or Paddy between her and the lizards. Maia was able to duck and throw but Paddy and Aiden were both having a hard time warding off the bites. Fortunately Aiden was dressed in ring mail while Paddy had a chain shirt. Those provided some measure of protection and accordingly there was little in the way of blood drawn. Nevertheless, there was some pain from the fight. Aiden continued to slash at the lizards that charged him while Paddy found hitting them with his spear not particularly effective since they were small and it was harder for him to get his point into play. But accordingly it seemed intelligent to cast the sacred flame upon them. Accordingly one of the lizards withered with a hiss as flames seemed to engulf him in a holy light. Two more lizards leaped at Maia when Toffee said, "'scuse me hon" as she stepped to the side and engulfed another pack of the lizards in her flaming fan.
There was a pause as the team collected their breath and looked over their extremities which had a few cuts bleeding among them.
"Any more," asked Maia nervously scanning about.
"Looks like we got 'em all," mused Aiden.
"Yes, I'm awesome," suggested Toffee. She was in a very good mood. "My fingers are HOT today."
"True," mused Paddy. He seemed to think. "But how much magical reserves do you still have?"
"I burned all my good stuff," sighed Toffee. "If we get another mob like that? I'm almost no good."
"You can still toss a fire bolt," recalled Maia.
"But against a pack like we just had? I'm down to one at a time and look at us. We're covered in scratches and bites and nicks. If we have to deal with a mob like that for another minute, who won't be in serious need of bed rest to recover from the blood loss."
"That's good to know," observed Paddy. "I suggest we head back to the inn and rest. We can head back out tomorrow."
"How many days will we be doing this then?" groaned Maia.
"What did you think you'd be doing when you signed up for being an Auxiliary?" asked Aiden somewhat baffled at the whining.
"I dunno," replied Maia. "I was just getting a really bad reputation with Londinium's police and figured something that sounded legit might get me out of the city for a bit."
"Well to answer your question," intruded Paddy. "We'll be 'doing this' for as long as there are lizards preying on the local chickens."
"This is promising to be a very fowl mission," observed Toffee.
Aiden groaned while Maia crossed her arms, gave Toffee a sidelong glance, and stuck her tongue out at her.
"The Good Lord was fond of puns when he walked upon the earth," added Paddy.
"He would," muttered Maia.
"In the meantime," suggested Paddy. "Let's find that lair and once we've cleared that, we call it a day."
"Think there will be more of them there?" asked Toffee, slightly hesitant.
"I suspect they emptied it to defend it," proposed Aiden.
"I suspect you're right..." added Paddy.
"So many suspects," added Toffee.
"You just had to encourage her didn't you, Paddy," accused Maia.
"Suffering is good for the soul's journey to holiness and sanctity," observed Paddy. "And you could use a bit of that right now."
And the lair proved to be nearby. The eggs were collected, for they had been laid in shallow depressions and then covered in light soil so that the sun might warm them evenly. Upon returning to the village, several housewives were willing to trade drachma or bottles of whiskey for the eggs which, while not as nourishing as the local eggs, nevertheless could be eaten as part of a casserole or baked dish with potatoes and other vegetable and beef. For nothing even remotely nutritional was let to waste.