I had my exam at 8am on Monday and was at the Clearwaters before 10am. Jake, Quil and Paul were all hanging out with Emily and Leah.
"Thanks, you guys."
"She's not some dainty thing," Jake said. "She could kick all our asses."
"So true," I said, "and I love her for that, but she's vulnerable as long as she has the wolf wall."
Leah stood and walked to me. She hugged me hard. "Ready to see Old Quil?"
"Yes." I said, kissing her on the forehead.
"Waiting is still the best idea I've come up with." Old Quil said. "If those herbs were toxic, it's possible you just have to wait for all traces to get out of her system."
"And what ideas have you had that aren't your best ideas?" I asked.
He chuckled lightly. "I have been reading a lot, trying to come up with something. I have two ideas that I am not confident in but they are not harmful if they fail, I think."
"Go on," I urged.
"Some texts talk about vampire poisoning. We've always interpreted that to mean vampire venom from their bite. There is a flower in the forest that is supposedly the antidote when brewed into a tea."
"When is it in bloom? Where in the forest? How much would we need?" I was desperate.
Old Quil stood and brought down a book from his shelves. He opened it to a bookmarked page on this flower. "
"It will bloom the second week of July. With climate change, I recommend looking two weeks earlier, but it is not far from the outer patrol route." Old Quil advised.
"Great, so what's your other bad idea?" I asked.
"Guided meditations in wolf form."
"Huh? Guided by you?"
"Or Billy or you."
"Well I don't know how to do that," I said dismissively.
"You will have to learn when you train to be chief."
"Ok, but this is my wife. I don't want her mind in the hands of a novice. It is too precious."
"Understood. Billy is your best option, I think."
"So we'll go talk to him. Leah, you've been so quiet. Do you want to ask anything?"
"What are the dangers if it is not repaired? I mean, what if it was from the injury, not the Cullens? What if the wolf wall doesn't go away?"
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
"I don't know." Old Quil said. "As Embry has pointed out, it would be dangerous for you to be in wolf form alone for too long, since you can't carry your memories back with you to a human form. I'm not sure how you could be the alpha female with such a defect. Any other danger, Embry?"
"Yeah, a big one. The wolf is you, Leah. There is a part of you that is walled off from the rest of you. Imagine you could not retain memories from 4:00 to 6:00 pm daily. You lived through those hours but remembered nothing. Concerning, right? That's what's happening every time you patrol. And we could phase together after patrols so I could collect your memories and I could patrol with you to make sure nothing is missed. But that would be like me recapping the hours of 4:00 to 6:00 pm for you every evening. You're missing out on a huge part of your life."
"Could this be punishment? Like the wolf is mad at me for rejecting the imprint?"
"No! Your wolf is desperate to reconnect with me," I insisted.
"Ok, then we'll keep trying," Leah agreed.
I felt like I had been punched in the gut. I didn't know she had considered giving up. "Do you not want this?" I asked.
"I don't know. Before, being the alpha female felt so natural. Now, I don't even understand what I was doing."
"That's because you've lost the connection to the wolf."
"Yeah, but it makes it difficult to be motivated."
"Are you okay with me being motivated for the both of us?"
She nodded. "I trust you, that you want what's best for me. And your analogy about losing time makes perfect sense because that was exactly what was happening."
"Can I get a photocopy of this page?" I asked Old Quil, pointing to the page about the flower.
"Yes, there is a photocopier in the meeting hall. Go see Billy and then come back and I'll have it."
"In that case, can I get nine, one for each member of the pack?"
"Sure, Embry." He smiled at me.
"Hey, do you think she should drink the tea in wolf form, too?"
"I don't see any harm in that."
"Ok. See you in a bit."
I held Leah's hand and we walked to the door. Outside, I pulled her into a tight hug.
"You ok, Embry?"
I inhaled the smell of her hair. "Yeah. I'm so grateful to have you back. Part of me feels greedy chasing down every last bit of you but I want it. I want all of you and I won't stop wanting it. Is that ok?" I loosened my hold on her to look into her eyes.
"I think so. But it's a delicate balance. If this part never comes back and you keep trying to get it, it's going to make me feel inadequate."
"Do you feel that now?"
"No, but I can feel it brewing."
"Ok. Thank you for telling me." I kissed her forehead.
Billy welcomed us warmly. I realized that it had been a very long time since I sat down and talked to him. We sat around his kitchen table.
"What can I do for you, son?" He asked after a minute.
I was having a hard time figuring out what to say. "You know that Leah was injured, and the Cullens helped her heal but also poisoned her somehow?"
He nodded. "Old Quil and Jake have kept me informed."
"Well, I've been looking for ideas on how to break the wolf wall, the thing that is blocking her from remembering her time as a wolf. And Old Quil suggested guided meditation in wolf form. He said you would be the best to lead."
"Yes, I talked to Old Quil about that too. Are you here to get started?"
"Really? You can start now?" I was so excited.
"If you're both ready." He emphasized the word 'both' and I looked over at Leah. She looked terrified.
"Not today, I don't think." I said quickly. "We just wanted to ask you about it."
He grabbed our hands, one of Leah's and one of mine. Leah and I were holding each other's hand. The three of us formed a circle.
"Son, daughter-in-law, we will all need to be completely comfortable with each other for these guided meditations to work. You know I have not been the best father to you. I don't know how to fix that now. But if we have barriers between us, it will be difficult for us to tear barriers down in meditation."
"But you have been like a father to Leah, right? You two are close?"
"I am closer to her than my own daughters, but that is not saying much."
"So how do we do this, Billy? I'll do anything."
"Do you want to go fishing?" he suggested.
"I don't," Leah answered quickly.
"Not without Leah," I said. "What do you and Jake do to bond?"
"Well, he lives here. He's my caretaker. He shares my day to day life. Nothing but that. What do you do with your mom?"
"We lived together too but I go over there for dinner and we talk."
"Talk about?"
"Life and gossip."
"And food," Leah added
"Yeah, honey, I already said life." I smiled at her.
"Hmmm. Will you come over here for dinners with me?" He asked.
"Yeah, of course Billy, but is there any way to speed it up?"
"Have you reconsidered fishing?" Billy asked.
I looked at Leah. She shook her head.
"Embry, according to the school, technically you only need one English class to graduate."
"Yeah, and?"
"Have you considered early graduation?"
"But I still need to take the English class. And I was planning to take some AP classes next year through the online program."
"Embry, you could take a summer school English class and be graduated by the end of July. Then we could start our apprenticeship. I've always counted on that apprenticeship to be a bonding experience for us. I've been looking forward to it for eighteen years."
"When would I need to decide about the English class?"
"By the end of the week."
"When would my mom find out?"
"About what?"
"About me graduating early."
Billy blinked. "Tiffany wouldn't approve?"
"No, she wouldn't. But I can still make it work."
"Embry, you can't be serious." Leah spat. "Are you considering throwing away all your plans for next year so that we can have a better chance at the meditation plan which Old Quil doesn't even have confidence in?"
"Yes! Of course I am! I'm in the same place as Paul anyway. I'm not going to college. Why put in all the effort? I've got the pack to run and I've got you and we haven't even started fixing up the house how we want it. This plan makes sense, and not just because of you but, yes, primarily because of you."
"Fine, but I think you should tell Tiffany," Leah said, crossing her arms.
"Fine, I will," I crossed my arms right back at her. She tried to hide her smile.
"So should I tell the school that you'll do summer school English?" Billy asked.
"Yes." I said firmly. But I had a small pang of regret. I enjoyed school and it would soon be over. But it would have been over in a year anyway.
We went to Old Quil's for the photocopies then I brought Leah home. I made her lunch and then took her to bed where I took her pants off. I sat on the floor and put her thighs on my shoulders. I started licking. She was enjoying it loudly and I was enjoying it mostly quietly. Then at exactly 2pm, Leah interrupted me.
"Want to patrol together?" She asked.
I paused my licking. "Paul has covered our patrols this week. He's taking some and having the others fill in."
"I know, but I kind of want to. We could run together."
"You won't run ahead and scare me?"
"I mean, there's the wolf wall so I can't be sure."
"The wolf knows what's going on with the human, the human just can't hear the wolf. If you commit to not run off, the wolf won't either."
"Ok, I won't run off." she promised.
"Stay within the patrol border." I said in the alpha timber. "Let's go outside and relieve whoever is on duty."
I phased in first and Brady was covering. I told him that we were relieving him and to head home. I waited for him to run back and phase out before nodding to Leah, inviting her to join me.
She phased in and her wolf was so grateful but her mind was a mess. She was thinking of me. Specifically, she was thinking of me being disappointed in her.
BABY, NO! I'M NOT DISAPPOINTED IN YOU! I'M SO HAPPY TO HAVE YOU BACK.
BUT I'M STUCK. YOU DON'T HAVE ME BACK.
I KNOW. I KNOW. BUT I HAVE A LOT OF YOU BACK.
DO YOU? IS SHE ME?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
DOESN'T SHE SEEM BLANDER, MILDER, TIMID? WHERE'S THE SPICE? I'M THE SPICE, EMBRY! SHE'S RICE PUDDING, LIKE SHE SAID, AND I'M THE FIRE.
THAT'S NOT FAIR. I said, leading us on the patrol route. SHE'S YOU TOO, JUST… INCOMPLETE.
We talked candidly through the whole route and I wasn't afraid of offending her or pushing her away. The wolf was my mate as much as the woman, but our connection was unbreakable.
HOW DO WE TEAR DOWN THIS WALL? I asked.
I DON'T KNOW, BUT WE NEED TO SPEND MORE TIME TOGETHER.
MAYBE, I COULD SUGGEST IT TO HER, BUT SHE'S FRAGILE AND THIS IS A SENSITIVE TOPIC. BUT WE'LL DEFINITELY DO DAILY PATROLS TOGETHER, OK?
We stood in the backyard staring at each other. I rubbed my muzzle on hers. It felt so nice, our touch.
LET'S PHASE TO HUMAN NOW. I said.
She blinked out of the pack mind and I followed. I stepped toward Leah's naked form and hugged her. "Thank you." I whispered.
"For what?"
"For wanting that. Why did you want that? Did you remember anything from our run?"
"I just felt the urge, but no, I don't remember anything."
"Let's go sit and I'll tell you all about it."
As delicately as I could, I told her everything.
"I don't think I'm rice pudding anymore. I'm more like taco seasoning now. But she's right. I'm not fire."
"I'm so encouraged that you felt the urge to shift and run patrol. I think that's got to be progress. That's got to be the wolf getting through somehow."
"Maybe, or maybe I just sensed your need to be with the wolf."
"I guess, maybe. Can we do a patrol every day?"
She smiled broadly. "It makes you so happy, being with her."
"She's you, Leah, just the part you haven't recovered yet."
"Yeah, we can patrol every day together. So anything to report from the patrol?"
"No, but I was looking up. I love your wolf but she's not so hot that she's distracting, not like you are as a human." I kissed her and pressed my growing erection into her stomach.
"Huh," she said. "I always thought your wolf was the sexiest."
I laughed. "I mean, have you seen Quil's though?"
She laughed too. Quil's wolf looked like a super buff but fluffy bear. Then she kissed me. I lifted her and carried her through the house and up to bed.
Finals week was a mess schedule-wise. Paul was very understanding of how delicate Leah was. He opted to stay with her for all of my finals that week, handing our patrols off to the rest of the pack until Friday. We still did our one run a day together, which we worked with Paul to schedule.
At Friday's pack meet, I said, "Congrats to most of you for finishing another year of school." Brady and Colin were in middle school and still had two weeks left of school. Of course, Leah and Paul were not in school at all. "Some of us will be starting summer school in two weeks, so if anyone needs to have their schedule adjusted for that, see me. Does anyone have anything to report from patrols today?"
Run times
Midnight - Jared
2a - Colin
4a - Quil
6a - Paul
8a - Leah/Embry
10a - Quil
Noon - Paul
2p - Leah/Embry
4p - Seth
6p- Jared
8p - Jake
10p - Brady
"I saw a blue butterfly that looked like it was glowing." Quil volunteered.
"Was it shimmery, like a mirror, or was it producing its own light?" I asked.
"Like a mirror, or a diamond." Quil's eyes grew wide. "So sparkly."
"That's wonderful, Quil. Maybe you can show us in the pack mind sometime. Anyone else see anything? Maybe something vampire related? Or anything of concern? Any Cullen sightings?" Jake growled at the last suggestion. "Any suspicious squirrel sightings, Seth?" I teased.
Seth shook his head.
"Anyone have any plans for the summer that we need to work around, besides summer school? We can cover shifts and then you can pay us back the next week if your family is going away."
Jared spoke up, "My family is going to Oregon for a week in August but I want to use pack obligations as an excuse to stay home. Will you back me up, Embry?"
"Of course, Jared, thanks for the heads up. I'll be sure to mention to your dad how crucial your work is this summer. That will make him proud, too."
Jake spoke next. "My sister, Rachel, is coming home next week. My house was one of the safe zones for the pack but with her around, it won't be anymore."
"Thank you, Jake. Does she know about me yet? That I'm Billy's heir?"
"Yes, and she's kind of pissed about it. She's not pissed at you, per se, but she knew I didn't want the Black Mansion and she was hoping to get it. She was actually planning to move in when she got here. And now she's got to move back to our little shithole house. But it's not personal."
"Thank you for warning me."
"I would have told you sooner but I just found out about it today. She wasn't planning to come home this summer but she and her boyfriend split up and their apartment was in his name so he's kicking her out."
"Yikes." Paul said.
"What day does she arrive?" I asked.
"Wednesday."
"Ok, so maybe we'll have some of the family dinners at my place." I suggested.
"She does want to see you, Embry, and get to know you and she's excited that you're her brother and that you're with Leah. She's just mad about the house."
"I get it. Everyone loves the house. We love it, don't we Leah?" Leah nodded.
"Anyone have anything to share that is not my family's dirty laundry?"
No one spoke.
"Ok, one more thing," I passed everyone those photocopies of those flowers for Leah's remedy. "Now is the time to start looking, if you could. If you come across a patch and it looks like someone else has already picked from it, don't pick anymore. You should only pick 10% of any patch you find. That is one out of every ten flowers that you find, Quil. Try to remember to keep a ziploc baggie in your shorts pocket and drop any flowers that you find in the mail slot at our house, ok?"
Everyone nodded.
"Ok, you are dismissed."
"Now that you're out of school, what are we going to do with all our time?" Leah asked the next morning.
"I have an idea."
"Go on."
"My mom always shops on Saturday morning. And Paul spends all his time with Emily. So their house will be empty."
"Yeah, and?"
"We can go get their Cosmopolitan magazines."
Leah considered. "Your mom's car won't be there when she's shopping. It's a very low risk endeavor. How many do you usually leave?"
"Just the most recent one, which she keeps on the coffee table, but we could read that one and then run away when her car pulls up."
"This is so dumb. What does she think happens to her old ones?"
"Well, every few months I would clean on trash day and she would assume that I threw them away, but in reality, I kept them."
"How long have you been doing this?"
"Many years, Leah. I'm a pro."
We read our new magazines for most of the day.