Suddenly the dream like haze I had been under lifted suddenly without warning and the only thing I knew was I was way to close to a guy I barely knew and yet seemed to trust with out question. I was also positive he asked me something but I wasn't quite sure what.
"I'm sorry,what did you just say?" I asked
"I asked if you we're going to be okay?" Collin said with a kind smile.
"Oh umm yeah, I'm sure everything will be fine I just need to talk to my brother." I say shaking my head.
"He said he was only hear for the summer. Are y'all moving?" He asked.
"No. That's just Avery he lives with our Uncle and his family during the school year but im working on getting him full time soon. Truthfully that had always been my plan. I use to keep a calendar by my bed and every night I would count down to my eighteenth birthday when I could finally get myself and Avery a little place. I just hadn't realized my Uncle had his own plans which had delayed my own for three years but things were different now and it was time for Avery to come home with me full-time.
"Does Avery know about this?" Collin asks quietly
"What do you mean?" I say immediately more defensive than I probably should be.
"I just meant when he talked about Texas he seemed really happy. He was excited to go back and see his friends and family." He says
"I'm his family." I say pushing off the swing and crossing my arms. " "You spend a couple hours with my brother and you think you know him better than his sister?"
" I didn't say that Evie. I just asked a question and from your reaction I think I got my answer." He says standing in front of me.
"Who even are you ? Your just some guy that gave us a ride home from a wedding & suddenly you think you have a right to stick your nose in our business?" I say. I can feel the anger burning inside me. For a second I liked Collin against my better judgement I had let him in and let him spend time with Avery. That had clearly been a mistake. He reminded me of my Uncle Caleb so much so I knew exactly what he'd say next.
"I'm sorry Evie, I was trying to help." He says and there it is the phrase I heard everyday for six years.
"I might just be some guy from a wedding but I'm not a doormat for you to walk all over. I get being angry about the hand life has dealt you but going around with rage waiting to erupt doesn't help anyone including you." He says more forceful than anyone has talked to me in years and suddenly I realize it's not Uncle Caleb he reminds me of it's my mom. I stumble backwards at the realization. And he immediately reaches out to steady me, for a second I think he's going to apologize And I hold my breath for this fantasy just like the previous one to fade but doesn't. For a moment we just stare at each other. Finally i wrench my arm away and say "I think you should go." He just nods but his jaw ticks in frustration. I hold my breath waiting for him to say something else to call me out and my attitude again but instead he just walks to his truck and slams the door slightly harder then nessasary and leaves. I don't know what I wanted to happen but for the first time in twelve years I felt like myself again or atleast the me I should be if my mom was alive. I don't know how long I stand there staring at the road until I hear the door open behind me.
"Are you okay?" Avery says worry prominent in his voice.
"I don't know." I say turning around and just like that the tears pour out. The look of horror that flashes over Avery's face would have been funny any other day but not now.
"I'll call Lilly." He says in full blown panic mode and that does earn a hysterical laugh from me which really only makes me cry harder. He ushers me in to the house and sits me down before practically screaming in to the phone. "Shes crying like really crying and she won't stop! Please come home." I can hear Lilly on the other end of the phone say something but I can't quite make it out followed by avery running to the fridge to grab a carton of ice cream. He runs it back to me and just holds it out lamely. In my hysteria I try to communicate That I don't want ice cream but I can't find words so i just shake my head. "She won't take it Lil, please help me! She's freaking me out! I know I'll just call Collin!" He says. "NO! Don't call him!" I scream making Avery jump at the sound of my voice. "Uhh nevermind . Hear talk to her." He says tossing me the phone.
"Evie? What's up? " Lilly says far calmer than Avery. "I don't know why I'm crying." I say barely above a whisper. "I'm on my way home just give me ten minutes, okay?" Knowing Lilly will be hear soon does help more than I thought it would. Lilly has been my best friend since we were five and Isaac Joiner pushed her down on the playground. I had picked up a handful of dirt and stuffed it in his mouth while he was laughing at her. From that day on we were a team even when my Mom died and my Dad got mean. Even when my Aunt and Uncle decided the best way to help me get over my trauma was to move me hundreds of miles away from the only person I had left. Lilly was the only person who I was sure loved me and I knew without question she would never abandon me no matter how hard I pushed.
"Evie? Oh Evie ." Lilly said running in the door and throwing her hands around me. "Your okay E, I promise your okay." She whispered rubbing circles on my back. "He left." I hear myself say. "And she left?" I add. Who left Collin? He brought a girl?" She asked thoroughly confused. "No." I giggle. "My mom." I whisper. "She never let me get away with anything. She used to tell me I was her sour patch kid but she was always worried I would scare everyone away with the sour before they saw the sweet." I finish. "I miss your Mom. Sometimes you say things and you sound just like her." She says with a smile. "I do?" I ask. "Yeah. I don't think you scared him away." She says quietly. "I don't think I did either, I think I was trying to though. He just didn't take the bait. He called me on it, just like she would have." I say with fresh tears spilling out.
Lilly smiles sadly. "I haven't seen you cry since her funeral ."she says. "I haven't, at least not outside of the shower." I say. "What really happened Evie?"
"Avery has questions about our parents and I want to take over his guardianship. All Collin did was ask if I had talked to Avery about it and I went off. I asked him who he thought he was, and said he was just some guy from a wedding. He told me he might be just some guy from a wedding but he wasn't a doormat for me to walk on." I say
"Hot." Lilly says immediately And we both laugh. I take a breath and finish. " I told him to leave and he did without a word."
"Hmmm. Well I'm impressed. I thought he might be to soft for you." She says after a minute.
"What do you mean to soft?" I ask.
"I love you, but your a handful. You're past is tough and it's not really the past because you still struggle with it." She says.
" I don't.." I begin.
"You do. I don't want to upset you but I see it and so does Avery he just doesn't understand it because his experience was different he was only two when your Uncle Caleb came you were twelve. You lived in that house protecting your baby brother from your Dad when he should have been protecting both of you. Your mad at your Dad for how he reacted to your Mom's death and your mad at your Uncle Caleb for taking you away from your home and I think atleast a part of you is mad at your mom for leaving you." She says.
"She didn't leave me, she died Lilly. She couldn't control that." I say slightly annoyed.
"Yes but anger and grief don't have to make since and our minds aren't always rational. It doesn't matter if she had a choice or not but she did leave and so did you . "
"What do you mean I left?" I ask
"It changed you Evie, and that's okay I think everyone knew it would and then after your Dad started drinking and left you and Avery pretty much alone, it changed you even more. You put up so many walls to protect yourself you don't even realize when one falls down." She says taking my hand.
"Maybe he is just some guy from a wedding or maybe he's exactly what you need."
It had been three days since the incident and I still hadn't talked to Avery in depth. He was avoiding me like the plague and to be honest I was kinda avoiding him too. After my heart to heart with Lilly I just didn't have anymore left in me. It helped that things had been busy at work and I had never been more greatful to pull a double at Sunny's roadside dinner in my life. But my shift had ended five minutes ago and it was time to head home. My phone started ringing just as I reached for the door of my car. I sighed as I saw the name flash on the screen and I suddenly regretted the past three days I had avoided Avery.
"Hello?" I ask
""Hey Evie, how are things?" Uncle Caleb asks.
"Things are fine I just finished up at work so im fixing to head home." I say hoping the conversation will end soon.
"That's great! I hate to ask you this over the phone, again but have you thought anymore about the papers?" He asks and I can hear the nerves poking through. I wasn't ready for this conversation when they brought it up on my fifteenth birthday or again eight months later or the fifty times sense and not that I wanted to talk about it now but I wasn't as angry as I usually was.
"You really want to adopt Avery?" I ask with a sigh.
"We do." He starts. "We wanted to adopt you too Evie but we agreed we would never do that against your wishes just like we'd never adopt Avery." He says with a slight relief and possibly excitement in his voice. This is the farthest this conversation has ever went.
"You mean against his wishes?" I ask.
"I mean against either of your's. My sister and I weren't very close I loved her. I made her a promise the day she died to always take care of you and Avery and I know I failed those first two years but your Aunt Sarah and I have always tried to makeup for that. From the minute we got you you weren't just our niece and nephew anymore you were ours. Im just sorry you never felt like that." He says and I can feel the tears sting my eyes.
"Avery doesn't think of you as his Aunt and Uncle he considers you his Mom and Dad. " I take a deep breath to prepare myself for the next words coming out of my mouth. "If he is ok with it so am I." I say as the first tear falls.
"Evie you have no idea how happy you've made us. We would never try to replace your mom and we know Avery has alot of questions about her and your Dad. He was so excited to come see you this summer and get to talk to you about them we just cant wait for him to get back next week and tell us about everything he's been doing."
I feel as if I've been punched in the gut. That's all he wanted and I wouldn't even speak about it. I know I've waisted this summer just like I have the past twelve years being angry. I have exactly one week left to turn this is around. And im determined now more than ever to do just that.
"I've gotta get going Uncle Caleb but tell the kids I said hi and Aunt Sarah tol." I say and promise I can her his Brain start to glitch at my politeness.
"Uh okay , yeah of course I will. Are you feeling okay has anything happened." He says with concern
"Yeah im just trying something new." I say with a chuckle.
"Well it sounds very nice." He says. We say goodbyes and I head home. As i pull in I decide i need a minute before seeing Avery. I close my eyes and lean my head back to relax when out of nowhere two sharp taps on my window break me out of my day dream.
"Hey." Beady says as I roll down my window.
"Hey? What the crap brady you gave me a heart attack." I say exasperated.
."Collin wanted me to check on you see if you were alright." He says in the most duh voice I've ever heard.
"Okay, tell him I fin." I say.
"Or you could call him." He says with a grin .
"Fine, give me his number." I say.
"Here you go." He says with a smile and he turns to leave. I decide to make the call and though I'd never want to admit it I'm excited to talk to him but to my disappointment the answering machine picks up.
"Hey Collin I uh I don't really know what to say except for I'm sorry. I never should have treated you that way. Any way I'm just, I'm sorry."