Chapter 2 - lovely saturday
*Today is Saturday, November 23 2024. Pump has woken up at 10:15 AM. Sasha's still sleeping however, but how could he have been sleeping for 16 hours? Pump has taken notice and breaks into Sasha's house. Pump attempts to wake Sasha up.*
Pump: Sasha...Come on! Wake up!
*Pump sees that this doesn't trigger him. So he grabs Sasha's loudspeaker and blasts it in Sasha's rabbit ears:*
Pump: SASHA! WAKE UUUUUUUUP
*Sasha is caught off-guard and his rabbit ears perk up intensely.*
Sasha: AHHH WTF WHAT DO YOU WANT?!
Pump: Sasha this is personal, you have been sleeping since 6 PM and that ASMR Tteokbokki mukbang is still on loop for 16 hours
Sasha: ...
*Sasha is completely silent after processing this new information. The thought of a rabbit sleeping 16 hours feels so unreal. He is at a loss of words*
Pump: Let's play games!
Sasha: K
*Sasha and Pump play games until 6:08 PM.*
Pump: Lets go to the convenience store
Sasha: No!
*Pump gets visibly frustrated and whips Sasha's rabbit scut (tail) with his belt. Sasha feels fear wash over him as he has had PTSD with his father.*
Sasha: Yes my savior, I will totally go to the convenience store with you!
*They go to the convenience store and get as much items as they can. They get melon milk, strawberry milk, a tuna mayo rice ball, a Jeonju Bibimbap rice ball and a giant Yakisoba. They eat until 6:15 PM*
*After they got to the convenience store they met Cookie (from Animal Crossing). Cookie has been Sasha's crush for his whole life so he decides to confess to her.*
Sasha: Cookie would you be my gfriend
Cookie: Sure why the hell not
*Cookie slips on an ice and trips on Sasha.*
Sasha: WHY THE FVCK WOULD YOU FALL ON MY FOOT YOU ALMOST BROKE IT YOU RĘTARD!
*Sasha punches and knees Cookie. She winces and cries. Pump doesn't help either. He gives psychologically traumatizing statements.*
Cookie: OH MY GOD I CAN'T TAKE MY LIFE ANYMORE! EVERY ONE OF MY CLASSMATES BULLY ME, MY FAMILY DOESN'T LOVE ME AND YOU DON'T LOVE ME! I'M KILLING MYSELF!
*Cookie jumps into the road and you probably know the drill by now.*
Sasha: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! MY GIRLFRIEND!
Pump: Deserved.
Sasha: Damn you didn't have to say that bro
Pump: She was a d!ck anyway. She was trying to use you
Sasha: Really? Then she really deserved that
*They go home. At Sasha's house, he posts to his private GC:*
{Sasha: Guys Cookie has jumped into the road and died. Have you seen it?}
{Pump: I did, who else?}
{Raymond: Really? How did she die? Did she get hit or sth}
{Sasha: She got her puppy eyes (a.k.a head) crushed by a car}
{Raymond: goddamn}
*It is now 8:32 PM. Sasha puts some ASMR cheesy tteokbokki and buldak mukbang, shuts the window and curtains and turns off the light. He sleeps in less than 8 minutes.*
*Meanwhile, Pump plays some Gucci Gang (very original playing his own recorded song), and blasts it on repeat for 22 minutes. Then he sleeps with the curtains open, so everyone can see that he's sleeping*
*Raymond however stays up until 9:37 PM. He is about to go outside to get some buldak, so he goes out to the nearest 9-Eleven convenience store. However, he gets kidnapped and tranquilized.*
*The kidnapper just so happens to be Cookie's grieving father. He calls Raymond's sister, Summer, to tell her everything*
Kidnapper: Hello?
Summer: Hello? Did u take my younger brother away?
Kidnapper: That's right. You got the money?
Summer: How much you want shawty?
Kidnapper: $200,000 in cash
Summer: Ok I give u $50
Kidnapper: $50?!
Summer: Ok $20
Kidnapper: If you dont give us the money we will kill your brother
Summer: OMG FOR FREE?! TYSM I WANTED TO GET RID OF HIM BECAUSE HE TOOK MY SPOT AS FAVORITE KITTEN, I THOUGHT YOU WERE PAYING ME TO KILL MY BROTHER
Kidnapper: Wait wtf?
Summer: Before you kill him make sure to kick his balls, step on his face and say he's not perfect
[Call ended: 01:12]
Kidnapper: Uhh youre free to go
*Raymond is let go back into his house.*
Kidnapper: Poor cat..
*Raymond sleeps at 9:47 PM.*
-END OF CHAPTER TWO-