Hey!

I have more time between updates, yet I finished this chapter late in the night x) Some things don't change.

Content warnings: various states of panic and anxiety, self-hatred issues.

Chapter 29 – Guilt

"They're friends Stolas, don't worry", Blitz first said to the scared bird in his arms, before turning to the door: "Come in!"

He wouldn't be able to get Stolas any more ready than that, and he forgot about the glass of water. Stolas still needed something, Goetia or not, to make up for all the blood loss.

The owl was still tense in his arms when the door opened, Fizz entering first, followed by Asmodeus who was carrying a tray with a cup of tea an a few pastries. Blitz kept stroking Stolas' head, but he could feel him freeze in his arms as the two demons made their way inside, slowly approaching the bed.

"Hello birdie babe! I'm sorry we have to meet in such dire circumstances, but it appears we really need to talk. But first, here, have some tea and sweets! I healed you, but you still lost a lot of blood, you need to drink to recover."

The Sin didn't have a choice but to take his smaller form to be able to fit through the door. Even if everything was Goetia sized, it was still too small for his normal size, but he didn't mind. He could even tell it was for the better as he could see the owl make himself smaller as he approached to set down the tray, frowning at the glass full of water.

"You didn't drink at all yet?"

"I didn't have time to give it to him, he was hard to wake up", Blitz answered, still purring softly to try and ease the bird he was still hugging.

Fizz carefully followed at a slower pace, choosing to go to the other side of the bed, closer to Blitz, but even if Stolas' pupils weren't visible, he was almost sure the owl shot him a glance before his attention came back on Asmodeus, as if he wasn't comfortable with the bed being encircled by unfamiliar people.

"I… I'm sorry Asmodeus, I'm not really fit to receive…"

"I know, don't worry. It's okay", the royal tried to smile reassuringly, but he could tell it had the opposite effect on the prince. At least it was making him clutch Blitz harder, meaning there was at least one demon in his room Stolas wasn't wary of.

Stolas didn't know what to say. He was fucking laying down on his bed with a Sin in his bedroom, and just broke down in front of the one person he was endangering, who still had his arms around him reassuringly. He didn't have time to build his composure back and he was on the verge of panicking again. He glanced around, only mildly surprised to realize any blood he could have left in the bedroom when he returned had already been cleaned.

He didn't know how to feel about that. Of course he was grateful, but he also knew the people currently around him were probably responsible for that and not his staff, and he didn't want to think about the implications. He already felt so useless not being able to handle his problems on his own, having a Sin into his home while he was being such a pathetic disappointment, not only witnessing it but also having to heal him to simply be able to have a conversation with a host that couldn't do the simplest thing to welcome him correctly, on the contrary, he was now being served tea by his guests…

"Hey, Stolas, you are alright. Don't pressure yourself, I assure you, everything is fine. Here, drink your tea before it gets cold", Asmodeus reminded him with a calm smile.

Blitz helped Stolas sit up on the bed, not sure if he should give him space or on the contrary stay as a support. He decided that he'd just follow the flow. For now, Stolas didn't seem to mind Blitz's presence, so he stayed, letting a comforting hand on the owl's shoulder as Stolas hesitantly took the tea into his slightly shaking hands.

"You okay Stol's? Do you need help?" Blitz asked softly.

The prince blushed. What a shame, really, that he couldn't even drink on his own.

"N-no, I'll be fine, sorry…"

"Don't apologize, it's alright. We're all here to help, okay? These two too", Blitz assured him.

Stolas has turned his head to look at the assassin, and his gaze naturally slid on the jester who offered him an enthusiastic smile.

"He's right, we want to help! Don't put pressure on yourself, you arrived in quite a state, it's alright to need time to recover, okay? No one here's judging you for that, I can tell ya!"

It seemed to do the trick as Stolas relaxed minutely and started sipping his tea, looking a bit less warily at the Sin and his partner, trying not to think too much about why they were here and focusing on the warm tea instead. He could feel it soothe his throat, and his body was definitely thirsty, yet he forced himself to drink slowly and carefully, especially with how weak his hands felt. He didn't want to risk spilling any of it on the bed, he probably already looked pitiful enough.

Before Stolas could realize Asmodeus and Fizz were still standing, the rooster magicked two chairs, one for him and one for his partner, and they sat down near the wall, both to be closer so they could discuss without raising their voice, but also to let the bird a clear path out if needed. Whatever he went through exactly, they weren't blind to his stress when they approached, and they knew he probably needed to know he had an emergency exit available, for his own peace of mind, which meant they needed him to have it to ensure the conversation could go smoothly… Well, as much as possible at least.

Luckily for them, the owl was too busy with his drink to feel bad about not offering them to sit earlier. Blitz cast a hesitant glance to the other two, and even if he couldn't converse silently with the Sin, he could still kinda do it with Fizz, enough that witnessing the other two exchange a glance and then see Fizz nod at him was enough to know they wanted to wait until Stolas finished his drink before they started talking about why they were all gathered here, and he could only approve. If Stolas was to freak out again, it was better for him to do so after he was hydrated, tho to be perfectly honest, with how much he cried earlier, Blitz should probably make him down the glass of water too.

The prince now looked subdued, lost in his own thoughts, not realizing no one was talking around him, but they kept their gazes light enough for the Goetia not to feel too stared at. Finally, after a few minutes, Stolas extended one of his long arms to set the mug down, and Asmodeus offered him the glass of water instead.

"Here, a single tea isn't enough to replenish all the fluids you lost. Unless you'd rather eat?"

Stolas blinked, and took the glass of water without a word, while Blitz met the Sin's gaze and silently shook his head, hoping the owl wouldn't notice. Asmodeus frowned but didn't say anything, letting the owl drink the water a bit more quickly. As soon as it was empty, Fizz offered to take it with his robotic limb.

"Here, give it to me, I'm the closest to the bathroom, I can go fill it again."

"Thanks. Is it alright if I take a break?"

"Of course birdie babe, we wouldn't want you to get sick because you drank too much at once!"

Stolas nodded, and closed his eyes to take a few deep breath to try and calm down, invoking his Goetia education. Blitz almost winced, for he could see even better from up close how the owl was putting his walls back up, and he didn't like it. Stolas was never honest like this, but maybe with a Sin present it would be different?

The jester was quickly back with the glass full anew, putting it down on the same spot than before.

Somehow, Stolas was able to see the three demons with him in the room exchange a glance and a nod before three pair of eyes focused on him, and he was glad he was able to get some composure back, because that alone was almost enough to unsettle him.

"I'm sorry for the intrusion Stolas, especially unannounced like this, but Blitz brought to our attention that you were facing some trouble currently, and has been for a few weeks now. Would you mind sharing who hurt you like this earlier? As you know, there's not many people I wouldn't be able to make back down, apart for another Sin of course, but I'm pretty sure none of them is responsible for your current predicament, right?"

Stolas made a conscious effort to not show anything, but Blitz could still feel him tense, albeit so slightly.

"It is a very kind offer Asmodeus, really, but I…"

He stopped when the Sin held out a hand, the picture of calm confidence.

"Oh yeah, sorry, I should have started by that! I removed all the spying apps on any phone that could be infected, so you're free to speak, no one's gonna spy on us anymore. I can also help protect anyone who could be threatened. So talk freely birdie babe, I am all ears, and don't you worry, it's no trouble at all!"

Stolas' eyes widened, obviously taken aback, but before he could answer, Blitz couldn't help but frown, tail lashing out.

"The fuck is that about spying apps? Why didn't you mention that before?"

"Because I didn't want to risk being heard by the ones who installed it. There was one on your phone, so I had to check your employees and daughter. There was one on Stolas' phone too, and it's better not to say anything than risk someone slipping up, don't you think?"

The rooster was still calm, almost teasing, and his words made sense, but Blitz was still upset at the idea he wasn't the first informed there had been a bug on his phone.

"Why the fuck would there be something like that on both our phones? Is that linked to all this shit?"

From the corner of his eyes, he noticed two things. First, Fizz winced, as if he already knew what it was about and feared his reaction. Second, Stolas froze with a look of pure horror, first while he stared into space, but then their gazes met, and Stolas immediately looked away as if he couldn't bear to hold it.

"Stolas…?" Blitz asked hesitantly, all trace of anger suddenly gone, replaced by apprehension.

"Birdie babe, I think it would be best if Blitz heard it from you rather than me", Asmodeus added softly, trying to meet the owl's eyes too.

The assassin didn't react to the implication that the Sin already seemed to have everything figured out. He was too focused on the prince that had started to shake again, worrying he was having a new break down.

But Stolas' only answer was to shake his head wildly, so much so that Blitz winced and feared for his neck, even with the knowledge that with his owl anatomy it was unlikely he could hurt himself that way.

"Stolas, what is all that about? Please tell me", Blitz insisted, trying to sound as soft as possible. He couldn't mess up now, it was the time to make the right choices, to do things right, to finally convince Stolas to open up. Even if Asmodeus already knew, he was right, Blitz wanted to hear it from the owl himself.

But the Goetia was curling up on himself again, white pupils dancing in his eyes, breathing getting loud, and Blitz's back spines shot up in worry.

"Hey hey, no, don't go back there Stol's! Please, just talk to me, please…"

But the begging wasn't working. He tried to purr loudly again, hoping it'd break through Stolas' spiral, but it wasn't. It couldn't be good for the bird to go through a panic attack after everything that already happened today.

Suddenly angry all over again, Blitz turned a furious glare to the Sin.

"What the fuck is this about? What's happening? Tell me before he gets worse!"

"I don't think me telling you will help…"

"I don't care! That's what got Stolas worried in the first place, so just spill so we can be done with it and actually deal with the problem! You know, don't you?"

"Blitz…" Fizz tried to placate his friend, but the assassin's tail whipped the air, and he decided to stay silent for now.

Asmodeus held his gaze for a few seconds, before it slid on the still panicking owl, who still managed the strength to meet his gaze and shake his head enough to be seen amidst his already quivering body. The royal let out a blue fiery sigh before locking gaze with Blitz.

"From what I gathered from the phones who were tampered with, I think Stella is the one behind all that, tho I'm not sure why nor what she's aiming for exactly. However, I am certain she was using you to make Stolas comply. There were snipers around the office when I arrived and they followed us by foot, and stayed with you when you briefly went on your own. The timing matches perfectly with Stolas leaving his palace, too…"

Asmodeus' deep and soothing voice was still going on, but Blitz had stopped paying attention. There was now static in his ears, as the words were slowly processed.

All that, happening to Stolas… All the times he showed up hurt… From the start, if was his fault? He had let his bitch of a wife, or rather ex if Loona was right, do that to him… For what? To save his sorry ass? Fuck, and if Asmodeus was right, then him trying to get involved had been noticed by the bitch, and probably made it all worse, that was why Stolas didn't want him involved and seemed so angry about it, because not only was it his fault, but he managed to make everything worse.

Fuck…

There was a robotic hand on his shoulder and a different, rougher voice, that was also more familiar, but Blitz still couldn't understand the words. Instead, he shrugged the hand off, and looked toward the prince.

Stolas looked right back at him, fear in his eyes and tears running down his white, soft, feathered cheek, that had been covered by blood and bruises when he arrived earlier. All that because of him. Heck, he was probably disgusted he dared to come and try to help when he was the reason for all that. He knew he should just stay away from his loved ones, and there he was, almost convincing himself he could try to have something with Stolas. How very stupid of him.

Then the realization struck. He shouldn't have tried to get near Stolas. He should have distanced himself. He had done so much harm, now the demon he loved was crying because of him, again. It had to stop.

So, before anyone could realize what was happening, he turned toward the door, his only clear way out, and took off, so fast and sudden even Fizz's robotic limbs weren't able to catch him.

"Get back there asshole!"

He didn't listen, involuntarily slamming the door on his way out as he fled blindly as fast as he could from the room, everything still crashing and burning down in his mind as tears started to pool into his own eyes.

I did this, I ruin everything, everyone, even fucking royalty, no one's safe, I can't do it to Fizz again too, and Loona and M …

But before he could find a window, a door to get outside, anything, someone slammed into him and sent him into an open door. Tears were now falling freely from his own eyes too, and it was making everything blurry along with the mess in his head, but he quickly picked up on the sound of the jester's limbs as the door was closed and locked, and the curtains drawn, not that he couldn't still jump from the window, but it was standing out a bit less as a robotic arm wrapped around him to keep him in place and a familiar voice whisper yelled into his ear.

"You fucking moron! What do you think you're doing?!"

"Fizz, you don't get it, I have to go! It's my fault he was hurt so much. Fuck, you saw the state he arrived in earlier, it's because of me! It wasn't even the first time! I, I can't do this anymore, I need to keep him safe, to…"

A metallic hand slapped him, and the assassin blinked, the sting on his cheek finally grounding him, his vision slowly clearing to take in the room he had ended up with his childhood friend. Said childhood friend was still with him, holding him to make sure he wouldn't run off again, and he looked pissed.

"You really think running away is gonna be any help?! They would still torture him even if you weren't near him, jackass! What counts is that Stolas likes you enough that he feels like he has to do this to keep you safe! Don't you dare leave your daughter and employees to flee who knows where. You asked us for help for a reason. Ozzie can help, but you gotta do your part too, and your part is staying by your prince's side to support him, not break down too! I know it's hard but you gotta do this!"

"How?! He hates me! I'm the reason he had to go through all that!"

Fizz let out a heavy sigh.

"Fuck, how dense can you be? If he hated you that much, he'd have just let them kill you, moron! Instead when we got there you were comforting him, and he even clutched at you when we approached, because he was intimidated by having almost strangers in his personal space after going through shit. He doesn't have that problem with you because he trusts you! It's not up to you to decide how he feels after all this, you need to talk!"

"But he was crying!" Blitz yelled back, trying to get away from Fizz, but the robotic arm around him wouldn't let him take more than a step back. "He was fucking crying because I decided to butt in even when he said no, and I probably made it all worse for him! Your big man said it earlier, that trying to solve this without knowing could make it worse, and it's what I did with my stupidity! Stolas couldn't even warn me because we're being listened too, probably watched if they stalked me to my place. I thought I was helping, I could help him settle this, then we'd talk things out and maybe we'd be able to be a thing, like you and your rooster, that maybe I wasn't a total waste and could have nice things too. Via… Stolas' kid was even starting to accept me, she was opening up, and now she's going to hate me again too for what I did to her father!"

The arm shook him enough to cut whatever he was about to say next while Fizz glared at him.

"Will you just listen for a second? You didn't do this to Stolas, his ex and the people she hired did, alright?! Stolas wasn't crying because he was angry at you but because he was scared you'd hate him for all that, and you played right into it! What state do you think he's in now that he saw you flee as soon as you learned the truth?"

That finally made Blitz pause, blinking.

"He… What? It's stupid Fizz, why should I hate him?"

"Oh, I don't know, how would you feel if someone threatened me to beat you up, that you didn't have any choice but to comply to protect me, and that I was the only one to help you and comfort you after that, but you couldn't tell me? Don't tell me your stupid ass wouldn't feel guilty for endangering me and not telling me, I won't believe it!"

The assassin stared into space as he slowly connected the dots, looking back to Stolas' recent reactions in light of what Fizz just told him, and he groaned and tried to facepalm with his arms still pressed against his torso by the jester's robotic arm.

"Fuck, I'm such an idiot."

"Precisely. Now, Ozz stayed with Stolas, hopefully he'll talk to him to… I don't know, give him some hope, stop him from spiraling down, but I'm not sure how much success he'll have doing that. Listen, I know it's rough, but it's not your fault, alright? Stolas don't think that, I'm sure, he'll tell you as much if you ask him, I don't think that, Ozz don't either, and I'm sure his kid will be more pissed at her mother than you too. So…"

Fizz's hold on his best friend had loosened a bit, but Blitz didn't feel like running away any more. If anything, he wanted to run back to the bedroom he left to apologize. If Fizz was right… Damn, it was bad. Stolas was already unwell, and he managed to make it worse. Again.

"You sure I should go back? I just made him worse by fleeing", he asked, feeling hollow all of a sudden.

"Yes asshole. I'm not close to him, and Ozz isn't either. We don't know anyone that could help him, apart from you. Plus, I told you, he likes you. Be there for him, support him, let Ozz deal with the bitch, and I'm sure you'll have your chance, okay?"

Blitz slowly nodded, meeting Fizz's eyes with a reluctant expression. The jester searched his eyes before he finally unwrapped his robotic arm from his friend.

"Okay, let's go back. You'll have time to process that later, maybe do it with him, I'm sure he could use some talking about what happened. But don't jump to conclusions, alright? Remember, we're here, you're not alone either."

"Thanks. Sorry for bringing you into this mess."

"Ah, it's fine! We're not close to him, but we told you, Ozzie owes him one big. Fuck, even if he didn't, he really needed a hand anyway. Both of you."

They started walking back to the bedroom, Blitz feeling a bit numb now that the overwhelming wave of guilt was gone. It was only a small stream now, something he could deal with. Worry and concern for the state he was going to find his owl in was creeping back instead, only to burst and take all the space available as him and Fizz got near enough the bedroom to hear Via's distressed voice yell "Dad!".

The two imps exchanged a glance before they started running for the open door.

11/09/2024

See you in two weeks ;)