I woke up to shaking. There was a small hand on my arm, shaking me lightly.
"Tris, I need you to wake up now," someone was whispering. My first instinct was to jerk away, but my body wasn't super cooperative. I only managed a small flinch. The hand moved away as I opened my eyes and blinked several times.
There were small slivers of light peeking in through the windows, but otherwise, the room was dark. I willed my eyes to focus as I looked at who was leaning over me.
Tori.
She was on her knees next to me, hand hovering over my shoulder.
"Tori, what?" I asked, my voice thick with grogginess.
She clicked something in hands and then a bright light was shining in my eyes. I started pushing her hands away, groaning.
"Tori, what the hell?"
"Since you refused medical observation," she says, her voice calm, "and no one could find you, I thought I may take a crack at it. Do you know where you are?"
I thought about it for a moment, but I really didn't. "No." I'm not sure why I'm whispering. "I remember just kind of walking around until I was too exhausted, and I sat down against a wall. Where am I?"
Tori nodded, like my answer is what she had expected. "Just a random abandoned building. I don't think anyone else would have found you here, because it's not exactly easy to access and no one would have thought you could get here in your current state. Everyone thinks you're much more physically injured than you are." At my inquisitive stare, she adds on, "You would have had to climb up about three stories to get here with no stairs or ladders."
I give a small hmph. I honestly have no recollection.
"What's going on between you and your instructor?" She tried to keep her tone light and even, but I detect a sense of… well, something in it.
"Nothing," I insist. "Why?"
"Because everyone else kind of gave up and went to bed eventually." She pauses, giving me a knowing smirk. "Four, on the other hand, has been up all night. Roaming the halls, checking the cameras; honestly, it was getting irritating."
I shrugged. "I'm not sure why."
The look on her face as she nods tells me she doesn't believe me. After a moment, a sympathetic look falls over her face, and I know what's coming before she opens her mouth.
"Look Tris, I know coming from Abnegation, it's a little different for you," she starts.
"No," I say firmly. "No one was supposed to know I came from Abnegation. And I've done a really good job of keeping everyone guessing. Christina told me if it wasn't for the fact that I'm in the transfer class, they would have sworn I was Dauntless born. I didn't want anyone to know."
She's got that same look on her face still, and I snap, "And that look on your face is the exact reason I didn't want to see anyone tonight. I don't need anyone's pity."
"It's not pity, Tris," she argues back. "Everyone is concerned about you. You stormed off with a head injury and no one could find you."
"They do pity me," I insist. "Now they're all just looking at the poor little prude girl from Abnegation that freaks out over a little bit of human contact."
"Tris." Her voice is firm now, and she says nothing else until I look at her. "Your reaction was perfectly justified. Sure, it may have been a little more than what some of them were expecting, but with you being from Abnegation, it was perfectly justified. And even if you weren't from Abnegation, you're allowed to feel any way you want about being touched without your permission."
"I just needed some time alone."
"Perfect, you've had more than enough. You still have a couple of hours until you need to report this morning."
"I'm not going back to my room." I didn't mean to interrupt her, but it just fell out.
"I have a couch you can crash on," she offers. "But I am going to have to tell Four that I found you and if I cannot give him the assurance that someone is with you, he's never going to rest."
I give in. I don't know why Four is so worried, but I don't want him to stay up any longer worrying over me when I'm fine. I nod to Tori and she silently holds out her hand to help me up.
"Since you got up here, I assume you're good to get down?" I nod in reply and move towards the windows.
"What are you doing?" she asks.
"Leaving the way I came." I shrug, nodding my head towards the open window. "I just use the roofs to get around."
Tori is just staring at me. It's like she doesn't want to believe what I said, but she does believe it.
"You're something else, kid." It's a simple statement. And then she followed me out the window.
I pause when I get up to the roof and then reach down to extend a hand to Tori as an offer of assistance. She takes my hand and I pull her swiftly up to the roof.
"You're much more experienced than a typical transfer," she comments as she brushes the dirt off her pants.
"I was trained to do my job," I say evenly. "My transfer to Dauntless was planned for a long time."
"You only knew your aptitude results the day before," Tori says curiously. I realize that, perhaps, Tori doesn't know who recruited me. That's probably for the best.
"And my test results said Abnegation," I say lightly. "Which way is your home?"
She starts off towards the building to the right and I follow.
"Your results were a little more than Abnegation. You had no way to know that Dauntless would be there too."
"It wouldn't have mattered. I've always known I would come to Dauntless. Abnegation was never my home – not really."
By the time we've jumped and climbed across several buildings, we're moving in silence. Tori finally starts down a fire escape. We climb down and I continue following her as she walks down the alleyway and into a building.
"I just wish you would have been able to enjoy your childhood a bit more," she says finally as she slows her walking. "You're so young but there's already so much weight on your shoulders."
"I've never known anything else." I tell her. "It feels like I was made for this."
She rounds the corner and the stops, causing me to slam into her back.
"Sorry Tris."
At first, I think she's apologizing for stopping, but when she moves out of the way, I realize that's not it. Four and Eric are standing in the hallway, across from what I assume is the door to her apartment.
They turn towards us as our footsteps become audible.
"Found her," Tori says simply. I ignore them and keep my head down, following her to the door. I stand quietly behind her while she pulls out her keys and unlocks them.
"Tris." His voice is soft and he's standing much closer than he was a moment ago. I turn my head and see his hand hovering over my shoulder, like he started to stop me, but thought better of touching me after my last reaction.
"I'm fine," I insist. "I'm completely fine. I just want to go to sleep."
"Go, Four. We found her. She's alive. Go home." For once, I don't hear any kind of malice in Eric's voice. He doesn't sound particularly comforting either, but still, it's a change from how he normally talks to Four.
I don't feel like getting in the middle of whatever that is, so I just turn back and walk into Tori's apartment. She's already setting a pillow and blanket on the couch, but I just walk to the windows and look outside.
I feel like I'm losing my mind. I've already fucked up so much. I draw too much attention for knowing what I'm doing, but even with that, I'm not doing well enough to be secure in my place at Dauntless. With the first stage over, I may find out soon that I'm out. I didn't make the cut.
And then what do I do with the rest of my life? I could survive factionless; I'm not concerned about that. But I'm only a few weeks away from everything I've been working towards my entire life. What if it's already too late? What if I've lost it? What if-?
"Tris, a word?"
I hadn't realized Eric had entered the apartment. I turn and catch Tori throwing a glare at him from the kitchen. I eye the door cautiously and Eric holds his hands up in surrender.
"Four is gone. I just want to make sure you're actually okay." He gives Tori a side eye.
"It's fine, Tori," I say to her. "I'm pretty sure I could take him."
Eric lets out a laugh. The sound seems to surprise Tori.
She nods slowly. "Okay, just yell if you need anything." She sends one last glance over her shoulder before closing herself in the bedroom.
Eric steps further into the apartment and takes a seat at the table, motioning for me to sit across from him. When I sit down, he takes a breath and leans back, looking intently at me.
"I need to know what happened between you and Peter."
A harsh laugh fell out of my lips. "You were there, Eric. I don't think I need to give you the details."
"Peter made comments…" he trails off for a moment, trying to figure out what he wanted to say, probably. "He made comments, during the fight, implying a certain familiarity with what was under your clothing."
I flush in anger at the reminder.
"Are you or were you in a relationship with Peter?" I know by the look on his face that he knows the answer to this. "Look, everything today has been a whole ordeal and since I'm in charge, everyone is asking me what the hell happened. So, I'm trying to figure it out for myself. A lot of people are trying to say it was some kind of breakup drama between you and Peter, but since you haven't been able to stand the sight of him since day one, I'm fairly certain that's not it."
His eyes are drilling into me, waiting for me to make a contradiction.
"No," I force out. "I have never been in a relationship with Peter." Or anyone, for that matter. But that's beside the point.
"Okay. So can you explain Peter's comments please?" I don't want to. "Because anyone with any kind of interaction with you knows you can't stand him. I need you to understand that Peter is still in the infirmary, and we've had to place two guys there to make sure Four doesn't kill him in his sleep."
That shocks me. "Why?"
"You're not that blind, Tris." His voice is condescending, but I don't really know what's going on.
"I beat the shit out of him. Why would anyone be after him?"
His eyes are hard now, like he's done beating around the bush. "Tris, you're forgetting I'm the one that made the changes to the roster. At your request. I saw what you looked like when you walked into the training room. You wanted to fight Peter. What did Peter do that made you look physically ill while he walked away with the knowledge of what you look like with your clothes off?"
"Oh." Is all I can say. I didn't realize they'd made that kind of connection. Honestly, at the time, I almost forgot there were other people in the room when we were fighting.
"Yeah, oh."
"I don't want to talk about it." I turn my head away from him, staring at the wall.
"I really don't give a damn, Tris. I need to know if I need to kick Peter out of the program before rankings are posted."
I shake my head, wincing. "It's not… It's not what you're thinking."
"Would you like to tell me what I'm thinking?" Eric asks sarcastically.
"You think Peter raped me." The words sound strange coming out of my mouth.
Eric tilts his head to the side once; confirmation of my words.
"He didn't."
"Then what happened?" Eric presses. "Because if he tried and you're just saying he didn't because you stopped him, or someone else stopped it, that doesn't make it any better."
"That's not what happened," I promise.
"Then what did?"
"I don't want to talk about it," I snap at him, losing my cool. I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to talk about him. I don't want to talk about the embarrassment. I don't want to think about how disgusting I still feel.
"Hey, hey, okay, calm down." He's up from his chair and in my face now. "Tris, breathe."
I didn't know I had stopped, but eventually, I do calm down. Once my breathing is back under control, Eric gives me a hard look.
"See this… do you understand why I'm not at ease with you not wanting to tell me what happened? Because you keep saying it wasn't a big deal, but your reactions tell me it obviously was."
I let out a sigh. "Eric, I know what you mean, but I just don't want to talk about it. I have no plans to report anything. Obviously, the fight is common knowledge now. But if there's any takeaway from this, you can assure people that I have promised you that Peter did not rape me, and there is no need for him to have a death warrant hanging over his head."
Eric looks at me, studying me trying to determine if I'm lying. "But he did something?" he asks, although it sounds more than a statement. I give him a nod but refuse to say anything else on the matter.
He continues studying me, but I don't give in. Eventually, he just nods – mostly to himself – before standing.
"Alright." He gives me a withering look. "Just get some rest, Tris."
Once he's left, I settled onto the couch and fell asleep the moment my eyes closed.
I wake to more shaking and bright light in my eyes, and when I squint them open, I see Tori, again, crouched over with a penlight.
"This isn't a great way to wake up, you know?" I groan at her.
"Sorry for making sure you aren't brain damaged." She's rolling her eyes at me, so I don't actually think she's sorry.
She asks me to tell her my name. I guess it's convenient that she's the one doing these checks, since she's the only person here that knows it.
She asks me what day it is. She asks me to repeat what has happened in the last 24 hours.
After what seems like forever of answering mundane questions, she slaps her hands lightly on the couch and stands.
"Well, I think you're okay. Does your head still hurt?"
I nod. "Not as bad as it did yesterday, but sudden movements still make me feel like I'm being stabbed."
"Take it easy, today. Are your parents coming for Visiting Day?"
"I suspect my mother will."
"Good. I think you definitely need someone to talk to." Tori wanders back into her bedroom before returning with a change of clothes. "We're about the same size, I think. Here's something to wear for the day. You should get out of here before you miss breakfast."
I was happy to see that most of my friends were absent from breakfast by the time I got there. Eric sent me a nod from his seat, but didn't say anything. I slid a couple eggs onto slices of bread and ate my small breakfast as quickly as possible.
When 10 AM started approaching, the dining hall emptied out rapidly as everyone made their way to the Pit to greet their families. I stuck to the walls as I walked through, not wanting to draw attention to myself as I made my way to the net.
I was leaning back against the wall, listening for the train, when I Eric approached and mimicked my stance next to me.
"No family today?" His tone is noncommittal, but I sense the genuine curiosity in his tone.
"I don't see yours," I comment in the same tone as I hear the telltale grinding metal noises of a train approaching. I push off the wall and approach the net to look up through the hole in the ceiling.
Eric doesn't move, but I can feel his eyes on me.
A dark figure looms on the edge of the building above and wastes no time making the leap, her happy squeal bringing a smile to my face as she goes airborne.
"What the hell?" bursts out of Eric's mouth in surprise as he starts pushing off the wall.
When my mother lands in the net, she's giggling like a child. It's a nice change of pace from the typical serious moods she has. I reach forward to pull the net down and her body rolls to the side until she reaches the edge and grabs my extended hand to step down.
As soon as her feet are on the ground, she pulls me into a tight hug.
"Tris, it's so good to see you," she whispers in my ear.
"I've missed you, mother," I whisper back, tightening our embrace for a moment before we both pull apart. Her arms stay on my shoulders in a tight grip as her eyes roam up and down my body.
"You've certainly adjusted well to Dauntless life," she observes.
I blush a little. "Yes, I had a bit of an incident yesterday and stayed with a friend last night. She gave me these clothes to wear since I didn't have a clean change of clothes."
The outfit Tori provided for me was certainly a little less conservative than what I would wear, even with adjustments I'd made for Dauntless. Everything was covered that needed to be, but the rest of the material of the shirt was sheer and the pants she gave me were full of cuts and holes, showing much more skin that I typically would.
"You look wonderful," she assures me. "Very Dauntless."
I give her a bit of a surprised look as I take in her appearance. "You as well. I didn't realize you even still had anything like this."
I hadn't exactly expected her to show up in the greys that were typical of Abnegation, but looking at her in this moment, I can't tell the difference between her and the typical Dauntless member I see on a daily basis.
She's wearing a red tank top, skintight, with a black leather jacket and skintight blank pants with boots. I can't tell what she's done to her hair as the jacket she has on has a thin hood that she's pulled up to help cover her identity a little more. I have a very similar outfit that I got at her insistence for that exact reason. She's not exactly a public figure, but being married to a council member, some people may recognize her.
Eric clears his throat behind me and my mother's eyes move to look at him over my shoulder. To my surprise, I see a sly smile appear on her face.
"Mr. Coulter," she greets him. "It's wonderful to see you. I trust you're doing well."
What?!