I don't look at him as I walk past him. "She's a fantastic mother." I don't want to talk to him about my mother.
"You owe me some explanations, princess," he says, pushing off the wall. After a few long strides, he easily catches up to me.
"I owe you nothing." I keep my tone even. This is not the time to lash out.
"Oh, yes you do," he argues. "See, because Beatrice is an Abnegation name." I cringe.
"That you only know because you took advantage of my drunken state," I snap at him. "You know there's no way I would have told you otherwise."
He gives me a quick glare but continues on without pause. "And then I see you hanging out all day with a Dauntless woman. And then you refer to her as your mother. But you're clearly a transfer student." He looks at me, waiting for me to explain, but I've already told him I owe him nothing.
"Is your mother factionless?" he asks suddenly. "I notice that she didn't arrive or leave with everyone else."
I laugh at that. "No, my mother is not factionless."
"Then what-?"
"I owe you nothing," I reiterate harshly. "You are owed no explanation from me."
"What happened between you and Peter?" he asks suddenly, and the change in questioning throws me off.
"I almost killed him," I say shortly. "I'm a little bitter you stopped me, to be honest."
"And why did you want to kill him?" he presses.
"He's an asshole. I find it hard to believe I'm the only one that thinks so."
"But you're the only one angry enough to try to kill him." Why is he so damn insistent on this?
"I'm just the only one who had the opportunity," I bite back at him.
"What did he do?" He sighs. "Tris, we're not blind. You have to know what people are saying."
"I already had this conversation with Eric last night." That surprises him. "I have no desire to rehash the experience. You are all operating under an incorrect assumption so you can stop whatever rampage you're all on and move on. I have."
"Good night, Four," I say shortly. We've arrived at the dorms and I'm eager to end this conversation. He starts to say something, but I just slip into the dorms without hesitation.
…
I wake in the middle of the night to a bloodcurdling wail. I throw back my blankets and jump to my feet. It's too dark for me to see what's happening. Another scream rings out.
Someone shouts to turn on the lights. I shuffle through the room blindly, trying to find my way. The lights come on.
Edward is on the floor in a pool of blood, clutching his face. In horror, I realize a butter knife is sticking out of Edward's eye.
I rush to his side and fall to my knees next to him. "Lie still, Edward." I'm not sure where my calmness is coming from. He thrashes against me. "I said, lie still! Breathe!"
He's incoherent, screaming about his eye, screaming for someone to take it out. Another body is kneeled next to me.
"Hold him still," I instruct them, whoever it is. "He's going to injure himself worse if he keeps this up."
I yell out for someone to go get a medic. "Let me take him!" Will cries, moving to pick him up.
"No!" I shout quickly. "It's not safe to move him. Get a medic quickly and bring them here." Will disappears out the door.
The nurse arrives and asks me to step back. I comply. I'm soaked with blood, top to bottom. I look around at the horrified faces of my bunkmates. Drew and Peter are absent.
In a daze, I wander into the Pit. I can't go back to sleep. I can't even stomach being in the same room right now and seeing the puddle of blood on the floor. Several older Dauntless members are gathered, as well as all the instructors. Four looks up as I walk in and a horrified look appears on his face.
"Are you okay?" He sounds a bit panicked. Eric looks up in alarm at his shout.
Four is in front of me now, holding my shoulders and looking down at me. He's saying something, but I'm in a bit of a daze.
"Tris," he all but shouts, shaking me lightly. "What happened?"
I'm confused for a moment. Clearly, they know what happened. Why else would everyone be gathered in the Pit at this hour? And then I follow his eyes that are staring down at me, but not at my face.
Oh. "It's not my blood," I say weakly. "Edward. I, eh, I was the first one to get to Edward."
"Did you see who it was?" Eric asks quickly.
I look up at him. "It was Peter and Drew." My voice leaves no room for questioning, but he does anyway.
"You saw them?"
"I noticeably didn't see them," I reply. Eric's face falls, and a mask goes up on Four's.
"That's not what we asked. Did you see who did it? Do you have any verifiable proof?"
"No." My reply was harsh. "But I know it was them."
Four glances to the side at Eric. "Tris, you can't go around accusing Peter of every terrible thing that happens just because you have a problem with him."
Eric's eyes go wide in disbelief.
"You're a fucking asshole, Four," I spit out at him before pulling back out of his grip and storm out of the room.
"Smooth," I hear Eric drawl behind me as I leave.
When I return, Christina tells me Edward left, and Myra went with him. Myra wasn't going to make it anyway, but regardless, she was going to leave with Edward.
Edward's cut saved Al in the rankings. Barely. I'm moved up to fifth place.
After lunch the next day, I'm not sure what to do.
I can't go back to the dorms. I'm considering emptying out all my things and bringing them to a random room in an abandoned building. I can't stomach being in the room yet.
From my spot on the floor in the hallway, a pair of sneakers stops in front of me.
"Tris?" I look up and Uriah is stopping in front of me. He's with a group of Dauntless born initiates, but he waves them on to keep going.
"You alright?" he asks.
"I had a difficult night."
"Yeah, I heard about that." Uriah looks down the hallway where the rest of the Dauntless born went. "Want to get out of here?"
With a grin, he tells me they're going out on some kind of initiation ritual. I think about it for a moment before grabbing his extended hand. The moment I'm on my feet, he's dragging me down the hallway after his friends.
"What's the transfer doing here?" asks one of his friends.
"Her friend was just stabbed in the eye, Gabe," Uriah bites back. "I thought she could use a break."
I glance to the side and almost start in surprise when I recognize Shauna.
"Did Four ever find you the other night?" she asks.
"Sort of," I say quietly, not wanting to talk about it. I don't pay attention as she keeps saying something about him, but finally, I just ask "Do you know Four well, then?"
"Everyone knows Four," she says. She explains they were initiates together and that they used to spend their nights after everyone went to bed training. Because she was bad at fighting, Four helped her.
I kind of want to punch her. I push the feeling away, because Shauna has been very kind to me, and I have no idea where the urge came from.
Our journey takes us to an elevator. I stick closely to Uriah, who's conversing with his brother, as we all load in. A girl with a shaved head asks which floor we're going to, and she snaps at me.
"How would you know that?"
"Be nice, Lynn." Uriah exhales, exasperated.
"We're in a one-hundred-story building for some kind of Dauntless rite of passage," I retort. "Why don't you know that?"
She pushes the button without another word.
When we step off the elevator, Uriah guides us to a ladder. Climbing to the top reminds me of the Ferris wheel.
Four close at my heels as we climbed.
His fingers on my bare skin as I almost fell.
Stop it.
When I reach the top, I take in the views silently, smiling to myself. We're so high up. I can see the whole city from here.
There's a steel cable strung from the building. It disappears down into the city.
"Oh my God," says Uriah, bringing voice to my thoughts.
Shauna is the first one. She gets into the slight and Zeke straps her in. She gives a thumbs up and he shoves her down off the building.
I watch in anticipation as those in front of me are pushed off the edge, one by one, in the sling. When my turn comes, Zeke straps me in and smirks down at me.
"I'm impressed you're not screaming yet."
"First jumper," Uriah reminds him. Zeke hurls some kind of insult at him, but before I can hear his response, Zeke has shoved me off the building.
The feeling is unlike anything I've ever experienced. I throw my arms out to my sides and imagine I'm flying. I'm pure adrenaline as I speed through the city. My entire body is buzzing from the adrenaline.
There's a crowd waiting at the bottom for me. As I come to a stop, they all reach up to help me get out of the harness, and oddly enough, I have complete trust as I drop down and they catch me.
"Can I go again?" I say, smiling wide at them. They all laugh.
It's a bit of a scene when we return to the dining hall. I feel like I stick out in the crowd of Dauntless members and Dauntless born initiates. As the crowd breaks apart and we go our separate ways, Christina, Al, and Will are gaping at me.
When I tell her where we were, they seem to be feeling a certain way about the situation, but I try to put it out of my mind.
The next morning, we start the second stage of initiation.
It seems we're not separated at this stage anymore. Transfers and Dauntless born alike are in the room. Lynn and Peter start having some kind of dick measuring contest.
The door opens and Four calls Lynn into the room.
After twenty minutes, it's Peter's turn.
Gradually, the population of the room dwindles until I'm left in the room with just Uriah and Drew.
Finally, after an eternity, Four reappears in the room and beckons to me. "Tris."
As I stand, Drew sticks out his leg to trip me, but I kick him without a second thought and continue on.
Four's hand is on my lower back, guiding me into the room as he shuts the door behind me. I recoil immediately, my shoulders hitting his chest as I take a step backwards.
"Sit," he instructs. He squeezes my arms and pushes me forward.
My voice is shaking as I ask him, "What's the simulation?"
"Here in Dauntless," he starts off, "you have to learn to face your fears."
It looks like the aptitude test. Where, the first time, I apparently gave myself away easily. Can I do it right this time? I'm nervous as I drop into the chair, and I shiver a bit as his fingers brush the side of my neck. What is he Oh. He's pushing my hair to the side and lightly pushes for me to tilt my head to the side. He's holding a syringe.
He takes a few moments to explain how it works and then eases the needle into my neck.
"Be brave, Tris." It's the last thing I hear.
I'm in a field. The grass is past my waist and the smoke in the air makes it painful to breathe. Something lands on my shoulder and I feel a sting as talons dig into my skin. I swipe my hand at the creature, swatting it way.
More crows fill the sky, swarming above me. In an instant they all start diving towards me, beaks open and squawking at me. I run, but they're faster. At each step, I feel the impact of another one hitting me, breaking open skin on my back, on my neck, my scalp, my legs, my arms – everywhere.
I trip in my panic and hit the ground hard.
You stay in the hallucination until you can calm down, I remember Four saying during his explanation.
I flinch at each impact but try to steady my breathing.
I'm going to die.
The thought hits me quickly, but I don't panic. I'm oddly calm; I accept the inevitability of my death. The pain is intense, but I do my best to think of something else.
I take a deep breath.
And I open my eyes back in the metal chair.
A hand touches my shoulder.
"Fuck!" I flail a fist out, hitting something.
"It's over," Four says softly. I say nothing. I just blink several times, trying to readjust to the sudden change. I'm pretty sure I'm shaking. Four's hand is stroking my hair. "Breathe, Tris. It's over. You did well."
"I did fucking awful," I snap at him. "I just collapsed on the ground and panicked."
He grabs my arm and hauls me out of the chair towards the back door. "How long do you think you were under?" he asks, pausing with his hand on the handle.
I shake my head. "I don't know – a half hour?"
"Three minutes," he corrects. "You finished three times faster than everyone else. You did well."
He opens the door and as I start out, I think for a moment. "How does that even work?" I ask him hesitantly. "I mean, I'm not afraid of crows."
"That's something you need to think about." His expression is almost warm. I almost forget he's my instructor. "If it's not the crows, what about the situation itself scared you?"
I lean in the doorframe, thinking. "I don't know," I say honestly.
He's leaning over me, his forearm resting against the frame above my head. He is unbelievably close.
I know what it is about this situation that scares me.
When I return to the dorms, most of the initiates – all of them, not just transfers – are crowded around Peter who has a piece of paper in his hands.
"The mass exodus of the children of Abnegation leaders cannot be ignored or attributed to coincidence," he reads. "The recent transfer of Beatrice and Caleb Prior, the children of Andrew Prior, calls into question the soundness of Abnegation's values and teachings. Several speculate Abnegation leadership is covering up a pattern of neglect and abuse now that we've seen more children of leadership transferring away. We're left wondering if earlier reports about Marcus and Tobias Eaton are truthful, despite constant denials."
What?
Christina catches my eye as I approach, and she gives me a worried look.
What the fuck is Peter doing?
"Why else would the children of such an important man decide that the lifestyle he has set out for them is not an admirable one?" Peter continues. I'm stuck in place. I can't move. What did I do to him? He's been after me since day one.
"However, perhaps the answer lies not in a morally bereft man, but in the corrupted ideals of an entire faction. Perhaps the answer is that we have entrusted our city to a group of proselytizing tyrants who do not know how to lead us out of poverty and into prosperity."
I'm frozen. How many of them know I'm from Abnegation. I'm sure it's not difficult to figure out that Caleb and I didn't return, but is it clear where we are now?
Christina figured out that I'm from Abnegation. Maybe Will and Al know. Do the rest of them?
I fear it's too much of a coincidence; this was published the day after my mother was here visiting?
It takes several moments and deep breaths for me to calm myself. Eventually, I manage to tune out his words and walk to my bed.
Fucking Erudites.
Everyone turns to look at me. Oh, I guess I must have said that out loud.
"What's your problem with Erudites?" snaps Will, an angry look on his face. Well, I guess I've figured out where he came from.
"Erudite and Abnegation have been at it for ages now," I say with false calmness. "It's incredibly ignorant for anyone to believe anything that either side says in the papers."
"I don't know, princess," Peter drawls out, trying to provoke me. "Kind of seems like you have some sympathy towards Abnegation. Is that your home faction? Do you know these Prior children? Have you asked them if mommy and daddy beat them?"
I clench my fist, but then relax. If that's what he's asking, he has no clue.
"If I did come from Abnegation, that's just more shame for you, isn't it?" I smirk at him. "Should I just come out and admit I came from Abnegation so that everyone knows you got your ass beat by a scrawny little girl from the most docile faction there is?" I look over my shoulder conspiratorially and then look back, laughing. "Four's not here to pull me away this time, Peter. Feel like going for a round two?"
I get a sick amount of pleasure from the way his face pales, making the bruises and cuts stand out more.
Seeing things spiraling out of control, Christina grabs my arm and then looks at Will and Al. "Let's go shopping!" she suggests and then pulls me out of the room.
Al gives Christina a piggyback ride down the hallway. Will and I trail behind. As we make our way through, I see Four standing by the chasm, a group of people surrounding him. He lets out a hard laugh and clutches the railing for balance.
His behavior and the bottle in his hand tell me he's probably drunk, but this is a different drunk than the other night. He was still so serious when we played Candor or Dauntless. Right now he seems… almost like a real person. Free.
"Instructor alert," Will whispers.
"At least it's not Eric," I quip back. "He'd probably dangle me in the chasm for doing poorly in today's simulations."
Will gives me a weird look. "Yeah, but Four is terrifying. He held a loaded gun to your head."
I shrug. "I wasn't worried. I think there's probably a rule about executing a transfer student on day one."
"Tris!" I look up at Four in surprise. He pulls away from the railing and walks towards us. Christina and Al stop ahead as well, and Christina slides off of Al's back.
"You did good today," he says when he gets close enough. His words are sluggish. The alcohol is in full effect.
"Thank you." I give him a weird look. "What are you doing?"
"Flirting with death," he replies with a laugh. His eyes shift quickly towards the chasm. "Drinking near the chasm. Probably not a good idea."
"You're probably right." This version of drunk Four is unsettling. He seems… out of control. And I've never seen that on him.
"I like your tattoo," he says, his eyes locked in a gaze at my collarbone.
I turn look over to the side and see my friends waiting, looking at me in confusion – Christina and Al up ahead, and Will is close enough for me to touch; definitely close enough to hear every word of our conversation.
Four leans in close and I can feel his lips brush my ear as he whispers, "It's a really good look on you, Tris."
My eyes widen and no amount of willpower can stop the blush spreading across my chest. I meet his eyes and they're unfocused, but intense. He's drunk; he has no idea what he's saying.
I let out a laugh. "Hey! You're Uriah's brother, right?" I call out to his friend. He bounds over and stops behind Four.
"What's up, first jumper?"
"See, why couldn't that be the nickname that stuck?" I ask sarcastically. "Where did princess come from?" He laughs. "Anyway, you might want to keep your friend away from the chasm. I think he's properly trashed right now; has no idea what he's saying."
Four looks offended. He opens his mouth to argue with me, but I cut over him quickly, not wanting him to get into this in front of Will. I already have issues with my friends being suspicious of me; the last thing I need is them thinking something is going on between me and Four and that I'm cheating my way to the top of the rankings.
"I leave him in your capable hands," I say to his friend. My intent is clear in my eyes and thankfully he gets the hint.
"Come on man, let's go," he says, dragging Four by the arm back to the group. Al rushes at me and throws me over his shoulder. I let out a shriek.
"Come on, little girl," he says. "Let's go get more tattoos."
Four is watching us and I rest my elbows on Al's back and wave as he carries me away.
When we get around the corner, Al sets me down. "I thought I would rescue you. What was that about?"
He is trying to keep his tone light, but it doesn't quite work. I know Al has a bit of a crush on me. I've tried to discourage it, but it's clearly not working.
"I think we'd all like to know the answer to that," Christina singsongs. "What was he saying?"
"He was drunk," I say quickly, shaking my head. I cough a little. "He had no idea what he was saying. That's why I was grinning. It was just funny to see him acting like that."
"Right." I don't like Will's tone. "Couldn't possibly be because-"
I elbow him hard in the ribs before he can finish. Will was the only one close enough to hear what he said. I give him a glare with the clear message of Keep your mouth shut.
There are several tattoo artists working, but I wait several turns for Tori to be available. Christina seems annoyed, but I urge her to leave with the boys and assure her I can make it back to the dorms on my own.
As I'm waving goodbye to them, Tori approaches.
"I'm ready for you," she says. I settle in her chair on my left side and pull my shirt up to expose my right side.
"Can you do the Dauntless symbol here?" I ask, pointing to a spot high on my ribcage.
"Of course." She goes about prepping. "Congrats on making it through the first stage. How is the second going?"
The needle tickles as she starts.
"I guess I did okay on the first simulation one," I say hesitantly. "I felt like I failed because I panicked, but Four said my time was three times better than anyone else." Tori is silent and I glance to the side to see a worried look on her face. "What?"
"You need to watch yourself in the simulations, Tris," she warns me. "That's the easiest way for them to figure it out. Obviously, you don't want to do so poorly that you fail out of initiation, but if you do too well, you end up dead."
My surprise is clear. "My brother, George," she starts. "He was like you. Right after simulations, he jumped into the chasm."
"Oh my god, Tori, I'm so sorry."
She waves me off. "The thing is, my brother wasn't depressed. He'd just very successfully completed the second stage of initiation. Why would he kill himself? You have a brother, Tris. Wouldn't you know if he was so depressed that he was suicidal?"
I nod slowly, the fear creeping in. This was all of a sudden becoming too real.