Author's Note: Know that each chapter will be a page in Elsa's journal. The Italian briefly used here will be translated into English at the end of this chapter.

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Page 1

February 13, 1847༄

Dear Journal,

Tonight, I told Anna the truth about what's been keeping me awake. She suggested that I start journaling again to get this never-ending weight off my chest. She believes that by burning what I write, I'll be giving myself an emotional release. I'm going to start off by saying I never thought I would find myself in this position. Looking back, it all began with a new chapter between Corona and Arendelle, which Prince Eugene was the driving force behind.

I was skeptical of him when we first met back in the summer of 1844. At eighteen, I had already heard all about his past as the notorious "Flynn Rider" from Kai, but his wife was the beloved lost princess whom he had brought back to the kingdom of Corona in 1837. Their marriage both shocked and confused me, to say the least. Before my coronation, I learned everything I could to better educate myself about the couple who would soon be entering my castle. I even read the book he wrote about their adventure together, wondering all the while if it was true that he had sacrificed his life for her.

I spent several hours studying the ancient history of the Magic Golden Flower and its powers, which, according to his work, no longer lived in her hair follicles after her hair was cut off. I bookmarked chapters in his book that focused on her upbringing with her kidnapper and the fears she grew up having. Even though I wondered how much of it was grounded in reality, I reread Tangled countless times. If nothing else, I saw parts of myself in his reenactment of her story. I also felt very sad about her losing her magic.

On the night of my coronation, I found myself alone with Queen Rapunzel in my garden. She opened up to me about private parts of her old life like I wasn't a stranger to her at all, and I, having been overwhelmed by the mere idea of someone else in the world growing up with magic in their veins, hung on her every word without ever showing it. I don't make a habit out of trusting everything a person says when I first meet them, but she had this strange way of laying my reservations to rest and easing my spirit simultaneously. With her, I felt as though I could lower my guard without anything bad happening as a consequence. Her open heart had this same effect on several people, I noticed.

During the time we shared together in the garden, she explained her personal account of her magical hair, Gothel, and how Eugene had cut the former to save her from being enslaved by such a horrible monster. The same hair that could've saved his life was cut by him without a second thought, she stressed. As a result, he bled to death in her arms. My heart dropped as she recalled all those moments that had either been censored or abridged in his book for the sake of its target audience. She almost cried while talking about Eugene and everything he had done for her as well as Corona over the years.

I looked at him then, standing alone in my ballroom as he drank champagne by the dessert table. I remembered a part in his book where he had hinted at hiding his true self behind a mask out of fear of having "Eugene Fitzherbert" rejected by others. My personal experience with him had been limited to a formal introduction that the Duke of Weselton cut short with his ramblings, so I didn't get a chance to see glimpses of the man Rapunzel and Corona knew. What I did see was the lack of comfort he showed in high society. She went on to mention that many kingdoms still held his past against him despite his work to right his wrongs, causing Corona to lose a few of their closest trade partners after their wedding.

The same would happen to me after I thawed Arendelle and kept the gates open. By that point, I was still a monster to the foreigners who gossiped about me and my unfitness to rule Arendelle. Most commonly discussed by some of my remaining trade partners was their speculation about my potential to unleash an uncontrollable blizzard that could eclipse Europe if my powers were to regress. No matter how much I tried to prove myself―no matter how much of myself I gave―nothing was ever enough for them. Holding my head high and remaining strong for Arendelle became harder with every passing month.

I often stood on the balcony of Arendelle Castle during royal events with my champagne glass to keep me company while Anna danced with dignitaries in my place because they preferred her. On July 29, 1845, gossip surrounded Eugene's name as well as my own during my ball for the anniversary of my coronation. Even though we stood several yards apart, we were the talk of the royal garden.

"I never thought I'd see the day when there was a gussied-up rat in Corona's castle and a monster on Arendelle's throne," the Duke of Valaria said.

"Ah, yes! The Prince of Thieves and the Queen of Beasts. Which one is the worst sort?" asked the Duke of Ballonius.

"They are matched in disrepute because they have both proven themselves to be incapable of a stable moral conscience. How can anyone believe that they suddenly had a change of heart just because they want to be 'likable' now? The world won't forget what they are and did, so they will eventually succumb to old habits once they feel unaccepted by society, which was the entire reason for their falls from grace the first time," the Valarian duke added.

"Hear, hear! An expert thief and a destructive conjurer should not be given immunity, let alone seats within royal ranks; a rat and a monster are unfit to mingle among society."

These words absolutely ripped my heart out when Lord Erling told me about them. They were monstrous. Without hesitation, I made my presence known to the two men who had found it appropriate to not only speak on my place in my own kingdom but the name of my ally's diplomat. They made attempts to be kind toward me when I showed myself. I hinted at what I had heard until both dukes understood the consequences of their words.

Kai dealt with the Duke of Ballonius accordingly. I left his side to find my way to a balcony, where I could be alone. Once I found one, I stood underneath the stars, looking for the shape of Father's face in the constellations. I wanted so badly to tell him about what I was up against, but I couldn't because he was dead. The reality of that killed me.

Out of nowhere, I heard a man clear his throat from afar. The noise startled me, but I didn't freeze the balustrade. I discovered Eugene standing five feet away at the farthest end of it, looking at me in the moonlight like he pitied my condition.

"Oh!" I said, expressing my surprise. "Excuse me. I didn't realize..."

"No need to go excusing yourself, Your Majesty," he insisted, his voice dancing as it always does―yet there was something off about it that I couldn't quite place. "Objectively speaking, there's actually more than enough room on this balcony for the both of us. According to my observation, that is."

I frowned before looking at the fjord again. I wanted to leave so that I could finally be alone, but I didn't want to abandon my view of the fjord at that moment. Something was calling my heart. Something familiar yet new. It was unattainable freedom.

I imagined myself walking into the unknown and leaving my troubles behind me before berating myself for doing so. I was so distracted by my own mind that I didn't realize Eugene had closed some of the distance between us.

"Tough crowd, huh?" he murmured two feet away from me, letting me know that he had heard the gossip in my garden.

His words froze me in place at first. Then I shut my eyes and lowered my head, smiling down at my folded hands on the balustrade. My closed smile was not one of amusement but mutual self-pity. His tone when he had made the statement, though touched by humor, dripped with depression that I was no stranger to. My smile melted as I opened my hands to look at them.

Eugene asked me softly, "You alright?"

I turned my head and looked at his face. He had these eyes I'll never forget. They were the eyes of a man who felt weighed down by emotions he had been trying very hard to hide underneath charm and easy manners throughout the night. The voices that had called me "the Queen of Beasts" and him "the Prince of Thieves" had pushed us into close proximity, forcing us to break the ice between us.

"I'll survive," I answered, averting my eyes.

He didn't look away from me.

After staying quiet for a while, I squeezed my fingers and finally said to him, "I'm sorry you had to hear all of that at my own party."

"Eh, well..." He shrugged as he looked at the full moon. "I've gotten used to rolling with the punches as they come."

His nonchalance felt inauthentic to me. I glanced at the sun brooch he was holding, which was supposed to be fastened to his golden sash. I assumed he was feeling oppressed by his royal position in the same way that I was feeling oppressed by mine. In the same breath, I dreaded the thought of what that meant for Rapunzel.

When he noticed my gaze, he cleared his throat again and pinned his sun brooch back on. "By the way―your, uh, ice sculptures and overall taste in 'handmade' decor are absolutely life-altering. They just about took my breath away when I first walked in," he told me, either trying to lighten the mood or distract me from what I had sensed.

"Thank you," I told him, perhaps too quietly for my own liking. His choice of compliments surprised me because I had learned from Rapunzel that he didn't think much of ice and snow.

If she had been at my ball that night he would've been by her side instead of mine, but he was standing in her stead while she saw to a state visit from Princess Isabella of Torres in Corona. Furthermore, Eugene had business of his own in Arendelle and I was that business. I was scheduled to hold audience with him on Wednesday to discuss a new trade agreement between our kingdoms. Usually, Rapunzel assigned a different envoy to handle diplomatic relations with Arendelle, but in 1845, she assigned Prince Eugene. I wondered if he felt lonely in a foreign country without her, but a knock on the jamb of the balcony's open door interrupted my thoughts.

Eugene and I looked behind us to find Aksel.

My young footman clicked his heels together and bowed, addressing us as "Your Majesty" and "Your Highness." Smiling happily, he approached us with a tray of much-needed refreshments.

I thanked him for his offer before taking a champagne glass. He knew rosé champagne was an absolute necessity for my stress levels during balls. Eugene gratefully accepted his offer as well. We drank from our champagne glasses at the same time while Aksel watched us curiously.

"Mm!" Eugene moaned from the taste filling his mouth, pointing at the glass with his other hand before giving Aksel a thumbs up. "Mm-hm." His eyes rolled back into his head. After having his fill, he held up his glass and inspected the leftover champagne. "Outstanding," he praised. "Brand?"

"It's called Sogno D'oro," I offered in place of Aksel, who had clearly forgotten the name. "It means 'Golden Dream' in Italian."

"Talk about a champagne fuori da questo mondo," Eugene commented, flexing his Italian tongue.

Grabbing the opportunity to converse in one of my favorite languages, I quietly answered him with, "Sono molto d'accordo con te."

He stared at me, surprised by my response for some odd reason. "That's some impeccable Italian you have there."

"I had a good teacher," I mentioned, thinking fondly of my childhood tutor, Erik Andersen. "Conosceva il mondo come il palmo della sua mano."

"Lo dimostra," he replied.

Aksel left us alone to tend to my other guests. Eugene seized the moment to ask me about the languages I had learned during my childhood. This inevitably brought us to the topic of my isolation while I was trying to look for a way out of the conversation without being rude. I didn't indulge him with my secrets, choosing instead to keep my inner world at arm's length. When he saw me grow tense, he dropped the subject altogether, but I could see what looked like empathy written all over his face. Judging by his book, he knew what it meant to feel uncomfortable with providing a backstory to a new acquaintance and didn't make me feel pressured to talk about mine in the end.

I decided to excuse myself from our conversation to go find Anna when the night wore on. Engaging with Eugene before our appointment hadn't been a part of my plans for the night, but perhaps his plan had been to ingratiate and feel me out by holding a conversation with me. Whatever the case, our interaction had prepared me for the long week ahead, which was guaranteed to be full of many conversations. Little did I realize that the week would be the start of something insidious.

Author's Note

This is a very old idea of mine that was scrapped in the past. I'm a little rusty with my writing, but here we are. I'll continue if there's interest.

"Champagne fuori da questo mondo" translates to "champagne out of this world.""Sono molto d'accordo con te" means "I very much agree with you." "Conosceva il mondo come il palmo della sua mano" is "he knew the world like the back of his hand." "Lo dimostra" is "it shows."