Take Me Back to Eden

by OhhTaylorJade

"Above all, don't lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect he ceases to love." - Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Brothers Karamazov.

21. Chapter 20: I'm Not Mad

Chapter Twenty: I'm Not Mad

"And honestly, I still wish you nothing but the best
I know that you're still self-obsessed
I hear the wicked get no rest
But when you do, I hope you dream of me"

---

I don't remember much from the rest of that night. Aurora did what she could to console me in my hysterics of processing every intricate emotion of the memories. A haze of running through them all in such a short amount of time, only to be rocked violently by the feelings; It was revolting and rattled the core of my being. The headache that developed rapidly only created more discomfort and hassle. I would've believed the spell hadn't worked properly just from the pain in my head, my chest from gasping for air through sobs and screams, and my body from shaking. Little did I could remember being escorted to Severus after begging Aurora that I needed him. I pleaded through her uncertainty as much as I was capable of, and after trying to console me while packing our things to shrink them, she did what she could to try to ease my wailing to not attract the attention of the otherwise sleeping castle. It was as if I were flashing between comprehending what I had experienced and digesting what I had repressed all the while trying to remain present in the world so that I wasn't dragging my friend.

Somehow, some way only by the efforts of my confidant, I was finally within Severus's arms. I remembered hearing his annoyance at being disturbed in the middle of the night, his alarm at seeing the two of us. Half coherent to hear his concerned and highly upset questioning, and Aurora's not-so-exact explanations, I recalled being led through more doors before finding myself sitting in a chair. Vaguely aware of the many jars, books, and desks I could only assume it was Severus's office. I soon found myself with a vial forced in my hand before downing the contents immediately. Autopilot had taken over for me to consciously understand what I was even doing.

I assumed a Calming Draught with a hint of a sleeping aid because soon I found myself eased of the enormous weight of my feelings, shoulders slacking that soon drifted through my body, and only capable of falling forward from whatever chair I was in. Strong hands caught me before the sensation of feeling like I was nothing but liquid in his palms before being lifted, my head resting on Severus's chest. I wanted to attach myself to the grounding force of Severus—it had to be him with that cologne scent of smoky, woodsy eucalyptus—to hold me down from the heights of hysteria. I could barely recognize the rhythmic thumping in his chest that seemed elevated. The next I knew my body felt the fabric of a comforter and the ease of a mattress underneath, the fluffed pillow under my head. It was more inviting than I realized, but I still wanted the protection and care that Severus's form held me with. Delicate, lighter hands seemed to remove me of my cloak, and my shoes, and finally I let the scent of woodsy eucalyptus, and the tinge of smoke that was less noticeable, take me into a haven of slumber. There were no dreams, no memories forcing me to review and consume the feelings with them, but an empty void of serenity.

What I remember more vividly was waking in the middle of the night to a fire roaring and crackling, the comforting covering my body to keep out any cold that may have lingered in the room. Shadows danced among the walls from the illumination of the fire and turned over to look upon the silhouette of Severus sitting on the bed with me lost in thought. I could see the concerned lines on his brow with his fingers rubbing over his chin completely consumed by his worrying thoughts. I remember the exhaustion of what had occurred hours before, how even stirring from my spot was nearly too much but wanting to be closer to Severus. I also desperately wanted out of the tight pants that irritated my senses; probably why I was able to wake in the first place. My hand ran along the covers to lightly grasp the white nightshirt he had on, bringing his attention directly to me as if I startled him.

"I need out of these pants," I mumbled with grogginess coating my throat, doing my best to reach down and pull the thick material off. I could only manage to get them down so far on my thigh when Severus leaned over to start tugging down the material. With his help, it was much easier to finally feel the sheets against my skin, and finally have some relief. He threw the pair of pants on the edge of the bed, and with neither of us speaking he pulled me closer to him, allowing him to cradle me while I mindlessly fiddled with the white, flowy nightshirt he wore. When the silence was too much, he asked me what had happened. His voice was full of concern, but I could recognize when there was a demand for an answer. Even if it were gentle and soft against the deafening silence of the room minus the fire providing background noise.

What could I say? A short and sweet answer wouldn't satisfy him, nor did I feel like it would give justice to whatever hysterical outburst I presented him. How could I give a synopsis of something that spanned over decades? To explain what I did to rid myself of Sirius would mean I'd have to explain who I was raised by and to explain them would be another matter altogether. There was no time unless we found a way to stop time itself.

"I used old magic to try… to break myself of my past," I whispered, biting my lips before pursing it and hiding my face in his chest.

Severus did not push any farther and started to smooth out my hair before his fingers slipped between to rest his hand on my neck, leaning down to kiss my head lightly. He only spoke again to ask if my 'hysterical breakdown meant I was successful' and all I could do was nod. Afraid he'd push even further but found the relief of being satisfied with what little he was told.

Maybe I was a hypocrite by not explaining everything to him then and there, but for the life of me, I couldn't bring any of the words of memories up at the moment. To show him the details would be disastrous since there would be no way to filter anything, probably invoking his own unstoppable rampage. He really would kill Sirius; it would be his snapping point. The mixture of anger and shame that I had felt had swirled with the understanding from the Not-Sirius. As troubling as it was to witness and understand the pain, I could not turn back from the truth that Sirius was a human who was damaged in his own way. It was no excuse, but the reasoning behind his actions. At least when he had become aggressive with me, he kept the promise to never stoop so low. I just needed to be able to rest, absorb what I had learned, and come to terms with what that meant now. For the time being, I wanted nothing more than to be in the presence of the man I… cared incredibly, irrevocably for.

The morning came all too quickly, at least that's how it felt. Dawn painted this ethereal glimmer within the waters from the glass, and with great effort, I had to depart from Severus in order to get back to my chambers. We did not speak, and I didn't expect any more than that. Severus did what he could to comfort me, to help me through an unexpected breakdown, and that's all I could ask for. It wasn't uncomfortable silence either; we simply communicated through actions rather than words. Kissing, embracing each other, and a silent goodbye lead the way for me to sneak back up into my chambers through the chilling castle.

The days leading into weeks passed on in a blur of digesting my past. Aurora had been as attentive as she possibly could be, even going as far as to apologize for not telling me more of the details. I did not blame her, and I knew I was in for something rough to begin with. Strangely enough, I knew that this was the way it was supposed to happen. To get through Hell, I had to go through it completely. I did what I could to move through my day-to-day life. Trying to take care of myself by eating what I could, allowing myself to process any new waves of emotions when I could. Severus came to see me when he could and did what he could to keep me going through the day. I didn't want to seem like such a mess in front of him and did what I could to allow myself some serenity with him.

I knew I had to front the Hag of Hogwarts. As much as I didn't want to speak to her, paint my face in fake politeness as best as I could, I knew I had to say something to her about the little stunt she pulled with the Minister.

The discussion I was able to have with Dreadful Umbridge about Elowyn and what she was allowed to do was as straightforward without being directly rude. I found it asinine that I was left in the position to make sure I was tiptoeing around the woman; her title and position were the only things in the way of me striking her down. I informed her that if there were any unscheduled field trips that the Defense professor, and our Minister, decided to take Elowyn on then to let us be aware. Even when I tried my best to remain firm, I found it to be a bigger challenge than addressing her with fake sincerity. Accommodating to the idea that Elowyn enjoyed herself with acquiring her new familiar and clothes was like swallowing Fiend Fyre, but I wanted her to believe that I remained clueless about anything that was told to me from the teen's mouth. Giving the stance that it was merely parental supervision and a right that Aurora and I had.

Umbridge must've prepared for such a confrontation and kept spitting out that we were not treating them with respect or seemed to question the integrity and safety of the two of them. That somehow, we were undermining Elowyn's natural magic by painting ideas that she wasn't worthy of traditional rites that witches required.

Dreadful was pushing her luck, and my patience.

"It seems to me, Thorne, that you haven't even attempted to give her a normal, magical upbringing like other witches I've known! Not to mention the underlying tone of implying that being within mine, and the Minster's, presence could be harmful to her!"

I did what I could to explain thoroughly it had more to deal with our panic, and worry, than the notion that I didn't trust them, or think that my child was worth anything extraordinary in her life.

I obviously didn't trust them. Not with the sickly feeling that those two had something planned for, and their meddlesome ways of trying to spy on Harry by using her. Thanks to Rita Skeeter's article that came out showcasing the three on the front page, she was the talk of the school for some time as well. Both in great lighting by her fellow snakes, and not such great light by most others.

Class the following weeks had dragged on for everyone involved, including us teachers. Eventually, things turned around for the classroom environment, possibly with the idea of departing for the upcoming holidays. I was even able to have time with Harry, stating it was important to discuss his grade when in reality, I just wanted to spend time with him. Something was troubling in the way he remained agitated during most of the conversation, and so different than the boy I had grown to know last year. Even in the moments where I could get a less agitated, and even a friendly, soft smile from him it almost didn't seem so genuine. Who was I to offer advice in this state that I was in anyway? I was going through enough at the moment, I doubted I could be much comfort to him. The only thing I could tell him was how it was important to have those closest to us know what was going on with us, and that people like Aurora were important. I pointed out his friendships, and how they were a bond that couldn't be broken so easily.

"Love, Harry, is a power that defeats so much strife."

Leaving him with the friendly reminder that if all he ever needed was to escape and sit in the office, the door would always be open for him.

I was able to have more of my Occlumency lessons with Jethro, and truthfully, I felt like I was starting over. Who thought that missing a few weeks (months, really) would've affected all that I had worked on? What little progress I made didn't die off but diminished the work like tarnished silver. It was nearly embarrassing when my uncle scolded me, prompting me to get out of my head in order for him to stay out of it. Jethro did not let me live it down either and decided to push me even further. Thankfully, I was able to get back on track, but Jethro believed I needed more practice than what I was currently doing. I had to remind him of my teaching schedule, and that only made him brush me off.

"Darling, do I need to remind you that you must concentrate on what's at stake here? Must I reiterate the impending peril that's about to arrive on our doorsteps at any moment—if it hasn't arrived already?!"

He wasn't wrong. The back burner issue in my life at the current time was the looming storm of dread and war on the horizon; I needed to step up my game. I made it a priority to focus a bit of my free time on spending it with my uncle.

Things at Hogwarts were just as forlorn and full of tension. As if I didn't have enough weighing over me, I was now having to prepare for a performance review, conducted by none other than Dreadful Umbridge herself. I had been through many of those with her in the past, but this one had a more sinister approach without the general support of Cornelius Fudge by our side. I could easily predict the possible outcome, even if I tried to remain hopeful of the idea that whatever Umbridge found in my classroom setting wouldn't be enough for suspension, or dismissal. Severus had already been reviewed, and from the way Elowyn had described the event, Umbridge did not seem to care to openly question his background in a not-so-subtle way. It was as if she were trying to poke the Hippogriff who tried all his might to hold back from chomping on the finger of Dreadful.

His advice after the particularly vexing review was simple.

"Selini, you must play your part. As infuriating, as much as she tries to coax you into lashing out, you can not let her win. Give her no reason for dismissal of you and Ramsey."

My more pessimistic nature took over, commenting that I doubt it mattered much between having the students attack each other, of me sneezing during a lesson.

Elowyn's notoriety had grown but seemed rather divided. From where she stood, floating between two groups of opposing forces gave many students, and even the whispering staff. Minerva, Gods bless the woman for her daily dose of sassiness and for sharing many opinionated discussions about Dreadful Umbridge's involvement in the school and student body. Even Minerva McGonagall couldn't keep from asking about that one specific article, and why Elowyn drifted from group to group. It wasn't supposed to be a confrontation, but a part of me wondered if it was a covert attempt to dig deeper. I could trust Minerva enough to know this was just for her opinion and knowledge, but even then, I was careful enough to state that Elowyn chose her own path. Pointed out my own alliances from my school days and played it as casually as I could.

Elowyn had explained what the plan between her and her friends would be; to return to spending time with her Gryffindor friends while publicly also moving in tow with her Slytherin squad. She explained that Umbridge's influence on the Slytherins had to be great for her to not be outcasted once more. I wasn't sure what kind of influence the woman had on the house, but it seemed it was slowly becoming more and more prevalent to respect the toad of a woman like they seemed to do with Severus. Another great irritation to my lover, if I had to comment.

By this time Education Decree Number Twenty-Four had been enacted; all student organizations were banned. Somehow, someway, Quidditch was able to stay intact much to the delight of the majority of the student body. I wondered if it Minerva had much to do with that, or perhaps most of the staff being involved one way or another with the sport. I could tell it was going to be a much-anticipated match between Slytherin and Gryffindor in the next two weeks, and because of that, it seemed like the two houses were staying forever at odds and ends.

Unfortunately, as Aurora and I had been made aware of our date for inspection, we knew we'd have to come up with a teaching plan for the day that didn't exude any kind of defensive instruction. So much so, that Dumbledore had called us to his office the day before to speak about the curriculum in question.

At least that's what we had assumed at first, but once we were there we found that it was nothing more than a warning for us. Dumbledore explained that while he was there, then his staff would be safe under his protection. Unfortunately, it was starting to look like Dumbledore would potentially have to make an unexpected leave of absence with how things were turning out. Delores Umbridge's reign of terror was seeping into everything within Hogwarts, and there was only so much that could be done. That's when he informed us that we'd likely be one of the few professors being dismissed from their post.

"With how brutal she was in Trelawney's and Hagrid's class, I doubt we'd be able to get out of it easily." Aurora bit her lip as she paced back and forth in front of Dumbledore's desk, where the headmaster leaned on casually. "I mean—what about Elowyn then? You don't think they'll try to kick her out?"

"Elowyn Beaumont seems to be more in favor of Umbridge than you two," Dumbledore looked at us, almost challenging the phrase with the twinkle in his bright eyes, "I think her education here shouldn't be interrupted. A fact that I can strangely guarantee if I must say so myself."

Aurora had turned to pace forward, shooting me a panicked glance with wide eyes before pursing her lips to remain nonchalant as she did before. I shook my head and avoided Dumbledore's eyes as I spoke.

"What about Harry, then? If you're gone, we're gone, then who else is there left to look after him? I mean, we've barely been able to hold a conversation ever since that woman has gotten here." I waved my hand about before rolling my eyes.

Dumbledore nodded but said nothing before tilting his head to the side, "We do have two other Order members here who can help with that, Professor Thorne. Minerva being his Head of House will guide him the best that she can—although from what I'm told, his rebellious side has never been more active than now. Then of course there is Severus, who can also look out for the boy." Dumbledore explained.

I looked to Aurora who seemed defeated even knowing that it would be inevitable that some kind of backlash was to happen.

"Sir," I said while finally looking at the old man, "how will we stay in contact then? Will we have to leave the premises?"

"Delores has the right to unfortunately dismiss the teachings of my staff, but she doesn't have the right to dismiss them from the property. I still have some control over certain things." He reassured.

"What happens when she comes for that control?" I asked,

Dumbledore sighed and nodded, "When I eventually take my leave she will, and at that point, I would suspect your cottage outside of Hogsmeade will be the closest you can be to Hogwarts."

To say we had left the office of Albus Dumbledore with disheartened spirits was an understatement. It didn't matter how well we prepared for the next day; Umbridge was going to get rid of us even if we were able to show that our lessons exceeded her expectations. That morning felt like I would be walking into some sort of prison cell in Azkaban.

Breakfast was hardly enjoyable when Dreadful came by to ask if Aurora and I were prepared for her inspection, the pleasantries were sickly with her insincere smile. Aurora buffered with her forced and swift false eagerness, explaining we were both looking forward to it. I could not be so accommodating and found myself struggling to even smile at the hag.

"Play your part, Selini."

The baritone, silky words of Severus entered my mind causing me to look to him as he stared down at me. His composed persona did not deceive his true feelings of encouragement, however spiteful it was toward the shared hatred of the woman.

I did just that to the best of my ability. If I had it my way, I would've asked for the war headed our way before having to deal with the constant interruptions, the incessant questioning of our methods, and the overall theme of asking:

"And is any of your curriculum geared toward teaching the children combative methods? Defensive spells outside of what's permitted by the Ministry's instructions of only using theory?"

The hellish, awkward, astronomically vexing class period where I couldn't smoothly get the lessons across to my students would haunt my days as a professor. Aurora's own patience was tested, but her ability to bounce back was more impressive. Even if it meant turning away from the scene to roll her eyes before turning back around to put on an effortless performance. Of course, this happened to be the class my child and Godson occupied the room watching it all happen. How infuriating it was to see my reputation held in a chokehold by a woman dressed in the worst tones of pink known to Merlin.

Time went on from that day, and six days later we were informed we were on probation. Of course, we were put on probation. The blow didn't immediately affect me until later on when things felt like they were improving in my mental state. It wasn't until I realized that my career at Hogwarts was outside of my control that I felt the iciness return and a similar foul mood that had occurred last year made its appearance once more.

A foul mood that didn't help my students when they would act out. Unfortunately, I was helping Filch by accumulating several of them to help with his duties. His happier demeanor was strange, but even a grouchy man such as himself deserved some type of contentment in life, right? Even if it happened to be at the expense of children's joy.

That following weekend only added to the souring of my mood when I watched a losing match for the Gryffindors followed by a physical brawl between Harry, the Weasley twins, and Draco Malfoy. All this aggression that I had witnessed ever since the night we had brought him to Grimmauld place, hearing of his constant disruption in Umbridge's class and his general angry mood had seeped out in such a disruptive way. I had to admit I was rather impressed with his right hook.

A few more weeks went by, and I was walking on eggshells around the staff and students, trying my best to make sure that whatever I didn't couldn't easily be considered for dismissal. Although, knowing how this would play out, I doubted that it mattered anymore. The only thing to pulled me out of my Hogwarts professor persona was the discussion of Christmas plans.

Jethro had mentioned that there would be a gathering for the Order members at Grimmauld Place.

"I expect to see my girls with their festive faces, ready to receive gifts and Christmas cheer!"

In the past, Christmas meant a sudden trip to see Jethro to make sure he was doing good, and that he was on the straight and narrow without spiraling out of control. This year he seemed to flourish in the idea of having a traditional Christmas day spent with his makeshift family. Even if a bunch of those were rebellion members.

The conversation with Aurora about the decision on whether to attend was hard enough; not going meant the attention would be on me regardless of my presence or not. To not spend a holiday with my little family all because of the boundary I had placed almost didn't seem fair. How many more holidays would I get with them? The last Christmas holiday I spent a great majority crying my eyes out and was barely able to celebrate it properly with Aurora and Elowyn. I didn't want such a lousy memory to be one of the last holidays I'd spend with them.

However, going meant I had to enforce the boundary and endure whatever Sirius's presence brought. It meant I had to face whatever came my way, and still try to focus on my time with those I cared about. What if Sirius raged and rampaged through his family home, making the whole event regrettable and uncomfortable at the very least? What if he didn't accept my answer, and tried something more daring than his last perverse gestures? Well, that would be easier to remedy; I would hate for Harry to find out he didn't have a Godfather on Christmas, but that would be something he'd have to deal with.

The memories that had been pried open in my ritual were still very fresh to me, and time was not my friend in pushing them back anymore. I wouldn't be able to push them back anymore. I had to keep going through them to digest it all.

The decision came down to two options; I either skip a potentially final holiday before things within the Wizarding World turn for the absolute worse, or I confront my past in the form of an unhealed man from our toxic relationship.

Then, an epiphany of sorts came forward. In this situation, I was presented with an opportunity to close the chapter for good. That's what the Other Sirius had been talking about; I needed to make that choice in the reality I lived in. How could I stand before Severus and ask him to confront his past if I couldn't do the exact same thing, and not just by a mentally taxing spell?

Then a new dilemma came forward, one that I was quickly thinking of fixing. I didn't want to leave Severus alone on another holiday. Christmas would've marked a year since our dramatic falling out, and after the horrible event not to mention missing his birthday while ignoring the idea of him missing my own, I wanted that to change. He deserved to have a good holiday, and with the same reasoning I had used for wanting to spend time with my little makeshift family, I was able to justify wanting to be around him. Christmas time was never a good event when we were younger either; I wondered if he had any holiday that was worth remembering.

My mind had whirled around with different things to pass the time, and the memories we could make together. The beautiful moments we could cherish for years on, and another occurrence where we could make up for lost time for years past.

My plan would be to send Aurora and Elowyn off to spend the first week with our little group at Grimmauld, and I would spend Christmas Eve with Severus. The following day, I'd be up bright and early to spend the whole day with them, and if things weren't so horribly chaotic from the unsurprising confrontation with Sirius, then I'd be able to enjoy the rest of the break with them.

So, after speaking to Aurora whose hesitation was duly noted when I first told her, eventually gave her support when I told her why it was important to do so. She understood probably more than most what confronting the past would mean after such a powerful ritual like that.

When relaying the plans to Elowyn, minus the reasoning of why I wouldn't be around for the week, I could tell she was resistant to having me gone for some time. She questioned relentlessly why I couldn't just stay the two weeks, and when I finally caved to tell her I would spend it with someone I cared about, it was less than satisfactory for the Slytherin teen.

"Well, don't you care about us?" She countered, and the pang of guilt I felt was enough to leave me speechless. Aurora did her best to assure the teenager that we would be together for Christmas, and eventually, she understood that it was out of her control. In her huffy-attitude-induced annoyance, took the opportunity to inform us she thought that Umbridge was theorizing a rebellion from the Gryffindors.

In the strange turn of conversation topics, my adoptive daughter explained that she could only tell Umbridge so much, and even with her reconstructing the true motives of her Gryffindor friends, it only led Umbridge to construct something different entirely. I asked her what exactly where they doing for Umbridge to believe that, and her response seemed ill-constructive.

Avoiding lots of eye contact, and shrugging a lot as if she were hiding something more from me. Normally I'd push her for an answer, but this time I let her have her secret. Something in the way she acted with such finality made me realize she wouldn't give up her answer no matter what I threatened or scolded her about. It was, once again, her decision to put herself in this situation and I had to trust in her that she'd come to us if anything were truly in jeopardy. Even if the mothering instinct in me told me to push back.

As I had planned to speak to Severus, I was pleasantly surprised to find him waiting for me in my classroom the week before term ended. He seemed nervous, even under the facade of appearing restrictive in his normal demeanor, and yet he dared to push himself forward to ask about my holiday plans. I found myself smiling at approach and told him how I was just thinking of asking him that same question. He seemed much more at ease after I spoke about wanting to be with him during that time, but that pleasant expression had changed dramatically as his eyes carried mixed emotions after informing him of the rest of my plans. I braced for this and expected him to not be so keen on the idea, but I took the time to explain to him what I needed to do; confront Sirius at some point in time and put an end to his unacceptable behavior toward me.

Severus had held my gaze, and after feeling the tug within my mind, I allowed him to feel what I felt while doing my best to hold back the memories associated with them. What came forward were the same emotions I had battled and worked through the last several months; anger, mourning, clarity, and peace.

"Why… hold back your memories?"

I was sure he'd be able to pull them if he wanted, but I sensed him pulling back from my mind.

"We should… talk about that, soon. Nothing for you to worry about, but not a topic I'd be able to handle in the middle of my office."

After reassuring him once more that everything between us was as solid as the foundation of Hogwarts, and that I was incredibly elated to spend alone time with Severus who seemed more content with my enamored display, the week passed on with some hope and cheer I hadn't felt in so long. An opportunity to make ever-lasting memories with Severus by my side, and even the feeling of looking forward to settling a long-standing chapter in my life that strangely lingered. I felt more confident, and freer to make the choices that I wanted all by approaching this hurdle from a different perspective, and as a different person.

Life, however, wasn't so kind enough to allow me peace for too long. Awoken to the panicked, large eyes of Bunny rambling in a frenzy about needing to see Dumbledore in his office. I never liked being disturbed from my sleep and had to constantly remind myself that something had to be terribly wrong with such an urgent need for my presence in the middle of the night. When I finally reached the office, I was met with the shaken and worried faces of the Weasley children, a frazzled-looking Minerva and a petrified-looking Harry who had sweated through his pajamas.

Dumbledore, who paced back and forth in his office with more determination in a way that I could only describe as composed panic had informed me that there was an attack upon Arthur Weasley and that children were heading to Grimmauld place a day early for them to be closer to their father.

"W-What do you mean? How do you know?" A hoarse tone to my voice as I walked up to stand next to Harry, looking between the several faces and Minerva who started to shake her head.

"I saw it," Harry's stark and lively tone came out, he looked as if he had been breathing heavily for a while as he looked up at me. Green eyes animated with fright, frustration, and hopefulness for me to understand him, "I saw it happen, Maeve."

"But, how, my Little Lion?" I asked while putting a hand on his cheek and kneeling to his level in the chair.

"We don't have time, Maeve, we'll discuss it later—"

"LOOK AT ME!" Harry yelled before leaping from his chair, his outrage directed at the headmaster who turned at him with eyes full of shock. "WHY CAN'T YOU TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON?! WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME?!"

I got to my feet to put my hands on his shoulders in an attempt to calm him but shimmed his shoulders to aggressively throw them off. I blinked, completely taken aback by his aggressive display and his harsh tone. Silence filled the room; Harry's panting had calmed only slightly as grabbed his forehead where his scar was and winced. There was absolutely something more at play, and Harry seemed to be more intuitive that something was being kept from him. In that moment I felt like I hadn't been put in the loop as much either; Dumbledore had barely had any discussions with me, and I recalled how he had kept his distance from my Godson. Something I assured had more to deal with the day-to-day issues of having Delores Umbridge in the castle than him.

Now, I wasn't sure about that.

"We'll figure it out," I offered while leaning forward for him to look at me, eyes still lively with their frustration and the pain that I was told had radiated from his scar. "Harry, we'll get you answers," I reassured him before he threw himself at me in a desperate embrace. I slowly wrapped my arms around the boy, trying to soothe him as best as I could before throwing a look over my shoulder at Dumbledore. He held my stare in something unreadable, almost as if it were masking a deeper thought or emotion that I couldn't uncover. My look wasn't hard to read; Dumbledore had things to answer for, and I would get those answers.

With the Weasley's departure this would allow Harry to leave for headquarters, and regardless of plans, meant that me, Aurora and Elowyn were to accompany them for safe measure. Severus, arriving not too long after only showing his confusion and concern that was masked ever so slightly from puzzlement, had escorted me through the Slytherin commons to grab a very annoyed Elowyn. Persephone, the Kneazle that was snuggled next to the girl, had grown more accustomed to my presence but still acted aloof to Severus.

Maybe it was cold feet, or maybe it was some small selfish part of me that didn't want things to be disrupted from the plans I had made, but I couldn't bring myself to venture to Sirius's home. Aurora, awoken to the news of what had happened, had assured me she would be able to take care of things at Grimmauld Place just fine without me.

"He'll be protected, and he'll be just fine once he's there. If you're not ready, don't push it. That'll be worse in the end." She reassured before yawning.

I couldn't help but feel guilty for not at least checking on Arthur. Though it was reported he was in stable condition at the time, it almost felt inappropriate to be heading to my cottage instead of headquarters.

Still, whenever I had arrived to take over from Jethro who also assured me it was quite alright, and that he was more than happy to fill in for me to guard over Harry and the others, I tried what I could to enjoy myself. Within the cottage, it had become more Jethro's domain than mine or Aurora's, and I felt that to keep myself preoccupied from thinking too much about the sobering events that had occurred in the early hours of the morning. The spurt of energy I had in order to make the small home cozier, and inviting, before Severus would arrive.

I made headway on cleaning the kitchen, organizing a few things around the living space, making sure I had freshly cleaned sheets, and setting the fireplace ablaze to combat the cold. With all the moving I had done I stayed pretty warm all things considered. After a nearly sleepless night where adrenaline had led most of the cleaning journey, not to mention the excitement of seeing and being with the Potions Master, I found myself winding down. With candles that allowed the essence of pine, clove, and cranberries to mix within the home and the comfort of wearing a thin, black sweater and black, thick leggings while curled up on the love seat I began drifting in and out of sleep waiting for Severus to arrive. I couldn't tell you the time when I heard the knocking that pulled me out of a relaxed and nearly asleep state, and excitement took over.

Getting up and doing my best to blink away the scratchy irritation from my tired eyes, I made my way to open the door revealing the bundled face of Severus who made his way in quickly. The bitter chill of outside had seeped in behind him, along with snow that had fallen on him like confetti as the biting cold had lingered within my home far too long for my liking. He had moved past me as I shut the door before turning around to take in his appearance fully. A black winter coat that covered every bit of him, and black boots that weren't like his nicer ones used during the term. A black scarf wrapped around his neck that he currently started to take off, with a pair of dark green gloves. The picture of him finally safe from the iciness of outside warmed me beyond the help of the fire.

"Did I wake you?" He asked as he looked at me. Without objection from him, I took both the scarf and coat to hang them near the fireplace.

"I may have dozed off," I admitted while chuckling and rubbing my face, turning back to him to smile, "I think fatigue is catching up to me."

Severus hummed in understanding as he stepped forward slowly, holding out his hand that I took to meet him. "An already eventful day it seems." His tone held a bit of somberness to it as he pulled me into his arms, locking me in around my lower waist.

I gave him a sad smile before nodding, and letting my head fall onto his chest. The rhythmic beat of his heart enticed me into the dreamland of sleep.

"I think it wise to have this day spent resting," He spoke lowly before kissing the top of my head lightly, bringing me to look up at him with bleary eyes.

"You wouldn't mind? I want to spend as much time with you as possible…"

"Then let's spend some of that time sleeping so we can do just that," He replied. Giving him a look over I could see his own dark circles, and the lassitude within his features as well. Giving a small smile I lifted myself to kiss his lips softly for a few moments before leading him back to my room. There was no possible way for both of us to fit on that loveseat for a proper nap, and with the warming charm I had placed between the covers, it was much more appropriate there.

The intimacy of being able to dress down, both of us in minimal clothing to lay between the sheets and hold each other as we drifted into slumber once more rival that of when we actually slept together. To feel so safe within his presence, and with that, I was able to drift nearly immediately to sleep with his arm hooked around my waist, and his warm, even, steady breathing against my neck became the lullaby to ensure rest.

We could've been there for quite some time, maybe even the whole day, and by the setting sun peeking through the windows we had been. I was the first to wake, and with careful movements to not disturb Severus, I removed myself to grab my house robe and went out to make dinner.

Working in the comfortable silence within my kitchen, I even decided to break out the wine and treat myself to a well-deserved glass. My thoughts were focused on the pot roast, adding the veggies and potatoes, and using magic to speed up the process just a bit. The enjoyment I felt even brought out a humming tune, and light swaying of my hips while I focused on the task at hand. The fire I relit did little to warm me up, but thankfully for the stove and the kitchen, I was able to have some relief. The candles had been extinguished thanks to the charm placed on them hours ago, but the smell of winter mixed with the home-cooked, savory meal gave me a nostalgic feeling I wasn't sure how to describe. The setup was familiar to my youth and even similar to the holidays I had with Aurora and Elowyn, but it didn't come close to what I was experiencing at this moment. How could I reminisce on something I never exactly experienced?

'The wines getting to me already,' I thought to myself with a scoff of amusement, taking another gulp.

By the time I was nearly finished with dinner, and my second glass that did wonders to warm me up, I heard the shuffling of steps making their way to me. I smiled but didn't turn around, the warmth wasn't just from the stove or fire but from contentment. To know that Severus was within reach, coming to stand behind me, with a hand that came to rest around my waist before I leaned into his body and wrapped my arm around his. To know he was here still astounded me with flutters violently tossing in my stomach.

"I see your cooking has improved," He complimented in a low, scratchy, and sleepy tone. I snorted before looking up at him.

"I just got better at making my favorites. Aurora's the better cook—hell, Elowyn is a better cook."

A low grumble that resembled a chuckle came from his chest and the upturn in the corner of his mouth followed. There was something about how he looked after first waking up that gave him this aura of appeal. As if he needed anymore, the relaxed shoulders and slightly messy black locks with half-lidded eyes just made me want to stop what I was doing and take him right there.

'Maybe the wine really is getting to me—I know don't get like this unless I've had a few more glasses.' I thought to myself, entertained by the idea of where the night would lead us.

More than likely right back to the bedroom.

After a moment's pause, he picked up the glass of raspberry-colored wine, inspecting its contents. "Do you want some?" I asked, stirring the food once more while looking up, "It's some of Jethro's he had left."

Severus raised an eyebrow before nodding, seeming content with the idea of allowing himself the little pleasure of indulgence, "Wouldn't mind unwinding after these last few months." He added. With a wave of my hand, I brought down an extra glass and levitated the bottle to pour a sufficient amount into the glass.

"I'll drink to that," I grabbed my glass from him to clink his that remained levitated before he took it. I noticed that his smirk was more prominent before turning off the stove, "You woke up in time for dinner to finish. The bowls are in that cabinet." I motioned with my glass and Severus went to pull out two just for us. "Hopefully we won't get too tired of eating on this for a few days," I teased before looking up at him to find him watching me. A softness in his features, along with an inquisitive glint in his eyes.

"What?" I asked softly, raising an eyebrow with a soft smile.

"The fierce, and untamable Ice Maiden performing domesticated duties was something I… hadn't expected to see," He answered, the drawl of his sentence however teasing it may have been gave the impression that this attracted him. That the cold front I gave the others had dissolved and melted in front of him, showing a more nurturing side.

I laughed while rolling my eyes at him, "I'm just full of surprises, you know. Just don't get too accustomed to the idea; it'll ruin my reputation."

Our mealtime was spent with casual conversation about remedial things, and at times it was a peaceful, comfortable silence. I could feel the heat in my cheeks from the wine and could spot the same rosy flesh on Severus. It felt like a lot of our tension had melted away just by being able to have this time to ourselves. I knew our night would end with us back in that bedroom, but I hadn't expected it to start heating up in the living room. In fact, with no important meetings or responsibilities of our jobs, the immediate need to attend to everyday life that would pull us apart, we were able to explore more each other's fantasies. The way his voice was able to talk through our coupling was the erotic stimulation that would always send me over the edge each time.

The days that followed consisted of minimally decorating the home for the festivities, enjoying the comfort of each other's company in more ways than one a few times, and even reminiscing about the past we shared. I found fondness in how at ease he was, and how I could see genuine happiness in those pitch-black eyes that glittered like the night sky. We caught up on our personal lives, like telling him what Elowyn knew about the Umbridge situation, and Aurora and Emmeline becoming a pair. I told him how I was worried about Harry. That my Occlumency lessons were coming a lot better now that I was constantly practicing, and that I was grateful Jethro had let me off the hook for the two-week term was over.

He told me minimal about his double agent activities, only stating that things aren't looking so good for us. I understood why he shifted the topic to a slightly different topic. He explained that Albus had asked him to teach Harry Occlumency himself, and his displeasure with the idea was evident in the way his upper lip twitched.

"He couldn't have found a better teacher than, don't you think?" I asked, trying to keep his spirits from lowering.

"If the brat would listen then possibly." He grumbled his answer, and after my stern look of disapproval, he sighed.

"Something's going on with Harry in a way I can't… describe, Severus. He's so… angry. I know he witnessed something horrific last year, but it just seems… I mean he yelled at Dumbledore—yes, yelled. If Dumbledore has some idea on how to help him, then maybe try to give him some kind of patience when learning."

Severus seemed reluctant to take my advice, even when I tried to coax him by kissing along his neck although I was sure that helped his compliance.

I asked him to try testing out my Occlumency abilities just to pass the time to which he seemed hesitant at first. After playfully mentioning that I knew he wouldn't be able to crack me, seemed to take it as a challenge. With eyebrows raised and a taunting smirk, he obliged. While my uncle may have been proficient, and a hard one to test with, it paled in comparison to Severus. I didn't realize how he had held back a lot of Legilimency when it came to my mind and could barely register how thankful I was for those past experiences. I put up a fight as best as I could, defending and withholding from him, but it was easily exhausting. There was something about how he was able to snake around the memories I tried to keep from him, and it wasn't until he managed to make his way to the memories, I had hidden in the back of my mind did I regret this little activity.

I couldn't handle it anymore after the memory surfaced of a fight between me and my mother, her slurred and drunken rampage during the Christmas break of my fifth year. Her throwing glasses, and the blur of my red energy shielding me from any contact. Humiliation mixed with the fright of him discovering anything else plagued the memory that quickly vanished along with his presence in my mind. Gasping, I hated how it turned my mood gloomy, and reminiscent of the ritual I had finally been able to relinquish myself of.

"I didn't—" Severus had grabbed my hands, his voice filled with remorse as he struggled to articulate. I shook my head as I closed my eyes, swallowing to regain my composure after a moment before looking up at him.

"I know," I said calmly giving a small, sad smile. "You're… much more difficult to steer than Jethro," I explained with a forced chuckle, grabbing for my wine glass to take a long sip while keeping my other hand holding his, squeezing for a moment. "I guess it doesn't help I've had this," I tried to make light of what he had seen, but even then I found my joke to be inappropriate.

He said nothing, and I felt the urge to uphold a part of my promise. What better way to bring up this conversation than by accidental, albeit traumatic, means? I moved to put down my wine glass on the coffee table before scooting closer to Severus, taking a deep breath and looking at him deeply.

"Actually, I wanted… to talk to you about that night when I performed that ritual. With everything going on, and having to recover from it… I know I asked you to open up to me more, Severus. It's only fair if I go first." I watched him, taking in the way his gaze slipped downward to mull my words over.

"I don't want to cause you any unnecessary pain, Selini." He answered in a low voice, his head lightly shaking, "It's not that I wouldn't be here to shoulder your burdens, but to see how you reacted is a heartache I never want to be the cause of—"

"Severus," I leaned forward while reaching forward to cup his face, "You were never a cause of any of that pain, and being able to tell you would lift a lot of those burdens… I never even told Lily. Not when her family was so different from mine. I just need you to listen so you'd understand… me." I tilted my head to the side to search for his compliance, his comprehension that I needed his presence and attention.

Severus reached up to grab my hand gently and kiss my knuckles before leaning forward and kissing me with the same tenderness. Pulling away he nodded, though his eyes still held hesitation. "If this is what you need, Selini."

I gave a hopeful smile before nodding and started from where I thought would be best. I explained it all, the way I viewed my parents and their relationship. I found the parts of the abuse and neglect to be harder, stopping several times while being gently reminded by him that I could stop at any moment. Those tearful moments were harder, and I almost did, but I wasn't finished. I couldn't just stop there; I wasn't close to being done. I kept on and managed through the best I could, and even thought about explaining their deaths. The thought was something I couldn't manage, and the grief of losing my parents and how they passed prevented me from delving into it. There was only so much I felt comfortable dumping on him, and with the way his eyes showed his thoughts and feelings, I knew the threshold for both of us had been reached.

Sniffing, I took a sip of the wine that had kept me company through the week. "I think that's why I was so okay with how… Sirius treated me." Through the thickness of my throat, I managed to get that part out. I didn't look at him when I nodded thoughtfully, "I know… that's why I was okay with it. I thought that's… how people acted toward each other."

"You mean the treatment you endured from your parents… led you to believe the treatment you received from that mutt would be acceptable?" His words started out as if he were working through the statement, but with how his harsher tone mentioning Sirius it only told me he was repeating it for me to make sure I understood what I was telling him.

I dared to look up at him to take in his intensity, and this was the part that I worried about. I simply nodded; mouth dry I thought maybe the wine would help but did very little to help.

"Was he… did he hurt you?" The demanding tone in his voice meant he had to know the answer, but I knew wasn't directed toward me in his growing ire.

I stared at him, the memories of what I remembered from mine and Sirius's worst fight flashed in my mind, and I did what I could to answer him. "He never hit me, Severus… He was…" I wasn't sure how to say it to him. How could I explain that Sirius was this firestorm that sieged anything in my path without explaining just how far that went? To show him was out of the question, and to say anything more almost felt like lying. Before I knew it he had ripped himself away before he started to pace around the room, and I stood up quickly.

"You don't have to tell me—I knew you two fought, you've always fought—but I know he'd be the disgusting type of man—!" He stopped short whenever I stood in front of him, hands going to his shoulders to look up into his face was screwed up in lividity.

"Severus," A breathy plea in my voice,

"He'll pay for it all!" He snarled, and before he could pull away again, I grabbed his face between my hands.

"Please," I begged, feeling like the control of the situation was disappearing all before me. "His price is he'll never know me like that again, listen to me!" Though he stopped his movements his face did not stop his rage etched on his face. "I just needed you to comprehend why I had subjected myself. That spell showed me what I needed to see—that when you care about someone, or–or love them they don't put them through hell!" I explained. The weight of my words wasn't lost on him, or myself. We stared at each other for a moment, I had to swallow the tension that was thick within the air surrounding us. He blinked once, licking his lips and shaking his head once more.

"Do you expect me not to—"

"Yes," I answered before he had the chance to finish what he wanted to say, "It's my chapter to close, and as chivalrous, and admirable of you to come sweeping in to settle the score—I have to be the one to do it," I told him. I was firm in my statement, and with furrowed brows, I hoped he could see how important for me to put an end to what had haunted me.

His eyes bore into mine, piercing reluctance to accept swimming within his gaze. Had I asked too much from him? If I were him, I'd be thinking that very same thing, but could I have the understanding that some decisions weren't within my control to decide.

"Besides," I started once more, "I don't want to make this whole time about all painful memories… I wanted to be able to just have this time with you to… be closer—make better holiday memories."

His hands found their way to my waist to pull me closer, one lifting to rest on the side of my face. It felt like time had passed on slowly waiting for him to speak, watching him swallow several times before he opened his mouth to speak. "I'll never put you through anything like that, Selini." His low tone held a promise that I felt could never be broken, a flutter in my stomach with a warmth in my chest swirled inside of me. To feel this spoken pledge almost felt like a shift within our relationship. I always knew Severus was safe, even when there were times, I doubted him I still had something in me telling me he wouldn't harm me.

I smiled genuinely at him, letting my hands slide behind his neck. "I have no doubt in my mind that you would never do those things, Severus."

The kiss that was shared between us was something sublime and incredibly intimate. The way we had come closer together in such a short time made me realize so much. The contrast between the two men I had shared myself with was a clear opposition. One kept me constantly under duress where I had hoped and pleaded to see the light in him, while the other currently kissing me passionately with his hands wandering over my body had given me serenity and care. It led to a desperate need to feel each other once more, hardly caring for all of our clothes to be taken off to get right to the part we were hungry for.

As if we couldn't get enough, we stayed in bed for most of the day and eventually found ourselves with only the sheets to spare us moments of modesty. The day was now Christmas Eve, and I hated to know that our time together seemed shorter than I had hoped. It wasn't long either until the night had brought the chill, and even with whatever passing conversation I could think of just to hear him speak his mind, I knew our time was limited. I didn't want to sleep or think of the uncomfortable confrontation I'd have to face, I just wanted to soak in our time together as much as I could.

Candles were the only source of light within the bedroom, and with the warming charm and our body heat, I wasn't the least bit of cold. I kept tracing hearts over his chest, feeling goosebumps rise ever so often with how I'd slow down the pace and soften the touch ever so slightly. The reaction left me smiling like a fool.

"I have something for you," Severus spoke after several moments of silence, running his fingers through my hair as I lifted my head to look at him. His smile was soft and hopeful even.

"You've given me quite a bit here," A coy smile formed on my face, a hand reaching up to gently run it along the side of his face before he grabbed my hand to kiss it.

"I'm not sure I could give you enough of…that," The dark silkiness of his voice paired with a teasing tone earned a giggle from me. "It's something different… a gift." He answered.

My smile widened before waving my hand to bring over his white undershirt, leaning up to put it on and climbing out of my bed before rushing over to my dresser drawer. "It's present time then," Smiling I pulled out a black box with a green ribbon wrapped around it. I turned around and with the motivation of the chill I practically jumped into bed, cuddling up close to Severus to try and regain some warmth with a giggle. "And I hope you like it…" I said, excitement and anticipation filling inside of my chest as I bit my lip.

"Why, Miss Thorne, your present isn't allowing me to enjoy you wearing my clothes?" He practically purred into my ear before kissing the side of my neck, earning a sigh and a low chuckle before turning to him.

"Well, we've discovered something we can play around with, but no it's not." I gave him a playful look before holding out my present for him to take, "I want you to open mine first."

"You didn't have to get me anything." He spoke quietly while taking the box gingerly looking it over. A familiar unsure look on his face that I had remembered from our youth took over.

"Of course I did," I chuckled, "How could I not?" I reasoned with him.

He looked at me with something glittering in his eyes that I could only see as appreciation. His gaze slid down to the box and unwrapped the box, taking his time in doing so before taking the top off. Inside of the box laid a few pieces, but the first thing he pulled out was a small vial with swirling, milky white, and pearlescent shimmers. He inspected the vial closely, and I could've sworn I heard some type of gasp in realizing what it was.

"Is this…?"

"Milkyway Water?" I finished while nodding, feeling pride in the way he looked at the vial, "I made sure it was authentic, but it's exactly that. I'm sure you're well aware of it as a Potioneer, but… it can be used for most types of cures, replace a missing ingredient, or… well, that's all I remember, actually." I chuckled.

"Some believe this is the key ingredient to solidify a Philosopher stone," Severus muttered, "Although… I doubt that it would be so simple; this amount would be nothing worth to waste." He looked at me with wonder, "How did you possibly come about this?"

"I have my sources," I gave the simple explanation, and when he raised his eyebrow at me, I rolled my eyes playfully, "I just pulled some strings from someone who owed me is all, and don't forget there's something else in there." I reminded him lightly.

Mundungus Fletcher had bent to my will when I had threatened him with unspeakable horrors to acquire such a rare ingredient. Milkyway Water was something that a lot of Potioneer's sought after since it had nearly endless ways to be used. I hadn't seen any in Severus's office or classroom and wondered if maybe he hadn't been able to obtain it. From the way he reacted, I knew that the pricey purchase was well worth it.

His stare lingered on me for a moment as a smile started to form on his face, a sight of beauty in my eyes I couldn't think of any words that could've encapsulated how it made me feel. He laid the vial carefully down in the box before pulling out two shining gems with what looked to be a clipping on the back. They were small, circular, and flat while one was white and the other black. His brow furrowed in confusion, studying them over, "Cufflinks?"

I chuckled while shaking my head lightly, "No, not cufflinks, they're actually communicators." I explained while taking the white one, unbuttoning the back to stick it on the collar of the shirt. "They're capable of clear communication through hundreds of miles—I think they said about five or six hundred. Only the person with the other piece can hear whatever is being said and, in their mind…" I explained before pulling the collar close and whispering his name. I watched as a slight jerk of surprise came from Severus before blinking back at me, a small smile forming on my lips once more. "Maybe it's more of a gift for myself, my sanity, but… Wherever you go, whatever you have to do, I can be the first to know." Pulling my shoulder, I wasn't sure if maybe this was the right thing to give after his silence.

Severus moved to sit up and kiss me, an intimacy that felt grateful coming from him. "They're thoughtful," He said between the next kiss, "They're considerate," he continued with one more kiss before he pulled me in deeper, "Thank you, Selini…"

I chuckled before kissing him once more, allowing my tongue to slip through and have our moment together before he pulled away. "Now for yours," he encouraged.

I smiled at him as he pulled out a similarly small box, but just a bit bigger than the one he received. It was a red box with a black ribbon wrapped into a bow on top. I smiled as I unwrapped the ribbon before opening the lid of the box, wasting no time in seeing what he could've gotten me—what he thought of for me. My breath caught in my throat as I noticed the glimmer of silver on the intricate detail that encrusted the bright rubies. The silver of the teeth of the comb that looked fresh and new, like it had never seen any kind of handling, reflected as if to say 'hello' to me. Slowly, as if I wasn't sure what I was seeing was real, I reached in to pull out an all too familiar comb that felt foreign in my hand. I remembered one of my few memories when my mother had put this in my hair as a young girl, making me feel as pretty and grown up as she was.

"I debated on whether to give them to you after… what you told me," Severus explained as I looked to the box once more, seeing something smaller and round that glimmered in silver. I reached in to find another lost relic that held the black pearl on the goblin-made silver band. Just like the comb the silver looked like it was restored to its original state. The tears that prickled my eyes blurred the vision of these two dear items to me while I took in the weight of each item in my hand.

"H-How?" I managed to ask before sliding the ring onto my index finger, marveling at how it still fits perfectly. A connection to the time when my father had presented this to me whenever I was a teenager, wanting to wear more accessories than should be possible. He told me I at least needed to have something from the Thorne family, and with pride he presented my grandmother's ring.

"Paid a visit to our friend Mundungus," He answered with a tinge of accomplishment in his voice.

"Turns out those two items have a particular curse on them that turns away any potential buyers if stolen." He explained, the satisfaction in his tone more evident than before.

'Mundungus must've had a conniption dealing with both of us.' I thought to myself with gratification, a smirk tugging at my lips, but my disbelief was unwavering.

I looked at him curiously, "Then… you didn't pay?"

"I have my persuasive methods… and ways of figuring out how to obtain a tricky, cursed item." He looked up to me with a smirk on his face, a devilish glimmer in his eyes that took my breath away.

Even through the pain of my childhood, I had always cherished what good came from it. My family wasn't perfect, not compared to the other families I had heard about or witnessed or even my own makeshift family, but I still coveted what I could. What love I could remember and feel, and these items were given to me during a time I felt that from them. They only knew how to love the way they were taught, and while that didn't dismiss everything that had happened, it was enough for me to hold onto the parts of them they could love me correctly.

"Severus…" I breathed before throwing myself at him, peppering kisses all over his cheeks as his arms wrapped themselves around me. I heard the rumbling of chuckles that turned into audible laughter from him. "How can I ever thank you properly?" I sighed into the curve of his neck.

"I have an idea," His low voice as he nibbled on my ear lobe.

There was no explanation needed for what he meant, and I was more than willing to show my gratitude. I wasted no time trying to take off the shirt until he stopped me to keep it on. Between the two of us rustling within the sheets, I felt this affinity of magnetism to him that I hadn't risen before. How could a person keep falling for another over, and over, all by them showing such care and attentiveness? The way his lips had slid over, and his tongue danced in sync with mine had felt different, the tips of his fingers and palms caressed and gripped my skin in a newfound need to merge. His body pressed against mine melted perfectly as I wrapped my legs around his waist, between my thighs he felt like he was home.

When he plunged himself inside of me, I felt the elastic pull of my mind that I opened freely to his. Thoughts of magnified craving, needing, and the draw of a colliding force between us that I had never experienced before with him. What were the words to describe this interaction, these pulsating feelings and echoing thoughts of emotions? It almost seemed to be beyond comprehension of anything I had felt with another human before. Alien in experiencing, but only understanding in theory, that this incident provided a depth of care, nurture, and lust that wasn't perverse in need. The understanding from him to show me these complex in-depth, but ever so simple terms to form a mixture of feelings had brought cries of ecstasy escaping me that started to create words just by our touching bodies and minds.

"Severus…" I gasped, "Severus I lo—" My breath caught in my throat, cheeks flaring red not just from physical exaltation, but the weight of what had been almost said. I gazed deeply into the pair of eyes that were the gateway to the abyss, the black eyes that looked between mine with intensity as his mouth opened, closed, and opened again. His movements paused for a moment as those same eyes had widened ever so slightly. Our heavy breathing was the only noise made before he laid his forehead on top of mine, eyes looking downward away from mine. I felt him still there in my mind, his astonishment mixing with elation and confliction. The feeling almost felt like a sense of unworthiness, something I wanted to completely eradicate.

So, I pushed forward my ministrations of him as I started to rock my hips, whimpering in the process against him and pulling out a low groan from him, my admiration while wrapping my arms around how his torso not just to feel him physically but feel him on such a spiritual level. My safety, consideration, passion, my perseverance to be by his side at any and all times. I gave all the feelings I could to him in how I had seen him like a peaceful sleep at the end of a harrowing day, how he made me feel worthy of his attentions, his pursuit of me, and how he'd always walked with me in life no matter the circumstances. I wanted it all to submerge and drown that conflict, that self-doubt that I felt. I needed him to comprehend and know what I was afraid to say out loud. It meant more if he could feel it, didn't it? If he knew what I felt, then saying it would be easier.

In the completion of making love, because there was no other way to describe the transcendence we experienced, we laid with each other in peaceful exhaustion. Our presence within each other's mind did not fade, instead felt as if I were bathing in the euphoria of his own care. Mingled consciousness between the two of us was a vulnerability that I would've chased for decades of my precious time on this Earth. I would dare even think this was love in his mind.

'The closest I'd ever known…' I thought between us, the feeling leaving a warmth within my mind that was dizzying.

'The truest I have felt.' His baritone voice echoed within mine.

)))(((

The morning came too quickly, and with great effort, I did what I could to make myself pack what I needed for this week's stay. Showering, I relished in the night before to try and keep up my spirits, but even then, I found myself sulking in my attempts. Aching muscles and a few love-bite bruises placed along my body could pull me out enough to smile and appreciate what we were able to experience. Once I brought my bag out into the living space and placed it on the love seat Severus had emerged from the bathroom, clean-shaven and showered he looked different. Nothing physically different, but he almost seemed brighter in how he approached me and held himself. There was no smile, nothing in him except for the way his eyes connected with mine for me to see him differently. A man before me had transformed himself in a way only, I could witness.

"I like this," he said before bringing up a hand to lightly brush against my hair which was currently pulled up and held by my mother's comb. A few whisps, and locks hanging down the front to frame my face.

I smiled up at him and hummed while taking a few steps closer to close the distance between us, "I felt different this morning," I confessed while putting my arms around him, "I guess I just wanted to do something… different." I shrugged at not being able to articulate what I meant, but Severus looked at me with a glint in his eye that told me he knew all too well.

"I know," He affirmed before wrapping his arms around me. He stared deeply into my eyes, hesitating before he finally spoke. "I hate so much of what this morning brings for us, Selini. Departing, spending the rest of our free time away from each other after what felt like the shortest, most precious time together… I hate that you'll have to be around him…" He stopped to swallow, finding something within him as he sighed to look at me once more, "But after last night… what I felt with you… I–I…"

I smiled softly at him, "I know." I repeated to him. Last night had solidified a new chapter, perhaps maybe the acknowledgment of that chapter's beginning, and left no room for misgivings of the past.

"Where will you go?" I asked him as went to lay my head on his chest, taking in the sound of his heart once more.

"Unfortunately, nowhere… festive, so to speak." The tone of dread was lightly hidden and sounded more annoyed to anyone else who would've heard him. I looked up at him with worry that he quickly tried to ease with a kiss on my forehead. "Don't worry yourself. I'd rather just be here than my home."

I nodded in understanding, "You know… you could come by if you wanted to," A small shrug while avoiding his eyes, "Molly is hardly one to deny anyone a Christmas gathering. You, Aurora, and Jethro can talk about potions galore… Elowyn might try and get you in on her Christmas game."

Severus let out a sigh that drew me back to his eyes which looked conflicted with what to say next, almost as if the idea had the slightest bit of appeal. Yet, I could see the resistance in the way he winced. "No one should have to spend a day like this by themselves—especially you, Severus."

"I'm having a hard time believing you're not just finding another way to have me around," His grumbling speculations made me smile brightly at how accurate he was.

"Perhaps," I humored before looking back at him, "If not then… maybe those communicators can come in handy. No pressure, either way, I just want to hear from you."

He gave me a small smile before dipping low to give a quick kiss, "Either way," he whispered kissing me once more. I didn't want to say goodbye, but my wand started to buzz with the alarm to leave, and with the sluggish motivation of making our separate ways I took my leave, with my bag in hand, through the floo channel.

The swirl of the green fire engulfed me, and a nauseous feeling took over for just a moment before I found myself stepping into the sitting room of Number Twelve Grimmauld Place. There was silence within the home, but the cheerful decorations contrasted with the cleaner, but drab, decor. My stomach felt like it started to knot; the once peaceful serenity I knew within my cottage had dissipated the longer I stood in the room. Taking a few steps forward I inhaled deeply, smelling festive sweet treats that filtered the air to try and steady myself, and figured the next thing to do was to find anyone. It was quite early in the morning, but the holidays always begged for an early celebration. I started walking through the unusually quiet home before I heard the sound of laughter coming from the drawing room. Smiling, joy found its way back into my heart as I made my way through the home to emerge upon the scene of Ginny and Elowyn, dressed in hand-made sweaters with a giant G and E on each girl. Jethro watched the two girls with interest and amusement playing Wizard Skittles.

It only took only a second before Jethro noticed my presence and exclaimed by throwing his hands up before pushing himself off of the loveseat. "My darling niece has graced us!" He proclaimed with a large, open mouth smile as he made his way to envelope me in a bear hug. "You look like you're glowing—like the snow outside when the sun finally comes out!" He complimented me in his true-to-self dramatics, looking over my appearance before taking hold of my hand. He stared at the ring, shocked to see the heirloom upon my hand before looking at me in confusion, "How did you—"

"Maeve!" With the full force of a fifteen-year-old colliding into me, I stumbled back before laughing at her animated movement and hugged Elowyn tightly. "You absolutely can't separate from us for that amount of time, again!" She commanded as she looked up at me, her face scrunched in disapproval that hardly looked serious, even if she were.

"Did you have a good, erm—" Ginny had stepped up, looking between my uncle and her friend, before looking back up at me. "Where did you go exactly?"

"Ah! Aurora told us you were spending the holidays with your… new beau." Jethro looked at me through his eyebrows, his Cheshire Cat smile wide. I could've sworn for a moment that the strange pull within my mind was starting to happen, and in the panic of him being nosier than he needed to be, I threw up my Occlumency as quickly as I could while narrowing my eyes at him. He straightened himself while holding up a hand, "Just curious to know about this exciting new fellow you've kept from us! Must be serious if you're keeping it so secretive."

I realized the flaw of my plan when I hadn't come up with a sufficient excuse for my absence, and accidentally left my friend in control of the narrative. Unfortunately, it seemed like Aurora had explained what I was doing, but thankfully kept it so vague that it didn't expose me or Severus. The other downside would be having to reign in that control in order to maintain that, and yet… I didn't want to. Not with them, the people I had been closest with and allied myself to. The idea didn't have that same undertone of holding back from them. The more I entangled myself with Severus the more I didn't want to hide it; it was beyond frustrating having to do so for the plethora of reasons outside of the impending horrors.

"We'll see how serious it is when I meet him," Elowyn pulled away from me before folding her arms, eyes closed with her nose in the air. "I think I have enough parental figures, thank you."

"Woah, missy," I held up my hands as Ginny started to titter, Jethro snorting in mirth. "Let's take it slow, my Star, besides I'm not here to talk about anything like that. I'm here to spend the holidays with you all…" As I spoke, I put down my bag, opening it before levitating out three packages of various sizes for the three in front of me, "Happy Christmas," I smiled at them.

"Wow, thanks, Professor!" Ginny said while going headfirst into the small package, ripping off the paper and ribbon, and pulling out a red bow from the small box. She looked at it, unsure of what to think of it as she studied the accessory. "Oh, well," She gave an uncertain small smile.

"It's enchanted to give you streaks of gold in your hair," I explained with a chuckle, "They'll disappear as soon as you take it out. I figured your mom wouldn't lose her mind if she knew it wasn't permanent."

Ginny seemed more taken with the bow as she gathered pieces of her hair to clip it in, and as soon as she did small streaks of gold—not blonde—glittered within the light. She pulled her hair to the front to smile approvingly at me.

"Will this put purple in mine?" Elowyn asked looking at the identical bow that was violet, looking up at me. I nodded as she quickly fashioned the bow in hers, her eyes and face lit up with excitement. Bright violet contrasted and shimmered in her black hair and the two mused over their vibrant, new colors.

"Oh, darling, you shouldn't have!" Jethro exclaimed while throwing the periwinkle, gold, and dandelion yellow scarf over his shoulder as it sat fashionably over his neck. "The fabric is delicious, and the colors compliment my skin tone—ugh! The pattern—you know how much I love complimentary colors and swirling patterns!" He mused. Something I took after from Jethro was my love for the strange, unusual, and unique in any form, people, places, and things. What I thankfully didn't inherit was his nearly tacky idea of what fashion could be, but it made him happy and that was admirable.

"I'm glad you all like your gifts then," I looked between the three, beaming with content that so far, my presents were proving a success, "I do have a few more gifts to hand out too. Better make my rounds about the house," I picked up my bag as I spoke, looking to the two girls who declared they would get the rest of their teenage entourage before hurrying out of the room.

"Let me show you downstairs, I'm just dying to hear about your time!" Jethro said before taking my free hand and wrapping it under his biceps, holding it there while leading me through the house slowly, "Now, is this man respectable?" He asked in a hushed tone, sounding a bit more serious in his question, "How come you didn't say anything, Selini? I've always hoped you'd settle down with a young lad—or a fierce woman such as yourself! I'm surprised you never took up with Aurora if we're being transparent."

A scoff that resembled an entertained chuckle, I shook my head before rolling my eyes lightly. "I think the plan was to get married when we retired if we couldn't find someone—but we both are doing just fine finding partners. Besides, you know I'm a private person… I just wanted this person kept close to the chest is all."

Jethro stopped just in front of the door that led down into the basement kitchen, letting me go as he gave a childish, raspberry blow of his tongue while throwing his hands up, "It's not that I don't respect your privacy, but I mean—I should make sure he's up worthy of your time, right?" He looked at me with a hint of hopefulness in his eyes, a foreign look of concern that had mirrored my father's when he would take the time to ask what would be wrong with me. I blinked at him, pushing that bubble of sadness away to try and see a piece of him before me. Family, however bizarre our relationship was, that looked out for me.

I reached up to put a hand on his shoulder, "I appreciate your concern, truly I do, but I can assure you he treats me well." I smiled at the thought of this past week, reliving the best parts, "More than well, even."

"As long as you're happy, my darling." He spoke softly, and a smaller version of a hopeful smile returned on his face.

We both made our way down to the stairs into the dining room and kitchen space. I heard the rustling in the actual kitchen area, and the sound of someone singing some Christmas tune before the figure of Remus peaked out from behind the threshold. "Ah, Maeve, you've made it!" He smiled as he came out to offer a hug. Regardless of our last meeting, I knew Remus wasn't the source of my agitation or hurt. It was the holidays after all, and it seemed to be a mutual agreement to leave it in the past.

Hugging back, I smiled before pulling away, "Of course I'd make it. I couldn't possibly miss spending time with you all." I looked him over and could even see that he seemed to be doing well on this day, with less tiredness in his eyes, and color within his face that I didn't see last time. "You're looking quite well, Remus." I complimented, and by rubbing the back of his neck, a sheepish smile on his face as the tint of pink flushed across his face, he thanked me.

"Oh, Maeve!" Molly came out from the kitchen to also close me into a tight hug, when she pulled back, I noticed that her eyes were swollen, her nose red and sniffing. Her smile had done what it could to cover up some distress in her features, and I noticed the tinge of thickness in her voice when she spoke. "It's so wonderful for you to make it!"

"Of course, Molly," I gave a small smile while looking at her, being careful to ask any question that might turn her away, "How's Arthur? Are you alright?"

"He's fine, he's doing much better—thank you for asking!" She shook her head, and while she avoided the most important part of the question, I let her be. "Lunch should be ready soon, Sirius is just tending to the turkey now." At the mention of his name, I realized that the happy tune of someone singing had to be from him.

"He's quite cheery," I commented, hoping that maybe his mood would stay that way through this visit.

"The holidays have brightened his spirits," Remus commented looking back, "He and Jethro here have made it their mission to put everyone in a similar mood."

"It's a glorious celebration," Jethro stated as if it were the obvious, "we ought to take advantage of all the many folks joining us!"

"Well, look who finally decided to join us!" The familiar voice of Tonks sprang forward from behind as she and Aurora stepped into the dining area. Tonks immediately came up to wrap her arms around me, squeezing for a moment before pulling away and allowing for the squealing Aurora to also embrace me.

"Hello, hello to everyone!" I exclaimed laughing at their expressed affection, "I didn't realize how popular I'd become."

"You can't really blame us—we missed you!" Aurora beamed as she pulled away. The room I stood in felt full of life, an appreciation for those around me that I hadn't considered before. Maybe the stars had aligned to create a pleasant aspect for today's holiday.

"Some more than others,"

Maybe not the perfect aspect in the stars, as I felt my stomach drop at his words even though it would've been a matter of time, his introduction was nonetheless jarring to my system. Stiffening I looked to see Sirius leaning on the doorway as he started to wipe his hands clean with a towel. A small smile on his face, one that acted as if things were content, or that the festivities would've meant I'd be just as jolly in his presence as I had with everyone else. I felt my face drop, swallowing as I felt the dampness in my palms and my breath catch in my throat. None of these positive reactions, obviously, and Aurora had the insight to sense my displeasure immediately.

"That is largely debatable, Sirius!" She defended before taking a wide stance with her hands on her hips in front of me, "Actually, not even debatable at all!"

"Now, now, you two," Jethro stepped forward to cross the room with his hands up, "I think we can all agree everyone is glad to have you back, darling." He looked to me with his wide, mischievous grin.

I gave him a small smile before turning to look away, feeling the steely eyes of Sirius on me was far too much at the moment. In fact, the attention on me was starting to feel a little too much for me at the moment, but it wasn't over yet. I heard the sound of steps coming down the stairs once more before the sight of unruly, black hair opened the door, and precious lively green eyes smiled at me.

"Maeve!" The elation of seeing me as he came to greet me the same way nearly everyone had done before, his arms wrapping around my body tightly, and just like the others I welcomed and returned the hug before giving him a quick kiss on his head. Ron, Hermione, and the Weasley twins had filtered in along with the Weasley sister and Elowyn who held on tightly to George's arm.

"There you are," I laughed while holding him tightly, "I was beginning to wonder when you were coming down."

"We were just finishing getting ready," Harry answered and pulled away, "we were opening presents."

"They were debating on if you got them anything," Elowyn explained, which warranted several looks from her friends, "what? You all were! If me and Ginny got something then like I said, obviously, you would get something too!"

I smiled at the scene before watching the exchanges of banter between all of them. "Speaking of which, she's not wrong." I put the bag I was carrying down and opened it to let the red energy levitate out the several packages and boxes to each person within the room.

All except Sirius, and at that moment I noticed that his smile had faltered a bit I raised a hand, "I didn't forget, just not the time."

Aurora looked at me with curiosity and even a hint of worry, but I just gave her a smile to try and ease her.

"A special gift for me then? Hope it's the biggest one out of the lot." He teased, and I allowed myself to smile at him knowing just what I had planned to give him.

With Hermione and Elowyn's persistence to give Kreacher some kind of gift in his so-called den, and after finding a disturbing tribute to the Black family (more specifically Bellatrix Lestrange) Christmas lunch had commenced for our group.

Elowyn sat to my left and Harry to my right with Sirius next to him. Aurora and Jethro took their seats on the opposite side until Emmeline Vance showed up, kissing Aurora before sitting next to her on the other side. Tonks and Remus were next to Jethro, allowing space for Hermione and Ginny to sit next to them. George and Fred Weasley sat next to Elowyn. It wasn't long till Bill Weasley made his appearance as well, seeming to also be in high spirits. All around the room, there was chatter, laughter, and contentment. Elowyn and George couldn't be separated from each other, probably because of their little facade plan becoming a larger part of their need to cling. Harry talked about his presents, and which ones he was really excited to use. He seemed to enjoy the enchanted comb that promised to tame any wildness of his hair.

The only person missing to make this even more spectacular was Severus, and a part of me hated to think he wasn't here. I had hoped he wouldn't have to spend today attending to any Death Eater duties and hoped that whatever he had planned didn't leave him isolated or dishearten his spirits. Even though I knew he'd feel out of place a part of me believed the heightened spirits could've made some kind of difference.

'As if he'd ever let anyone know that,' I thought to myself, smiling inwardly.

Mundungus Flecher of all people had arrived in time for dessert and eyed me from his seat at the far end of the table. I gave him an all-knowing smile with narrowed eyes, before lifting my chin in the air. It was good to know that after all of these years, the slob of a man wasn't able to pawn off my valuables.

It wasn't long before the children were accompanied by Molly, Remus, and Tonks to visit Arthur at St. Mungo's to visit for Christmas. Aurora and I volunteered to help clean the dishes knowing fully well that dinner would take the longest to cook and would need plenty of dishes in order to be served and cooked on. It was also a moment where I could catch up with my best friend in private.

"So," Aurora came up close as she set the plates on the counter next to the sink, "how did it go? Catch any mistletoe action?" She giggled as I rolled my eyes with a large grin on my face.

Of course, we'd start there.

"There was more than just mistletoe involved," I gave her a sly look earning another round of giggles from her. "Honestly… it was amazing. I never felt such peace and…" I stopped washing the dishes before turning to her, bracing myself. "Aurora I almost told this man I loved him."

Aurora gasped while looking at me completely taken back, her jaw-dropping while the corners of her mouth turned upward. "Tell me more! What do you mean almost? You should've spit it out if you felt like that—oh don't give me that look; you've never done anything like that. He means something special to you then!"

I sighed, knowing how true it was that I hadn't felt like that. More than what we knew.

"I told him so much about my past—things that I needed to. He was accepting, understanding, and just… well, obviously upset about a lot of the details. I just felt so open to tell him about so much even when it was hard. Then yesterday—Gods, yesterday we… connected… not just our bodies but our minds—Legilimency—and I swear our souls connected, too. I felt how he thought of me—how he felt for me. I showed him how I felt for him and it just… it almost slipped out. I just… I don't know why I didn't say it, but I think he knew. I think he felt it. In a way, it's romantic that it was unspoken and only… felt."

Aurora clung to every word that I had said, enthralled with what I was telling her. "My Gods, Maeve…" She sighed with a dreamy expression on her face, "Merry fuckin' Christmas to you." Earning a sheepish smile and titter from me. "Well, I guess considering how he's all…" Aurora imitated his classic sour look, earning a light backhand on her shoulder and a laugh from me, "I just mean take it at your pace. It might mean one thing to feel it, but I think those words are… important to you two. Kind of seals the deal, ya know?"

Before I could get a word in, I heard someone clear their throat from the doorway where Sirius stood.

"Oh, yes Sirius?" Aurora asked while standing tall,

I watched him and noted how he seemed to lose the color in his face, his lips pursed as he rubbed his "I just beard and his eyes flickering nervously from Aurora to the ground. "I wanted to talk to Maeve," He explained, a tone that didn't seem as confident as I had known him as he looked at me, eyes hopeful and apprehensive, "If she wants."

Aurora turned to look at me, questioning behind her honey-brown eyes and ready to defend me once more with the tightening of her lips. I gave her a small, reassuring smile and nodded before she returned the same gesture. "I'll be right outside," She whispered to me before turning and giving Sirius a fake, polite smile before disappearing on the other side.

I took the moment to lay down the envelope on the other side of the counter, "That's your gift, by the way." I explained before returning to my spot in front of the sink, leaning while folding my arms. "This has been a wonderful Christmas so far,"

"Probably the best I've had since living with James," He agreed while running a hand through the curly locks of hair, stepping forward to take the envelope and examining it.

The casual tone wasn't convincing enough for me, implying it was forced. He seemed more worried, stressed, and trying to keep it together, while I stood with more confidence and assurance than I had felt in a long time. The silence provided a strange dynamic that was something I wasn't expecting.

"I want you to open that when you're by yourself… that's the only stipulation," I explained, nodding slowly before putting the envelope in the inner pocket of his dark grey suit.

"Maeve," His voice finally broke the thick tension, "Remus told me that you were asking about that—that night." He cleared his throat once more before exhaling deeply, "I needed to tell you that I'm not proud of what I did, and things have—they have changed." He still did not look at me as he spoke. "I'm… I'm sorry you had to find out about it."

"That's not what you should be sorry about, Sirius." My quick answer wasn't harsh in tone, but it earned his sights to finally rest on me. "You owe… Remus an apology that I'm sure you kicked around the Lacewing bush. You owed James an apology for putting him in a position that could've hurt him, or taken his life, all the same for Severus. Those are the apologies that you owe to them but for me? The apology you owe me is using my pain as an excuse to carry out your plan." My tone was even and spilled out of me in a way that I wouldn't have recognized had I not been the one to say it.

He stared at me, his throat constricting and his Adam's apple moving quickly before he looked down. "You may have some… good points there. I don't see it that way—"

"I know you don't, Sirius." I nodded, licking my lips to purse them for a pause, "What you don't probably understand either is how that would've destroyed me beyond anything I experienced at that point. I don't care what problems I had with Severus at the time… Losing him in such a cruel way would've ensured I'd never want anything to do with you." He sighed once more after my words.

"Is this all from that, Maeve? You've—you've completely pulled back from me in a way that… I just can't stand the thought of you angry at me for something in the past. Remus and Sni—Snape… came out fine." He tried to reason. I had to give it to him for trying to refrain from making anything worse, but even in his attempts, I found it more foolish than angering at his thoughtlessness.

"No," I answered, "I've… done a lot of thinking when it comes to us and… I guess you could say I took a trip down memory lane," A light flick of my eyes upward at the understatement I had made, "I've been angry about a lot between us, and I needed to stay away from you because of it."

"What do you mean?" He looked at me, curiosity in his squinting eyes.

"That's the thing, isn't it?" I gave a humorless chuckle and looked down, "I could tell you everything I felt, what I remembered, and how I see it all now… I don't know if you'd understand where I'm coming from. So, I have to make the point that the person you knew isn't who I am now." Lifting my sights to him with a critical gaze to give him a finality.

He stared at me until his sights fell, "You don't give me enough credit, you know."

"How so?" I asked,

"I remember this dream weeks ago, maybe more… I don't remember a lot, but I remember this strange… montage of us… the details are fuzzy, but I just remember this part of me that… let you go, somehow." He finished, lost in trying to remember the events that had unfolded.

I stared at him, swallowing the knowledge that was lost on him. "Anything else you remember?"

He sighed, a look of contemplation on his face as his sights were set on the ground, "... I remember regretting things I had seen, understanding something I didn't before… I remember hurting you and feeling like that was reason enough to let you go." He finally looked back up to me with eyes full of remorse. In his own way I could consider this look, the man that stood before me, was his roundabout way of apologizing. Even if I wanted to hope it was that I wouldn't wait or expect anything else.

"Maybe not a bad idea—some subconscious thing I suppose." I eventually said, holding eye contact with him, my stare softening lightly as he nodded.

"He's real, isn't he?" He stated after another moment of silence and looking back down, "I heard you and… Aurora."

'Just how much did he hear?' While a part of me hated to think that my private conversation had someone eavesdropping, the strange twinge of sympathy for Sirius having to hear any of it was strange. I could only imagine how I'd feel in his position and wouldn't want to cause any unnecessary pain. Still, there was nothing I could do, and perhaps that was the alignment of the fates turning the pages over in his book. The end of his chapter was needed.

"He's very real, Sirius." I reaffirmed, but even as I nodded, he didn't look at me. I thought I had seen his hands tremble, his shoulders jerking lightly as he cleared his throat once harsher than the times before.

"Who is he?" He finally asked a thickness in his voice I didn't want to hear.

That was the bigger question, wasn't it? To answer him truthfully, create some kind of lie, or completely disregard the question altogether. My sixteen-year-old self would've done the latter, completely ignoring him to let him think whatever he wanted. Twenty-one-year-old Maeve would've lied to him to spare his feelings and not think twice only to save himself the heartache. Who I was now was much different than those two, and the understanding that I debated no longer, and let my instincts answer.

"...Severus."

The way his face morphed into disbelief that crinkled his brow, alarm blinking in his eyes as he took several steps forward to search my eyes and face clearly. His mouth opened to say something before snapping shut, shaking his head as the air filled with tension that could've popped at any moment as we held each other's sights. To blink or look away felt like a signal that I wasn't true to my word or would feel like I had backed down. The stares between pride and desperation spoke through the silence.

"Maeve Thorne you can't tell me that—"

"I have to." I answered, swallowing to gain more courage, "You won't accept it any other way,"

He huffed while shaking his head more vigorously, eyes watering as his nostrils flared. In swift movements, he pulled something out of his pocket and slammed it on the counter, a small green box with silver ribbons wrapped around it. He turned his back on me before stopping short, lifting his hand and pointing his finger at me slowly as he turned around. His lips pursed as his cheeks flared with a blush of fury.

"He'll never know you the way I do, Maeve. He's poison—"

"Sirius,"

"How long has that been going on?" He started to raise his voice lightly,

I stared at him unable to explain that answer. I shook my head and sighed, furrowing my eyebrows up at him, trying and maintaining patience. I didn't want to see this, but I knew it was part of the process. I didn't want to witness him come undone at the seams and started to feel panic more than confidence. Had I crossed the line by being true to myself?

"Right," He spat, a humorless chuckle blowing out of his mouth with a snarl. Looking about the room his sight landed back to me, "I always knew there was something between you two," He stated in a low voice, "You always looked at him like—like—some kind of paramour." Sirius spoke the word with a wince of pain in his expression, his eyes watery that contrasted with the sneer on his lips before stormed out of the room.

I let myself soak in the conversation we just had, feeling relief with sadness for him. How could I possibly feel such freedom, a finality that I had craved and put myself through hell for, while also feeling like some sort of perpetrator for whatever downfall he no doubt would face after this? The tears that welled up in my eyes held solace and the last of mourning that hadn't completely left yet. A part of me, as selfish as it was, remained content on keeping that night by the lake a secret after knowing the extent Sirius would've gone just from the sight of my anguish. His stormy mood now would've looked tamed in comparison. Taking a deep breath, I noticed that Aurora stood in the doorway, fiddling with her fingernails as she looked at me with sympathy.

"It's okay if it hurts," she said softly while walking forward, "it's okay to feel for him, even if you're doing the right thing."

I nodded while quickly wiping away the tears and going over to pick up the small box he had left for me.

"I don't think I can open this," I said looking at my friend.

"You don't have to… you can do anything you want with it." She offered,

I stared at the box and wondered what it could've been that he wanted to gift me, but with how everything between us had come to a close I didn't want to know. Not entirely at least, and while holding out the box to Aurora, I asked her to keep it.

"You can open it, keep it, or anything. My curiosity will get the better of me one day, but when it's not in sight I'll… forget." I said as she gingerly took the box from me.

"What… did you get him, if you don't mind me asking?"

I didn't meet her eyes and only wondered what Sirius would've thought, felt, and done when he'd open the envelope and look at the photograph he had given me.

---

A/N: First, I want to apologize for how long it took me to get this chapter out. I have to admit that this was a mix of a filler with some pretty important character development plot points. Between work, and having to rewrite how I wanted this chapter to go a couple of times, I hated basically any anything I started off with. I realized I wanted the flow of the chapter to flow in a way that told the timeline, hit certain points from the canon events, and then let Maeve grow. Some things I would like to say is Sirius seemed more... tamed, right? Well, let's just say that he won't shy away from his opinion in future chapters. I also thought that maybe you all deserved a treat between Maeve and Severus and the creative flow started after that. More character development, and must needed Severus scenes lol

Finally, I hope you enjoy this sort-of peaceful chapter, because the next couple of ones aren't going to be so... sweet, or nice. I will say it might be a hot minute before we see a semi "good" ending to a chapter for a while ^.^' Please let me know how you feel about the chapter, story, or anything. I love your opinions, your feedback and overall support. Reviews feed the muse lol :D

Shoutout to CandiceT24 for their thoughtful review! I love when you guys let me know how you feel about the chapter, it does warm my heart lol

Much love and thanks,

TJ