As Harvey had just left the living room and was walking Scottie to her car, he didn't expect her to turn around and look at him with a smirk before she started to speak.
«Well, you're lucky I'm not sensitive, otherwise, I would have taken your invitation badly»
«What?»
«Oh please, don't tell me you brought me here just to show me Hartford. So it's her»
«I don't know what you're talking about, Scottie»
«You know, we were never together — and I'm well aware of that — but we had fun together, and then, we had the same vision of the future, the desire not to commit seriously but, I don't know, after, it was like something changed. During our last year of Juris Doctor, when you came back from a break, I could see that you didn't have the same enthusiasm as before when we were sleeping together, or even the way you seemed constantly elsewhere too. Then, after this summer, it became obvious, you didn't touch me anymore, didn't even look at me, and the few times we slept together, you were so drunk that you barely knew what you were doing. I felt like I was competing against a ghost, that I had to fight for your attention against someone I couldn't see, but now I understand who this ghost was. Does your brother know that you're fucking his best friend?»
«Hey, speak lower»
«So I was right»
«Scottie, it's not what you think»
«So you're not having sex with her?»
«I was»
«But now that she's with Thomas, you can't anymore, and it's driving you crazy»
«What are you talking about? This is nonsense. Sleeping with girls, I can do that anytime with anyone»
«But we're not talking about just anyone, we're talking about Donna»
«Look, alright, we were sleeping together, but that's not the problem, I mean, I just don't feel that Thomas. Donna is a good girl, and she deserves someone better»
«Someone like you?»
«What? No»
«Harvey, it's you and me, come on, stop hiding, you're in love with her, and the idea of her being with someone else is killing you»
«I'm not in love»
«Harvey»
«It's not that simple»
«Explain to me, then»
«She's —»
«She's what, Harvey?»
«Her and I will never work out, okay?»
«Why not?»
«Have you seen her? She is absolutely perfect, and me? I am a fucking asshole who will screw everything up»
«You don't know that»
«I don't know? Please, I am so afraid of being abandoned that I prefer not to get attached to anyone, and there, I had the misfortune of doing it with Donna, and it drives me crazy to see her other than with me. What will happen if one day she accepts that we get together and that my life will revolve around her? That I will be unable to let her go? That I will go crazy as soon as she does something that will make me feel like she could abandon me? How can I do that to her, Scottie? How can I make the decision now to ruin her life later?»
«Harvey. Why are you thinking so negatively? You could at least try»
«She's not the kind of girl you try with»
«What? Thinking about marriage already?»chuckled the brunette.
«I'm not joking, Scottie»
«I know, but as a friend, I feel compelled to tell you the truth, you're busy destroying yourself and destroying her too»
«What are you talking about? She doesn't give a shit about me»
«Oh really? Please, open your eyes. The girl is obsessed with you like you're obsessed with her»
«This is bullshit»
«Are you serious? If her eyes were guns, she would have shot me the second she saw me. She's the sweetest girl in the world — alright, I agree with you — but I wouldn't want to be alone in the room with her. Your little act of walking around the room half naked worked because she spent her time staring at you, she blushed whenever you were eyefucking her, she was jealous of me whenever we were laughing together, whenever I touched you or anything. So yeah, her boyfriend seems like the perfect son-in-law to introduce to her parents, but let me tell you, I don't know what you did to this poor girl, but what she's looking for is more of whatever you two did than the tidy life that Thomas can offer her»
«You don't know what you're talking about»
«I'm a girl, and you and I used to have fun together, but I'm pretty sure that what you two experienced was a lot more than what the two of us used to, am I right?»
«Maybe, yeah»
«Maybe? Please»
«But it doesn't change anything, Thomas seems perfect for her, and— »
«He seems perfect for everyone, but please, he's boring as fuck. He's not what she's looking for»
«But I am?»snorted Harvey as he rolled his eyes.
«I'm sure, yeah. But you'll never know if you don't talk with her»
«I can't ruin everything»
«Oh, because right now, you feel like everything is alright between you two? You implied that you slept with her in front of her boyfriend when I'm pretty sure she never told that guy about you for fear that he would figure out that you are more than just her best friend's brother»
Facing Harvey's silence, Scottie chuckled softly before whispering.
«Alright, I see you're deep into your thoughts. I'm going to go, but thanks for the invitation, because, even though I felt Donna's glaring gaze on me for almost fifteen hours, it was a great day. See you when you get back in January?»
« I'm sorry, Scottie»
«It's alright, I promise. And hey, Harvey?»
«Yeah?»
«No matter what happened between us, the label we give ourselves, our relationship, or whatever, you're my friend. I love you, and I just want you to be happy. Donna is perfect for you, and getting with her would be anything but a mistake or condemning her to a broken heart. Believe me, it's the fact of doing nothing that will break you both»
«Scottie»sighed at the young man.
«Do something about it. Alright, see you, Specter»
«Bye Dana»
After a last friendly hug, the brunette got into her car before leaving the driveway of the family home to return to Harvard, leaving Harvey alone outside, in a t-shirt in the cold with no idea of what to do. Not wanting to go back right away and running into Donna with her asshole boyfriend, he decided to take a walk around the neighborhood, hoping that the fresh December air would clear his mind. Meanwhile, Donna was walking up the stairs and took a deep breath before pushing open the door to Harvey's room that she and Thomas were sharing. Seeing her boyfriend's bag on the bed and him busy packing his things, she quickly closed the door behind her before approaching him and speaking in a low voice.
«I thought you were leaving tomorrow morning»
«Well, I think it's better that I leave now, right?»
«Thomas, no. I mean, you could stay one more night. It's fine, it's not— »
«Could you share your bed with me one more night when, deep down, you're hoping it was someone else by your side?»
«What?»
«What's going on with Harvey?»
«Nothing»
«What did he imply earlier? You two are sleeping together, right?»
«No»
«What about before?»
«Thomas, this is— »
«Alright, I got it. So you two were sleeping together, great»
«Can you keep your voice down, please? Marcus could hear you»
«Oh, so besides sleeping with his brother's best friend, he doesn't have the balls to tell Marcusabout it »
«That's not it, Thomas. Come on, how do you think Marcus would take it? And even then, it was just sex, you've never slept with anyone else before me?»
«This isn't just sex, Donna. Did you see how he was just marking his territory around you for three days? At first, I thought he was just being arrogant and a bit of an idiot, but in reality, all his little comments had meaning. The underwear hanging in the bathroom was yours, right?»
Faced with Donna's silence, Thomas laughed nervously before continuing.
«What an idiot. So I guess everything else was referring to you, the fact that the back seat was comfortable because you'd be sleeping together in his car, that you didn't mind his sweating because he usually sweated like that on you, or when he showed up half-naked everywhere, it was because he knew you wouldn't resist»
«I won't resist? What am I, an animal?»
«Please, I wasn't saying anything, but I saw the discreet glances you were giving him. It probably reminded you of when you were sleeping with him, right?»
«Please, talk less loudly — Thomas, Harvey, and I are past»
«When?»
«What?»
«When was the last time you slept together?»
«I don't know, Thomas. I mean— »
«Yes, you do. So, when?»
«The Yale - Harvard game, he came on campus, and it happened»
«So when we were already seeing each other»
«We were not dating yet»
«But you still accepted a date with me while you were sleeping with him»
«Thomas, Look, it may be complicated to understand, but there is nothing between Harvey and me. We were just... sex friends»
«Nothing? Are you sure?»
«What?»
«Who is he to you?»
For a few seconds, she said nothing, simply staring at the dark-haired man while he clearly waited for an answer from her.
«I don't know who he is to me, Thomas. I just know he's somebody that I can't seem to figure out how to cut out of me. But I want to— »
«You really want to?»
Facing Donna's silence again, Thomas zipped his bag before muttering.
«It's better that I leave, Donna»
«I'm sorry, Thomas. You're a good guy, and you don't deservethis »
«You're right, I don't deserve this. I really loved you, Donna. You were perfect for me, you had everything I was looking for in a girl, really, and I found that reserved side of you adorable. I thought you were sometimes distant because of the lack of experience since you told me that you had only had one love story with a boy at Yale with whom nothing had really happened, but you had forgotten to say that you were banging your best friend's brother. And even then, considering the guy, I would be surprised if it was something quick and unimportant»
Seeing the redhead blush, remembering how Harvey could spend hours making her moan, his arrogant smirk as soon as he made her come, all the positions they tried, all the unusual places where they had sex because he couldn't wait, all the times he pounded her hard while they stared at each other intensely as the redhead was doing everything not to roll her eyes — he was right, it had never been quick and unimportant. As she continued to stare at him with red cheeks, Thomas sighed before answering.
«Alright, no point in talking about it anymore; it's painful enough. I'm going to go»
«Thomas —»
«See you at Yale. Bye Donna»
Without another word, the future architect left the room with his bag on his shoulder, then the house, leaving the redhead alone in Harvey's room, jumping when she heard the door of his car slam. She couldn't have said how long she stood there holding back her tears, but as she heard someone knock on the door, she took a deep breath before answering.
«Yes?»
«Hey»
«Marcus»
«Everything okay? I just saw Thomas leave»
«Yeah, he went back to Yale»
«Everything okay between you two?»
«Well, I'm pretty sure it's over between us»
«What?»
«I'm sure, actually»
«But why? You two were good together, what happened?»
«It's my fault, I lied to him, and he didn't appreciate it»
«Lied about what?»
She couldn't tell him, and as lost as she was and even if he was her best friend, she couldn't tell him that she was lying to him too for almost two years. So she just smiled sadly before whispering.
«Can we just not talk about this anymore?»
«Yeah, sorry, I didn't mean to be too intrusive»
«It's alright, Marcus»
«I'm here, alright? If you need to talk, I'm here, you can tell me anything, without judgment»
«Thanks»
«I'll go, but I'm right next door, you knock whenever you want»
After a last smile, he left the room to leave the redhead alone again. For his part, Harvey had finished his turn, and while he was afraid of running into the redhead seeing that all the lights were still on in the living room, he settled down on the garden terrace, opened the pack of cigarettes he had just bought before lighting one, and toking a drag to spit it out a few seconds later. If he thought he was completely alone, he didn't expect to hear the voice that made him shiver behind him.
«I thought you had quit smoking»
«What? Do you want to pretend to be my father now, Donna?»
«What's your problem, Harvey?»
«Nothing, leave me alone and go to sleep»
« Really? You just ruined my relationship by acting like an idiot, and all you have to say is that I should leave you alone and go to sleep? »
« What do you want? A hug? That's not my style, go to Marcus »
For a few seconds, neither of them said anything, Donna shocked by Harvey's behavior, who was usually much more tender when it came to her, while the young man wanted to kill himself talking to her like that, but at this moment, it felt like the only solution he had found to push back the fateful moment. As he prayed for her to disappear, smelling her scent still behind him, he simply heard the redhead sniff, his heart breaking into a thousand pieces before she whispered.
«You're just an asshole, Harvey»
As tears stung his eyes, he remained unmoved, looking in front of him, refusing to turn around to catch her or apologize, as it was for the best that she was finally going to hate him and go away to live her life. As painful as it was, it seemed like the right idea, and for a few minutes, he remained alone again until he heard a male voice this time.
«No cigarettes in my house, Harvey»
«Sorry, dad»
For a few seconds, neither of them said anything until Gordon sighed when he saw that his son wouldn't stop smoking as he muttered.
«What's going on?»
«I don't know what you're talking about. I'm good»
«I'm talking about the fact that when I left early in the afternoon, I had five young people chatting together, and now that I'm coming back from a friend's house, the two guests have disappeared, my oldest son is smoking on the terrace even though he had stopped, and my youngest is worried about his best friend, while the kid simply wished me good night with tears in her eyes»
«Scottie was supposed to go back to Harvard, and as for Thomas, who knows, I think he left Donna»
«And why?»
«Why what?»
«Why did they break up? Thomas seems like a good guy, and we know Donna, that girl is great. I have a hard time believing she could screw up»
«Well, you never really know people. That guy may have been a real asshole»
«What happened with Donna?»
«What are you talking about?»
«You and Donna»
«There's nothing between me and Donna»
«I'm your father, not your brother, Harv»
While Harvey remained silent, swallowing yet another drag of the cigarette, staring ahead while Gordon had taken a seat next to him, the father chuckled softly before whispering.
«I should have guessed. It's her, right?»
«What?»
«For almost three years now, I've seen you change without knowing why. I mean, you rarely come home because you're always at Harvard and I don't know what's going on there, but for months I've seen you come back each time with a smile and with haste, you're no longer stuck in your room, you get along really well with your brother, you laugh together, you're calmer and more relaxed. For a while I thought your teenage crisis was over or something, but I never would have imagined that it was someone else who changed you. So, I ask again, what happened with Donna?»
«It's complicated, dad»
«Were you guys dating?»
«No»
«So what?»
After a few seconds of silence, Harvey started to talk with a trembling voice.
«At first, it was just like that, she had a crush on this guy, she was freaking out because she hadn't kissed anyone and didn't want to make a fool of herself, so I offered to show her. Then after, I don't know, things got really crazy»
«How crazy?»
«I was addicted to her, dad. At first it was innocent kisses, then it got a little more passionate and all the time. Whenever I came back from Harvard and saw her, I couldn't help myself, I was obsessed with her, so I would kiss her all the time, and whenever we were alone or Marcus had his back turned, it was just addictive, and she would let me do it. I think she liked it too, I mean, it was just kissing, that was it… until this summer»
«Did you sleep together?»
«I've never been as comfortable with a girl as I was with her. It was just a joke at first, like for the kiss, I offered to show her just in case she went out with Thomas, but when she asked me if my offer still stood, I lost my mind. We slept together once, and the next day, I realized I couldn't do without her. So we slept together all summer, and leaving her at the end of summer break was horrible. As soon as I got back to Harvard, I only thought about her all the time, I couldn't even look at or touch another girl without getting completely wasted, it was a nightmare. So when I had to play the game at Yale, I lied when I told you I didn't run into Donna. I went straight to her dorm, knocked on her door, and it was like reliving that summer, like nothing had changed, but that was until I was waiting for her to come out of the bathroom and I saw that Thomas had asked her out by message, and the worst part was when she was in bed with me and I saw her replying, telling him that she'd be happy to»
«Did you tell her that it bothered you?»
«You know I didn't, she has to live her life»
«And why not live her life with you?»
«Maybe because I'm fucked up in my head?»
«Harvey»
«Dad, have you seen Donna? You like her, right? You see her wasting her life with someone like me?»
«She's never going to waste her life with someone like you»
«Of course she will, we don't want the same thing. I could never give her the life she wants»
«What do you know about what she wants? I mean, I thought I knew this girl like one of my children, and I just found out she spent her summer sleeping with my oldest son. You see, we don't really know people. And then, how did you two do it? I mean, I was there part of the summer, and seeing how you get along with your brother right now, I guess he has no ideaabout you two »
«Well, we met during night when you were sleeping or when we were both alone in the car»
«You're just an idiot»
«Dad»
«I'm serious, Harvey. For almost two months, you were so addicted to each other that you would lie and hide to sleep together. So what, after everything, you just let her go at the first opportunity? It may be stupid, but you're older than her, you have already had other experiences before her, you've met other girls, known other things, and you're more mature on certain points — even if I doubt it when I hear you talk — but Harvey, think about it: you're her first kiss, her first time, probably her first stable relationship too. Don't be the first to break her heart, because let me tell you, if you love her, believe me, it will hurt just as much to let her go»
«Love is not enough, and you know it»
«When was the last time you talked to your mother?»
«What?»
«When, Harvey?»
«Why should I talk to her? I don't need her in my life, she's better where she is right now, far from me»
«Because I think that what happened between your mom and me is busy ruining you and your future, Harvey»
«This is bullshit»
«You know I'm right. Harvey, just because your mom did what she did doesn't mean your partner will do the same to you»
«You were a great husband, and she left you. Me? I'm a fucking asshole, and you think she's going to stay with me? Never»
«You're not a fucking asshole»
«Of course I am. I hid the whole Mom and Bobby thing from you, everyone forgave her but I can't, I'm taking it out on Marcus because I'm mad at him for moving on, and now, I'm ruining Donna's relationship with her boyfriend and acting like an asshole to her again»
«Alright, I want you to listen to me. I was a shitty husband because, you're right, love is not enough. We loved each other with your mother, we did, we had a beautiful marriage, two amazing kids, we were truly happy and in love, and I don't want to justify what she did, but I wasn't there, Harvey. I let her deal with everything all by herself, there was the house, you two to take care of, school, your extracurricular activities, your tantrums, all that, she was all alone while I lived my life on the road with my band. So yeah, I was the cool dad who came home from time to time with gifts who let you do everything, but she was alone, all the time alone»
«That's not a reason to cheat, dad»
«You're right, but she isn't perfect, and neither am I»
For a few seconds he said nothing, just staring at the horizon, tears in his eyes, while he held his cigarette in one hand, playing with his lighter with the other, until he whispered.
«I'm not as strong as you, dad. I don't want to get hurt»
«Donna is not Lily»
«Who says Donna even wants to be with me? She's perfect, dad, she deserves the world»
«Well, I agree with you that she's perfect, and maybe she deserves the world, but I'm sure you're the right fit. And if you think your story is worth it, then do whatever it takes to make it possible. I have faith in you, son»
«Yeah»
As Gordon vigorously stroked his son's back, Harvey heard him chuckle before turning and whispering.
«Why are you laughing?»
«I still remember Donna when she was doing her math exercises with Marcus in the kitchen, she was so small — barely reaching my underarm — with her two little pigtails as she was rolling her eyes whenever you were making a stupid joke, and today, she has become a beautiful young woman who lets my eldest son sneak into her bed at night»
«Yeah»chuckled Harvey softly.
«I can't believe it»
«You won't tell Marcus, right?»
«Oh no, it will be up to you to tell him that you're screwing his best friend. I'm sure he'll be very happy about it»
«Thanks, dad. For the talk, for tonight, for everything»
«You're welcome, Harvey. I just want you to be happy, son, and if Donna is what makes you happy, you better fight for her, even though I'm sure you won't have to fight for long»
«We shall see»
«Everything's going to be alright, son»
Everything's going to be alright.
It had to be.