Summary: Santana and Brittany take their young sons camping for the first time with the adventurous Hudson family but quickly discover after a few meltdowns that the Lopezes are "staying at a hotel by the beach" kind of people.
A/N: Summer is almost over now but I suppose one more little summer-themed one shot can be allowed.
This is set roughly in the same type of universe as my other fic, "5 Times Santana and Brittany Didn't Have a Baby (And One Time They Actually Did)" so Finn is alive in this universe and married to Rach.
Rachel is a Broadway star and Finchel have two daughters: Stellina and Christine.
Stellina means "little star."
I named Christine after the lead from Phantom of the Opera. The idea of that name just gives me Rachel vibes. Plus, "Christopher" is Finn's middle name, so it would make sense that his daughter is named in honour of him.
Brittana had their first son by reciprocal IVF (so basically, Santana's egg, a blond donor who looked like Brittany, and Brittany carried the baby) while their youngest was conceived by IUI (with a donor who looked like Santana - one of her Lopez cousins - and Brittany's egg). Brittany took Santana's last name.
Was she really going on a summer camping trip with the Hobbit? What a nightmare.
Santana couldn't believe she had been dragged into this. Camping on its own was bad enough - not exactly Santana's idea of a good time when she could be in the comfort of her own mansion-like home or in a five star hotel room enjoying a hot shower and a warm bed - but she'd put up with it for the sake of Britt and their boys.
Two days ago, which was August 1st, was Marco's sixth birthday. Of course Santana wept a little in private when she realized he was already six. Her baby wasn't a tiny baby anymore. That couldn't be right! She didn't want to believe it. A second ago she was holding that little peanut in her arms. He was growing up way too fast.
She and Brittany organized the coolest party any boy could want because there's no way any Lopez child wouldn't get the best. Of course, it was car-themed. Santana didn't quite understand the obsession of boys with cars but her sons were really into that.
It made sense he was car crazy, since he was conceived in Santana's red Jaguar. Or at least, she liked to joke that he was since when they counted back, they really did make him around the same time they had a particularly heated moonlight tryst in that car.
Marco was such a little ham. After being in a hyperactive mode all day on his birthday, her oldest son had finally crashed out and slept in his mothers' bed between the two of them for the next ten hours. Of course, his little brother didn't want to be left out either, so between their sons and the cats trying to squeeze in, Santana nearly got pushed off of the bed.
Now that he was all bright-eyed again, he wouldn't stop talking about camping which of course was getting their younger son, Summer, all excited as well. She couldn't refuse them. Santana blamed Finnessa for putting this idea about camping into her and Brittany's sons' heads.
At age six and three she figured the boys were ready to try this out. After all, they had slept away from home before when they were little and they had all been to Puerto Rico for her cousin's wedding, without too much of a fuss. She and Brittany had made a plan to do more stereotypical "boy stuff" because both of their sons had expressed an interest.
They liked seeing their moms look pretty. Sure, they liked putting makeup on their moms (Brittany still had videos saved of an unamused Santana with Joker-style lipstick, all thanks to a hysterically giggling Marco), they even liked the Disney princess movies, and going shopping with their moms to make Santana spend all her money on designer clothes for them but her boys also really liked typical boy stuff.
The growing mountain of toy cars that remained at the foot of their bed that Santana constantly stepped on and screamed in agony in the middle of the night was evidence of this.
First step camping, next step would be monster truck rallies and wrestling matches. Santana was looking forward to the next two options way more.
Santana just hoped they hadn't traumatized Marco for life when he recently saw the leopard print dildo Santana used to ravish Brittany with the night before on the ground and asked innocently if it was Santana's gun.
Explaining their way out of that one had made Santana's face turn beet red. Now they knew to be extra careful about keeping those things hidden from their sons.
"What?" Santana smiled, noticing Brittany giggling at her as she packed up everything into their backpacks that morning early while the boys were still sleeping.
"It's just that it's cute that you're doing this even though we both know you hate it," Brittany kissed her cheek. "Aren't you a little too high-maintenance for camping, Babe?"
Santana melted as usual when Brittany put her arms around her shoulders, ignoring the quip. From anyone else, Santana might have taken it as an insult but Brittany said it so sweetly and it was Brittany, after all. Besides, she was totally distracted by what Brittany was wearing.
"You look so sexy, Britt. Even in that outfit."
Maybe it was worth putting up with her hair frizzing and the mosquitoes if she could get some alone time with Britt in the wilderness. She wasn't exactly sure how Britt managed to make the "park ranger" look chic and hot.
"Remember when we messed around at Sue's survival camp?" Brittany husked into her ear.
As if Santana would ever be able to forget that. Santana had fantasized about that particular night with Brittany in the tent constantly for the entire sophomore year. It was the only good thing she associated with camping.
Moments later, Santana looked up, hearing a familiar little voice and her eyes widened seeing her son struggling to carry the enormous cat who was almost bigger than he was.
"Mami, can Tubbs come with us?"
The cat kept shooting baleful glances in Santana's direction, his tail flipping back and forth in annoyance. Lord Tubbington was completely patient with their boys, as if they were his own kittens but every so often he got annoyed.
Santana chuckled at the cat's expression. Ah, sweet revenge, she thought. That's what you get for leaving dead mice in my shoes, Fatman.
Lord Tubbington was pretty old these days too.
"Not this time, Sweetie. Uncle Tubbs already booked his vacation plans, Kitten, you know that." Brittany quickly explained with a giggle, carefully taking the exasperated looking cat away from her little boy and ruffing his wavy, rich brown hair affectionately in consolation.
Marco was small just like Santana had been as a child, his brown hair and rich, golden caramel skin a shade or two lighter than his Mami's but his eyes were almost identical to hers in every way. His hair had been a golden blond until he was about three, when it began to darken up.
"Let's put him back in his carrier. He'll be staying with Grandma at his summer home just until we get back." Brittany smiled.
"Aw!" Marco pouted, puffing out his dimpled cheeks, his face identical to Santana's when she was disgruntled about anything. "I'll miss him too much."
Brittany pulled him into a comforting hug.
"I know, Baby. Mami and I will too!"
Santana highly doubted that she would be missing the obese cat but she didn't argue with her wife.
"Mami, I'll help you!"
Santana smiled as her other little dimpled son with his big blue, upturned cat eyes ambled towards her. Summer's skin was a fairer, lighter golden shade than his brother's but the two boys both had the Lopez dimples and chubby cheeks. She loved the fact that his wavy dirty blond hair was almost as light as Brittany's and his soft smile was so much like her wife's. His face was already a little longer and more Brittany-like than Marco's.
"Hi Kitten, of course you can. My beautiful little prince." Santana beamed, hugging him. He was a total momma's boy and Santana was very soft-hearted where Summer was concerned. He had Santana completely wrapped around his finger.
Summer gave her an adoring look, basking in the attention. He liked having all of Santana's attention to himself, almost as much as Brittany did.
Her boys were going to be the best looking in their school when they got older, she was sure. Santana would have to be fighting back all those ridiculous girls who would throw themselves at them.
"No, I'm helping Mami!" Marco insisted, pouting as soon as he saw Santana holding Summer. Santana sighed as she picked up Summer and rocked him gently. She really didn't want to deal with a sibling fight so early in the day.
"You can both help Mami." Brittany told them calmly with a cheerful smile, patting both of their heads in an attempt to stop the argument before it could start.
The peace didn't last for long. He poked little Summer in the stomach, obviously jealous of him getting all of Santana's attention.
Summer was already starting to get that face that suggested he was about to start wailing, so Santana knew they had to smooth things over fast.
Her boys were always having Lopez level meltdowns and it wasn't a pretty sight. Santana ran to make sure she had packed their cat plushies.
"I want to be the only one helping Mami!" Marco insisted in a loud voice. He was so jealous of his little brother sometimes.
"Honey, we talked about this. Come help Mommy find the other cats. They're being difficult today." Marco's face lit up at the mention of the cats and he gladly held Brittany's hand when she held it out for him, following her back into the house.
Just then Santana groaned when a familiar looking van pulled into their driveway, a horn honking to alert them to the Hudson couple's presence.
"Good morning, beautiful people!" Rachel rolled down the window and called out at a volume that was several decibels too high for such an early hour.
Finn waved to the couple and their sons sheepishly as he parked the car. He looked exhausted but had that dopey smirk on his face as he pulled his gargantuan body out of the car.
Santana would grudgingly admit that maybe this trip wasn't the worst idea. Even if the sight of Finn made her lose her appetite.
Rachel's two daughters were about the same age as their boys after all and it was good for them to have friends other than themselves, their moms, grandparents, and cats. Her boys tended to prefer to keep to themselves.
They definitely didn't like other boys much, especially if they stole the attention away from them but they loved girls.
"Why does she have to come?!" Marco demanded, pointing at the air-headed girl, Stellina, who stared back at him in confusion.
The lanky, pale, light brown-haired girl was definitely Finn's child, already a head taller than Marco despite being only a year older with long, clumsy limbs. Stellina was pretty much the only female in existence who Marco didn't like.
Christine, their youngest daughter waved at them, clumsily trailing after her sister. She already had darker hair than Stellina - more of a chestnut brown with lightly tanned skin and the same small Hudson amber-brown eyes.
Both girls were messy, with unbrushed hair and dirt already on their clothes, especially Stellina, in comparison to the Lopez boys with their immaculate outfits and neat hair.
Stellina glared at Marco. Santana rolled her eyes. Her son was always trying to pick fights with Finn and Rachel or their daughters but Stellina got on his nerves the most because they both had such strong, bossy personalities. They both always had to be the leader.
Santana adored her baby boy but her dramatic son certainly was a handful at times.
"It's payback time, Sister!" That was all Maribel Lopez would tell her whenever Santana mentioned Marco being dramatic, as if he was already a moody teenager. As annoying as these particular guests were, she had to lay down the ground rules.
"Marco, don't be fu-" She stopped herself from cursing just in time when Rachel gave her a sharp warning look and Brittany gasped. "Don't be rude to the girl. Behave."
"Sorry Mami." Marco pouted, hanging his head. Santana slipped her arms around him, kneeling down and kissing his forehead softly.
"Can I come too?"
Another tall little girl with long, light, strawberry blonde hair and sharp, light green eyes popped out from behind Finn's car.
It was Mallory, the mysterious, preppy little girl who lived across the street. She was a few years older than Marco and his face lit up instantly when he saw her. She was taller than he was too. The pale, red-haired girl just watched with amusement as he shrieked and ran up to pull her into a hug but didn't push him away.
Santana had almost forgotten that they had agreed to allow this little girl to join them. Both of them cheered when Santana agreed that she could come. She couldn't very well say no to a kid and they already had her parents' permission from before.
At least Marco was happier about the camping trip now.
"Aw, he really likes her," Brittany whispered to the other adults. "He talks about her all the time"
Marco still somehow heard her. He blushed bright red, covering his face with his hands and squeaked.
"No I don't, Mommy! No way!"
Mallory rolled her eyes but her cheeks turned a little pink. It reminded Santana so much of herself and Brittany when they were little. It was sweet.
Santana chuckled but felt bad for the little guy and came to his rescue.
"Britt, c'mon, you're embarrassing him in front of a girl."
God, Santana knew how that felt.
Stellina and Christine seemed as clueless as always. Stellina stared up at Finn who shrugged at her as if saying he was equally confused about everything that was going on.
"Oh, you're right. Sorry, Baby." Brittany pulled Marco into a tight hug, kissing his cheek and he was no longer as upset.
Summer just clung to Marco's sleeve the whole time, staring curiously between the older kids and glaring at Stellina whenever his brother did. He was always copying everything the older boy did, much to Marco's annoyance. He was like his brother's sidekick.
"Alright y'all, let's move. It's way too early and I haven't had enough caffeine for this." Santana finally said, through gritted teeth and grabbed their extra bags to shove them into the trunk as Rachel continued to rattle off from her long list to Finn to make sure they had packed everything.
He kept assuring her that they had everything and she shouldn't worry but Rachel still had all this nervous energy radiating from her.
"Quite the hen-pecked husband now, aren't you, Fatty?" Santana muttered in a mocking tone at Finn as she passed, not being able to resist the urge to torment the two. "We all know who wears the pants in that relationship."
Rachel just scowled at Santana, wagging a finger at her as if warning her not to start and muttered something about Santana being even more whipped for Brittany. Then the adults got the kids into the van and they quickly drove off.
"That boy has such a temper. I don't know where he gets it from!" She later complained to the other adults when the kids were out of earshot after Marco had just mouthed off at her for the third time. Finn and Rachel fell quiet and exchanged knowing looks while Brittany laughed.
"I wonder where he gets it from." An amused smile came to her blonde wife's lips and there was a hint of sarcasm in her voice. Rachel heard her remark and laughed behind her hand.
"You know we could have just set up tents in the backyard and roasted marshmallows in the oven," Santana grumbled to Finn and Rachel. "My boys are six and three. It's not like they'd know any better really."
Rachel shook her head, looking up from her map.
"Of course not, Santana. The children must have the authentic camping experience!"
"Wait a second, you don't even like camping, Berry. In fact, I know you'd hate it," Santana raised an eyebrow. "Won't it be hell for you to have to miss out on your two hourly nightly skin care routine?"
"That's beside the point," Rachel huffed. "The girls and Finn wanted to go. We're all going to have a great time. I've researched everything extensively."
"You seriously studied for camping?" Santana snorted and Brittany giggled beside her.
The adults overheard the children talking in the back.
"You'll see how fun it is because my daddy took me camping a hundred times already with Chrissy and we fought all the bears!" Stellina boasted, already full of excitement.
"No way, you can't fight a bear!" Marco argued, annoyed. "You're making that up!"
"I'll protect Daddy from the bears." Christine chimed in sweetly. Her parents found this really endearing. She was so attached to Finn already, just like Stellina was.
"She's so strong." Rachel gushed, blowing a kiss at her daughter.
"I'm the bravest one!" Marco shouted.
"Nuh uh! You're a crybaby!" A girl's voice argued.
Santana sighed, hearing Marco's voice get louder as he tried to pick fights with Stellina and Christine again in the back of the van. It was going to be a long trip. Good thing she packed earplugs.
She was kind of internally freaking out but a little proud at the same time when she happened to glance back half an hour later and see her oldest son passed out with his head on the shoulder of Mallory, who was resting her head on his and also asleep.
"You're setting up all wrong." Santana shook her head at Finn in annoyance and disgust. She had dumped all of the manual labour on him but now she was standing around lecturing him with her hands on her hips.
"No he's not! You're the one who has it wrong so you should stay out of the way." Rachel argued, instantly stepping between them and moving in front of her husband defensively.
"Quit bossing me around, Berry."
Brittany and Finn sighed wearily.
"Look, do you two want to just put them together yourselves?" Finn asked with a long-suffering expression as the argument between Santana and Rachel continued to go on.
"Fine. Maybe I will, since you're useless as slave labour. As long as your loud, loud wife doesn't get in my way."
Rachel huffed as she went about attempting to put up her and Finn's tent while Santana did the same for her and Brittany's own at the other end of the campsite.
"How the hell did we manage to do this when we did Sue Sylvester's survival training? I just remembered why it's such a pain in the ass." Santana complained.
"You look rugged, Babe. It's hot." Brittany flirted when she saw her wife working hard.
"Oh yeah, you like that, Britt?" Santana smirked back at her. She was sweaty and gross but Brittany was really into it so she stopped grumbling.
Brittany always did seem to get turned on whenever Santana was working out. It kind of made all the sweating and the many failed attempts at assembling their tent worth it. Santana had accidentally cursed loudly in front of the children at least three times, much to Rachel's horror.
Needless to say neither Santana nor Rachel had any talent for this.
Soon, it became obvious to Santana that camping hadn't been such a good idea for the Lopezes. As much as they were excited at first, the LoPierce boys weren't really into the idea of camping as much as they previously were once they figured out what it actually involved.
When they discovered that they wouldn't have the luxury of TV, warm beds, and warm baths, they started to sob. They screwed up their faces at the idea of camp food.
Beans and sausages on a stick cooked over the fire weren't very appealing to them and they were embarrassed to use the bathroom outdoors.
All of the Hudsons with the exception of Rachel were having an amazing time, however. Stellina and Christine were adventurous and already trekking through the forest with their dad while Marco and Summer clung to Santana and Brittany the entire time. Mallory was about as skeptical as the Lopez boys, though she wasn't crying the way they were.
"Mommy, I want to go back home!" Marco sobbed when he saw Stellina and Finn eating nonstop. Seeing Marco cry made Summer start bawling louder. After about two hours at the campsite, the Lopez boys had reached their limit. "I want my Mommy!"
Santana's eyes opened wide and she froze in place. She hadn't planned for what she would do if they didn't enjoy camping and now, she was tired and on the verge of tears herself. Brittany handled the crying spells from the boys a lot better.
Santana should have known. Marco and Summer were practically babies and had been sheltered all their lives. Her boys were too spoiled for this type of thing. They were just like her. Her heart broke and she couldn't handle her sons crying. Brittany looked at her and apparently felt the same.
"Aw, c'mere, Baby Kittens," Brittany opened her arms, in full damage control mode, and the two sniffling boys cuddled close to their mom. "Mami, can you bring me my backpack?"
"Sure, Babe," Santana brought Brittany's bright pink bag to her. "Wow, they were really expecting this to be like the luxury hotel beach vacation experience. It's all they know. Can't say I blame the boys for preferring that."
"Mami, I like the beach better!" Marco cried as soon as he heard this. Brittany rocked him and his brother gently in her arms.
"I want the beach!" Summer chimed in. Santana's heart broke when she saw his cat-like blue eyes well up with unshed tears.
"I know, Sweethearts. Me too," Santana admitted, stroking his cheek apologetically. "If it weren't for Rachel and Finnessa's terrible vacation ideas, we could be in Hawaii instead right now, living it up."
"That does sound way better." Brittany mused.
Rachel glared sharply at Santana when she heard her grumbling.
"I heard a monster in the forest just now." Stellina, or "Pig-Pen" as Santana called her in her head, announced, running over to them from the bushes and Christine looked up in interest from the stick she was playing with.
"Where? We should go and find it."
"Girls, I don't really think it was a monster." Rachel smiled in amusement, ruffling her oldest daughter's hair.
"But it was! It's coming to eat all of us, especially Marco!" Stellina shouted, obviously trolling him on purpose.
Marco and Summer began to freak out and screamed when they heard this. Summer jumped into Brittany's arms for protection while Marco sobbed and Stellina laughed at how he was acting.
"I thought you said you were the bravest one!" She teased and stuck out her tongue. "Doesn't look like it!"
She was a blunt little girl who said whatever she wanted to out loud, that was for sure. Santana wondered if she should intervene.
"I am!" He insisted, rubbing his eyes and becoming even more distressed. "Shut your mouth!"
"Aw, don't cry, Marco," Mallory walked over to him and stroked his hair, giving the sensitive boy a hug. He wrapped his little arms around her neck, quieting down a little. "You don't have to be scared."
"I'm not that scared," He blushed, embarrassed to be seen that way around her but hugged her back, nonetheless. "I just don't like camping."
"Me neither. It's kind of scary." The red-haired girl admitted softly and Marco seemed comforted by the idea that she was similar to him. Santana knew it probably meant a lot to him that she was the one to go to him first because the girl didn't normally notice all of his attempts to get her attention.
"I'll protect you." He whispered, his dark brown eyes full of determination even though he was wiping a tear from his cheek.
"Look, what I have!" Brittany spoke up, distracting the boys from their meltdowns. "S'mores!"
"What's that?" Summer squinted. He and his brother stopped crying when they noticed her taking out a bag of marshmallows, followed by graham crackers and chocolate bars. The boys and Mallory followed Brittany over to the fire pit where she kneeled down.
"You'll see. San, can you help me make s'mores for them?"
The boys were a lot happier when they were given the sugary treats and popcorn Brittany brought with her.
Even the Hudson girls were thrilled about it and they soon were covered with chocolate until Rachel pulled them away to make sure their faces and hands were washed.
The Broadway singer wasn't particularly thrilled about Stellina having a combination of grass stains, dirt, and melted marshmallow all over her shirt either.
Mallory was neat and delicate in comparison to the other girls, preferring to help Brittany and Summer put together the s'mores rather than run wild with the Hudson daughters. Marco kept trying to get attention from his moms and brother, but especially Mallory by hamming it up and making funny faces, then dancing around the fire. Stellina and Christine told them all about their adventures in the forest that day.
Santana was so thankful that Brittany came up with ways of comforting and distracting their sons for the rest of the night until it was time to get them to bed.
They couldn't do much more than that at the moment but Santana even managed to steal a kiss from her wife.
"What are you doing?" Brittany gasped, when Santana pushed her up against a tree near their tent pretty firmly. It wasn't enough to hurt the blonde but she gazed up at Santana in arousal, not pushing her away. Santana couldn't help leaning in to press heated kisses along the pale column of her neck. "The- the boys."
"They're watching a movie on the tablet I snuck into my bag in our tent. They won't see a thing."
Brittany sighed and relaxed, closing her eyes and leaning closer as she threaded her fingers through dark hair.
"Mm, I wish we could do more."
"Oh me too, Baby," Santana caught her mouth with hers, their tongues meeting as she slipped her arms around Brittany's waist. She felt frustrated but she knew it would make the time when they eventually slept together when they got home even more special. "Just wait until we get back home and I get you in my arms."
"I can't wait." Brittany purred, pushing her body up against Santana's frame eagerly as her wife got her hands up her shirt.
Even after nine years of marriage, the thrill of sneaking off to makeout had never waned. Brittany and Santana could barely control their lust for each other at any time of the day. Santana thought Brittany could not look more stunning after carrying two babies.
Later that night, Santana was lying on her back with Brittany in her arms and her sons cuddled close, nodding off. Mallory was curled up in her sleeping bag, already passed out at the other side of the tent. Everyone was wearing the cat-patterned pajamas in various colours that Brittany had brought along with her.
"We'll just go back home tomorrow. They've had a taste of the camping experience. It's safe to say, it's not a Lopez-approved activity and I think Marco's little girlfriend wouldn't mind going back either." Santana decided, whispering to Brittany.
"Mm, I think you're right," Brittany hummed softly, leaning in to kiss her wife sweetly on the lips as she wrapped her arm around Summer tightly. He whimpered in his sleep, nuzzling into her arm. "Let's go back to Maui for a mini vacation instead."