Snap Back To Reality 29
I didn't waste time throwing shuriken straight into the jugular of a bandit coming my way, and then jumping on and snapping the neck of the next one. I needed to get this done fast. 30 seconds left. Just kill them all before they can kill me. This wasn't any different than killing anyone in battle I reasoned, except that now I was on a pressuring time limit. My limbs were going numb and as I snarled and engaged Mitsuo, I didn't even feel a drop of remorse for killing him, just a sickening form of satisfaction that he would get what he deserved. Not even the screams of his enraged child wavered my heart.
Breathe Hina!
I managed a second's worth of a hasty chakra spike as I superheated my body with chakra like I had learnt. It brought a mild sensation to my limbs that had gone worryingly cold. I felt my vision blur and cursed. Was my whole body shutting down? No, I couldn't just lay down and give up now. I pushed my chakra to my ears this time. I'd trained for this. If I lost one sense, then I'd have another. I drove my body in autopilot, dodging and weaving through the men and women coming at me with a desperation that was evident in all fights, shinobi or civilian. I was desperate too, but I was trained. Orochimaru would bring me to life and kill me personally if I lost to a bunch of no-chakra bandits.
I cracked necks, and caved in chests, but my chakra wasn't moulding to my will and without it I was just an average child. A little girl. Without chakra I was the most vulnerable thing on this planet, small and so fragile. I had forgotten how it felt to not be strong, to not have this amazing power I could control so intrinsically run through my body. I had begun to take it for granted.
As another blade cut through my arm, and one nicked at my cheeks, I realised I was losing more of it, and I was beginning to move at the speed of a normal civilian girl, not a shinobi. Without chakra, no matter how much muscle I built up, I was no match for grown men. I let out a scream of frustration as I drove my knee into a man's chest and pushed away the hand moving to grapple me.
NO I REFUSE
I refused to be anything but strong! I refused to die in such a disgraceful way again. I had people here to live for, and so when I slammed my body desperately into one of the bandits and grabbed them by their genitals and bit the hand that came at my face, I didn't stop. I didn't hold back. Death wasn't pretty, fighting wasn't pretty. It was brutal, cold, and unforgiving. I didn't dance like the wind, nor strike effortlessly like a tiger. No, I struggled in a desperate bid to survive, and I struck wild and unforgivingly, because when it came down to it, between them and me, I would always choose me. I had the means to survive, the training to continue, and the instincts to follow me that chakra didn't take away. I could do this!
Before long I was on my last leg, panting harshly as I weakly tackled into the last man there. He caught me easily, and when I looked up with blurred vision, my limbs trembling with numb, heavy exhaustion, all I knew was that all my efforts were pointless. In the end the blade that came down at my face wasn't from a man, but a crying boy.
"You killed my dad!"
Mitsuo mentioned he had a son to take care of. I wondered briefly if it was this boy, and I couldn't find it in myself to hate him for what he was about to do. If anyone had taken away my own father, I wouldn't end them with a simple stab. I would cut of their dick and make them taste hell. I wondered, if maybe, I was too detached right now, if it was normal to not just feel numb in the body but also in the spirit. I didn't understand how these thoughts were dragging out, like somehow the world was pausing for my last reflections, as I watched in slow-motion the blade that would end my life. I closed my eyes, not quite ready to die.
It didn't come.
I felt the grip on my shirt slacken and I dropped to the ground in a heap. I had barely enough energy to look up to see a pissed off Orochimaru, his hands straight through the boy's chest, holding him up like a ragdoll. The boy let out a pitiful and terrified whimper before he spat out blood and his head lolled to the side in a slow death. Orochimaru flicked his arm, throwing the boy away like a worthless ragdoll and looked down at me. The smile on his face wasn't kind.
"To be taken down by bandits. Quite pathetic wouldn't you say," he hummed, voice cold as ice.
I looked down and gritted my teeth in shame. So weak, so pathetic… so useless. Somehow, I was managing to feel like this often these days. Powerless and incompetent. It made hate bubble inside of me. An ugly emotion reared its head telling me how unworthy I was to even be alive. I hated it so much. I hated it so much that when Orochimaru put a hand on my head and set my nerves on fire, I didn't even scream or struggle. I dug my fingers into the ground instead, biting my lips and took it.
"Let the pain be a lesson," he finally said, letting go of my head.
I stumbled back down shakily, my breathing ragged, and I knew I deserved this.
The nerve toxin had been removed from my system, and I couldn't feel the numbness in my body anymore. I kept my face blank, but the emotions inside of me were painful. I was always a hairbreadth away from dying out in the field, and a part of me knew I would never get used to it, but the feeling of incompetence and uselessness was what weighed heavy on my shoulders. I couldn't even bring myself to look up at Orochimaru's eyes from the shame of it all.
"There are many ways to kill a Shinobi. Toxins, Genjutsu, chakra manipulation, Taijutsu, Kenjutsu, Fuinjutsu, drowning, electrocution, heart attacks and assassinations. You have only ever fought on head to head battles, a clear enemy, with orders and single-minded purpose. Your foolish sensei has made you weak."
"I-It wasn't Gaku-sensei's fault," I defended, speaking up for the first time.
Orochimaru sneered at me, his eyes narrowing at my defiance, and my skin tingled with fire and I shut up and looked down again.
"He focused entirely on your Taijutsu, which understandably will keep you alive in direct combat, but he neglected everything else. It truly does seem like you'll need another sensei," he hummed rather pleased.
I knew Orochimaru was right, but his words didn't sting any less. This world of steel and violence was still new to me. I only spent a year in the academy, and I was barely introduced to standard ninja protocol, let alone to things like mission tactics. I was sure there were more fields out there, like torture and interrogation, sabotage and espionage, and a plethora of other shinobi missions that wasn't simply going out to fight in the front lines. I knew nothing about that, and I didn't think it mattered before. Being a shinobi had always been a means to an end, to live a comfortable life in the future, safe and with the way to provide and protect. I didn't care beyond that. If I could protect my family, and take care of my own interests, I didn't care if I was roped into the most unsavoury job in the world. My body and career choice was a small price to pay for a life of safety and basic needs of my family.
I was wrong to be so wilfully ignorant about the other aspects of my own career path. Being a shinobi meant more than just being strong. I needed to be smart, which I admittedly was not. I had been told by Cat once that there were different kinds of intelligence. I used to look down on the less academically gifted, and yet Cat, with all her academic averageness had possessed skills I barely had. She could talk to people, create meaningful connections, navigate conversations like a particularly elusive feline. I was, in comparison, an emotionally stunted idiot who knew an inordinate amount about my specific scientific field. Being a Shinobi was no different, except for the minor fact that my ability to study was only really one part in a wide array of things I needed to do, to become truly strong.
I had thought that improving my pure Taijutsu and Ninjutsu skills would be enough to land me a cosy position, do missions under the radar while discretely making myself stronger. That way life would be comfortable again, and even if my job was dangerous, I could go in and do it respectably and professionally. I was wrong. All the Taijutsu and Ninjutsu in the world wouldn't be enough if I didn't learn how to spot an enemy, how to detect sabotage, how to handle clients and how to not die from on stray poison dart. For someone who died chocking on a vegetable, I sure had forgotten how easily my life could be taken.
"I will not have my student be so weak. It seems I will be taking over your training from ROOT for a while," Orochimaru said catching my attention.
"I—I will be stronger," I said curling my fists tighter. "I refuse to be useless."
"Pretty words," he hummed. "Back it up with evidence and I'll see if you're even worth keeping alive."
I bit my lip and I could feel my body tremble. I knew I shouldn't feel this way, but if Orochimaru found me unworthy to be alive, I felt like I would break. Josh had died for me… I had no right to be so unworthy of his sacrifice. Failure meant everything he had given up on my account was for nothing, and I refused to make that the case. I would not fail this. I would make my life worth his sacrifice.
I didn't feel particularly bad when Guy threw me to the ground and won the spar. Oddly enough I was feeling both ineffective and terribly frustrated. As I lay on the ground looking up at the cloudy sky above, I didn't feel the thrill of a spar, or the joy of companionship. My emotions felt clammy and ambivalent. Like it was confused by the number of contradictory things I had been doing and feeling for the past few months. I slammed my fist against the grass, and the hiss that escaped my lips was too late to be held back. I sat up to see Guy giving me a worried look, dark eyes taking me in with a guilty, self-blaming look, and I felt shameful.
I always came running to spar with Guy when I was in a bad mood. He had become an unwitting therapy partner in some sense. His unending optimism, that blinding smile that had to be Genjutsu enhanced somehow, and his personal brand of that 'never give up' attitude, had made him like my fireplace in a cold stormy night.
But right now, beaten to the ground by his stupidly quick strikes, I wasn't in a good place. The mission with Orochimaru was terrible. I had failed. I had failed a job, and I took pride in not failing. I never enjoyed the killing, not truly. I only ever enjoyed the accomplishment that came with it, the thrill of a challenge. I liked adversary, but I needed to come out on top in the end. Being beaten to the ground by a seven-year-old was not helping right now.
"I'm sorry Hina-chan if I did something un-youthful!" he exclaimed fidgeting.
I couldn't help but narrow my arms and tch in agitation, more at myself than him. He fidgeted even more, and I gripped the grass painfully. What was I doing? Losing against a little boy and then proceeding to make him feel guilty about it.
Pathetic.
"It's not your fault Guy," I said, a little harsher than I liked my voice to be. "I-I'm sorry. I swear I'm not angry at you. I'm just so—so angry at myself. I'm so weak."
Not to mention a terrible human being.
Guy never stopped training. He never stopped running, or punching, or pushing himself. I had drive, but not as much as him, and it was showing. The only reason why he didn't graduate early was because, despite his Taijutsu, he still lacked in everything else. They couldn't send out a kid who couldn't even tree walk to battle. Yet… he was beginning to beat me in spars. I was sure it wasn't the same for Kakashi.
"You're hurting."
I flinched at his bluntness. I didn't like this feeling, not one bit. I was meant to be the joking aloof one. Sure I could get annoyed like anyone, but rarely did I let my emotions affect me this much. I was seething. I shouldn't be like this in front of Guy of all people. He was too good for me.
"I'm sorry," I mumbled.
Guy to my surprise, sat next to me. He put an arm on my back and his cheeks heated up mildly at the display of comfort for a second before the most adorable look of conviction took his expression.
"Yosh! We will run 5 laps around Konoha!"
"Around the whole of Konoha?" I asked in bafflement.
That was at least a 70-kilometre run! It would be possible if we kept it at a chakra run, but as a self-rule of training, we refrained from using chakra for stamina purposes. I paled considerably as he yanked me up with surprising strength, a blinding smile taking his face.
"You're hurting about being weak! So then we will just have to train the weakness from your body! YOSH! Time to start!"
Guy held my hand as he began in a sprint, not even waiting for me to stretch. I looked at his back in bewilderment because a warm flutter of emotions welled inside of me that almost instantly overcame the bitter anger. I felt the tears well at my eyes and cursed the volatile emotions that came with my physical age. I brushed them aside before he could see that weakness too.
"Guy,"
"Yes?!"
"You really are the coolest, most hip friend ever," I snorted in amusement.
He turned as red as Kushina's hair before he stuttered out something incoherent and then promptly ran ahead faster. Too fast. What a speed demon!
"Hey, wait up for me!"
We ran, and ran, and ran, until I understood that Orochimaru's torture had nothing on the fire my lungs were in right now. We didn't stop, even as we were sweating like pigs, even with the concerned glances from the passer-by's and definitely not until we completed all 5 laps. 6 hours of running later and then we collapsed in a heap. I practically fell onto Guy's back and we just dropped onto the training ground we had booked in a heap.
"T-That was evil," I wheezed.
"Y-you… did… it," Guy said through painful breaths. "Hea…vy"
"Sorry," I apologised, before rolling off him and dying by myself.
"You're smiling," he said after about an hour of catching our breaths.
"Huh." I was.
"When I'm hurting, I train myself," Guy said nodding sagely. "Then I know I won't be useless anymore, because even if I am right now, I won't be in the future!"
My heart skipped a beat. Was it true? Was it alright to be weak now? Was it alright to be this way until I could become stronger?
"So, uh… don't hurt anymore ok," he said awkwardly, beaming me a smile.
I couldn't help the tears that practically flooded down my face. I couldn't stop this display of weakness. I was crying in front of a child, I realised, and I wondered if it was ok. If it was ok to cry like this just because Guy let me be weak. Stupid childish emotions that I couldn't control.
"H-Hina-chan! AH! I'm sorry for saying something so un-youthful again!"
I was so pathetic that I didn't stop myself from burying my face into the fumbling boy's chest to hide my tears. It was so unlike me to cry let alone to cry in front of someone and not hate myself for it. I was being pathetic, and it felt alright… because Guy wouldn't judge me, because for the first time since Cat, I was fine being weak in front of someone. I didn't want to feel this way, to feel like I was letting down my guard again, but Guy—he was too non-judgemental and it felt like nothing I could do could ever be considered a weakness in front of him.
"G-Guy"
"Yes!" he squeaked.
"These aren't sad tears."
These were good tears.
The 'hurt' as guy had put it had lessened considerably, but it was still there, an ever-present motivator for me to shut my mouth and not utter another word of complaint as Orochimaru drilled me in various subjects. I decided that my future was too important to waste away without proper thought, and so I began to create contingencies beyond simply 'getting stronger'.
It had been nearly 4 months since my encounter with ROOT, since I was taken in by Orochimaru and nothing of note had happened to suggest there was going to be an attack on my family and friends. I thought about it, as logically and as soundly as I could, and eventually concluded that Danzo would not keep my family alive. I was both an asset and a liability to ROOT, and while putting myself firmly under Orochimaru's thumb had pushed Danzo back a step for now, it wouldn't last for long. ROOT didn't believe in ties, and since my family were civilians, and therefore not an integral part of Konoha, their deaths wouldn't be missed, and Orochimaru, as much as he was capable of giving me power and resources, was also inclined to killing Sensei. I didn't exactly miss the look of hate in Orochimaru's eyes when Gaku-sensei told him off.
I sighed.
I had managed to bundle myself into a web of complications I didn't even particularly think would happen a year ago. It was my fault my family and friends were dragged into this mess, and so it fell down to me to clean it up. I just didn't know how. It took me a while, and I lost even more sleep on imagining the many possibilities that ROOT could take to getting rid of my family. They could easily kill them with poison, untraceable and unlinkable. They could make a fake accident scenario. They could pretend that there was a break in and robbery and kill everyone inside. I felt sick, the more I thought about how easy it would be, and how impossible it would be for me to stop them.
I had initially hoped that Shikaku or Gaku would eventually catch on, or that Kakashi would have notified Minato of my odd behaviour and the future Hokage would investigate. But then what… it wasn't like ROOT was illegal. The Hokage knew it existed and he still allowed it. It wouldn't be until after the war that ROOT would be disbanded, and the old war dictator was well within his rights to not even hold Danzo accountable. In the end this was a military dictatorship. What the Hokage said, went, and the council really only existed to advice, but Sarutobi was the one to let the power slip from his fingers.
What was I meant to do on my lonesome against a whole organisation when I couldn't even safely tell anyone? I needed a way to sabotage ROOT from the inside, which would have been considerably easier if I didn't kill Hakanai and end up as Orochimaru's pet project… but that would mean staying in the ROOT training system. I shuddered at the memory of being beaten until my bones cracked and I couldn't stand anymore. I could feel the breathlessness that came from the thought alone and I shoved down the panic. No, I would never go back to that again. I felt like a shitty person for leaving Kusari there, but that didn't mean I wanted to go back, and what was done was done. Now it was my mission to find a way to destroy ROOT. How, I didn't know yet, but I knew I'd have to play my role as a good pet, get into their good graces and then flip the table from under them when they didn't even realise it.
And if it came down to it, if I had to choose between Gaku and Orochimaru, I'd always chose Gaku.
"Gyuuahhuuu"
I felt my worries fade a little as I looked at my little brother's face. He had managed to open his eyes and they were a startling viridian green. While mine was a little lighter, towards a more an olive-green route, his was the exact shade of a bright green leaf. It was really pretty and oddly sparkly too. I cooed at him before rocking his crib. There was something about his presence that made me and Taichi competitive. Never before had we fought for anything, but all of a sudden, we were both butting heads trying to win this little baby's affection.
"Yeah little buddy, nee-chan's here and cause she's definitely your favourite sibling, you're going right back to sleep."
The baby just gurgled at me before tears welled up in his eyes and he started crying. I was flustered and rocked the crib a little more frantically. How exactly did a baby's mind work? I had no clue.
"You made Tsukiya-chan cry again," Taichi said.
I turned around and scowled when he gave me that smug look of his. To my ire, my brother was better at calming down Tsukiya than I was. He picked up the baby with an unfair ease before rocking him in his arms. I looked up and frowned. It was no fair; my brother got all the good genes. He was taller than me, he was actually better looking and most importantly, he got the baby appeasing skills.
"Wait until he grows older, and then he'll realise that I'm cooler," I said with a challenging grin.
"Oh yeah, who's the one who can bake him apple pies?"
"Hohoho, who needs apple pie when I can walk up walls! Imagine all the games we'll play!"
Dad's deep rumble of a laughter pulled our attentions. We both looked up at him scowling and he just laughed harder before bending over to ruffle our hair. I felt my body seize up momentarily as his hands touched my head.
Fire. Burning. Hot
"You two have gotten so close since Tsuki-chan came," dad snickered.
"You need to reconsider what getting closer means Nori dear," Yua sighed as she walked in with the bottle.
I looked up at Yua and she smiled down at me. There was a worried tightness to her expression whenever she glanced my way, and she always looked scared and jittery, but recently she had been trying to bridge whatever gap there was between us and I had become the reluctant one. I loved her, like I loved everyone I had an obligation to, but part of that obligation was to make sure she was safe. Family was blood, and you never let them down. I had already let mine down. Even if I hadn't graduated early and we went broke, there wouldn't be potential assassins coming at them.
I glanced at Tsukiya worriedly. Now I had a baby brother. There was too much on stake to lose. It felt like the more I cared, the more people I involved myself with, the more they were in danger. It was the now all too familiar panic from this very thought that drove me out of the house more often. I didn't have the time to get strong. I needed to do it now.
"Hina-chan," dad said, breaking me out of my revere.
I snapped my attention back to him and gave the worried man a tentative smile. Yua was the only one who I knew genuinely had an inkling to knowing something was not quite right with me. Dad had bought the story about Orochimaru, but my mother was the most paranoid person I knew. She had tried subtly asking me about whether or not someone had been blackmailing me to do things for them, but the seal on my tongue prevented me from talking and reminded me that yes—I was still branded. It was followed by a burning rage and a need to speak the truth, and then the intense shuddering pain that followed, left me paralysed. Yua stopped asking after that, a resigned kind of panic in her eyes, and so she stopped hiding from me, and much to my ire, tried rekindling a bond that was frayed from years of neglect. In any other situation, I would forgive and forget, but now really wasn't the time to get chummy and exchange secrets. Out of my whole family, I was sure Yua was the prime target.
So like every other day, when I was afraid that ROOT would attack, I spiked my chakra out a little to sense the many, many, security seals I had brought to put around the house. They had been rather expensive, and I spent a week trying to figure out how to key them to my chakra signature, but at least now if anyone tried to break in, I'd be notified.
"Nothing's wrong tousan," I opted to say. "I should be going to train with Orochimaru-sama soon."
I pushed past my parents and made my way into my room before throwing on my training wear. It was simple black pants and a dark green shirt, nothing fancy. I pulled my growing hair into a spikey ponytail at the bottom before packing my ninja gear on. Training or not, I was not about to risk being weapon-less.
I was surprised to see dad knock at my door and enter. He hardly ever came to my room… something about little girls and privacy that he was afraid to get in-between. He looked worried, like he normally did when I let my mask of cool calm slip. It was becoming increasingly harder to do these days, what with the piling worries besides trying not to die from the war. It was like Konoha, which should have been a safe place, was also a war-zone, and I was constantly in the front lines.
"Hina, if this continues, I'm going straight to the Hokage with complaints, bureaucracy be dammed," dad said crossing his arms.
"What- what do you mean by that?" I asked, my eyes darting around to see if an agent was possible listening in.
"This," dad said gesturing to me. "Your mother is a good woman, but she's constantly paranoid because of what Shinobi had done to her, and now, it's like you're becoming the same paranoid mess. You train in the morning, then you spend the whole night with a man who hurts you! You come home, and your smile never reaches your eyes, you haven't grown an inch because of the stress your putting on your growing body, and you come home covered in bruises and cuts and scars no child should have!"
Dad never raised his voice, in fact he was a rather calm man, and his anger more often than not was the scary silent kind, but right now it was neither. It was cold, and demanding and rough, like he was trying to hold back tears. For all his worrying, I'd never seen him cry. The tears in his dark eyes had jolted me in surprise, and I jerked away when his hand reached out. He pulled back as if I had stabbed him and then he looked down at my hands and I realised they were trembling.
"Is Orochimaru still hurting you?"
Was Orochimaru still hurting me? Well, yes, at least not physically in the sense that he would bother to punch, kick, or cut me. He preferred his Genjutsu, preferred setting me on fire and making my senses betray me and teaching me again and again the feeling of powerlessness that came with my failures. So yes, I was scared, and yes, I didn't want this. I would rather work under Tsunade or Jiraiya or no one at all, than Orochimaru or Danzo. I never liked this situation I was in with Orochimaru, but the fact remained that he was a much better alternative to staying in ROOT proper. I didn't care if he hurt me, because in the end my feelings didn't matter, not in the slightest when lives were at stake. I didn't care if he hurt me.
A small price to pay
I was a small price to pay. I didn't want my life to be this shitty, for things to go so terribly wrong, but it was my fault, my mess, and my duty to not fuck it up any further than I had. For the sake of dad and mom and my brothers and sensei, it was my duty to bear with this punishment and come out on top anyway. Since when had I ever bothered to complain before? I didn't have the right to start now. Life had dealt me it's hand, and it was up to me to roll with it.
"Studying under Orochimaru-sama is actually a privilege tousan," I said carefully, trying to keep my voice aloof and even. "In fact, I think about anyone would take a beating to be in my position… but no, he doesn't hurt me."
I didn't expect dad to pull me into a hug. I flushed in shame when my hand twitched for my kunai holster. It felt like a violent knee jerk reaction. My instincts screamed at me to grab a weapon, any weapon. This touch didn't feel safe.
"You flinch every time someone touches your head Hina."
"H-How did you—"
"—How did I notice? I'm your tousan," he said pulling away from the hug, but kept holding my shoulders firmly. "If Orochimaru is hurting you or… touching you inappropriately, I want you to know it's ok to tell me. I may not be a shinobi, or know any strong jutsu, but I am your tousan. I will cross any bridge necessary to get you away."
I believed he would. He would try and then he'd fail, and then our whole family would be dead. I would be left so utterly alone again, having proven to myself something I did not want to admit. I had already cried on a seven-year old's chest, let out my emotions like a burst dam, but that was different. It was Guy for heavens sake, and admittedly sometimes my biologically childish body was more prone to volatile emotions, but I couldn't do it here, not when it felt like I had eyes staring at me from behind, watching my every move. So instead, I chuckled like he had said a particularly funny joke.
"Orochimaru-sama isn't like that," I said smiling wearily. "He's a hard task master, but he's fair and I'm learning a lot. You don't know it yet but he's actually protecting me. Speaking of which, it wouldn't do to be late to a training session with a Sannin now would it."
"No… it wouldn't."
I brushed past him as quickly as I could before quickly leaving the house. I needed better acting skills. Dad didn't buy that at all. I felt like the pieces were slowly beginning to unravel, and as I went out to look at the moon in the night sky, I wondered how small my life was in comparison to the wider world. A fault in the cosmos, a crack in reality maybe. Surely if I was here, alive right now, then that meant the world was glitching, that things were amiss. It felt like that often. Like I had to make up for an existence that shouldn't have even been allowed to happen in the first place.
Looking at my small calloused hands, the hands of a child, and not a grown woman, I was reminded of how unnatural this all was. Konoha. Naruto… a supposed story of some chosen boy saviour who was destined to bring peace, and here I was in the middle of a war on two fronts, completely unrelated to him or his efforts. Orochimaru felt more real than I did. Konoha felt real. Shinobi felt real. I didn't.
"Suzuki Hina," I whispered to myself.
My name is Suzuki Hina. I am in Konoha, the Land of Fire, in the Elemental Nations. What was beyond this… beyond this small life? Was there something ahead of all this war and fighting?
Impossible
There was war and then there was more war, maybe a different kind, but still all the same at heart. No one truly stopped fighting in their life. Everyone's battles were different, but in the end they were the same. Survive maybe to live another day, to see your loved ones smile, and repeat again until you inevitably gave out under the weight of it all. Hopefully… ideally from old age.
I sighed, before kicking a pebble and ruffling my hair with a grunt. After taking in a deep breath and letting it out harshly through my mouth I steeled my gaze. Sometimes there was no use hoping for more when it was impossible. It was time to fulfill my duty to my family. That was about the only conviction I needed.
A/N
That last few paragraphs was me teasing Hina's future goals. Is there something beyond this war I wonder?
This whole ROOT arc does drag a bit now that I read through it, but I feel like it's perfect to encapsulate just how small Hina is thinking for such a long time in her life. She's a person on a journey to find her meaning in life, like I feel like a lot of us are. Anyway not my most favourite chapter, but it's the calm before the storm so to speak. More of a little character snippet with Guy and stress relief than it was a plot heavy chapter, but things will pick up now!
Review Responses
M2R- Breathing technique is pretty op right
Dacube24- For all of Orochimaru's faults, he does want to keep Hina alive and well so there's that XD You will definitely see more of him saving her ass in the future
KadeBear- I'm glad you picked up on the foreshadowing! I do that a lot. A lot of the little things I write do come to play later on, hopefully so it'll be good for a second time reading experience. This story does read better as a binge rather than a wait every chapter.
firemaster101- She's only been there for 3 months so far. Not really enough time to become immune to anything poison related.
Epro987654 - Huh, I didn't realise the 'ok' thing. Thanks for pointing that out. As for puberty—nope not yet. Not until at least 12 for girls I think. Currently she is pre-pubescent so not much sexual feelings/urges or the other fun stuff. Right now she's probably just dealing with losing her baby teeth XD
Nobels- Yup, yup you're right about that. Honestly that could be considered a bit of a plot hole I guess. I tend to panic when I'm lost so I kinda just projected that bit of myself onto Hina. I do get lost often too XD
Shuuran - Yeah you're right about that, but I think I mentioned before that this is an AU, so some peoples ages might be a little different. The only one I haven't changed the age of is Itachi. People like Anko, Ibiki, and Hayate in the future all are not canonically the right age.
RileyBlue00- Thanks! It was a learning experience for Hina. She needs to take a page of her mom's book and be a little more paranoid XD
DannyPhantom619- Trust me, Hina want's to punch herself more than you probably do XD She absolutely adores Gaku, but often times she's a lone wolf kind of character. Hard to open up to others beyond some good jokes.
Dobberr- Thanks for the offer! I did end up finding some people to discuss my story with so I'm good on the beta offer now!
Cauchy- AHHHH! Thanks so much for the review! I'm glad you liked Hina and Orochimaru's characterisations. I try my best to stay on point with their depictions. I totally agree with you on the rehashing of the perspectives. Honestly, I hope I did a better job with my next POV chapter. I did rehash a bit, but the second chapter was entirely new content. Anyway thanks for leaving your thoughts!
Essenceofanempath- Gaku is honestly my favourite character too! Hahaha your memory is on point about that one chapter that made me nearly cry writing it. It's close ToT And it still hurts my heart. I only update so often because all of this is pre-written, which is why I don't often take review criticism of story progression on much, because I'm incapable of changing things. I do love it when people comment on my writing though, for future improvement, so thanks for contributing!
The-Anti-Akuma- Orochimaru and Hisoka are oddly similar in some ways so I can see why you made the connection! Except Hisoka is a little more battle crazy like Hina is XD
Hi Exclamation Point- Yeah Hina's a softie for sob stories, especially the kind where people are working hard for their loved ones. Not so much for the sob stories involving just themselves XD