A/N This chapter's title was named after the song Need You Now by Lady Antebellum, which is also the song playing on the radio in this chapter. As always thank you so much to DeVara_Lavellan for not only beta reading and supporting the story, but for putting so much time into helping me make it great. Please read, review, and let me know what you think!
Elyssa opened her eyes to a dark room. Her head throbbed and nausea hit her like a sledgehammer. She looked around, trying to find something familiar and tried to sit up. She quickly gave up on that when a sharp, piercing pain lanced through her abdomen and lower extremities. Movement on her right made her freeze and her heart pound erratically in her chest. She slowly turned to yell at Anders for getting her drunk, but it wasn't Anders beside her. It was Justice. It was then that she realized that she didn't have her underwear or pants on either. Everything that had happened before she blacked out came rushing back.
She covered her face with her hands and wept silently. How had this happened? Where was Anders? Why wasn't he looking for her? She very slowly moved the blanket off of her and slid off the bed. Thankfully, her jeans were on the floor next to where she lay. She couldn't find her underwear, but she didn't really care anymore. She needed to get out of here, fast.
Every inch of skin and muscle screamed in protest as she put her pants on. Her truck keys were in her pocket still and she crept to Justice's bedroom door and pressed her ear to it. She couldn't hear anything on the other side, so she dared a small crack to get a better view. The common room between the two bedrooms was also dark and empty, except for a sliver of light coming from under the door of Anders' room.
Elyssa slipped out of Justice's bedroom and closed the door as softly as she could. She found her shoes by the couch, slipped them on, and tiptoed to the door, sliding the deadbolt out of the lock. Home. She needed to get home. But she wasn't longing for a physical place. What she wanted was the person that made her feel as safe as a home should. She needed him…
Once she got to her truck and got in, she locked the doors and began the long drive home. She turned the radio on, just to have something to drown out the memories that threatened to consume her. She wasn't expecting the song to make her eyes well up with tears. "It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now. Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now. And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now."
'Need You Now' continued to play in her ears and she needed Solas. She needed him more than she ever had. She didn't know how she was going to face what had happened with Justice. How she was going to handle yet another man hurting her because of the mistakes she had made. When was she going to learn to stop fucking up? When were things going to get better for her?
Half an hour into the drive, the adrenaline that had flooded her body, allowing her to escape, stopped flowing. Her vision clouded with tears, and the panic and hurt were settling on her chest like boulders, making it impossible to breathe. She pulled her truck over, barely having time to open the door and lean out before the contents of her stomach emptied. She clutched her stomach in pain.
She finally got back into her truck and pulled out her phone, pulling up Solas' number. Her finger hovered over the dial button, desperately needing him. I can't, I'm sorry… echoed through her mind once more. He had made it clear he didn't want anything to do with her. He probably wasn't even awake anyway. She clicked her phone closed and finished driving home. As she drove down the road they both lived on, she could just register that his porch light was on, meaning he was home. A light shining through the curtain she knew belonged to the living room let her know he was still awake. Before she could talk herself out of it again, she was pulling into his driveway instead of her own. Her chest heaved as she tried to catch her breath, knocking at his front door. She heard the lock click and Solas opened the door, an unreadable expression on his face. They stared at each other for a moment before he spoke.
"Elyssa, are you-" he stopped when Elyssa's eyes widened and she put her hands over her mouth and gasped out sobs worse than when she had confided in him. He caught her before she fell to the stone walkway and helped her into his living room, kicking his door closed because he didn't want to let go. Her sobs actually scared him, they were coming from a place he knew all too well. A place of utter darkness, pain, sorrow, and loneliness. What had happened to her since he had heard her singing in the choir room with Nira?
"Elyssa, look at me. You need to breathe, look at me," Solas told her firmly. She clutched his shirt in her fists and tried to catch her breath. Everything hurt. Why was she even here? What was she hoping to happen? These were questions that ran through her mind as she screamed into his shoulder and her knees gave out from under her. Solas' arms tightened around her, trying to keep her standing. The sudden increase of weight as she dropped was too much for him, causing him to fall with her. He needed to know what had happened. He grasped her shoulders and turned her to face him, but she just kept her eyes shut and her jaw clenched.
"Elyssa, what in the Creator's names happened?" he asked her. She just shook her head and buried her face against his shoulder again, her cries quieter but still thick with the primal fear of something traumatic happening. He'd never seen her this upset before. Not when he had seen her scars, nor when she told him about her past. She hadn't even been this upset yesterday when he had told her nothing more could happen between them.
Solas held her until her grip on his shirt loosened. Her breathing had changed and he saw that she had lost consciousness. Her brow was creased and her eyes moved as if she were having a bad dream, and given the way she had been violently shaking in his arms, she probably was. He moved a lock of her white hair from her face, caressing her cheek and placing a kiss on her forehead. Oh, vhenan, what happened to you tonight? He maneuvered his phone from his pocket and took a breath before dialing the one person he knew could help him.
"Salem, I fucked up and I need your help," he admitted through clenched teeth. He knew that he would have to tell her what he had done with Elyssa. He would have to admit that he had been reckless, selfish, and careless. He would have to face Salem's wrath, but Elyssa needed her help. He didn't know what to do for the distraught girl.
"I'll be there shortly," Salem said, her voice revealing nothing. He was definitely in trouble.
The minutes ticked by, Solas continuing to cradle Elyssa to him. A shadow on her wrist caught his eye, and he gently pulled her sleeve up to reveal a large, handprint-shaped bruise darkening quickly. His heart pounded in his chest as he took her other arm and pulled up her sleeve to see another bruise. Rage burned like fire in his veins. Whoever had laid their hands on her was going to pay. Before he could move her, Salem opened the unlocked door and quietly shut it. She came into the living room to see Solas holding someone in his arms.
"Solas?" she asked warily. He jerked his head for her to come over and help him move her. Salem's larger Qunari form allowed her to pick up Elyssa easily while Solas went to his room and grabbed a pillow and the blanket from his bed. Salem laid her down gently and turned to Solas. "Kitchen. Now."
Solas followed her to his kitchen, where they would be less likely to wake Elyssa. "Salem, I-"
She held her hand up, stopping him from speaking with a stern look. "Care to explain why the very person I told you to leave alone is in your fucking living room at 1 am, passed out on your couch?!"
"Salem, it's not what you think," he protested with a frown.
"Really? Because I think you did the exact opposite of what I told you to!" she yelled in a hushed tone, "Solas, she's your student. She's underage. And she's going through Maker-knows what. What were you thinking!?"
"Salem, stop!" he ordered the angry woman. She raised an eyebrow at him, her expression incredulous that he would speak to her so sternly, knowing he was in the wrong.
"Before you say another word, look at her arms," he told her more softly, "you can yell at me later." Salem went to the living room where Elyssa was still unconscious on the couch. She knelt by Elyssa and softly picked up the girl's arm, frowning at the bruises. She moved the blanket from her shoulders and torso and looked at the skin of her stomach where more bruises were, this time with the crescent moon shape cuts of someone harshly digging their nails into her skin. She gasped and placed the blanket back over her, covering her shoulders. She knew all too well what had happened to her.
"Solas we need to go to the hospital," she yelled shakily.
"What? Why?" he called as he began to make his way from the kitchen.
"Now!" She picked the girl up in her arms, her face twisted in terror. Solas' heart stopped pumping before picking up twice as fast in his chest. Salem never looked scared, not like this. She was always so calm in a crisis. What had she seen on Elyssa? He rushed to open the door for Salem, shutting and locking it behind him. He followed Salem to her '67 Chevy Impala, not questioning her choice in vehicle. The Impala had bigger seats than his Prius did, more room for Elyssa to be laid down comfortably. Salem gave him a pointed look when he slid into the back seat with her. He stubbornly stayed in the back, maneuvering so Elyssa's head was lying in a comfortable position in his lap. "Ma halani, sathan, Solas!" Solas' heart clenched when he heard her suddenly crying for his help in her sleep. He had been a damn fool. No matter how much he pushed her away, she would still be there in his heart.
Salem gave him no further protest, seeing it was useless. "Explain. Now." she ordered him sternly, her foot falling heavily onto the accelerator, "unless you want me to go on a rampage, in which case, you're first on my list." They drove to the hospital and began talking about what had happened since the first canceled Friday dinner.
"Solas, did you hear anything I had said after the meeting with her parents!?" She sighed, "or did everything I say just go in one ear and out the other? I mean, they're large enough you think you would have heard something. Are those transportation devices on the side of your head? Because I thought they were ears. Apparently, I was wrong."
"I made a mistake, Salem," he sighed. He began to gently stroke Elyssa's hair in a soothing manner, noticing that she had dark roots beginning to show.
"No. You made mistakes," Salem clarified, "plural, first off. Second, they weren't mistakes Solas, they were decisions you chose to make." She couldn't help but notice the look on her friend's face. Had he even realized how far he had fallen for the girl?
"I know," he let out a sad breath, "I didn't know what else to do, Salem. You were right about Andruil still controlling my life. Is that what you want me to say? That you were right about everything? That if I had just left Elyssa alone, none of this would have happened and I wouldn't have fallen-" He cut himself off. He didn't want to admit it aloud, it hurt too much.
Solas had no warning as a bottle of water collided with his head. "Solas, I don't want to be right!" Salem took a deep breath, visibly trying to calm herself. "You call me in the middle of the night because you 'fucked up' and I find a girl - that you just admitted to sleeping with - passed out in your living room that has clearly been sexually assaulted. Do you have any idea what is going through my head right now?"
"She has been what?" he asked dumbfounded
"Just please tell me this isn't what you meant when you said you fucked up?" she begged desperately.
"Y-you think I did this to her?" Solas asked disdainfully, "You think that I would hurt her like this?"
"I don't know what to think right now," Salem admitted. Her grey eyes stared pleadingly at him through the rearview mirror.
"Salem, I would never force myself on her!" Solas whispered harshly, angered at the fact that his friend would think that low of him, "and I slept with her almost a week ago, at the Homecoming dance."
"You slept with her at the dance," Salem asked shocked at what he just admitted. She immediately waved her hand in dismissal, "nevermind, not important right now." She pulled the car beside the curb just outside the women's shelter clinic and put it in park. She exited the car, going around the back seat on the passenger side where Solas sat with Elyssa. She allowed Solas the room to get out himself before taking the elven girl into her arms. The sound of footsteps echoed behind her as she began walking to the doors of the clinic. "Solas, go park the car," she ordered.
Solas opened his mouth to protest but was immediately silenced by the jingling of keys being thrown at him. Keys he was barely able to catch with how bad his hands were shaking. He couldn't believe he hadn't realized what the bruises on her arms were from. He had assumed her boyfriend had gotten physical with her in a fight. Whatever else Salem had seen had led her to believe it was more than that. But to have been assaulted sexually? Why would someone do that to Elyssa?
"Go park the car, you can come in in a few minutes after I get her to see a doctor. You don't want them to think you did it," Salem explained, barely containing her anxiety. Solas finally registered the sense Salem was making. She was his friend and as angry as she may be with him, she didn't want him to lose his job or worse. If he went in carrying a high school-aged girl who had been assaulted, the authorities would jump to the conclusion that he had been the one to assault her.
"Okay," he agreed, letting Salem carry away the one thing he cared about most in this world.
Elyssa awoke with a gasp. She had to get out. She had to leave before Justice could hurt her anymore. She had to get out! Her chest rose and fell rapidly, breath alluding her. Her head swiveled from one side to the other frantically. The bright lights, the softly colored room, the tiled floor were all foreign to her. Harder, she tried to catch her breath to no avail. She couldn't breathe. She heard the hurried light footsteps of someone rushing to her.
"Elyssa, ELYSSA! Look at me, my name is Dr. Leliana, and you are in a women's shelter clinic! I need you to breathe, okay?" She put Elyssa's hand to her chest and breathed deeply. "Breathe with me, now. Good. Once more," they both breathed in at the same time and exhaled at the same time. Elyssa clung desperately to the woman's lab coat.
"Why-why am I-I here? How did I get here?" Elyssa whispered. Dr. Leliana looked confused.
"You don't remember how you got here?" she asked. Elyssa shook her head.
"The last thing I remember- oh, Creators. No, no, no, no, I need to go home, I have to get home!" she cried. The door opened, and the large horned figure of the senior guidance counselor walked in.
"Mrs. Adaar? Wha-what's going on? Why are you here? Please take me home! I can't- I can't breat- breath!" Mrs. Adaar walked over, gently wrapping her in a comforting embrace.
"Okay, Elyssa, okay. I've got you, sweetheart," she soothed, "I promise he can't hurt you anymore."
Elyssa just shook her head. Mrs. Adaar didn't know what had happened. She didn't know why Justice had done it. If she did she wouldn't be trying to comfort her now. She had acted like a whore, Justice had said, so she got treated like one.
Elyssa was given some sweatpants and a shirt a size too big to dress in. Dr. Leliana and Mrs. Adaar stepped out to let her change. Everything hurt to move, so it took her longer than usual to put on a simple pair of pants and a shirt. When she was done she folded her arms around herself, hiding the scars and bruises on her forearms while still being careful to avoid putting too much pressure on her stomach and chest.
The doctor and the counselor walked back into the room. "Elyssa, can you trust me enough to tell me what happened?" Mrs. Adaar asked.
"I don't know if I can trust anyone anymore," Elyssa whispered, not meeting her gaze. The older woman sighed, her gaze seeming to look at things that weren't there. Elyssa didn't know how to explain it to her. She didn't know how to put into words what had happened or why. She couldn't explain who had done this to her without also telling her what she and Solas had done at the dance. She didn't want Solas to get into trouble and lose his job because she had coerced him into sleeping with her. She didn't see the point in telling on Justice when she had brought it upon herself.
Mrs. Adaar offered to give her a ride home. Considering she had no idea where her clothes or her keys were, Elyssa accepted. As they left the room, Elyssa saw Solas sitting in the waiting area, his face in his hands. Why was he here? Why did he look so upset? Did he know what had happened to her? Elyssa looked away. Just what she needed, another reason for Solas to think she was broken.
The car ride to Elyssa's house was filled with silence. Mrs. Adaar said nothing, but kept casting worried looks her way. Elyssa chose to stare out of the window, her mind spiraling into a darkness that honestly scared her. She didn't know how she was going to make it through this. She didn't know if she even wanted to.
They pulled into her driveway, next to her truck that had somehow gotten there. Elyssa cast a glance down the street to the house she would much rather be at. All the lights were off though his car was parked in his driveway. Her mind was drawn back to the way he had looked in the waiting room. How utterly depressed and defeated he had seemed. She didn't know what had upset him so much, but she wished more than anything that she knew how to help him. She didn't like seeing him upset. Even after everything that had happened, she just wanted him to be happy. He deserved that.
Elyssa got out of the car, followed by Mrs. Adaar. Elyssa looked wearily at the horned woman. She extended her large ash-grey hand, Elyssa's keys dangling from the end. "Thank you for the ride, Mrs. Adaar, and for bringing my truck here. Have a good holiday," said Elyssa murmured politely, no emotion in her voice. Before Mrs. Adaar could respond, she was already closing her front door and locking it.
She let out a deep sigh, wanting nothing more than to go to bed. A low creak of old floorboards shifting under the weight of someone's foot sent fresh panic through Elyssa. She turned slowly to see angry brown eyes in the dim light of the lamp on the hall table. "Where the hell have you been?"