The chain of events still stunned Steve sometimes, causing his mind to go back through how everything had unfolded within the past three and a half years. As it was, his own reflections had already been sparked both because of the time of year and his session with Laura, but his conversation with Soda only served to fan the existing flame, making it morph into a full-blown fire. Steve's overdose comprised only a fraction of the thoughts that simultaneously weighed him down and jerked his spirit back and forth, but that single experience would always be the place he found himself returning to, his most desperate actions the product of every trauma which had come before.

As Steve remembered the feeling of the pills in his mouth, the nausea that had made his stomach convulse, and the fear over what he'd done, he imagined how Johnny must've felt as he died and how Dallas must've felt as he was killed. He pictured Darrel and Elaine Curtis in a mangled car, succumbing to their injuries. Steve realized he couldn't comprehend any of their pain, as he hadn't been physically hurt. No harm had come to his body except for that which he caused himself, and even then, the thought that he could actually die had resulted in a quick enough intervention. No lasting damage remained, other than the psychological scars.

Steve could feel exactly what Soda meant when he said nothing hurt him like knowing about Steve's sexual abuse. He could relate to that quite well because, in all honesty, nothing hurt Steve like finding out Soda had been shot. Not even his own traumatic experiences as a child pained him as much as knowing Soda could've bled out on the floor of the DX, killed by a bullet just because he'd been in the shooter's path.

"So what gives? Are you and Soda having another sleepover tonight?"

Pony, Steve thought as he heard the voice of his best friend's little brother. He could've died too. He was held underneath that water for who knows how long. Long enough for Johnny to take action. He couldn't get oxygen. He couldn't breathe. If Johnny hadn't-

"Steve, what the hell is up with you? It's like you can't hear me or something."

Steve finally realized where he was. The Curtises' front porch. Pony beside him. His thoughts and memories fading into the background just as quickly as they had taken over. "Sorry, Kid. Just thinking. I've got quite a bit on my mind tonight."

Pony's eyebrow raised, but he didn't venture to ask any questions about what could have Steve so distracted. "I asked if you and my brother are having another sleepover tonight. So are you?"

Steve noted that the 'my brother' didn't carry the tone it once had with Pony, the teen's resentment and fear now resolved. "I don't know. Maybe. Why? You want to tease me about how we're too old for that?"

"Eh, maybe later. Was just wondering. I thought you might stay around 'cause of Penny leaving today and all. Seems hard on Soda, and as much as I used to hate it, that's kind of become your specialty."

"She got there safe. That's all I need to know. So ya'll can stop lookin' at me like I'm going to implode."

Darry shared a glance with both Pony and Steve once Soda had hung up the phone, his middle brother's words having little effect on the group. "It's okay if you do. I know I would if I had to be away from Maryanne."

Soda turned his back on what he perceived to be prying gazes that assumed he needed to be treated with care, the man not even sure why that idea fill him with such ire. He liked being loved, after all. He liked and craved affection. "Well, I ain't you, Dar. In case you haven't noticed."

Steve joined the conversation at the same time he saw Pony looking at him, the teen appearing to have high expectations relating to what he'd said outside. "No, buddy. You're you, and we want to make sure you're still okay as things keep moving on here. You just had your first long distance call with Penny, so it's worth checking in at times like that. You would too if it were any of us in the same position."

Soda turned back around, his eyes bouncing between both his brothers and his best friend as he attempted to make sense of the annoyance that was starting to morph into a ball of anger. "But it's not, Steve, and why do you keep lookin' for excuses to 'check in' with me? What? Do you want me to be sad so you can swoop in and fix it?"

Steve couldn't form a reply at first, the accusatory person before him so different from the Sodapop who'd been supportive and understanding the last time they talked. "Soda, I don't look at it like that, man. I don't want you to be hurting. Is that really what you think?"

Pony watched the exchange with a strange fascination, not used to seeing Soda and Steve in conflict. Sure, he knew they argued or disagreed sometimes, but it was usually behind closed doors. "Soda, what's wrong? Nobody here wants you to be in pain."

Darry stepped forward, his hand reaching for Soda's shoulder. "That's true, little buddy. Honestly, we've all seen how things can affect you, and we don't want that to have a chance to happen again. We just want you to know we're here for you if you need to talk or do anything else."

Steve mimicked Darry's action, his hand resting on Soda's other shoulder. "Superman's right, buddy. It scares me if you're defensive and-"

Soda cut Steve off before he could finish. "Didn't we just go through this outside? Nothin' is wrong with me. Ya'll act like you want me to be in pain, so I'm sorry if it disappoints you to see that I'm not. Especially you, Steve. I'm sorry that I ain't breakin' down like you hoped 'cause you almost got raped."

Shock radiated through Steve's entire body as Soda snatched himself away from him and Darry, the words his best friend had dared to speak aloud hanging in the air like a guillotine ready to strike.

Pony's gaze flitted between Soda and Steve for just a split second before his middle brother fled, disappearing out the front door. "Steve, did that really happen?"

Darry watched Soda run across the yard, seeing him slow down only once he got to the sidewalk. "I'm torn between wanting to let him go and wondering if that's the best thing."

Heartbreak inserted itself beside the shock, Steve's psyche trying to process the gut punch of betrayal that he never could've predicted would come from Soda. "Yeah, it really happened, Kid. And I trusted him with that. I trusted him, and he just threw it right back in my face."

Darry pried his eyes away from the window upon hearing Steve's words, hoping he could lessen the blow, even though he couldn't undo it completely. "I'm not trying to excuse what I just heard, Steve, but I think Soda lost control of himself. I know he must've regretted that as soon as it left his mouth."

Longing came into play next, creating a trio of feelings inside Steve's heart. He longed to know, longed to understand, and despite everything, he longed to talk to Soda and sort this out. "Yeah, he probably did. Doesn't make it hurt any less though. I can't believe he'd use that against me. Did we really back him that far into a corner? Where there was nothing left to do but fight with what he knew would hurt the most? Like my secrets and confidences don't mean anything to him?"

Darry remembered how Soda had refused to tell him what, specifically, Steve had revealed about his memories of the abuse, his brother intent on keeping such sensitive information to himself. "But they do. I know for a fact that your trust means everything to Soda, and I'm sure that what just happened has to be eating him alive from the inside out."

Damn it, Soda thought as he paced the vacant lot a few blocks from his house. Did I actually say that to Steve? I need to go back and apologize. But will that even be enough? Can I make it up to him somehow?

As much as he did indeed want to say he was sorry, Soda also realized that he felt somewhat justified. It did seem like Steve and his brothers were on a mission to pick him apart, insisting that he must be hurting over Penny being away at college for the first time. But Soda was fine. He knew he'd see her again soon enough, and they would write letters. And at least she won't return mine unopened, he thought. At least Penny won't find another guy to replace me. At least she won't cheat like-

Soda hurried back in the direction of his house, cutting off his own thoughts in the process. Instead, as he walked, he mused on what he'd said to Steve, hating himself a little more each time the words cycled through his brain. It had been one thing to acknowledge the very real feeling that the others wanted him to be broken enough to need them to put him back together, but another entirely to bring Steve's most personal trauma into their argument.

Before he could delve any further into his self-loathing, Soda had arrived home, his feet taking him through the front gate and up the porch steps just as the door opened to reveal Steve. "Oh. Um. Hey, Stevie, I'm real sorry about what I said. I didn't mean it."

Steve just stared at Soda to begin with, the words stuck in his throat as he tried to say that the apology was accepted, that he understood. But was it? Did he? "Okay. But I just- I need some time. To myself. All right?"

Without even thinking about it, Soda reached out to squeeze Steve's shoulder, feeling his friend tense up then shrug him off. "I- Yeah, of course. I'll see you later." Smarting from the sting of rejection, Soda remained outside as he watched Steve get in his car, walking to the edge of the porch before he yelled his name. "Steve?"

Steve had been trying his hardest to ignore the facts of what he was about to do, but he couldn't ignore Soda's voice calling out to him. He couldn't resist rolling down the Ford's window when his best friend ran up to the car. "What, Soda? I already told you I need to go, man."

"I know. But you believe me, right? I'm truly sorry for what I said, and I wish I could take it back."

"I wish you could too. But it doesn't work that way. I do believe you though. It's not that I don't."

"Are you mad at me?"

Steve felt like saying yes, only the pained expression on Soda's face keeping him from doing so. "I don't know. Maybe. Either way, I need some time to figure things out."

"What things? You're the one who said anger ain't an exception for us, that we can always talk about stuff."

The point Soda was making caused Steve's defenses to peak as he shifted the car into reverse. "Oh yeah? So that means what? That you can say whatever you feel like because you know we'll fix it? Does it mean you can take something I trusted you with and use it to hurt me?"

"No. I didn't mean-"

"Yeah, you did, Soda. You meant that we can talk about it. That I'll always forgive you." Steve steeled himself against the hurt flashing across Soda's face as he let the car begin backing out of the Curtises' driveway. "Well, maybe this time, I don't."

If Darry had been given the opportunity to guess or make a prediction, he would've expected Soda and Steve to make up right there on the spot. He'd seen them outside together when his brother had returned, assuming a talk would right what had gone so wrong. What he hadn't expected, however, was to hear Steve drive away just before Soda came back inside looking even more destroyed and on edge than he had prior to leaving. "Hey, Soda. Look, I'll back off, okay? Unless you tell me you want to talk, I won't say another word. How are things with you and Steve?"

Soda's mouth opened, but he found himself unable to speak, the sadness he'd been wrestling now transformed into devastation.

"Soda? Didn't you two make up?" Darry saw the slight shake of Soda's head that told him they hadn't, confirming what he'd been afraid of the second his brother had walked back through the door. "He'll come around. Friends fight. Brothers fight."

Soda managed a reply this time, his voice weak compared to the tide of emotions vying to pull him under. "But I think I really screwed up, Dar. I hurt him so fuckin' bad that I might not be able to fix it."

"Of course you can fix it. I'm sure you've both said things in the heat of the moment before."

"Not like that." Soda sat down on the couch, sensing Darry's presence constantly alongside him as he covered his face with shaking hands. "We've never done this. I've never said anything like what I did. But I just wanted ya'll to stop, and I got overwhelmed. I told Steve I'm sorry, and I really am. I've never been more sorry about anything in my life."

Darry knew well the taste of regret, having been there more than once himself. So he held Soda close, giving his brother what he could to make things more bearable. "I know that, and I'm sure Steve does too. Just give him tonight, and maybe you two can talk tomorrow."

Soda thought of how he'd been so resistant before, how he hadn't wanted any attention or affection. Yet, his body now yearned for every once of love he could get as he prayed that one of the most important relationships in his life wasn't beyond repair.

Nicholas heard the slam of their front door once Steve had come inside, his son then passing through the house as if he didn't even see him there. "Steve? Are you okay?"

Steve stopped in the hallway that led to his bedroom, conflicting feelings making him uncertain whether he was angry, sad, or something in between. "No. I'm not. I'm not okay, Dad. Soda and I got in a-" A what? Steve wondered. A fight? An argument? "He said something that hurt me, and I don't know how I'm supposed to handle it. This is new. He's never done or said anything that felt like this before, so I have no frame of reference. I have no ideas or connections or ways to-"

"Hey, just breathe for a second, Son."

Steve realized that Nicholas was in front of him now, eyes meeting his dad's. "I went for a little bit of a drive after I left Soda's, but it didn't help a lot. I still feel the same way and like I can't just talk to him. I don't even want to right now."

"Okay. I think I can understand that."

Before Steve could reply, he heard a knock at the door. "Damn it, I hope that's not Soda" He walked over and glanced out the window, seeing Pony there on the front porch, the scenario giving him a momentary flashback of when his best friend's little brother had shown up in a panic after overhearing Soda talk about wanting to die. As Steve opened the door, he imagined that Pony's advice to him right now would be similar to his own back then. "Hey, Kid, what do you want?"

Pony had thought he knew what he wanted to say, had rehearsed it tirelessly on the walk to the Randles' house, but now that he was there, those same words were caught in his throat. "I- Um, I just need to talk to you, Steve. I don't like this. I don't like seeing you two mad at each other. I mean, I don't really think Soda is mad at you, but it looks like you're mad at him."

Steve remembered a time when he would've thought that Pony would be pleased to see him and Soda not getting along, as the younger teen's jealousy and anger had twice been dominating factors in his actions. "I don't know what I am. Just come inside, Pony. I don't like it either, by the way. You know damn well how much your brother means to me, so the last thing I want is to fight with him."

"Then why did you leave?" Pony heard the door close once he was in the Randles' living room, noticing how Steve sighed at his question. "If you don't want to fight, you two could've just talked. It's what you do, right? If there's any kind of problem, you hole up in a room together and talk it out, then everything ends up okay."

"Yeah, that's the way a lot of things are, and Soda said something like that to me too. But I just can't, Kid. Not yet."

"Then when? Soda's upset, and I hate seeing him like that."

"Well, do you think I enjoy it? You think I enjoy trying to handle feeling like my best friend doesn't give a damn if he stomps all over my trust? I told him something very sensitive, Pony, and he treated that like it means nothing! I hate seeing Soda hurt too, but I can't pretend this is okay with me. I can't pretend to just go back to normal when it feels like our friendship might never be the same again."

"I'm not asking you to pretend. I'm just asking you to please talk to Soda. Tell him whatever you need to. Tell him what you just told me. I saw him with Darry, and he feels really bad."

Steve remembered the hurt expression that had filled Soda's face when he accused him of believing he could say or do anything he wanted since Steve would always forgive him. He knew he'd added to both of their wounds then, but, in the moment, he hadn't cared. "I know. I could see that, Kid. But it's... It's more complicated than that. We've both yelled at each other before, but we've never used the personal things we share as a weapon. So I feel really bad too, and the worst part is I feel like I won't be able to tell Soda that kind of stuff anymore. What happened to me had nothing to do with what was going on, and he brought it up anyway. He knew it would hurt me, so that must be what he wanted to do."

Nicholas had lingered nearby once Pony showed up, just listening to what both young men had to say and finding out a little bit more about what had actually happened between Steve and Soda. "Son, I don't think Sodapop would want to hurt you. Just like you wouldn't want to hurt him."

Steve shook his head, the truth of the evening overtaking him as he allowed himself to think about the words he'd hurled at Soda in what had felt like deserved retaliation. "But I hurt him too, Dad. And, at that second, I did want to. I wanted him to feel at least a fraction of the pain I did, even though I could already see he was hurting. So I said something just as awful. Maybe even worse."

Nicholas reached for Steve, sensing that his son needed it as he placed his arms around him. "Steve, right now I want you to remember how much you and I have fought, the years we came back so strong from. You and Sodapop can overcome one fight, and I've never been more confident in anything else than I am in that."

Pony had, of course, seen Steve with his dad. He'd been around Nicholas from time to time, and he knew that the pair had patched up what had been a primarily negative relationship. What Pony hadn't witnessed, however, was this kind of tender moment. It made him wonder if he ought to look away, but at the same time, he couldn't bring himself to do so. "I'm confident in it too. Whatever you said to Soda, he'll understand. He'll forgive you because he's Soda and because he knows what he said to you was out of line."

Steve returned Nicholas' embrace, thinking that he should feel at least a bit self-conscious about allowing Pony to see him this way. But he couldn't, not after his best friend's little brother had heard how he came close to being raped. That tense moment would always trump any other that could seem embarrassing. "I know. But I'm not sure if I can do it yet. I want to forgive him. It's just too fresh."

Pony was still watching as Steve buried his face in Nicholas' shoulder, sharing a look with the elder Randle before he laid a hand on his back. "So just wait it out tonight then. Decide you'll talk to Soda tomorrow. You know he'll be open to it whenever you want. Yeah, he messed up, but that doesn't have to mean ya'll can't still be okay. Heck, look what I've said to you before, and we're on decent terms."

Steve couldn't really argue with that, even though he felt like his and Soda's relationship had the type of depth which lent itself to a higher risk of being severely hurt. Yes, Pony's words had caused pain, but that wasn't the same. The younger teen's interactions with him just didn't carry the same weight, didn't have the same amount of significance. However, as Steve felt Nicholas' arms continue to hold him, he tried to focus on the fact that his dad and Pony we both right. He'd weathered issues and conflicts with people he cared about before, and this time wouldn't end up any different. He couldn't allow it to be. "I know, Kid. Please tell Soda I'll talk to him tomorrow. I may be pissed and hurt, but I don't want him to worry. I still love him too damn much for that."

"Please don't go, Darry."

Darry felt Soda's grip on his wrist as he attempted to leave the younger brother's bedroom. The two had moved there half an hour earlier, Darry insisting that Soda should lie down, but he'd also agreed to stay close. "Soda, it's getting late, and I really need a shower. It's not like I'm going far. I'll just be right down the hall."

Soda let his grip loosen slightly, still able to feel the tears that had dried onto his cheeks. He'd only cried briefly, the guilt and anxiety he felt somehow stifling the flow of sadness. "You'll come back?"

"Yes, little buddy. I just need a few minutes, then I'll be in here to check on you."

Soda reluctantly released Darry's wrist, seeing his big brother go before he heard the shower come on. He despised the reaction he was having to what shouldn't be such a devastating conflict. I'm nineteen years old, he thought, and I'm acting like someone died. Or maybe like a little kid with no concept of relationships or resolutions. Soda didn't have time to ponder his outsized feelings any further, Pony coming into his line of vision before he could. "Hey, Pone. What's up, little brother?"

Pony sat on the edge of Soda's bed, the atmosphere seeming like one in which he needed to keep vigil. "I'd ask you the same thing if I didn't already know. I went over and talked to Steve."

"You did? Is he okay?"

"Not really. He's hurting too, but he doesn't look as bad off as you do."

"What did he say? Does he hate me?"

"No. I think he just doesn't know how to do this with you. He feels like things are going to change between ya'll. He didn't say it directly, but he sounded scared to me."

"I'm scared too. 'Cause he's always trusted me, and I wouldn't blame him if he can't anymore."

Pony knew how much Soda's friendship with Steve meant to him, and while he believed the two would mend it together, he wouldn't be shocked if the usual trust between them took some extra time to build back up to its full strength. "He said he'll talk to you tomorrow. He wanted me to tell you that so you wouldn't worry."

"This is all my fault, ain't it, Pone?"

"No. I don't think it's your fault. There was just too much going on, and it made you feel like you needed to protect yourself. I should add that Steve also said he didn't want you to worry because he loves you."

"He still said that, huh? He was so upset when he drove off that I didn't think he ever would again."

"I don't think you can get rid of Steve that easily." Pony noted how exhausted Soda's features looked, realizing that the last several hours must've been like a whirlwind to him. "Soda?"

"Yeah?"

"You wouldn't have snapped so hard if we weren't on to something."

Soda heard the shower shut off as he acknowledged that what his little brother had said was true. "No. I guess I wouldn't have. I just didn't want to talk about it. Plus, I couldn't tell what I was feeling either."

"Can you now?"

Soda took his time in answering, only the sound of Darry's footsteps padding back into the room prompting him to reply. "Yeah, I think so. But it's crazy, Pone, and I can't believe I broke my best friend's heart just because I'm insecure."

Darry sat down on Soda's other side, the way all three siblings were gathered reminding him of the night their middle brother had been shot. "Insecure about what exactly, Pepsi Cola?"

Soda could almost feel his chest swell at the nickname, the tenderness his br others were showing him like a balm for the guilt that he knew was perfectly logical this time around. "Me and Penny. Except it ain't really about her. 'Cause it's never like that, is it? Steve's not the only one who gets stuff all mixed up. But I know Penny's not Sandy. She won't decide she doesn't love me anymore or send my letters back. She didn't leave to get away from me."

Darry touched Soda's face, watching the turmoil in his brother's eyes. "No, of course she didn't. But I see why her leaving would throw you off and why you'd have feelings about it. I think scared might even be a better word than insecure."

Soda recalled what Pony had said about Steve being scared, sure that their combined feelings would create quite the conglomeration. "I betrayed him, Dar. I betrayed Steve right after I told him it's an honor that he trusts me. He was already worried that I was fallin' into a depression just 'cause of stuff bein' how it is lately. I kind of called him out because I felt like he was actually reacting to his memories of the abuse. Turned out I was right."

Darry and Pony both remained at Soda's side, though they were silent as he continued to talk through what had transpired.

"So we did what we always do. We talked and leaned on each other. Both of us, you dig? It wasn't even one-sided 'cause I got plenty of love too. It's still hard for Steve sometimes 'cause of how helpless he felt when we were kids and how he couldn't stop what was happening to him. It makes certain feelings tougher for him now. They get a lot bigger and even seem like they're about somethin' else. Just like me tonight. I miss Penny, but the feelings are old. Steve trusted me with his old feelings and with his worst memory, and I hurt him when he's done nothin' but do his best to be there for me."

Darry wondered if the emotional phenomenon Soda had just described could be what was happening now. Not that he would deny his brother the right to process the last couple of hours in whatever manner was necessary. "You made one mistake, little buddy. Things got too heavy. That's all. Please don't beat yourself up or blow it out of proportion."

Soda couldn't help but resent that idea, even though he'd had similar thoughts that made him feel like he was unreasonably traumatized and indeed viewing the problem as bigger than it ought to be. "I ain't blowin' anything out of proportion. I'm just feelin' a lot. That's it. Anybody would be sad to think their best friend might never forgive them."

While Pony did realize that Steve had yet to talk to Soda himself, his own conversations with both men made him sure that they would forgive one another sooner rather than later, and he said as much. "But he will, Soda. Of course he will. He feels sad over what he said to you too. He didn't even tell me what it was, but it doesn't matter. All that does matter is..."

Soda could hear Pony's voice as it droned on, but he wasn't making out the words over Steve saying he didn't forgive him. Steve driving away. Steve deciding he couldn't talk to the friend who had taken their bond for granted.

"Soda, are you even listening to me?"

He wants to forgive Clara, Soda thought. But what about me? I'm not worth the effort?

"Darry, why's he zoning out like this? I talked to Steve, and he's struggling too. He just needed some space. He's not trying to stay away forever, and he said he'll talk to Soda tomorrow."

Forever? Soda's mind latched on to that simple word. What if Steve did give up? What if he wanted to talk so he could tell Soda that he had ruined their friendship? Forever.

"He's just anxious, Ponyboy. Soda and Steve don't usually fight, so this is uncharted territory."

Uncharted territory. Soda held on to that concept as well, still listening to the conversation as Darry and Pony continued to talk.

"But they do fight sometimes, Dar. Not like us but still."

"Those are fleeting moments though. The kind they've worked out immediately."

Immediately. Yeah, Soda thought. That's why. That's what's wrong. If we fight, we don't let it go on. We take care of the problem and each other right then and there. That's what makes this uncharted territory. His gaze shifting from the nothingness it had drifted into, Soda's eyes bounced between his two brothers.

"Are you back with us there, little buddy?"

Darry. My big brother, Soda mused. The man who's been here for me since the day I was born. The one who's been at my side through every change I've ever had to face. "Yeah, but my- My head, Dar. It's messed up. It ain't right." Before Soda could expound upon that thought any further, the weight on the bed became greater, two bodies then enveloping his into their warmth and distracting him from the feeling that Steve was slipping out of his grasp.

"So are we going to discuss the elephant in the room or just keep going about our day?"

Soda heard the hood of a Ford slam shut as if the sound was meant to punctuate Steve's question, the air in the garage tense once they were both in the small space together. "I think we have to, right? I mean, we are at work, and I ain't wantin' to get into stuff here."

Steve conceded the point, but at the same time, he couldn't let their issues go completely unaddressed for hours on end. "No, I don't either, man. But I need to say something."

"Like what? That you still don't forgive me?"

"No. And I'm sorry I said that to you yesterday before I left. I shouldn't have. I also accept your apology."

Despite his reservations about their current setting, Soda did realize they couldn't totally put off this talk, not even if it did need to be continued later. "Okay. Um, Pony did tell me you said you'd talk to me today. That you didn't want me to worry. But I have been anyway. Couldn't help it, I guess."

Steve noticed the way Soda's eyes were trained on the floor of the garage, his best friend clearly not wanting to look at him. "Well, I can't say I blame you there. I'm worried too. You hurt me, Soda, and I just don't know where to go from here."

"So this is it, huh? I said one wrong thing, and it's over?"

"What do you mean? What do you think is over?"

Soda still didn't look up, swallowing hard before he spoke. "Me and you. Our friendship. Is it gone?"

The sound of Soda's voice so small and filled with insecurity was enough to make Steve's heart bloom with regret, wishing he hadn't left his friend's house in the midst of their troubles. But he'd truly needed that time, needed the break from Soda. "Buddy, no, it's not gone. We have things to work on, and they won't be easy to deal with. I couldn't just- I couldn't tell you it was okay yesterday. It wasn't, and maybe it's still not. I said I didn't forgive you because I didn't right then."

Soda realized that, while he'd said the worst words imaginable to Steve, he was making himself the victim, as if he was the one who needed and deserved to be cared for right now. Yet, he wasn't and didn't, not even if his friend would indulge him. "And because I earned that, Stevie. What I said to you was terrible, and I don't know, maybe somewhere inside, I did think I could say it 'cause you always tell me our friendship is unconditional. I still didn't mean to though. It wasn't a conscious thing. Not that I deserve any excuses. I don't deserve anything at all right now."

"Bullshit." Disregarding what was left of the pain Soda's thoughtless words had created, Steve set his very hurt feelings aside as he grasped his friend's shoulder. "You still deserve kindness, and you deserve for me to listen to you. I can't make things right by also behaving like a jerk. We need to talk through some stuff that we never have before and take care of some damage control, but I do forgive you. I'm not mad now, and I don't want to lose what we have over one incident."

"Really?" Soda looked first at the hand on his shoulder then at Steve, relieved by his chosen brother's compassionate stare. "So you'll keep talkin' to me? I didn't screw everything up?"

The hope on Soda's face made Steve want to take a torch to every piece and layer that he knew still needed to be figured out, not daring to take away what his best friend was so obviously clinging to, even if resolution wouldn't be simple. "No. We'll work it out. We'll talk. After our shifts, we'll lay it all out on the table. Both of us. 'Cause I know what you said to me didn't come from nowhere, and I need to get how I feel about it off my chest too."

Soda's worry spiked once again at the prospect of the conversation he knew they needed to have, still afraid that the pain he'd caused could be insurmountable. "And you want to do that with me? You'll tell me how you're feeling?"

"Of course. I need you to hear it, not anybody else." Steve saw an expression that he could only identify as one of wonder cross Soda's face, the sight a bit scary to him, especially in light of the fact that he knew very little about the kind of night his friend had after their fight. "We can do this, buddy. I know we're not used to it, but we'll find our way through, all right? We'll make it better."

Soda remembered how he'd been so stricken with fear, his head muddled by guilt and the belief that he had made the kind of mistake that just couldn't be fixed. He'd thought that he would lose Steve in spite of everything he'd done right over the years. That his one moment of frustration getting the best of him would obliterate the friendship they had both built and nurtured. "I know it's my fault, but I really thought you would hate me. And not just in the way like before when my self-esteem was makin' me feel like shit. For real. 'Cause I hurt you so bad you didn't even want to look at me anymore. 'Cause I said somethin' so awful and broke your trust."

Steve's arms ached to hug Soda, to comfort him, even though he had actually broken his trust. That part wasn't just a feeling or a fear. It was the truth. But he held back, settling for squeezing his friend's shoulders. "I haven't even come close to hating you, brother. We'll still deal with what happened together, no matter what it looks like. I know we've gotten big on transparency for the last couple of years, but I have a feeling that's about to be more important than it's ever been."