Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction, made possible by the Ranger's Apprentice by John Flanagan. I have only borrowed his creation and I make no money. For this story I have used several other Rangers from the books, though I've also added my own. I do this only in the hope to entertain…
Author's Note: No harm shall come to the characters that can't be fixed with enough coffee…

Chapter 10

There were very few places that Gilan knew he could go to be alone. There weren't really all that many places he knew at any account. Yet he had figured out he was generally allowed to move around the castle at will. As long as he didn't enter anywhere he was not supposed to be, no one seemed to think twice about seeing him wandering the corridors. He had also noticed that the higher he got, the fewer people were around. If he had gone back to the cabin, he would never have been left in peace to think. If he tried to find a quiet spot around the cabin, there was both the risk of running into Will, and that he would have trouble finding his way back.

He liked Will, he really did, but having him bring flowers, herbs and all kinds of things was not making anything better. A certain flower wasn't going to give him his name back, or it would have done so already.

His leg was sore, making it somewhat difficult to negotiate the stairs, but he persevered and finally found himself at the very top of one of the towers. There was a small balcony of sort there, made so that a defender would be able to stand on it and fire arrows down at an intruder. He was not sure if it had ever been used for this, but he knew it was what it was for.

It was also a secluded spot that allowed him a fair measure of privacy. Not many ever seemed to go all the way up the tower after all, supposedly, they weren't fond of going up all the stairs for the sake of it. With his leg aching, he could rather sympathize, but looking out over the surrounding land, he still felt a measure of hard won peace come over him.

He hitched himself up to sit on the wide stone balustrade, his back against the castle wall. Stretching out his injured leg in front of him, he let the other dangle over the edge. The balustrade was a foot wide, it was easily wide enough for him to feel fully secure even if he felt many would have balked at his precarious position.

Pulling his sore arm close to his body, the other partially wrapped around it he heaved a sigh of relief, leaning his head back against the cool stone.

It was a blessing to have just a few moments of real peace, though he wasn't certain if it was actually doing any specific good. It wasn't as if his name suddenly jumped out at him. There was a faint sense of familiarity, but nothing he could put his finger on.

He wasn't sure how long he sat there, before he became aware of light footsteps coming up the stairs, and he turned his head to see a woman come up to the balcony. Tall, she had blonde hair and a simple white gown. Flustered, he started to move, but she waved at him to remain where he was.

"My Lady," he still inclined his head, making to slide down from the railing, though once more she motioned for him to remain.

"After all those stairs, I think you'd better rest that leg," she mused.

"Yes, my lady," he nodded slowly, curious who'd she be. He didn't think the ladies of the castle had a habit of climbing the tallest towers.

"Though I am not overly fond of his habit of yours," she stated.

"I, I beg your pardon?" he had not seen her before at the castle, so he did not think he could possibly have done anything that would bother her.

"It's quite peaceful up here, I can certainly see why you find it pleasant, but really, Gilan, you could take the trouble to remain inside the balustrade," she chided softly. "I swear each time I look up here and see you like this, It scares me half to death."

"I'm sorry, I'll get down, I did not wish to distress you, I uh," he paused, hesitating. "I'm, I'm really sorry, your lady, but I don't know who you are…"

"I'm Pauline, and you don't have to call me my lady," she gave him a warm smile, resting her hand lightly on his leg. "You scare me to death Gilan, but I understand why you do this, especially now, I think."

He nodded slowly, it seemed she both knew who he was, and what had happened to him. She was beautiful, and seemed really kind. He tried to picture her in his mind, tried to just put her in a different colour dress, but could not and frustrated he balled his hand into a fist.

"It's alright Gilan," she soothed. "There is no need to fret so."

"But I don't know you, I don't remember you, and it seems you know me," he objected. "I wish I could remember you…"

"I do to, you were always the sweetest boy," she nodded. "And I never could bear to see you suffer, but at least you're alive. We got to know each other once, and were good friends. We can do it again if we have to."

"Huh," everyone so far kept speaking of him regaining his old memories, no one had said anything about making new ones.

"I care very much for you Gilan, very much indeed," she stated softly, her hand on his leg gently squeezing his knee. It was a gesture no one would dare if there was not a familiarity between them. "I have known you since you were twelve, we have a lot of memories together. And even if those are lost to you, the important thing is that you're here, safe and sound, so we can make new ones. Isn't it?

"I guess," he hesitated a little, it seemed almost to perfect to have someone who seemed to understand the turmoil inside him.

Pauline reached forward, to brush a stray lock of hair away from his forehead. "Memories are made all the time Gilan, and new people you meet can come to be the ones dearest to your heart. The important thing isn't that you remember me. It's that I didn't lose you…"

"How do you know me?" he asked, curiously.

"I was a friend of Halt and Crowley, and when Halt took you as his apprentice, I knew I wanted to get to know you to."

"Halt said he took me as his apprentice when I was fourteen, not twelve," he pulled back somewhat, feeling a little uneasy.

"When you were fourteen, was when he figured it out," Paulien smiled easily. "Some of us were a little quicker than that. And mostly, Halt only waited so long because it was closer to the usual age, and he wanted you to be sure it was what you wanted."

That seemed to at least make some sense, and he nodded slowly.

"Feel any better yet?" Pauline asked, and he shook his head.

"Not really, sorry…"

"It's hardly your fault," she soothed. "But Halt will wonder where you are before long."

"I suppose," sliding down from the balustrade, he bit back a grunt of pain as his sore leg protested the action. Going down all the stairs he had just gone up, was not going to be anymore fun than it had been. Probably less, not only was it more sore, but on the way up, he had been able to pull himself along. Now he would have to come down on the leg for every other step. It was going to hurt even more that way. "I uh, thank you for, for talking to me…" he fidgeted, not sure how to put it.

"I've been away for a little while Gilan, that's why I haven't seen you before now," she started softly. "Baron Arald told me when I got back. I can't promise you I won't have to leave again, sometimes I do, but if you want someone to talk to. You can come to me. I won't promise I can fix it, because I know that there are times I can't. But I can listen, and I can try, and, if you need a break from Halt and Will I can offer that."

"Thank you," he could not help that he fidgeted a little again. "I, uh, better be going, I hope you have a pleasant day."

"You to Gilan, take care of yourself," she smiled softly.

Nodding, Gilan started down the stairs, he was right about how hard it was. By the time he got back to the little cabin he was limping, and was covered in sweat.

Halt, looked up concerned as he shuffled inside, but as Gilan ducked his head and moved to the side, casting a furtive glance his way, the older man said nothing. He was rather glad for it, sitting down at the table, his eyes on the worn wood of the floor. There was a spot on the floorboards that was a much lighter color than the rest, and he idly wondered how that could have happened…?

TBC
The caffeine addicted Cricket wants to thank you all for reading...