I don't know what would have happened if I had never met Lovepaw. Perhaps I wouldn't be what I am now. Loyal, brave and worthy.

I prefer to think that I was always brave and worthy. But loyal… questionable. I still can't imagine the fact that I have lived for moons, yet never stepping out my home. Until now. Now I am a warrior. Now I am loyal. Not only to me, but to others. Like my clan.

I suppose I should start my story by telling you about how I met my savior. How we hated each other. How I joined my clan. The hardships of the Three Tasks.

How I became friends with Lovepaw.

In fact, it's hard to remember my life before this one. I'll have to think hard. It still scars me though. Especially the wrong choices I made. Like what I did to Lostpaw. I will never forgive myself. Lovepaw refused to talk to me for days after the incident. We only whisper about it now.

It pains me to think of what I did. But I will have to retell it. You deserve to know all the facts. I will enjoy thinking of my joyous memories. Not so much my decisions though. I never had a way with decision-making like Lovepaw had. Never.

I don't know where to start. My earliest kit-hood memories? I don't remember them that well. Only the smell of milk. I do remember the near end of my kit-hood though. More clearly than other cats. Not like Lostpaw could though. He could have remembered being born.

And his death.

I hope he's in StarClan, like me. As I have died, moons ago, yet I have never seen him here. He is a pure Clan cat. But I have loner blood. And kittypet blood I guess. Lovepaw is still alive, and I know she mourns me… but she's almost a warrior. She was held back from becoming a warrior when she was injured. That was when I died. I feel guilty, but I still watch her, like I promised I would.

I wish I were watching her with Lostpaw. I should stop thinking about him. It brings me too much grief. And I'm sure that Lovepaw would hate to see me in such a state.

I need to get on with retelling my story. Yet, what should I start with? I suppose I could start with the Abandoning. Then move on to the first death I experienced. It sure will be a while until I reach the part where my life changed forever.

I should get started.

Let us start with my very earliest memory…

I had opened my eyes 7 sunrises ago, and it had snowed overnight. Our mother, who had never been protective of us, had wondered of into the living room. One of my siblings, Loki had told us that we should go outside. All of us agreed, despite being young. We were stupid like that.

Looking back, I realize that Loki's choices had played a big part in my life. I wouldn't have been so reckless I think.

Loki had bounded through the snow ahead of us. It was up to his belly, and he was the tallest out of us. Also, the most respected. Then again, he was the oldest, but the mouse-brained one.

I feel like I could have avoided going out there. My life probably wouldn't have started out so traumatic.

My littermates followed closely behind, as did I. We were all shivering, our soft kit fur could hardly keep out the cold, let alone to water seeping into our skin. 'Are you sure this is safe?' One of my siblings asked Loki.

Oh! Before I continue I must say who my littermates were. There were four, including me. Loki a gray and white tom, the eldest, most mouse-brained. Pepper, a ginger she-cat who was energetic and bubbly, and Oreo a white and black tom, who was fierce and brave. I was the youngest, yet the smartest out of the group.

'Yes!' Loki had replied, sending a scowl at the one who had asked the question, aka Pepper. Unlike her usual self, she was quiet and only nodded her head. All of us were cold.

'Isn't this FUN?' Loki yelled, rolling over in the snow. We didn't answer, being to cold to answer. The gray and white tom sighed, and threw a small ball of snow at Oreo, who ducked. 'Stop it!' He yelped after Loki had thrown yet another one.

'Fine.' A disgruntled Loki had murmured.

'I-I'm going to go back inside.' Pepper growled, stomping through the snow back to the warm, cozy house. I had been quick to follow her; the cold was now biting at my fur, threatening to freeze me to death.

'I'll come!' Oreo mewed quickly, trotting to follow us, but Loki grabbed him by the scruff.

'Please no! I want to play a bit longer!' Loki insisted to the poor tom. Oreo shuddered, although he nodded his head, not exactly enthusiastically I might add. Me and Pepper left them to play and went inside. I had sighed in relief upon being greeted with warmth. I then curled up next to our mother, suckling at her belly for milk.

I think I must have fallen asleep, for the next thing I remember was Loki and Oreo going inside. Shivering. A lot.

'I-it's r-really cold o-outside.' Oreo commented. Loki retreated to our mother for warmth. Oreo followed closely, wrapping his tail around himself. I positioned myself next to him, noting that flecks of white snow where caught between his fur.

Then I had drifted back into slumber. I'm sure that I had dreams of a white tabby racing across a field. Come to think of it, she looked like Lovepaw…

I had opened my eyes to my mother's silky fur. Not Oreo's. He was gone. I then asked my mother where he was. She replied with a 'You'll see.' Which left me more confused than understanding. 'Okay.' I had replied, being the nice kit I was. I never pressed other's to answer my questions… well when I was a kit…

A sound alerted me, and I saw out housefolk. But something was off about them. They were carrying a strange metal cage-like thing, with a roof over-head, and soft padding lining the floor. And inside, was a black and white cat, curled up tightly in a ball. Oreo! I had realized. 'Oreo! Don't be silly, get out from their!' I had cried, thinking this was all a joke… if only I had known.

I probably should have done something. I remember my kit legs trembling as my brother was lifted. Back then, I didn't know what had happened… or what was about to happen.

'Oreo! When are coming back?' Pepper had joined me, squeaking ad weaving around our Twoleg's hairless paws. Oreo didn't reply though, expect for a slight murmur off, 'Bye-bye…'

What happened after that was hazy, all I know is that my mother refused to talk to us for what felt like a million sunrises, which was only three. Loki seemed to know something we didn't. And the house was silent… really silent.

I I'm sure he will come back. I thought every day, hoping, wishing, and hoping all over again. Maybe he caught a chill from the weather and will be back.

Of course, I was young, I had no clue that my brother was sicker than that. I sort of wish I could have never known. Perhaps life would have been better then. Even after a moon had passed, I still assumed nothing was wrong.

'Pumpkin! Come over here!' A few sunrises later, Loki had hissed to me from the shadows. My small kit paws found their way next to him. Loki hadn't spoken to me in forever, so this was exciting. His face though, was more anxious than I had ever seen. It was twisted in a sort of way that I had never thought I'd see.

'What is it?' I asked, tipping my head to the side.

Loki had considered this for a moment. 'W-well- you know Oreo?' I nodded my head to show that I was following. 'He might not come back. He's really sick.' Loki mewed pathetically, glaring down at his paws. For a moment, I felt older than a kit, and th words were clear for me. Oreo is gonna die.

'You mean he's going to die? Because of you?' I yelled at a stunned Loki. He took us all outside! He got Oreo sick! Oreo is gonna die because of him!

'N-No!' Loki took a step back. 'I just can't believe that I…' He froze, fear crashed into me like a wave of water, as his once nervous face morphed into one of a grin. '... didn't kill him sooner…'

'YOU KILLED HIM?' This was too much for my tiny kit brain to deal with. 'Y-you MONSTER!' I shoved him, and raced out of the cover, tears streaming down my cheeks. And I though hoping was enough.

Now, I must admit, that was the first thing that scarred me. I knew I would never forget it. I should have told our mother, but I knew she would do nothing. Just sit there. Like the useless blob she was. And Pepper… she wouldn't understand. I am sure those were the kit thoughts that sped through my grief-filled brain. There was only one thing I remembered that I wanted to do.

I guess that thought was what started my life.

Well, the life of hunting down my brother.

Would I have met Lovepaw if I hadn't thought that thought? If I had been too nice and accepted my brother's death? I like to think no. It makes me feel better about everything.

That thought was what truly began my adventures.

I must get revenge.