"Are you ready to behave this time?"

"Yes I am ready to behave and follow your lead like a good boy ma'am."

"Good. The Commander rarely gives second chances. You're lucky you didn't get decommissioned."

Mr. 9S as we know had just arrived out from the access point with his Ms. 2B. A few days ago he just finished serving in the Bunker's hangar as punishment for cocking off his mouth to their commander, White. So far he's the only Scanner and solo YoRHa male to survive the commander's brutal spanking from her golden paddle, upping the fact scanners like him suck at surviving or fighting anyway.

"How is your backside?"

"It felt like I was sodomized by a volcano. My cheeks still hurt very badly."

"Now you know not to step out of line again."

The duo navigated through the Ruin City, dispatching machines that were too stupid to get out of their way. He went ahead to scout the area and came across a colorful flower.

"Wow! A Lunar Tear! And it's purple for some reason.", said 9S as he picked up a Lunar Tear flower that was a purple variation even though they never existed.

"Pod, can you identify this plant for me?"

Pod 153 hovered over and scanned the plant before answering.

"This flower called Datura metel is an annually lived flower that grows in warm climates under the family name Solanaceae known by the nickname Devil's Trumpet. It is commonly used as a fundamental medical herb in-"

"Great! I'm itching for an E-Drug and I ran out, his'll make a great supplement! See Pod, you're not so worthless after all!"

"However is highly poisonous and ingesting even small amounts can lead to serious side effects including hallucinations, headaches, coma and even death. Proposal: do not eat."

"I give zero damns and I'm gonna eat it even if it kills me." snapped back 9S as he popped a flower petal in his mouth. "So yummy."

While 9S continued to munch on the petals, 2B's pod received an incoming call.

"2B to Commander, come in."

"He did it again."

2B sighed. "It will be done."

This is the 49th time she has to go through this. Does 9S ever FUCKING learn to NOT snoop through YoRHa's top secret intel?

She approached the boy just as he finished consuming the flower.

"Turn around 9S."

"No."

"I said turn around."

"No! I have nothing to hide so…"

He knew what she meant by turn around. He was caught yet again. He ran, 2B bolted after him.

"Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!" screamed Nines after the thicc battl[E] girl chased him down. He couldn't outrun her, so he double jumped up the trunk of a large tree and climbed quickly.

"Get down here, 9S."

"No, I'm staying up here and you won't do shit with that stick."

2B put away her large sword Virtuous Treaty and pulled out a large battle axe, Fang of the Twins. She lifted the axe up and began to chop down the tree!

The scanner panicked and was about to jump down when he saw the other side of the trunk was a huge thicket of sharp thorn bushes that happened to be there for some reason, possibly to intensify his peril. What was he gonna do?

"Pod! Call Operator 6O!"

"Affirmative."

Within seconds a digital window popped up in front of 9S revealing a blonde girl with large pigtails and face obstructed by a black veil.

"Hello! This is Operator 6O."

"9S to 6O! Can you help me with 2B? She's gone berserk and is trying to kill me!"

"Are you in a tree?"

*chop*

"Yes I'm 50 feet up."

"First of all I'm not your operator and two I don't specialize in anger management, silly. I can't offer help to rule breakers. Operator 6O out!" She ended the transmission making a peace sign with her hand.

"How does she know about this?"

*chop*

2B has hacked nearly a third of a way to the trunk.

"Connect me to Pascal!"

The window materialized again.

"Why hello! This is P- Ugh, you."

*chop!*

"Pascal listen, I-"

"You think you can talk to me after what you just did to my people? You threatened my unborn child the other day!"

"The fuck? You machines don't even have dicks or vaginas!"

"At least I don't go around disobeying my elders. There's a crazy bitch in my village so bye!"

*chop!*

The white haired lumberjack chopped her way to the center of the trunk and was starting to wobble.

"Contact Jackass!"

In two seconds a familiar face appeared.

"You still owe me my 50K for the dope you trashed in the oilfield you bionic asshat!"

*chop!*

"Yes, that. Aside from making supplements how about we talk-"

"I'd smoke you but you're better off being whipped by that cracker-ass commander of yours you'd been fuckin' with!"

"The caller named Jackass has blocked you." Said Pod 153.

"When I see her I'm gonna shove 100 megatons of her own TNT down her throat!"

*CHOP!*

That one there felt like an earthquake. He looked down and saw 2B charging up her heavy attack!

"7B! GET ME 7B!"

Instead of a direct message he received a voice mail.

"Hi you've reached 7B, I'm currently busy in my room sleeping so call back later or leave a message. Also, tell 9S he owes me a new battle dress from all his butt-blood stains."

"You have got to be bullshitting me! They're all in on it!"

*CHOP!*

The hard thwack of 2B's axe below was so violent it caused the whole tree to shake and knock 9S from his footing, just to catch himself in time. As tree slowly began to give way, 2B walked over and switched her sword back to Virtuous Treaty and raised in an upward angle so that 9S, who was tightly clinging like a cat for dear life with his arms and legs facing skyward, would fall straight into 2B's blade and get impaled. Trapped between tree bark and a sharp point, 9S called the last person on his list and hoped she would save his synthetic skin.

"POD! CALL MOM!"

His cries to reach out to his "mother" came true, and that was his assigned Operator 21O. A digital window showed a blonde with short hair with her left bang longer than the right. Her cold and icy expression on her face was unlike the cheerful 6O. She was not pleased.

"9S I'm not bailing you out this time. Grow up."

"But, but but…"

His grip loosened on the branch as he dangled by his two arms.

"You need to take accountability for your actions or you'll never learn. I'm sorry, my son."

The transmission ceased. How could the world be so cruel? How could the world turn on him when he wasn't allowed to mature and make his own decisions and to learn from them? How was he allowed to succeed and be honored by his colleagues if he was only made to suffer at the hands of a cold bitch whom he simped after so much?

The last of his strength slipped from his fingers as he fell from the tree to earth, his vision a blur as gravity brought him down to the executioner's katana.

"AAAAAhhhhhh!"

He closed his eyes and hoped for a not so painful, not so pointless death.

2B continued, if that's the case before Thanksgiving 2024...