A/N: So normally I only post on AO3, but I noticed this fandom is pretty dead over there.. anyways I figured I'd cross post to see what it's like on here. OTH has become my new hyperfixation, especially Brooke Davis, so yeah hope you enjoy! Oh this is set sometime during season 4.
"People always leave" that's what Peyton always says and sometimes Brooke can't help but to wonder if that's the better option. People always leave Peyton, no one really leaves Brooke. Peyton had two mothers die, a father who worked out at sea and was always leaving, and an ex boyfriend who had to leave for his daughter. Brooke wasn't denying that it was a lot for a young girl to go through, it's just that maybe some selfish part of her felt jealous.
No one left Brooke, not physically. Her parents stuck around, until they went to LA of course, but even then they'd wanted her to come with them, why she still couldn't figure out. Lucas didn't leave, he still went to school with her and hung out with the same crowd. Peyton didn't leave, she was still around everywhere Brooke looked. No people didn't leave Brooke, they just choose not to love her and maybe that was worse. It felt so wrong to look at her former friend and be jealous of the girl's pain, and yet she was.
Brooke was jealous of Peyton's moms death, it was fucked up but true. She would've switched places in a heart beat, take a mother who died when she was 8 over Victoria. It wasn't that she wanted the trauma, it was just that when Peyton spoke of her mom she talking about pancakes on Sunday mornings, of dancing together in the rain, of hugs and bedtime stories, and mostly of the love she felt every time she was with her.
Brooke was jealous of Ellie, even though Peyton only had her for a short period of time. She'd trade the 18 plus years she'd had with both her parents for the several months Peyton got with Ellie. Everything inside her knew that was messed up but she couldn't help it. She had watched from the sidelines as Ellie fought to get to know Peyton, watched them bond over music, art, and boys. Ellie was desperate to know Peyton and be known by Peyton, and in the end though their time together was short she made sure Peyton knew she'd always loved her.
Brooke was jealous of Peyton's dad, even though he was gone a lot. Her and Peyton had this in common and still she'd swap Ted for Larry any day. When Larry was home he spoiled Peyton, made sure she knew that she was his whole world. He protected her and nagged her when she did anything he disapproved of, but every second of it was out of love.
Brooke was jealous of the boys Peyton dated, even when it didn't have a happy ending. Jake had left but Peyton had followed him and the only reason they weren't together was because Jake wanted Peyton to be truly happy. Brooke wished someone had left her solely for her own happiness. Lucas, well Lucas would be with Peyton soon, any idiot could see how much love radiated from his eyes when he looked at Peyton.
Love. Peyton was surrounded by so much love, so much that it hurt. It hurt Peyton when people left, and god she would kill to know that pain. It's not that she wanted to be in pain, god knows she'd experienced enough pain in her 18 years to fill a lifetime, it's just that she would gladly take that pain if it meant she could feel half of the love Peyton received. Love was something she so desperately craved, and though she felt it for others she's not sure she'd ever been loved.
Victoria didn't love her. She was her Mother by genetics and proximity only. She's not sure her mother had even ever held her, and was certain she couldn't remember a time her mother told her she'd love her. While Peyton got Sunday morning pancakes, Brooke got called fat. While Peyton danced with her mother in the rain, Brooke got told she was stupid and childish. While Ellie learned everything she could about Peyton, Brooke's mother couldn't be bothered to even remember when her birthday was. It wasn't fair that Peyton got to be so loved by two moms while she wasn't even cared about by one.
Ted didn't love her. Brooke couldn't even be sure Ted actually classed himself as her father. She'd called him 'Daddy' and tried her best to be as sweet as possible while he was around, but he mostly ignored she even existed. When she pushed and he had to acknowledge her, his words would always end up breaking her heart. Mostly the rare occasion he was around he'd throw money at her to get her to go away. It wasn't fair that when Peyton's dad was home he fought to spend as much time with her as he could, while hers acted like he'd wished she'd never been born.
Lucas didn't love her. Boys never did, Brooke was always just a trophy to them, she wasn't sure why she'd believed Lucas would be different. The worst thing about Lucas was that he lied and told her he did, and when he'd broken her he fought to piece her back together only to break her more. Every 'i love you' out of Lucas' mouth may have been said to her but his actions always directed the words to someone else, to Peyton. It wasn't fair that Lucas lived out his fairy tale love with Peyton, while he'd only ever used her.
Maybe none of this was fair to Peyton. Her jealousy, the spite Brooke felt towards her now that Peyton had taken from her the one person she had been willing to believed loved her. Maybe it really wasn't fair, and yet still it coursed through her veins filling her every pore. She hated Peyton, hated her so damn much, because after everything she had one person, one person she thought loved her and Peyton stole that from her. Maybe it wasn't fair because after all Brooke was the one stupid enough to believe it, stupid enough to believe Peyton loved her.