Author's Note:
Guess what folks? Today you get a longer than normal chapter! That's like a once in a blue moon kind of event for me. As far as content warnings go, there are some medical descriptions at the end of the chapter, but this fic is rated T, and I don't think the descriptions come close to pushing that boundary.
I know it's been a month since I last posted, so if you need to go back and refresh yourself on previous scenes/events, def do that. I'd go 2 chapters back, personally. I hope you enjoy!
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Chapter 11
The fists rubbing her eyes froze, then fell to her lap. "How long?"
Anakin held up a palm, a gesture that was meant to keep Ahsoka on her cot, though that was the last thing she wanted to do. Obi-Wan strode forward as the picture of calm, his hands clasped behind his back.
"Moments ago." Obi-wan nodded. "You might as well have an alarm."
"I want to see her." She flipped back the covers. Anakin moved to block her, his whole body a barrier between her and the door, or even the floor.
"Wait Ahsoka—"
"This is not like going to the 'fresher, Master," Ahsoka snapped. Anakin's eyes narrowed.
"I'm aware, my young padawan."
They glared at each other, but Ahsoka knew the bubble of guilt in her chest well, and she knew she should not have snapped at him. He was her Master after all, and she was impatient. Very un-Jedi-like. If the Council ever saw her act like that— Ahsoka wrenched her eyes away and glowered at the wall. She heard Anakin's exasperated sigh as he flipped the covers back over her legs.
"The Council has called me back to the warfront."
Ahsoka glanced at him. "Now?" She didn't miss his tiny, inadvertent twist toward Obi-Wan before he nodded.
So, Ahsoka thought, that had been her grandmaster's excuse to visit. Collecting Anakin on behalf of the Council. It made sense. Anakin had been hiding his blinking comm device relentlessly these past few days. She knew he'd leave sooner than later. Still, Ahsoka felt a heaviness settle over her, knowing that she wouldn't be watching his six during battle. And while he was fighting for his life, she'd be clinging to a droid's arm to walk down the hall or forcing herself into PT or panicking when she woke up in this blasted hospital bed. The weight compressing her chest increased, a force that seemed likely to re-break her ribs; but the feeling was in her head, so she smothered it. Plasered a smirk on her face instead.
"So, you're saying…" Ahsoka raised both eye markings. "That I'm out from under your constant, night and day guard?"
Anakin crossed his arms over his chest, opened his mouth to retort, but Obi-Wan cut him off.
"Come now, Ahsoka. You'd best respect your master. Besides, I've yet to decide when I'll be departing the station. I may need to stay for a routine troop inspection." The line of his mouth curved into a wry smirk. Ahsoka tipped her head, but Anakin shot him his own mischievous grin.
"That could take days, couldn't it?"
"Oh, of course."
"But wouldn't your attention be divided?"
"Well, yes," Obi-Wan shot her a raised eyebrow, "but I believe I can handle one young padawan."
Ahsoka rolled her eyes at the two of them, talking as if she was still a crécheling under the power of vague, meaningless threats. But Anakin tapped his chin with an index finger, like this was a serious matter he was considering.
"Oh, I don't know…" He drawled. "Ahsoka needs her naps… and a lot of attention."
"Master—" She hissed, flushed. He ignored her.
"Her escape attempts have been pretty impressive. And earlier I had to clean up the food she threw on the floor."
"I bumped the tray off the counter! With my elbow!"
Obi-Wan grinned. "I see. And should I need assistance, what would you suggest Anakin?"
Her master pursed his lips with a "hmmm". Ahsoka thought she caught a hint of a side-eye, but his gaze was still leveled at Obi-Wan. "You know, I've got some binders in the back."
"Master!" Ahsoka protested outright now. She felt like throwing the blanket over her head, her montrals blushing navy with embarrassment, her cheeks hot to the touch. But that would be childish, and they'd both already teased her as such without an additional temper tantrum.
Obi-Wan chuckled. Anakin laughed. She growled.
"Ha, ha. Very funny." Ahsoka scowled again as their laughter petered out. "I thought you had to leave now."
Anakin shared another grin with Obi-Wan, who occupied the chair at her bedside, and took his own seat on the edge of the med bed. He patted her blanketed shin, his expression sobering into something more serious. "I still expect you to check in. I don't care that you're in a med center."
"Fine."
"And not like last time, Ahsoka." He enunciated each word. "Don't miss a single report."
"Last time I was fighting mind-controlling parasites."
"Yeah, I know. That's the whole point."
Ahsoka scoffed. Anakin fixed her with intent. She pressed her lips together. "I understand, Master."
He nodded. "I'll be on Dantooine. Aiding Master Windu's forces."
"The medical supplies?"
"Already delivered by Master Fisto. But the Separatists sent reinforcements and Windu's troops are weary. We need to defeat the last of them if we're to leave the planet in peace."
"Peace…" Ahsoka echoed. As if any planet could be at peace after a massive operation. Ahsoka had seen the destruction they left behind, the skyscrapers collapsed on Christophsis, the gaping potholes from heavy cannon fire, the earthquakes triggered by the Separatists' seismic tanks, the dust that thickened the air on Geonosis. She thought of Bariss, who was awake now, and who she had yet to go to.
She blinked at Anakin. He was rubbing his thumb against the palm of his metal hand, scrutinizing the black glove. Ahsoka chewed on the inside of her cheek. Not for the first time, she recognized that closing off their Force-bond put her at a disadvantage, especially when it came to understanding Anakin and what he was thinking. It was mercilessly silent, besides.
She turned to Obi-Wan, who returned her gaze with a relaxed nod, his hands folded over his stomach. A Force breeze curled around her montrals, and she sensed, rather than felt, him nudge on her presence, encouraging her through clouds of emotion to unblock her training bond with Anakin, that it would be wise for her to open up to her master, and that there wasn't much he wouldn't understand.
Ahsoka clenched her jaw. She couldn't explain the tar slinking through her chest, nor the way it burned when Obi-Wan suggested talking it out. She only knew she didn't want to keep feeling it. She wanted her own thoughts and feelings to herself. She wanted quiet. She wanted solitude. She wanted to suffocate the scorching pain behind her sternum.
Prickling with a subtle dread, Ahsoka formed a shield to slide up over the junction between hers and Obi-Wan's Force bond. From his end, there was a gust of shock, then dismay, and before her eyes her grandmaster's posture shifted. He straightened, hands clutching the armchair, hurt slung over his features like a shadow. Ahsoka tore her eyes away and threw herself at the shield, shoving the barrier up. Halfway, it caught. Obi-Wan's waft of emotions morphed into squalls, urgent and abundant. Concern. Panicked reassurances. Unsteady confidence. Desire for resolution. Apologetics. Petitions of patience and caution whistled through the shield's gap. Some rebounded against it, some buzzed around her mind. She batted them away like flies and yanked on the barrier. It stuttered upward. She felt a needle of regret pierce her heart, but by now it was too late, she'd made her decision. The bond slipped closed. The last whisper of Obi-Wan danced about her mind: grief. Ahsoka gulped. She felt the shield seal itself, a suction immovably tight. If she ever wanted to remove the barrier, it would be difficult, but she supposed thinking about that now didn't make a difference. It was done.
She glanced up. Obi-Wan slumped in his armchair. It seemed that the wrinkles around his eyes had deepened and the silver hairs at his temples had multiplied. But his stare was the worst part. Obi-Wan gazed at her with such a look that Ahsoka felt she was drowning in the deepest oceans of Naboo. They no longer had a bond, but the sorrowful tilt of his eyes expressed his grief to the fullest. Ahsoka turned from him, chewing on her bottom lip.
Through all of this, Anakin never once looked up. Ahsoka was still hearing the mechanics of his prosthetic clicking quietly, perhaps so quiet that his ears could not detect the noises, though her montrals were sensitive to slighter sounds. For a moment, she watched him tinker with the mechanics, then suddenly, he froze. And looked up. First at Obi-Wan, then at her.
Again, it occurred to Ahsoka that there was much that Anakin didn't express to her without their training bond, and yet this look she understood perfectly. She examined her hands in her lap. They shook. She picked at a hangnail. "What?"
He did not respond. The tension in the room was palpable. Obi-Wan cleared his throat. Anakin smacked his lips like his mouth was dry. For a moment, they all just stared at one another in silence.
Ahsoka compelled herself to calm. She reached out to the Force. Their trio of presences, glowing steadily, each with their own flair, was all Ahsoka could sense. No river of rushing thoughts, no clouds of feeling. Stillness. For maybe the first time, Ahsoka understood the benefit of the "no attachments" rule from the Jedi Council. One could live separate from this world, connected only to the Force.
There is no emotion, there is peace. There is no ignorance, there is knowledge. There is no passion, there is serenity. There is no chaos, there is harmony.
The mantra flitted through her mind, a saying that both her masters recited to her, though Ahsoka was convinced that Anakin didn't truly live by it. And now, Ahsoka considered that perhaps neither did Obi-Wan. Maybe it was wrong that they didn't. Maybe, despite Anakin's mistrust, despite Obi-Wan's guardedness, despite Bariss' bitterness, the Jedi Council was actually right.
There was a shift on the mattress under her and Ahsoka peered up to see Anakin detach his prosthetic with his natural hand. He did not turn to Obi-Wan. He did not look her in the eye. So, it seemed they were not going to talk about what just happened, the sealing of hers and Obi-Wan's Force bond. Fine. She didn't want to talk about it anyway.
With a series of clicks, her master reattached his prosthetic. He fanned his fingers into a half fist.
"I wanted to tell you before you go see Bariss…" A pit sank in Ahsoka's stomach. "I— I didn't take it well when I lost my hand. Bariss will also be missing a limb. With that and her other injuries, she might not be the same—"
"I understand, Master." Ahsoka said, and she held her chin high so he couldn't see the worry in her eyes.
Anakin pressed his lips together until they were a thin line but touched the call button on her medical bed. It shone red with a bright ding! With the swish of the doors, a droid immediately whirled into the room. Anakin rose.
"Please fetch Padawan Tano a hoverchair."
Ahsoka looked up at him. "Thank you, Master."
He turned to her, his eyes roving over her face. She knew he studied the faces of his companions like this as a routine before battle. "I will walk with you and Obi-Wan to Bariss' room before I go."
Ahsoka nodded. From his armchair, Obi-Wan shot Anakin a look that meant, 'that's not a very good idea', but Anakin ignored it so, so did she. The droid returned with a hoverchair. Ahsoka flung back the covers and tugged one leg after the other over the edge of the bed. She suppressed any grunts or groans of pain from the movement, and slipped off the mattress, Anakin ready to steady her at a moment's notice. Only a second was she on her feet before he was tugging her into the hoverchair. Obi-Wan, risen now, was ready with a spare blanket to toss over her legs.
Worried Woostoids. Ahsoka thought, the way the both of them fretted over her. But there was no longer a Force bond to share the tease with, so she kept it to herself. With Obi-Wan following, Anakin took the chair handles at her back and steered her out the door.
It was a bit of a ride to Bariss' room. She had been placed in a unit that provided intense care, where they kept the most critically wounded. She had a private room, just like Ahsoka, with adjacent sleeping quarters. Usually, they'd be used by a personal care doctor, and Ahsoka imagined that was true for Bariss, but since she was well enough, Anakin had barged his way into her room's adjacent suite. She wondered if Luminara would do the same, now that she was on the station.
Other than the occasional medical droid puttering by, or a doctor examining a datapad, the hall was quiet. Ahsoka listened to the soft whirling of her hoverchair, and her masters' footsteps on the tile. The walls were still white, like they were in her room, plain and bright and sterile. The color offered absolutely no comfort.
It wasn't too long until Anakin stopped before a door. He turned her chair face-forward. The door itself was the same standard grey durasteel of every room, crossbars crossing it diagonally, indicating the direction it would slide. To the left. The numbers 451 were plastered into a dark grey plaque on the door's right, and below that was the control pad with two buttons, open and close. Ahsoka took a breath and shut her eyes. She heard a muttered voice from within the room. Master Luminara, no doubt. A higher tone returned conversation, but this one was strained; about the topic or the pain, Ahsoka didn't know, but she took comfort that it really was Bariss' voice and that she really was awake. With a settling exhale, Ahsoka blinked up at the control panel, reached forward, and pressed "open".
The doors slid to the left just as indicated, and Anakin nudged her into the room. It was dizzying with the Force. Tumultuous shame, barely concealed betrayal, crushing despair, and a tremendous amount of pain saturated the air, all coming from Bariss. Luminara was cloaked in shields.
"I am sorry, Bariss, but there is nothing more they can do medically. You cannot be healed. The Council regrets—"
"Ahsoka." Bariss' croak cut across Luminara's speech. In a split second, the entire cyclone of Force emotions cleared, packed away behind tight blocks and shields.
Ahsoka shifted wide eyes from master to apprentice. Master Luminara was steady, perched on the edge of an armchair, her ankles crossed primly, and her hands folded in her lap. Every curve of her headdress was in place, every drape of her skirt was smooth. With the tilt of her head, she addressed Ahsoka and her masters with collectiveness.
Bariss was her antithesis.
The padawan was reclined in bed, her torso held in a brace that stinted her movement. The absence of her left arm, the one facing the door, was noticeable, with a lattice of black, spider leg-like stitching across the stump. Yellow and purple bruises covered her cheekbones and forehead. Her eyes were sunken, and she had bags under them. Her skin was pale. Tubes crisscrossed her body, pumping blue bacta and antibiotics. Her hospital gown looked like it had been trampled upon. Her covers lay disheveled across her lap, rumpled and wrinkled like Bariss had been crushing them in her fists.
Fist. Ahsoka corrected, and her eyes shot back to the padawan's stump. Anakin rested a hand on her shoulder. Ahsoka barely felt it. She wet her lips, which had chapped. Then, without turning her neck, Bariss fixed Ahsoka with a side-eyed stare.
"You should not have come."
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Thank you for reading! And shoutout to the people who have reviewed, most recently, Thena and XRoomie. Thank you Thena, your review means a lot. Thank you XRoomie, I know your real name but I won't call you out. Your review is appreciated as well.
Here's a reminder that I have changed my posting days to Thursday evenings, so look for updates to this fic then or on Fridays.
Stay tuned and as always, if you feel so inclined to leave a review, please do. They really help encourage me to get writing!