Nothing within this work is owned by me. It all belongs to either 07th Expansion or Studio Khara.
She was on that balcony again, sitting on the railings. Right leg propped up on the railing, left leg dangling down, wine glass in her hand, gaze shifted to the setting sun.
Misato was at Nerv and Asuka was who knows where so it was just myself and this 'witch'.
Most times when she appeared at Misato's apartment she was right there sipping on wine while listening to the cries of the higurashi, the evening cicadas. She wouldn't speak, wouldn't even acknowledge my existence. She'd just sit there drinking wine.
The young teen dressed in an ornate gothic lolita dress silhouetted against the setting sun was picturesque. It was a beautiful sight like something out of a movie and I could never help but stare for minutes on end.
I always wondered what she thought about. It was hard to tell, really. When she wasn't cackling away at my failures she was a brick wall, impossible to read. I was awful at socialisation but even I could at least pick up on what someone might be feeling but with her it was a total mystery.
Everything about this witch was so strange. Her sudden appearance, her cruelty and apathy, her existence as a witch… her entire being was a mystery, one which provided scarce few clues.
All I knew about her aside from the fact that she was a cruel witch was her name, as German as the fiery girl I've known since that day on the boat so long ago.
Bernkastel, the witch of miracles.
As much as I wanted to ask her a question, any question about who she was, it would likely be met with silence at best.
Since I had no business with her, I returned to my room and left her in peace as usual so she could drink that wine she seemed to hold so dear without being disturbed by anything other than the cries of the higurashi.
"Why is it that the ripest fruits are the most poisonous ones? This is all just like back then, only I'm taking on her role now and Shinji is taking mine. As entertaining as watching his suffering is… it also drags up the memories of my own. The days when the cries of the cicadas and higurashi never ceased and neither did the hell of infinite death."
—I was the most unfortunate. I knew there was no exit out of this maze.—
"*giggle*giggle, Ahahahahahahahahahahahaha! How foolish, how stupid! Uwehehehehehe!"
That witch's irritating laugh came full force, spearing me in the gaping hole in my chest. I wanted to drown her out, close out the brutal, heartless and sadistic words that I knew she would say.
Yes… I knew exactly what she was going to say but I didn't want to hear it. I wanted to run away from her, from my sin but the witch of miracles would never allow that. My SDAT was nowhere to be found and closing my hands over my head was hardly a relief.
"What's this? Wanna run away again? I won't let you. I'll make sure that you hear and understand just exactly what you did, just exactly what sin you committed. I'll never let you run away, not for as long as you continue to entertain me."
I didn't want to hear it. I didn't want to hear it. I didn't…
"You have, in your 7 loops so far, never been able to avert Suzuhara Toji's tragic fate. You thought it was impossible to save him because of that so you thought of a way to stop him from even being in Tokyo-3 so that he might not be chosen. You crushed his home, made him homeless and forced him to move away elsewhere so that he wouldn't be in that infested Unit 03."
Bernkastel prepared her final barrage with a sick grin on her face.
"What you didn't account for was the possibility that someone else would have to have been chosen to pilot Evangelion Unit 03. After all, if they didn't need pilots, you wouldn't be here now. However, in your naive hopes, you simply assumed that they must've used a dummy plug for the activation test and gladly tore into the Eva with your fellow pilots."
I shut my eyes and put my hands over my ears as I began to beg her to stop. The memories of dismantling Unit 03 came crashing through my brain, the sight of the steel and organs being splayed across the countryside, the sensation of tearing flesh from metal and the sound of it all. The wet sound of the organic tissue being torn apart and the loud thumps of the metal being bent.
It all unceasingly invaded my consciousness.
"Of course, it was only afterwards, only after you had thoroughly torn that 'angel' apart with your own hands, entry plug included, that you realised that there was a pilot inside."
"Please stop…"
"Of course…"
"Please stop…!"
"That pilot was…"
"Please stop it!"
"Horaki Hikari, Asuka's best friend! And of course, you killed her! With your own hands! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! That lovely expression of yours is so entertaining! It's just like a kicked puppy! This gameboard'll stave off the boredom for at least a century. I look forward to seeing how long it'll take you to break, Ikari Shinji. *giggle*giggle*giggle*giggle*."
The witch of miracles, having satisfied herself in tearing out my guts, disappeared into mist and left me alone with the sin I had committed and the guilt heavy enough to crush me into pieces.
In the distance, the chorus of the higurashi swelled as if to torment me.
"You're such a fool, Ikari Shinji. If you just gave up instead of half-heartedly trying like I once did then you wouldn't have to suffer. You're such a stupid fool…"
—Then, he was the next unfortunate. He did not know that there was no exit out of this maze.—
First loop.
I don't remember how it ended. Everything after getting into Unit 01 was hazy. This was my original fragment, the one I got furthest in.
Second loop.
I couldn't beat the 14th angel and it killed me.
Third loop.
The 10th angel plan didn't succeed and all 3 Evas were crippled. Rei died while Asuka and I were left heavily injured. The entire geofront was exposed. We couldn't defend against the next angel and Third Impact was triggered. I died.
Fourth loop.
Defeated by the 14th angel. Third Impact triggered. I died.
Fifth loop.
Shot to death after discovering something I shouldn't have. The witch made her first appearance in this loop.
Sixth loop.
Tripped on the stairs and hit my head. It was a very embarrassing death. That one made Bernkastel laugh for ages.
Seventh loop.
Sabotaged by Asuka during the 14th angel battle. Angel defeated. I died.
Eighth loop.
Unit 00 wouldn't activate for the 5th angel fight. Missed the first shot. Was killed by the angel's counterattack.
Ninth loop.
Ran out of power during the 9th angel battle. Acid corroded into the entry plug and burnt me to death.
Tenth loop.
Stabbed by an insane Asuka. I deserved it. Bernkastel was especially cruel that time around.
Eleventh loop.
I haven't died yet somehow. I've made it further than in any previous fragment bar the very first. It feels like it's been so long. So many deaths that happen randomly. Can I even do this? Is there even an exit to this maze?
"There is an exit. All mazes have an exit but this maze, this cruel, cruel maze demands a miracle as payment. Such a price may take a decade or even a hundred years to fulfil. You can exit this maze but your sanity will have perished long before that. Your body can make it out but it is impossible for your mind. So I proclaim as the witch of miracles."
—But all the rest weren't so unfortunate.
They didn't know that they were in the maze in the first place.—
It was strange seeing everyone again and again. Their memories reset every time I died and all the times we spent together, good and bad, were erased. Only I had recollection of those times.
The fragment where a childish dare from Misato led to Asuka getting completely drunk and saying lots of embarrassing things was fun. Misato to Pen-Pen to Nerv HQ at one point and he caused lots of chaos. She was very childish.
As funny as she could be in that fragment, she constantly got close to me in very uncomfortable ways. She even…
In the end, none of it really mattered.
Third Impact happened and everyone died. Only I had recollection of those times.
There was the fragment where Asuka was weirdly meek. The bold, fiery girl I had known was nowhere to be found there. We ended up getting closer than ever but the memories of those previous times got in the way.
I couldn't separate her from the abusive Asuka I had learnt to fear. Had I not had those memories, maybe we could've fallen in love. In the end, I was left lying in a pool of my own blood. Her shaking figure stood over me with an oversized butcher's knife in one hand.
Only I had recollections of that abusive Asuka. Now, only I had recollections of that meek Asuka.
Rei was a clone of my mother. There were dozens of spare 'hers' down below in the deepest depths of Terminal Dogma. I still haven't mustered up the courage to talk to her any more than necessary.
It's cruel to her. Cruel to ignore her for something I shouldn't have known. Only 'I' had recollections of who she really was. Shinji shouldn't know, not until everything had fallen apart.
There was a girl I met on the streets, I had never met her before in any of the fragments. It was a chance encounter early on. She was older than me and very nice. I liked her.
Her home was destroyed by the 12th angel. Her parents were also killed. She just barely escaped that horrifying 'sea'. She was homeless and alone when I met her afterwards. She was obviously malnutritioned and yet she said she'd be fine.
Her corpse was found desecrated in a back alley a few days later.
It was a relief to see her smile again in the next fragment but she was killed when the 5th angel tried to drill into Nerv HQ. It pierced straight through a shelter before Nerv could issue an evacuation order and dozens were killed.
She was crushed by stray debris during the 3rd angel's attack.
She was killed by an N2 mine blast.
She was swallowed by the 12th angel's sea.
In every fragment I knew her, she always died. It was her fate to die. Only I had recollections of the times when we first truly met.
Her life and death was a sick reminder that, no matter what I did, I couldn't beat this fate.
Yes.
It's all worthless.
I'm worthless.
I can't even save myself, let alone one other person, let alone the entire world. It was just pure luck last time. I'd never thought that I would look back on that first fragment and call it 'lucky'.
In the end, It'd take a miracle to save me.
But the witch who controls them will only laugh at me.
All I can do is meekly wait for that one in a quadrillion chance that everything goes perfectly right. I have nothing left to do but that would require an endless amount of suffering and I can't take anymore.
I've tried hard enough so…
It's okay if I give up, right?
Right?
"If a miracle is what you need to break through this fate of death then I can be of assistance, Ikari Shinji."
That voice is…
"In order for a miracle to even have a chance of coming true, you must take my hand. You must believe. Miracles don't occur unless everyone believes."
Is that true?
"Of course it is. I proclaim so upon my name as the witch of miracles, Bernkastel."
I…
I reach out.
Even though I have no hand I decide to reach out towards the chance for a miracle.
I don't know why. It just seems right.
As I do…
Glass cracks. The blank void of the world cracks.
Everything shatters.
When I open my eyes, I'm laying on my butt in a giant theatre. I am sitting on the stage, a spotlight from above is highlighting me. Only one other person shares the stage with me.
Dressed in a gothic lolita dress stands the witch of miracles Bernkastel. In her hands is a large black scythe. On her face is a focused yet cruel grin. For once, it isn't directed at me but the bird-like being of light that floats at the other end of the theatre.
It is the 15th angel.
"As fun as it was seeing you writhe about like bisected worm, It was also terribly pitiful and painful. You now recognize your need for a miracle, for me to appear, even if only subconsciously. You've sought out my help and so I've decided to give you some mercy."
The witch twirls her scythe about in her hands and points it at the angel. "I have become your ally so give it your all, Ikari Shinji."
Bernkastel then addresses the 15th angel, shifting her attention from me to it. I can only stare in shock at everything, unable even to move.
"Now then, are you ready to be torn apart? *giggle*giggle*. Let's see just how strong an angel really is, shall we?"
The witch raises her hands and claps them twice.
"Come to me, my cute little kitty cats! I'm in a good mood so feel free to devour this so-called messenger of God as you please. Every scrap of its body is yours."
A chorus of growls and ringing bells swells across the witch of miracle's theatre. Hundreds, no, thousands of pairs of green jewels emerge from the darkness; gaping maws lined with razor sharp teeth accompany each pair.
Their hostility isn't even remotely turned to me but I can still feel their ravenous, feral hunger. It's a completely different feeling from the otherwise cold and emotionless angels I'm used to fighting. I can't even imagine how terrifying it would be to be on the receiving end of that hunger.
There's a moment's pause as the cats stop just shy of the still angel. They seem to be waiting for their master's command.
Bernkastel closes her eyes, takes a deep breath and opens them with a sadistic expression on her face.
"Tear it apart, cats!"
With that order, chaos erupts.
The thousands of cats immediately lunge towards the 15th angel. A bright ray of light shines from it just as fast and blasts away the shadows of the black cats, instantly annihilating most of them.
The numbers of the cats quickly replenish themselves and, again, the swarm viciously dives straight for the angel. It flies upwards and another beam of bright light blasts away the hundreds of green jewels that had been pursuing it a second ago.
Suddenly, a black figure rises from behind the angel. In its hands is a black scythe. The blade is swung down clashes with the A.T. field causing a bright orange light to envelope the theatre. Bernkastel is pushed back to the very end of the theatre and is then blasted away by the bright light. The wall of the theatre breaks from the impact and the witch is sent through to the outside.
"Bernkastel!"
I finally get up and run towards the battlefield. Even though Bernkastel had tormented me so much, I still worry about her. Is it because of her promise to support me earlier? I don't know. I'm completely confused. I can't tell what's happening.
All I know is that I have to watch how this battle plays out from start to finish.
I run across the isles of the deserted theatre and quickly reach the end. That's strange. I'm sure it was much bigger than that.
I push aside those thoughts from my head and gaze outside from the gaping hole in the wall.
Outside is a miniature Tokyo. Not Tokyo-3 but old Tokyo before it was obliterated by a nuclear bomb. It was like a set from an old kaiju film.
Standing on the very tip of Tokyo tower is Bernkastel, scythe still in hand and confident grin still on her face.
"Do you really think that a mere piece like you could defeat the witch of miracles? All you're good at doing is mentally attacking your opponents; you're not built for actual combat. Outside the gameboard, you can't even use your little speciality so do me a favour and just die like a worm already!"
Bernkastel floats above the ground and spreads her arms. A blue light shines from her back and takes the form of several dozen snake heads, each large enough to devour an adult whole. It's like some sort of distorted Yamata-no-Orochi.
"Die."
With that one word, all of the snake heads shoot towards the angel with the speed of a missile. They're so fast I can barely follow them.
The angel avoids them with incredible speed and agility. It flies through the air and dodges and weaves around every single one. A handful scrape its A.T. field but it never takes a direct hit.
The snakes that miss crash into the miniature buildings which all dramatically explode as if filled with small bombs.
The angel floats above the flaming city and stares down Bernkastel who hasn't moved since letting loose that barrage.
The witch of miracles raises her left hand slowly and snaps her finger.
"Devour it, Leviathan." The words come out her mouth with complete and calm confidence.
At her command, a large green whale bursts from the ground directly below the angel and tries to bite it. The 15th angel's reaction time is to be commended. If I was in its position I would've been devoured easily without even being able to react but even with that insane speed and reaction time…
The lower half of the angel is torn off, the A.T. field proving completely useless in the face of such an overwhelming assault. After all, the Leviathan was as large as an Eva unit and in this strange space, the angel wasn't much bigger than a person.
Bernkastel wastes no time in leaping off of the Tokyo tower and aiming her scythe straight for the angel's core. With half its body missing and its A.T field neutralised, the angel is completely at the cruel witch's mercy.
Only a miracle can save it now. Unfortunately, its opponent is the witch who controls miracles.
The scythe heartlessly buries itself deep into the red core and shatters it. With that shattering, a bright light envelopes the whole space and I try to shield my eyes from it to no avail. In the end, everything is covered in that white light and fades into a familiar white ceiling.
—Please do not deplore yourself. Even if the world does not forgive you, I will forgive you.—
—Please do not deplore yourself. Even if you do not forgive the world, I will forgive you.—
—So please tell me. What will it take for you to forgive me?—
—Frederica Bernkastel
I sit alone on the balcony simply listening to the higurashi cry as the sun sets. This is the furthest I've made it since the first fragment. I've finally gotten past the 15th angel. Only two more remain and both demand a sacrifice.
Am I prepared?
Am I prepared to sit by and watch a life perish and then end one with my own hands again?
Of course not.
"Is it even worth it trying to break out of this?"
"That answer depends on the reward and punishment."
Bernkastel appears from a cloud of purple smoke and leans against the balcony.
"But if you ask me then I think you should break out or my bet will be for nothing."
"A bet?" What's this about a bet?
"That's right. I'm betting on your victory now that I've become your ally. I won't accept a loss so you should give it your all. If you give up then you'll never make it out of this hell. Remember what I told you when the 15th angel had you in its grasp?"
"A miracle won't come true unless everyone believes, right?"
"Correct."
"But 'everyone' isn't just you and I though, is it?"
"No. It isn't but it is possible for everyone to believe despite that. I've broken through a similar dead end of fate before. I know how it feels."
She understands this?
I look at her in shock.
"Which one is more cruel? That I do not know yet but that doesn't change the fact that this could easily turn you into a cruel witch like me. My first bit of advice is to stop counting. It's easier to stay sane when the fragments blur together."
I suppose that makes sense. I simply nod in response.
"Now that I've decided to become your ally, I will give you my full support. Don't slack off and make sure you try as hard as you can too. If you still feel like giving up then crush those feelings."
"Faito O~!"
I stare in shock at the witch of miracles. Was it even her? Did I just hallucinate?
I swear I just saw her punch the air with a cute face and speak in a really high pitched voice.
The two of us stand in awkward silence for a few seconds before she speaks again.
"You have committed many sins and it may feel like you're worthless, like you don't deserve to break out of this but know that no matter what happens, I will forgive you. 'Please do not deplore yourself. Even if the world does not forgive you, I will forgive you. Please do not deplore yourself. Even if you do not forgive the world, I will forgive you.'"
Bernkastel begins to walk back inside the apartment away from me and leaves me with her closing words.
"I am the cruellest witch in the world. I have committed countless sins that would make everything you've done look like child's play. Remember that. You are far from the worst person to have existed."
With that said, she fades into purple smoke like an illusion, leaving no trace that she was ever there.
I'm left alone with the cries of the Higurashi. I follow in the witch's footsteps and walk into Misato's apartment with a newfound determination. Even if it takes a dozen more loops to escape this hell, I will surely break out one day. A miracle will surely occur and I won't give up until it does.
I don't know if I can trust her and I certainly haven't forgiven her for all of the torment she's inflicted on me but even still I won't give up. Not again.
What Shinji didn't know was that the witch had left one thing unspoken.
'So please tell me. What will it take for you to forgive me?'
End.
I might turn this one-shot into a full story one day but this project was mostly getting something creative done for the sake of getting something creative done.
If anyone wants to turn this into a full length story if I haven't then feel free. It's not like I have any real right to say you can't. I don't own any of this. Besides, you might end up making something better than I could anyway.