*Disclaimer: I own nothing of Nintendo, Intelligent Systems, the work(s) of one Melvin Kaminsky and friends, or the work(s) of certain Misters Chapman, Idle, Gilliam, Jones, Cleese, and Palin. I'm just here to be amusing. Additionally, the events depicted are to be imagined in the visual style of DeviantArt user Arktoons.*
*Additional disclaimer: for context regarding the following two scenes, see the three-part 'Mercie the Vampire Slayer' vignette of "Mel Brooks' Monty Python and the Fire Emblem".*

-X-

Deleted Scene 1: The Pied Piper of Garreg Mach

(Takes place during Part 2, before the conversation regarding the failure of the 'garlic security system'.)

For a vampire to effectively invade a place as well-guarded as Garreg Mach Monastery, they needed to lay the ground work by ensuring those who dwelled within were too crippled by fear to fight back. To that end, they decided to start small, and what better way for starting small...than by employing the other kind of small creatures vampires are also associated with? Which leads us to the events of one late afternoon going on early evening...The sun was just under the horizon, as it grew darker while the students, staff, and soldiery of the monastery were out and about on the way to either the dining hall, the marketplace, or the other amenities offered by the central-most institution in all of Fódlan. It was while everyone was going about their business that a squeak was heard. Then another. Then many more. Suddenly, the denizens of the monastery stopped in their tracks as they realized a rather large mass was gathering all over the grounds. A gray, furry mass, whose sheer numbers made their eyes widen with shock, fright, or in some cases disgust. A very notable reaction came from one Edelgard von Hresvelg, due to a major trauma of hers going back to her time in captivity while she and her siblings were subject to various heinous experiments. For as her eyes looked upon the enormous gray-furred mass blanketing the monastery grounds, her face became one of abject horror, as the following words left her lips:

"R-r-r-rats, RATS, RAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTSSSSSS!"

Not one second later, Edelgard jumped to the nearest high elevation she could find to put as much distance between herself and the vermintide that had the monastery in its grip, the scene almost Hitchcockian in its layout as no one dared to so much as move, lest they be beset by a pest or two. Edelgard, thankfully, found as high an elevation as she could climb. The catch was...it was on the shoulders of one Dedue Molinaro, with the quivering princess of Adrestia's limbs entangled around the head of the stoic, ever-loyal aide to Prince Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd of Faerghus.

Speaking of, Dimitri shot a concerned glance at his longtime friend and bodyguard. "Dedue, are you all right?" he asked.

Dedue didn't answer immediately, briefly eying the quivering limbs surrounding his countenance. "I am fine, my liege," he replied with a slightly-muffled voice. "Even in her terrified state, Princess Edelgard was courteous enough to leave me with some ventilation. Though I hope our current bout of pestilence is dealt with soon, for I honestly have no wish to wear her like a hat any longer than I must." While he spoke, Edelgard's own loyal aide-de-camp, Hubert von Vestra, was trying to coax his liege down from Dedue's shoulders, to little avail.

Meanwhile, among the masses of people frozen with fear and trepidation, Seteth and Rhea were left utterly dumbfounded by the strange happenstance that had befallen the monastery. "Ms. Bartels, an explanation, please?" Seteth asked Mercedes through slightly-gritted teeth.

"*Sigh* I was afraid our undead assailant would pull something like this," Mercedes replied as she faced the archbishop and her loyal advisor. "Among their most significant abilities, vampires exhibit the power to control certain types of vermin-chief among them, rats and bats. (The latter of which I've always found ironic, due to their ability to transform into such.)" She shot another glance at the horde of rats before continuing. "Let's just be grateful they didn't summon a swarm of cockroaches, otherwise we'd have an even bigger problem on our hands." Rhea, and those within earshot of Mercedes, couldn't help but shudder at the thought.

"I would ask any spellcasters in the crowd to summon some flames or such to drive them off," Rhea began, "but with so many civilians and students here, we can't risk them being burned in the crossfire."

"So what do we do then?" Seteth asked as he warily kept an eye on Flayn and some of the other students with her. Luckily, salvation for them all came from one such student...

Marianne von Edmund, a determined look appearing on her face, straightened her back, cricked her neck a bit, and then spoke up louder than she normally did. "Hilda-my flute, please," she firmly said as she held out her open hand. Hilda, as in Hilda Valentine Goneril, gaped a bit confusingly at her classmate and best friend, before pulling out the instrument in question and handing it to Marianne, who then faced another student. "Annette, as I play, I will require that you cast enough wind magic to help carry the sound for all these rats to hear. Can you do that?" Annette, being Annette Fantine Dominic, nodded slowly as she readied herself. Marianne, facing the rats, took a deep breath, brought the flute to her lips, and then began to play.

[Suggested music: the flute portions from the score of the 1961 Looney Tunes short "The Pied Piper of Guadalupe".]

The effect of the music on the rats was almost instantaneous, as soon the little grey menaces stood up at attention, caught up as they were in a trance, their feet tapping to the point where they sounded like thousands of castanets being clicked and clacked all at once. Marianne wasted no time as she then led the entranced rodents into a single-file line, the critters following behind her as she made her way to the monastery's gates. When she reached the gates, she placed herself next to the befuddled Gatekeeper, McCarley, her foot tapping along to the tune she was playing as, one-by-one, the rats exited the grounds. When the last rat crossed the threshold, McCarley, assisted by Alois, immediately slammed the gates shut, both breathing out a sigh of a relief.

On the other side of the gates, the rats snapped out of their trance, looking around as if wondering how they got outside the monastery. It was then that a new sound got their attention, as they turned to find themselves face-to-face...with Garreg Mach's population of stray cats. Cats that were now grinning at them, hungrily. One rat, already figuring out what was in store, looked our way and held up a small sign, on which was printed only two words:

Uh-oh

Back in the monastery, some of the others had caught up to Marianne, awestruck by what the normally-shy and withdrawn girl had just done. Edelgard, no longer quivering, slowly climbed back down from Dedue and walked up to Marianne. She then shot a brief, speechless glance at the closed gates, before returning her focus to the bluenette. "Marianne von Edmund, I could just kiss you right now."

Marianne, presently cleaning out her flute, didn't so much as flinch at that statement. "While I am flattered, I am afraid I am also spoken for."

Edelgard's eyebrows rose in slight surprise on hearing this, as she looked towards (based on what little gossip she'd heard from Dorothea) the most likely candidates for whom Marianne would be involved with: Hilda (filing her nails as she tried calming herself down from the ordeal) and Dimitri (who was still looking quite awestruck over Marianne's feat). After a brief look our way, she then looked at Marianne, before softly uttering to herself, "Pity".

Deleted Scene 2: Missed It By That Much

(Takes place during part 3, following the neutralization of the coffins full of cursed soil.)

With the vampires' boxes of cursed earth now cleansed thanks to Flayn and Cyril's efforts, the rest of the party accompanying them were free to really cut loose on the now-weakened vampires hidden in Abyss. Faster than one could say 'Dracula Has Risen From The Grave', Shez and Shayla, Balthus, Hapi, Alois, and Gilbert brought the full force of their collective might down on the undead.

Alois, in particular, took down his bloodsucker with gusto. "Take THAT, vile fiend!" he bellowed as he pounded on the stake he held with his hammer three times...only for the vampire in question to let out a very painful scream. "Huh, that's odd-you should be crumbling to dust by now."

Gilbert, looking upon his comrade's efforts, went wide-eyed when he found the reason for Alois's befuddlement. "Er, Alois, old friend...that is his crotch."

Alois, noticing just where he'd placed the stake in the first place, grew embarrassed upon seeing Gilbert was correct. "Oh! Uh, heh-heh-my mistake." He then removed the stake, causing the vampire to scream out again, positioned it over the undead creature's heart, and then proceeded to pound it in, putting his fanged opponent out of action permanently.

END.

*Author's Note(s)*

These two scenes were in my head when I originally wrote the 'Mercie the Vampire Slayer' 3-parter, but I just couldn't think where to fit them in at the time. Still, I wanted to get them out somehow...

The first deleted scene is, as one can guess from my music choice, inspired by the Friz Freleng-helmed bout between Sylvester and Speedy Gonzalez, an Oscar nominee for Best Animated Short that year. As for where Marianne learned how to do that, let's just say that her adoptive uncle is the margrave of the minor territory of Hamelin.

The second deleted scene is a takeoff on a bit from the final segment of the 1993 fifth season episode ofThe Simpsons, "Treehouse of Horror IV", the segment being 'Bart Simpson's Dracula'. (I did draw upon it for what ultimately made it into part 3 of 'Mercie the Vampire Slayer'.)