Asuka & Shinji's Infinite Playlist
Chapter 26: 'Til the End of Time Please Know
Blazing sunlight shone through windows casting tilted shadows on the floor, highlighting floating dust particles from a house that felt forever dirty. It wasn't from lack of care or attention, just an aftereffect of the new world, a world without most of the conveniences that existed in years prior. While not quite back to the stone age, the post-Third Impact earth was one where nothing could be taken for granted.
An exhausted woman looked downwards, despondent, eyes searching for something to match her mood, eventually fixating on her shoes: filthy, tattered, and torn from years of use, laces untied, a cherry on top of the seemingly hopeless situation. She would usually choose a different pair, something at least slightly more elegant for the occasion, but instead she had slipped on whatever she could find lying around, unwilling to put in any more effort. She couldn't find the strength to care anymore. She wanted to cry or lash out or... anything. Even run.
Can you even run anymore? The woman's mind had grown especially devastating, taking advantage of her present state.
Her physical condition was at its lowest, upending two years' worth of effort to maintain not only a household but a decently healthy lifestyle despite their limited nutrition options. However, circumstances rendered her less mobile than usual: a sore, swollen ankle nagged at her for what felt like months, the best medical advice available telling her to rest it. Rest was hard to come by.
A solitary tear emerged from the corner of her eye, shocking the woman as she raced to wipe it away. The last thing she wanted was Shinji to see her like this, not now. She had more pressing things on her mind.
Another week had passed and she was no more hopeful for their future than before, pessimistically expecting him to behave as he always had. And she didn't know how much longer she could stand it. Her feelings had come to a boiling point months ago but she lacked the strength to voice them, afraid that-
"Asuka?"
"What?!" she snapped.
Shinji's head whipped in her direction, startled by the response. "Hey, I was just going to ask if you were ready..."
"I'm fine," she replied, nodding, before reversing course, "No, wait. I... I can't go."
Shinji had expected the response and took a step closer, "Why not?"
"I-" she paused leaving an opening.
"Is it-" Shinji's eyes glanced downward.
"No!" Asuka's eyes darted around, searching for something else, again deflecting his overcautious gaze, until she hissed, "My shoes are untied."
"That's all?"
"No- yes! I..." she sighed heavily, unable to face him, "I'm fine."
Kneeling before her, Shinji gingerly tied the laces together, mind preoccupied with so many other thoughts. This was to be expected, at least as best as he could predict, all things considered. Asuka had suffered enough for a dozen lifetimes, both physically and emotionally, the least he could do was be patient and understanding while she suffered for one more.
He considered his own present condition, as strong and healthy as he could be, all things considered. The emotional scarring was old and familiar, but it was recently matched with physical scars representing different incidents and accidents around their homestead. Being sole survivors in a post-human world was a tall order for the pair, but they managed. Where there was death and destruction, there would also be life. One day.
Smiling up at the beautiful woman, Shinji stood and dusted his pants off, but he spotted a nervous glance on her face and almost pried into her mind before deciding to give her space. Her mind had grown increasingly preoccupied, weighed down by worries over the present and the future, and he made it his duty to keep her mentally engaged in the moment.
"Ready now?" he asked, slinging his messenger bag over his shoulder.
Asuka looked at the ground and refused to answer.
"Asuka-"
"I'm ready."
"Are you sure?"
"He said it'd be different this time, right?"
Shinji nodded and opened the front door, hoping the rehearsal would again provide the anxious woman an escape from her own mind, but deep down he knew what was to be expected. Even in the new world, some things never changed.
The same blazing sun from before shone almost directly in their eyes, its strength no longer lessened by the window. After all they'd been through, it should represent hope, the light of a new day. But this day, among any other day of the week, had the least amount of hope.
"I swear, Shinji-"
"Asuka, trust him. He gave you his word."
"And you believe him?"
Shinji shrugged, "Why wouldn't I?"
The woman shook her head in disbelief and pictured that red-eyed frustration, "Idiot."
The dusty gymnasium smiled again, filled weekly with the delights of guests and music, both a rarity in the new world. Happy to open its doors for another rehearsal, to spend a few hours remembering what life was like before. Opposite the entrance sat a semicircle of four chairs, permanently awaiting their only guests' weekly appearance. And, like any other week, only two of the seats were presently filled.
Even though Shinji sat and conversed with Rei, his attention was fully on Asuka in the distance, angrily pacing back and forth, gesticulating wildly as if she were fighting an invisible foe. Rei's gentle voice brought him back to the present if only for a moment.
"How has she been?"
"Irritable." He shook his head, chuckling, "It's like we've gone back to before."
"'Before'?" she repeated.
"'Before'," he emphasized, recalling her fiery disposition as an early teenager, causing Shinji to smile for a moment.
"Give her patience," Rei replied. "She is going through a large change."
Asuka's life had already been one of perpetual change, often for the worse: such was the fate of a child soldier. One of the driving forces behind Shinji's rescues was to bring that to an end, to break the cycle of instability, of insecurity, to give her the care and support a person deserved, especially one he loved. However, despite his best intentions, even their new life would not be without its own surprises.
"I'm worried we made a mistake-"
"Ikari-"
"-that maybe she isn't ready-"
"Shinji-"
"-or maybe I'm not-"
Rei turned and silenced him with a strong look: "Trust Asuka as she trusts you."
The man sighed and acquiesced, thankful to have such a friend to discuss things with, their shared histories providing context very few could ever truly understand. Shinji's attention returned to his cello as he resumed tuning the instrument. His mind slowed as he fell back into his weekly routine: sheet music pulled and placed on the music stand, bow rosined and tightened, water bottle placed neatly on the floor near his chair. And Asuka pacing in the distance, arguing with the air.
Shinji smirked to himself as he flipped through the sheet music, looking for a selection to warm up with.
Bach, Mahler, Wolk, his eyes scanned the aged pages. Beethoven? No, I'm tired of that one.
Rei's gentle voice again broke the silence, "Have you decided-"
"We're thinking 'Aika'," Shinji blurted out excitedly, as he plucked a newer, recently scavenged page from the pile and shifted it to the front.
She smiled at the thought, "That is a beautiful choice."
Shinji took a moment to reign in his emotions, worried he may have overshared in the moment, but the feeling passed as he tried to explain the reasoning, "Thank you. It was either that or-"
"Gott damn it!"
The outburst interrupted the conversation, bringing all attention halfway between their seating arrangement and the entrance. Anxious energy reverberated off the walls, asking Shinji to again steel himself against the incoming storm: the weekly routine continued.
Asuka's hands rested heavily on her hips as she leaned off of her right ankle, spinning and stretching it in place, her pacing likely exacerbating the soreness. But she was Asuka Langley Soryu-Ikari, as strong willed as she was energetic, and no physical condition was going to slow her down. Except...
She spied a folding chair lying near the entrance, its enticing song luring her in, off of her aching feet. Glancing back at the other two, she hobbled over and retrieved it, proudly returning to her previous spot. Asuka made a show of her actions, gently lowering herself, making sure to sit with enough force to show she was still angry. Unfortunately, as her body rested, her mind raced and she found herself unable to be still for long. An anxious heel in a worn sneaker bounced off the ground as its owner struggled to find words, her frustration building. The noise echoed off of the hard surface, punctuated with one final slam as she forced the motion to stop, finally speaking.
"Shinji," Asuka began, her heart pouring out as she awkwardly stood. "I can't do this anymore."
Her voice was suddenly, eerily calm. She was pleading to him though she was well aware he had no power or authority to do anything.
"Asuka," Shinji answered, "please, sit back down. You need to rest."
"No, I'm fine."
"Asuka-"
"It's been two years." She ignored his request, now fully upright in defiance.
Shinji simply nodded his head in understanding: Asuka would always be Asuka.
"Every time it's the same. Every week, every month... I-"
The room inhaled in anticipation.
"I can't do this anymore."
And the room exhaled, the predictable words showing how normal the day would be.
"Asuka..."
"I mean come on! You'd think-"
"Asuka-"
"-that by now-"
"Asuka-"
"-he'd figure it out!"
"Asuka-"
"It's inconsiderate."
"Asuka-"
"It's-"
Shinji changed his approach, "Mein Lie-"
"Don't." Asuka cut him off, spinning and aiming an extended finger in his direction. "Don't you dare try and use that name right now!"
Shinji retreated and apologized with silence, rubbing the back of his neck.
No longer stretching her ankle, the fiery redhead started pacing again, hands firmly perched on her hips, ranting to herself in German, Japanese, dotted with the occasional English swear. Shinji and Rei sat in silence, repeating their parts in this well-rehearsed feature, allowing her to again take the lead.
There was comfort in the uncomfortable, and the duo contentedly smiled to themselves: two year's worth of mood fluctuations and outbursts had been all the confirmation they needed that their efforts to restore her had paid off. Where there was love there was also hate, and where there was pleasure there, too, was annoyance.
Asuka really was whole again.
Unfortunately, she then performed a whole turn and resumed her argument in the pair's direction, "I'm not asking for that much!"
Momentarily taken aback, Shinji simply stared in silence.
"I'm talking to you, idiot!"
"Sorry!"
Blue eyes glared and he playfully retreated. A habit he'd mostly grown out of, it still crept up in inopportune moments.
"I'm not crazy." Asuka refocused.
"I know," Shinji patronized her.
"He's just so frustrating!"
"I know."
"Just a little respect!"
"I know."
"Is that so hard?"
"I know."
"You know?"
"I meant, 'I agree'."
"Do you, though?" The gymnasium felt more silent than normal. "Do you really?"
"Of course-"
"Because if you did, you'd say something to him!"
"Asuka-"
"But no! You never do! You just sit there with Wondergirl and just-"
The woman was interrupted by a piercing gaze and she put her hands up, "Sorry, Rei. Old habits, I guess..."
Rei merely smiled and nodded, she had played her part.
"Asuka," Shinji finally stood, having gently placed his cello on its side, "you do this every week."
"That's the point!"
"Right, but-" he took a deep breath to build confidence.
"'But' what?"
"Do you really think he's going to change?"
"He'd better! Or else-"
"Change what?" Asuka was interrupted by an opening door and a semi-rhetorical question, the words echoing for what felt like eternity in the nearly empty room. All eyes turned in that direction as the target entered, stopping just beyond the threshold as he felt the sudden attention.
In that instant, Asuka's rage redirected, "ARE YOU SERIOUS?!"
The enigmatic being shrugged and ignored her, "Have I done something wrong?"
Rei adjusted the viola in her lap, "No more than usual."
The question only fueled Asuka's anger, "TWO YEARS OF BEING LATE! TWO YEARS AND YOU HAVEN'T BEEN ON TIME ONCE!"
Kaworu smiled his simple smile and received his berating, hands gently placed in his pockets. While both Shinji and Asuka had aged appropriately, neither he nor Rei had changed in appearance in the years since Third Impact. Despite now being almost a head shorter, the boy's relaxed approach felt so imposing, infuriating the woman. He could not be broken.
Asuka's pacing resumed for a third time, "WE'VE MET IN THE SAME PLACE, AT THE SAME TIME, ON THE SAME DAY FOR TWO YEARS! TWO YEARS!"
"Asuka," Shinji pleaded, "please calm down."
Asuka stopped, took a deep breath, and pointed at Kaworu, "If we have to find another second violin, we will!"
Shinji chuckled and asked under his breath, "Where?"
A fierce blue gaze sharply turned his way and he inhaled deeply in fear.
"I'LL FIND ONE."
Kaworu stood before her, having materialized from the door in an instant, a habit she loathed. "Soryu, you shouldn't-"
She again fired a finger in his direction, "That's not my name."
Kaworu threw his hands up in surrender, "Sorry! Sorry. I was simply advising that clearly this level of anger isn't healthy: not for you or-"
"Where were you?" Rei stood for the first time, interrupting him.
"Wear a watch! It's not that hard," Asuka wasn't finished with her matter, continuing to berate him while the conversation drifted.
"Shouldn't our concerns be elsewhere? Why are we now focusing on my whereabouts?" Kaworu tried to distract.
Rei gently set her instrument on the chair and walked towards him, "I could not find you, not on Earth."
He sighed, watching as another pair of eyes zeroed in his direction. "I thought my tardiness was the topic."
"That's no longer relevant."
"I don't care if you aren't human: use the sun, the stars!"
"If you all must know, I was doing some recon work."
Rei's eyes narrowed, "We surveyed the encampments earlier this week: they were fine."
"I discovered a new one in New York."
"Just show up on time!"
"Wait, there's a new encampment?" Shinji watched Kaworu more intently, unsure of which part of the conversation to follow.
"No," Rei said forcefully. "You weren't here."
"Do I need to find you a watch?"
"Fine, fine: I wasn't looking for more returnees," he admitted.
"That's great. How many does that make?"
"Kaworu."
"Shinji found a nice one just the other day, you can have it!"
"Rei!"
"Hang on, then what were you doing?"
"Shinji..."
"Answer the question."
Karowu sighed heavily and glanced in Asuka's direction, almost asking for permission to speak. When she didn't respond, he answered, his words stopping everyone in their tracks: "I was tasked with searching for something else."
A pregnant pause filled the room and all eyes were on Kaworu. Asuka's ranting had slowed and her head turned in his direction. Rei was motionless, eagerly awaiting his explanation.
"What does that mean?" Shinji was the first to speak but Kaworu did not answer, eyes still engaging the redhead.
She fully turned and awkwardly waddled toward Kaworu, loudly whispering, "Did you find one?"
He smiled and nodded slightly, to the continued confusion of both Shinji and Rei.
"Find what?" Shinji asked, but neither responded.
"Ich wusste es! Where?"
"Paris."
"Ach wie schön."
As confused as he was concerned, Shinji approached their conversation, "Hey, what are you two talking about?"
Kaworu simply smiled and put his hands back in his pockets, allowing the silence to force Asuka to hem and haw for a few moments before reluctantly coming clean.
"He thinks he found another fragment."
In the two years since their last rescue the world had truly started returning to normalcy. Not only was their Tokyo-2 farm thriving in a post-Third Impact world, people were finally returning from Instrumentality in pockets throughout the planet. While Asuka and Shinji kept an eye on the Japanese settlers, they tasked Rei and Kaworu with assisting with the other locations, providing food and supplies scavenged from nearby.
But it wasn't the thought of a new settlement in New York that felt like an N2 mine had gone off in that gymnasium: it was a word he hadn't heard in over two years.
"What?" he was shocked at hearing the term again.
"A fragment."
Shinji's face was blank.
"Of me, Blitzmerker."
"H-how?"
Asuka sighed, turning and taking both of his hands into hers, "Shinji, I feel like me again, I have ever since we came back two years ago. My life, no- our life is perfect. But, I know me. I had this feeling in the back of my head that there were more. I mean, you know how stubborn I can be."
"Asuka..."
"So," she squeezed Shinji's hands tightly, "I asked Kaworu to see if there were any left: any pieces of myself that refused to come back."
The room was again silent until Kaworu added context, "Shinji, they are much rarer now and, while it took time to locate one, they are still out there. Consider it the effects of such a strong-will."
A beautiful blue eye winked at the odd compliment.
Shinji took a step backwards, deflated. "I thought I got them all. That day, in that place, on the beach. I- I thought-"
"Hey," Asuka stepped towards him and lifted his chin. "You did nothing wrong. We can do this: together. We have before."
He considered their time together, how much stronger they had grown together as partners, friends, lovers, husband and wife in a makeshift ceremony attended by the other members of the quartet, and now what was to be their greatest challenge: parenthood. And here he was offered a chance to go on another adventure, a trip to another world, another time, another place, so chase after the same girl he'd always loved.
"Besides, have you ever been to Paris?"
"No," Shinji replied.
"What? Not even once? In one of the other worlds?" Asuka was stunned.
"Nope."
"The Eiffel Tower? The Arc de Triomphe? The Louvre?"
"Never."
"Then we have to go!"
Shinji was still hesitant, but Asuka took his hand and reassured him.
"We've been here two years without a vacation, and I've loved every minute of it. But," she glanced downwards and rubbed her growing stomach, "when's the next time you think we'll be able to do this?"
"Wait- can she do this? Is it safe?" Shinji was struck with a new concern.
Kaworu shrugged, "You're not going anywhere. It is no different from dreaming in your sleep."
"See! It's safe! The Intelligenzbestie said so!"
"He's not a doctor!"
"Shinji-"
"Asuka-"
"Third Child!" the beautiful redhead stepped close in and gazed deep into his eyes, hoping the old nickname would catch his attention. Sapphire met steel and fell in love all over again.
"Yes?"
Producing an item from behind her back, Asuka held the SDAT between them, the display blinking [26]. "Trust me."
Shinji's thoughts raced with possibilities, but her last words pacified a warring mind. Deep down he trusted her as he always did, knowing she would make the best decision for herself and the coming child. He had dedicated himself to making Asuka whole several years ago, and if there were still fragments out there, he couldn't bear to ignore them.
The man reached up and grabbed the device, hugging her tightly. "I always do."
Asuka and Shinji melted in the embrace, their hearts merged as one, and they prepared for the music to take them once more.
Rehearsal was canceled, minds far too preoccupied to effectively do anything but think about what was to come. The Soryu-Ikaris were safely back at home sitting on their couch, fingers tightly interlaced, the venerable SDAT player gently resting between them. Earphones escaped the device, the cord following upwards, splitting between their shoulders, terminating in their ears.
A gentle thumb caressed the other, reassuring the other once more of their presence, of their devotion. An arm reached over and grasped the device, gently pressing PLAY. Beautiful eyes connected, each whispering "I love you" to the other, until they closed with heavy lids, whisked away to another world.
Two hearts drifted through the void, eternally intertwined with each other, searching for somewhere to land...
Shinji asked aloud, unsure of whether it was supposed to be to himself or to his love, "Will this ever end?"
Asuka smiled, kissing his hand, "I hope not."
My first time to the Louvre
But seeing a masterpiece is nothing new
I've already met a Mona Lisa
Many years ago, now I remember
The very first time I had met you
The gears in my heart began to turn like new
But then I felt a dark premonition
You I'd lose
Oh, felt your lips so many times
But once more let me grace yours with mine
Can you give me one last kiss?
'Cause I don't wanna forget you, no, oh~
I will nevеr let this feeling go, oh~
I love you more than you'll еver know
You say that you don't like taking pictures
But that's okay 'cause I don't need a photograph
'Cause in my heart an image of you lingers
It's a reel of film that's burning me with the past
I try to act like I don't miss you
But I know deep down you are lonely too
We both never meant to hurt the other
But we did some things that we can never undo
Oh, can you give me one last kiss?
Set a fire with only your lips
There is no forgetting this
Even if I tried can't let it go, oh~
I love you more than you'll ever know, oh~
I love you more than you'll ever know
I love you more than you'll ever know
Oh, in my heart I see it so
When the years have passed and I've grown old
'Til the end of time please know
I will never let this feeling go, oh~
I will never let this feeling go
I will never let, I can't forget
I will never let this feeling go, oh~
I will never let this feeling go
I will never let, I can't forget
I will never let this feeling go, oh~
I will never let this feeling go
I will never let, I can't forget
I will never let this feeling go, oh~
I will never let this feeling go
I will never let, I can't forget
I will never let this-
I will never let this-
I will never let this-
I will never let, I can't forget
I will never let this-
I will never let this-
I will never let, I can't forget
I love you more than you'll ever know
Oh~
I still remember
That dazzling afternoon
I'm chasing after
The breeze that left too soon
Song: "One Last Kiss" by AmaLee, from Evangelion: 3.0+1.0
Dearest friends,
Words will never be able to express how grateful I am that you would share this journey with me. What originally started as just the silliest exercise during COVID lockdowns exploded into something that I looked forward to (almost) every time I sat down to write.
This story was inspired by two very different fics and slowly turned into what you've just read. It's wild that what was once something I was embarrassed to even consider doing eventually became a shared activity with my spouse.
I remember reading the venerable Scar Tissue and, towards the end when things are looking the most bleak, imagining both Asuka and Shinji taking their dual-piloted Eva and running into the universe together. They'd suffered enough, now they're drifting into space while Train's "Drops of Jupiter" played.
Then it wasn't until A Crown of Stars' heartsong moment where Shinji sings to Asuka that I started to play around more with this concept in my mind. I remember just scrolling through my Liked Songs on Spotify and just resonating with certain lyrics or soundscapes.
The first scene I ever envisioned was actually set to Angels & Airwaves "Everything's Magic": imagining a Grease-esque musical moment as Shinji chases and sings at Asuka, attempting to make her understand how magical and unreal everything felt, because it was all a dream. Eventually the musical concept faded because I couldn't get the music to line up with the written text, but the song stayed…
My first proof of concept was simply rewriting the final scene from the NGE Manga, to prove it could go somewhere. I loved the manga adaptation and loved how hopeful that ending provided. Plus, somewhat selfishly, I also knew how rare a post-manga fic was, so I wanted to do something bold, something different.
And that's what became Asuka & Shinji's Infinite Playlist.
But the word "infinite"... if this is my last chapter, how is it infinite? I've always intended to open this universe up when I was done. There's more music to be heard, more lyrics to be sung, more worlds to visit. It's part of the reason I created "The Infinite Playlist": to give myself a chance to come back, maybe even years later, and write more about two characters I love so dearly.
And I want to open it up to anyone. The playlist truly is infinite: there are endless possibilities to share time with these characters we love so greatly.
I hope I can inspire others just as I was inspired. I wouldn't have done it without these wonderful people:
- My wife. She's read every chapter, listened to every song. I would bounce ideas off of her in the car, over texts, wherever.
- tomdj1701. When I first started this I asked for pre-readers on reddit and tomdj1701 was my only volunteer. He helped me get this off the ground.
- HologramTheatre. We became acquainted over time and he also started pre-reading for me. Without him you probably never would've read anything from me: "Stop lamenting. It's fine!"
- deathbringer374 and Panther2G. It really was Scar Tissue and A Crown of Stars that got me inspired to start this journey.
- The readers. The commenters. Y'all gave me something to look forward to. I know this part sounds fake and hokey, but I probably wouldn't have done this without people telling me they enjoyed it. I'm nearing 200k words: it's been a bear!
With that, all I can say is thank you again. From the bottom of my heart.
I love you more than you'll ever know.
- RLLRRR