Sasuke and the 'Fangirl to Kunoichi' Date Tournament
To be entirely honest, Sasuke was pondering trying to develop a relationship with the wastes of space that happened to be a member of his fan club. Not because he had suddenly developed a deep seated need to subject himself to that level of emotional torture nor his ears to that level of physical abuse. But rather, if he happened to use a genjutsu on himself to mimic feelings of strong attachment before he brutally murdered them, that would drastically improve their utility and probable contributions to the village. To be fair, based on what he found he was not sure it would work to strengthen his eyes, but...
Some days it was more tempting than others. Hence the pondering of... post life contributions to the glory of the Uchiha clan. Probably not in a way any of the loud, shrieking, obnoxious, pathetic and irritating wastes of time and resources had imagined or would desire, but its not exactly like they had bothered to respect his wishes or desires thus far either. But, desperate times called for desperate measures, and the Hokage had been amused enough of his request to allow it.
Which is why he was seated across from Anko Mitarashi, Kurenai Yūhi and Tsume Inuzuka. "Thank you for agreeing to meet with me. As it is, I have an issue with those in my class who are there to pursue me instead of attending to their own training and careers. As nothing to date has worked, I am seeking..." For a moment, pride and the desire to get his damn money's worth out of the mission war with each other, all three women various degrees of obviously amused. "Proctors and tutors for a contest to see which of them can date me."
There is a snort from the Inuzuka matriarch, but... even if she was a Jonin and a clean head, he was finishing it. "Because nothing I have tried to get them to focus on staying alive has worked. The Hokage has said you would know about that man." There was only one that Sasuke would refer to in that manner, as all three go from mixtures of pity and amusement to serious and thoughtful. "I do not want to be in a relationship with someone else until he is dead, because he would always be able to come back, always able to take away any new family..."
He paused, breathing deeply, ashamed at the weakness displayed. But then again? He was contemplating the murder of other members of the village. Which is what traitors do. What that man did. And he refused to become like his brother. He would not become a traitor to the village, even as he worked out just some of what he wanted to see from his fangirls, as the three senior kunoichi became more involved and interested. Because yes, he would rather the fangirls not be as interested or insistent as they were... but, because they were?
He would do his best to make them kunoichi. Because seriously, who gave a shit what the girl looked like? The only thing that mattered was that she was strong enough to be feared and powerful enough to defend the children from the clans enemies. Nothing else mattered.
Sakura and Sasuke's Relationship
"I am not interested. Go away."
"I already said no."
"Stop bothering me, I am not interested."
"I am not broken. I am just not attracted to you."
"No, you cannot 'fix what is wrong with me' when the reason I am not attracted to you is because you are a weakling and deadweight."
"I keep telling you no and you are not going to change my mind."
"Seriously, didn't I just kick you out of a window because you are an annoying and shrieking banshee?"
"I have prepared a power point presentation of the reasons why I am not attracted to you and in fact are the reason why seeing the color pink makes me soft for an hour."
"I cannot believe I am saying this, but I would rather date Naruto's sexy jutsu than you. What does he have you don't? Tits and more importantly can match me in a fight."
"Seriously, I betrayed the village and joined an old man who has all the traits given to a pedophile just so I would not have to put up with you. And power, but getting away from you was a factor."
"This is Better Sakura. She is a medic and sensor and while only marginally less useless in an actual fight than you is also an attractive red head."
"No, I am not fucking her. She is a fangirl, and you made fangirls into one of my biggest turn offs. She is still the superior model though."
"After some consideration, I think your constant badgering me has turned me off sex entirely. And yes, that is why I'm looking into how Orochimaru managed to clone Rock Lee from Might Guy, and if he ever fixed the problems."
"Of course I tested to see if I was attracted to men and women. I mean, I slept with a few dozen of each and it was all boring and the same. Seriously, sex is not what they say it is."
"Okay, points for managing to capture me and securing me in place with prison grade chakra absorbing seals. But this does not count as a date and what is in that syringe?"
"Okay, so you drugged and raped me, before kidnapping a monk into your private sex dungeon to forcibly marry me to you to 'take responsibility' for the bastard child growing in your womb. Yeah, no."
"We are not married and she not my daughter."
"Considering how you raped me, used drugs to do it and all the paperwork is faked? I do not in fact owe you child support."
"I left the village to live as a hermit to get away from your mother, because she drugged and raped me to get you. That said, I do not hate you, but am utterly indifferent to your existence."