I was a genius.

Holding my little surprise I was ready for the ultimate test of my skills. Sneaking back into Heaven was easy, a simple illusion and shapeshifting making me just your generic angel number 42. Taking a stroll through my old stomping grounds was honestly nostalgic, seeing cherubs and elohims walking through the golden streets and silver arches reminding me of my own time here, spending time with my siblings and just relaxing. I remembered walking with Kokabiel and Baraqiel and discussing the formation of starts and the usefulness of constellations. Or debating the necessity of proper hygiene with Raphael. It wasn't uncommon for me to hold lessens in a similar space for my little helpers, teaching them what I knew, or joining Helel in song of praise.

They were simpler times.

Better times.

My infiltration of Heaven was both easier than I expected, but more difficult than I hoped. First Heaven was a mix between a resort and a military instillation, what with it being the First line of Defense. It was as easy as tailing a returning group looking like one of them while having a Holy Sword strapped to my back to get in. It was the next few floors that would pose a challenge. By design to reach the next floor of Heaven you must teleport from the previous floor, meaning I couldn't just walk up some stairs to get in. The Teleportation center was guarded, but simply acting like I was important and in charge made it so no one though to stop me as I moved on.

The Second Heaven was trickier, as it was were they kept prisoners in a recreation of the galaxy in its earliest days, a void filled with distant stars. It was a Maze of shifting nebulas and expanding black holes, and one of the reason Lucy never actually managed to harm The Kingdom of God, as anyone who managed to reach here would get stuck in the Abyss. To navigate it you either had to know the correct movements to make, be an expert on constellations, or simply have insane Luck. I was all three.

The Third Heaven was Paradise. The floor where the dead souls of the believer resided before the reincarnated. It was peaceful, idyllic and utterly boring. The souls were formless blobs of energy that experienced their deepest wishes come true, though only as an illusion. For some, who desire to see lost family members its enough, but many eventually grow tired of perfection and move on. There was no guards here, as no one not a Fallen in the middle of an Invasion had managed to get this far.

The Fourth Floor did have its own guards, though they weren't angels. It was where Dad stored Eden after Huminites Fall, and where the souls of beasts reside. It was a jungle filled with spiritual animals everywhere, and to move on one had to reach the center, where the Tree of Wisdom was. Only Seraphim or above were allowed to move freely in this floor, all others must be accompanied. This would have been a problem, if not for my skills in stealth and ability to hide my presence. They were just animals after all.

The Fifth Heaven was somewhere I was familiar with, it having been my home for hundreds of years. The Scientific heart of His Kingdom, they constantly refine the use of Holy Energy, finding new ways to use their natural abilities, develop holy relicts to give to mortals, or simply to research things unknown to Heaven. Only the Highest ranking Angels are allowed here, and it was filled with them. 8 and 10 Winged doves flittered to and fro, passing messages, informing others of news, or simply working on the Next Big Thing. I knew the procedures well enough that nobody really looked at me twice, and even managed to see what became of my old lab. They turned it into a break room. I almost left my present in there and went home but persisted in my mission.

The Sixth Heaven was somewhere I had been to only a few times in the past, often accompanying the Archangels in their duties whenever my expertise was needed. It was where they lived after all, and where I encountered her. I was now disguised as a Seraphim, one that bore a striking resemblance to my former appearance but I doubted anyone here remembered that. Sneaking about here was life-threatening, as if they caught me i would be trapped on both sides with no means to escape. So when Uriel and Raphael showed up halfway to my goal I rushed into the nearest room I could, which unknown to me was Gabriel's. Luckily she wasn't in when I entered, unluckily it seemed that my two brothers stopped outside to discuss something. Then I heard then call out to my Sister and I knew that I was screwed.

Her room was bare, having only the basic necessities in a bed, a closet, a desk, a nightstand, and a separate room for a bath. I hid in the closet, just in time for her to enter. She was humming some hymn to herself went to her desk, started grabbing something from it and then ...

She disrobed

Fuck you Dad.

I will never forgive you for making her to dumb to fall.

I look down, then back up, then down again. Still straight.

She was heading for the bath, and seeing her shut the door behind her I let out a sigh of relief.

Canon Azazel could suck my dick, for I just accidentally achieved his biggest dream.

Sneaking out of her room after witnessing true Heaven was difficult, but not impossible, and finally reaching the entry for the Seventh Heaven I readied my surprise, a magical Pipe-Bomb designed to release minotaur manure everywhere. It was without hesitation that I activated the teleportation circle, determined to get in and out as quickly as possible.

I disappeared from the Sixth Heaven in a flash of light and immediately knew something was wrong by the sounds of utter depravity. The first thing I saw was Asmodeus, chined up to the ceiling, Leviathan wielding a paddle standing behind him. There were dozens of other devils all in the middle of various acts that hurt my brain just thinking about, and every one of them staring at me as the light finally disappeared. Focusing my attention on the chained up devil was only slightly better.

He looked at me.

And I look at him.

And he looked at me.

And I looked at him

And he Looked at me.

And I Looked at him.

And then I tossed my pipe bomb at them before teleporting the fuck out of that room., desperate to find some brain bleach.

I forgot that Dad could teleport throughout heaven however he pleases, so that Teleportation Circle was probably a trap.

Patting the piece of cloth in my pocket I just sigh in defeat.

Least I didn't leave empty Handed.