AN: Moved the old chapter here and made some minor adjustments. Old spot has been replaced by my attempts at making an Omake.
After my little stunt with dropping a magical nuke on the invading angels the war entered a period of halted hostilities. All three sides were battered, with the Devils losing two of their leaders, Heaven some of their Archangels, and us Fallen with losing a fair few of our men taking storming the gates. I knew that HE would seek me out, to inflict his brand of justice upon me, so I decided to hide for a time, determined to enjoy the period away from the conflict.
And So I made a mistake. Something so monumentally stupid that I no one must ever know.
I went to China and got involved.
I was under the impression that the convoluted bullshit that was the Celestial Court would shield me from HIS eyes. It wasn't hard to sneak into their territory, and getting a meeting with the Jade Emperor was less of a hassle than I expected. He agreed to shelter me as long as I didn't unleash foreign powers into his realm, only sticking with my martial skills and their own systems of magic. Filling in the necessary paperwork to join his Patheon was a pain but I was given a prestigious position due to my actions against HIM. Things were looking up.
Them I had to ruin it but not keeping it in my pants. It's not my fault that the local moon goddess was looking for a good lay, or that her husband would find out. Asshole got me kicked out of the heavenly realm and stuck with the name pig. I should have just left China at that point, realized what was happening and run as soon as possible.
But I didn't.
Some years go by as I was practicing the local magic systems and I had the pleasure of meeting some various demons and monsters that I could study, when I was accosted by some Buddhist and attacked for my 'experimentations'. Not wanting to piss off the fucking Buddha over something this insignificant I put up a little fight before surrendering, spouting some bull about needing forgiveness. They believed me and then asked that I assist some pilgrim coming through the area with their journey to which I agreed. At this point I really should have realized what was happening, and could only find myself to blame.
After the two Buddhists left I tried to leave the area, deciding to lie low and managed to even get married into a fairly wealthy family. Life was well, I worked hard and all was great. Even my new 'wife' was pleased, what with me introducing her to increasable pleasure every night. At some point rumors spread of what I was doing with her and I was being propositioned by some of the local ladies, which may have caused said rumors to spread. My 'father-in-law' got it in his head that I was a demon and demanded I leave, and when I didn't he sent some kids to find an exorcist.
Then they appeared. That fucking airheaded bimbo of a monk and her pet monkey. They heard heard the bull that was being spouted about me, and decided to Halp. First they took my 'wife' and gave her back to her dad before having Sun motherfucking Wukong himself transform into my wife to trick me. It was only when I stripped and was ready to plow 'her' that he reveled himself and it all clicked for me.
And I knew at that moment I fucked up.
I grabbed the closest thing I could, the rake I was using to work the fields and desperately fought as I tried to escape the Fucking Sage Equal to Heaven with only my skill at arms. Getting back to my lab was my priority, as I had set up defenses in case I was ever found. The Bastard had the gall to just run right through them all. It was only through luck that I managed to escape briefly before he found me again, once more forcing me into close combat. It ended as well as one would expect.
It was only after I was sufficiently beaten by the monkey that I was brought back and forcefully recruited to help on their quest, the same one I had promised those Buddhists I would. What followed was 17 years of dealing with demons and gods as strong as or greater than the Monkey King, as every single fucking monster in all of China got it into their heads that eating the bimbo would make them immortal, causing me to deal with their shitty cultivation novel like plots and young master bullshit. Throughout it all I proceeded to be the most passive-aggressive, unhappy helper I could knowing that when this journey ended I would never set foot in this damnable land if I could help it. When finally, our little band of misfits finally brought those scrolls that the Buddha wanted back to China, ignoring that it would have saved everyone so much time and effort if he just did it himself, or had Sun Wukong do it like ethe primate wanted. Watching as the Bimbo reach enlightenment along with the most violent animal I have ever met kinda pissed me off. Especially when they got to my reward for the journey.
They gave me the scraps off their plates and expected me to be happy about it.
It should come as no surprise to anyone that I left as soon as I could, absolutely done with the China's bullshit and deciding I needed some animal girls to sooth my weary soul and making my way to the future capital of degeneracy, Japan.
AN: One more planned Identity after this, then the rest of the Great War