25th of June 1994

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

Theo was numb as Robards escorted him back to Hogwarts following his father's trial. He didn't even feel nauseous after apparating, which was uncommon for Theo. After the results of the trial today, he just felt numb, empty. They walked together in silence from the apparition point outside of Hogsmeade up the hill to the castle. Theo kept his hands shoved in his pockets and his eyes on his shoes as they made the trek up the muddy path.

The June night was chilly, but they were in the Scottish highlands. Theo didn't bother trying to cast a warming charm, the cold hurt a little and the pain was better than feeling numb. Looking up at the waning gibbous moon, Theo wondered what it was like up there. He just wanted to be anywhere but here, although Nott Castle was an equally terrifying option. His father was going to do unspeakable things to him when he got home and there was no one that was going to be able to stop him. He'd already proved that the Ministry of Magic would never hold a lord of one of the Ancient and Noble Houses accountable.

His father wouldn't kill him, Theo knew, but there was a great deal of pain between life and death that could be explored. Theo suspected he'd learn it all intimately over the summer.

It was late in the evening by the time that Theo and Auror Robards entered the castle. Dinner had long since ended and there were no signs of any other students.

The Headmaster stood alone in the grand foyer waiting for them. The kind twinkling of the man's eyes rang false to Theo especially when the man squeezed his shoulder and smiled down at him. Theo struggled not to pull himself away from the old man's claw-like hand, his touch made Theo uncomfortable. Everyone's touch made Theo uncomfortable, really, except maybe Draco's and he was hardly a physically affectionate best mate. But maybe tonight he would touch him, lay a supporting hand on his shoulder. It would be too much to hope for a hug and Theo felt his mother's absence strongly.

"I was so sorry to hear about the outcome of the trial, Mr. Nott." Dumbledore offered a kind smile that Theo couldn't help but think was about as real as his father's innocence in his mother's death.

Then why did you cede your position as Chief Warlock for the trial? If you cared so much why didn't you show up for even a single day of the questioning? Theo wanted to scream. Why didn't you do a single thing to make sure that justice happened? Aren't you supposed to be a beacon of goodness! What's good about letting my mother's murderer walk free?

The spells that his father had put on him caused his chest to feel tight and everything to burn like a Cruciatus. Theo was quite familiar with how those felt. He wondered what Dumbledore would say if Theo told him that he was looking forward to his father's use of the Cruciatus over the summer, it was less terrifying than the Imperius.

Instead he nodded and said nothing. Why bother speaking when he couldn't say anything of importance. What difference could he make with the spell that silenced him.

"You can head down to the Slytherin dormitories now, Mr. Nott," the Headmaster instructed, motioning towards the downward staircase.

You mean the dungeons? Theo wanted to ask. That's what the rest of the school calls it. Saves time doesn't it? Get us used to being kept confined and in the dark like the monsters we are all destined to be?

Instead keeping his expression impassive, he bowed formally to the Headmaster and Robards. The Auror looked like he had something else to say, but wasn't going to do it in front of Dumbledore.

Theo did not immediately head down to the dungeons, he went down a few of the steps and then cast the strongest disillusionment charm that he knew in order to sneak back and eavesdrop on the two men. You didn't survive living in the same house as Thoros Nott and not get skilled at learning how to hide. His heart clenched at the voice in his head that sounded like his mother urging him to practise the charm, to get stronger, better, more magically powerful, to survive, to live.

Theo found a place to hide where he was out of sight of the two men, but could hear everything that they were saying. The castle was eerily quiet so their voices seemed to echo around him.

"Gawain I need you to speak to the boy and convince him to work with me. He trusts you, it's obvious." Dumbledore began.

"Work with you how? Do you care for his wellbeing at all? You do realise that they're whispering about you in the Ministry, Albus, you didn't stand up for your own student. The boy now spends more time under your care than in his own home and you didn't show your support. You know your word could have influenced the outcome of this trial. I also happen to know that you prohibited Snape from providing any testimony of the injuries that Theo often comes back from holidays with. Do you know what that looks like? Parents are becoming more wary about you. If Hogwarts refused to help a boy whose mother was murdered, what hope is there for the rest of the students, especially after last year's near-fatalities?"

Dumbledore continued as though Robards had not spoken. "I want him to spy on his father for the Order of the Phoenix. Lord Nott is an unrepentant Death Eater and if you-know-who returns he'll be one of the first to know, better to be able to see your enemy than be blind."

With the headmaster's proposal, Theo's eyes grew wide. Spy, on his father? Was the old man mad? Even after Ogden made it clear that he couldn't cover up Theo's murder, Theo knew that he'd be begging for death if he were to do that and be caught.

When Robards finally spoke after a long pause, his shock could be heard in his voice. "You cannot seriously be thinking about recruiting for the Order in the face of tragedy? Nevermind that he's a child, he'll be killed, Albus. Have you seen his scars? Because I have. I've sat in the fucking hospital room when he was rendered unconscious more than once. Lord Nott is utterly unhinged."

"Thoros wouldn't go so far as to kill his sole heir." Dumbledore clucked his tongue, causing a chill to go up Theo's spine. "Regardless, we all must make sacrifices for the greater good."

Robards sneered angrily, "I'm not going to sacrifice a child! Especially not that one. He's been through enough."

"He wouldn't be the first necessary sacrifice when fighting the darkness, Gawain." The Headmaster said calmly, seemingly unconcerned at the anger that he had evoked in the other man.

The spells his father had cut into him burned, Theo wanted to scream out every crime of which his father was guilty. If it had only been an unbreakable vow, Theo would have been willing to die in order for his father to face justice. The spells in his skin gave no such opportunity. He'd break them someday, he swore to himself.

"Well if you aren't willing to help me there is no reason for you to remember this conversation. Obliviate."

Even though he was disillusioned, Theo sank further back into the shadows in which he hid, unbelieving that the Headmaster had obliviated an Auror. Did the Ministry even check to see if Aurors had been obliviated? Was there even a spell to check for that sort of thing?

"Well, thank you for escorting Mr. Nott back to Hogwarts, Gawain." Theo could hear the sound of shaking hands, robe fabric twisting, palms striking each other with force.

"No problem Albus. Wish I could do more for the boy. Now I've got to be going, the Mrs. will be worried." Theo stood there in his hiding place for a long time until long after the doors had closed after Robards and the Headmaster's steps had vanished up the stairs.

Theo wanted justice for his mother, but there was no justice for witches nor any justice for Slytherins.

Even Albus Dumbledore only wanted to use him until his usefulness was at an end.

Theo had no intention of being useful to any of them, not to Dumbledore and his Order of the Phoenix nor his father and the other Death Eaters.