POWDER I
I was drowning. With each passing day, I sunk deeper and the light from the surface grew dimmer. The colors of the world faded like ink in water, flowing out of me until I was left with nothing but empty unhappiness. The voices above the surface became muffled while the voices within my head grew clearer. I wondered what will happen once I hit the bottom. Will I be with you again, sister?
Blinding light spilled into my room as the door flew open. The makeshift chain lock I installed popped out causing the screws to scatter noisily all over the ground. I covered my eyes as they adjusted to the sudden change in brightness but I didn't have to see to know who it was that stood at my door. "What are you doing here?" I asked without any effort in hiding my annoyance.
"Hi Powder, happy to see you too," Ekko replied sarcastically as he walked in.
"I shut the door and locked it for a reason."
"Well I knocked and you weren't answering."
I threw up my hands in frustration. I once thought Vi was the most stubborn person on this planet but I've changed my mind. Ekko didn't seem to understand what 'leave me alone' meant. If I ran away he would chase me, if I hid he would find me and if I stayed in my room he would come to drag me out. If only he wasn't so nosy, perhaps I could have been at peace right now. "Maybe I don't feel like seeing you. Have you considered that?"
"What do you 'feel' like doing then? You don't eat, you don't talk to anyone, you just sit in this dark room all day." He sighed as he ran his hand through his hair. "You don't even cry anymore."
"Is that what you want?"
"No, I want us to get through this tragedy together but I feel you drifting further and further away." He kneeled in front of me and tried to get me to meet his eyes. "Powder, none of them would have wanted to see you like this."
I could feel that he was disappointed when I didn't say anything but he didn't know that he was wrong. I heard their voices every night in my dreams, asking me why I killed them and telling me to join them. I ran away so they started coming for me during the day too. They stood in the other corners of the room at that very moment, watching and whispering to me. I wanted to tell Ekko about them but if he said nothing was there I may really lose my mind.
When he realized he wasn't getting through to me, he got back up. "I'll stop by later. Take care of yourself, okay?"
As he moved towards the door, the shadows by the wall moved towards me. This was it. They got tired of waiting and were going to drag me into the abyss with them. After all, it wasn't right that they were dead and I was still alive. "No, stay away, please." I've already apologized! I even went to get Claggor's goggles for him because Mylo said he couldn't see very well where they were. I didn't know what else I could do to earn their forgiveness.
"Hmm?" Ekko stopped and so did the shadows. "Did you say something?"
"Will you…" I paused as the shadows shook their heads, warning me not to make it more difficult than it has to be. "Will you stay here with me for a little bit longer?"
There was a moment of silence as he looked at me before he finally answered, "Nope."
The shadows and I looked at each other, both equally as confused. "Wha-"
"If you want to hang out," said Ekko as he smiled and motioned for me to follow, "come outside with me instead." Then, without even waiting for my response, he left.
Before I had time to think about it, I got up off the floor and ran out after him. Maybe it was so easy because of how normal it felt. It reminded me of when he would drop by when Vi was out and invite me to do something crazy with him. Like driving around on the Wheelie flipping off enforcers or sneaking into a warehouse to jump on an old trampoline. We'd always get chewed out afterward but I've never once regretted following him.
He led us to the older parts of the undercity that were mostly abandoned now due to the proximity to the fissures. Not the little cracks the topsiders called fissures, the real ones. They were scars carved within the very bones of the land with gorges that went down so deep you could not see the bottom. The air around here was alive and it would wrap its ghostly hands around your throat and suffocate you until you left.
Nothing living was supposed to be down here which begs the question, "Why are we here?"
"I've got something to show you," he said as he stood at the entrance of some kind of bunker. The exact kind that stupid kids wandered into only to die from a lack of oxygen. He turned around to face me, sensing my hesitation, "Do you trust me?"
"Not when you are suffering from hypoxemia."
He chuckled, "Couldn't just say yes, huh?"
The power was cut a long time ago so we were navigating through the darkness with nothing but Ekko's flashlight. It felt like something was lurking behind every corner, just waiting to ambush us when we passed. Our footsteps echoed within the dark tunnels and I swore I heard another set behind us. "What if monsters are living down here?" I whispered as I got closer to him.
"Do you need me to hold your hand?" he teased.
"N-no!"
I inadvertently gasped when he suddenly switched the flashlight off. "It's okay, we're here," he said as he pushed aside a round metal door. Dust fell from the ceiling as rays of moonlight filtered through the gaps. A gust of air blew away the ghosts of the fissures and my chest was suddenly filled with fresh air crisper than even what the topsiders breathed. My jaw dropped as he moved aside and I saw what was inside.
"I-Is that…"
"A tree? I think so, never seen one so big though."
It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Small half-withered potted plants were the extent of what I thought the undercity could sustain but this massive oak stood taller than most buildings. It was the anchor of life for the tall grass, flowers, and vines that grew on the ground and across the walls. The ceiling was hollowed out and allowed the moonlight to illuminate this place with its soft blue hues. It was like I had just stepped into the fey wilds of my favorite storybook.
"Wanna climb it?" asked Ekko as he dropped his bag and grinned.
"Do you even need to ask?" I replied with a grin of my own. "Race you to the top!"
I took off before giving him a chance to respond but he was onto my tricks. We were neck to neck as we ran through the field of grass, sending countless firelights flying into the air, but being the more athletic one, he was slowly inching away. I looked for a way to even the playing field and that's when I veered off the straight path. He was confused but kept running, knowing I wasn't going to give him the win that easily. When he saw me again, I was running up one of the tree roots while he was just beginning his climb at the bottom.
I was a little nervous when I reached the tree given that I've never actually climbed one before and a fall from this height would definitely kill me. But Ekko was right on my tail and if he won, I would never hear the end of it. The large grooves within the tree bark made for easy holds and the muscle memory from years of navigating the undercity served me well. He put up a good fight until the very end but ultimately, I was the first one to reach the top.
"That didn't count, you started before me," said an out-of-breath Ekko as he pulled himself up onto the branch. Whatever he was going to say next got stuck in his throat as he saw the same view I did. An aquamarine nebula covered the dark expanse of the night sky like a beautiful painting. The vibrant colors combined with the light show of the stars and firelights gave off a feeling of coziness like no other. "Damn."
As he sat down next to me, I noticed the angry red scars on his arm from the burns that never quite healed right and suddenly, my body was racked with guilt. I didn't deserve to be happy after all that I've done. I shouldn't be allowed to forget the people I've killed, no matter how briefly. On top of that, I had been so cruel to the only person in the world I had left when he had risked his own life to save mine. "I'm sorry for what I said earlier."
"It's all good, I know how hard it is."
He didn't need to say anything else after that, we both knew what he meant. After all these years, even vaguely talking about his parents' death is still difficult for him. In that moment of vulnerability, I felt maybe it was okay to share my burdens too. "I think I might be going crazy."
He turned to me with concern in his eyes. "Why?"
"I hear and see things that aren't there. Like Mylo and Claggor." I didn't realize how nervous I was until I heard my voice and saw my hands shaking. "They won't go away and I don't know what to do."
He thought about what to say for a while, trying to find the right combination of words to defuse the living time bomb that was me. "Everybody has their own way of coping. After going through what you did, it would be weird if you weren't at least a little bit crazy." He smiled softly and it made me feel better that he was still treating me the same way he always had. That he didn't think less of me for being so messed up in the head. "If I were you, I would just think of them as imaginary friends. We all had those when we were young, right?"
"What if these 'imaginary friends' are saying really mean things?"
"Well, what did you used to do when Mylo annoyed you?"
"I told him to fuck off."
"Then tell the imaginary Mylo to fuck off too."
A burst of laughter escaped my mouth and it continued until my stomach hurt. "I don't think that's what normal people do," I said as I wiped a tear from my eye.
"Well, you were never a normal girl to begin with. You're Powder. If this is part of who you are then own it."
"You know, Powder, what makes you different makes you strong. Always remember that, okay?"
My eyes widened as he said those words and something clicked inside of me. All my life I've been scared of the voices inside my head and prayed for them to go away but what if Ekko was right and they were just part of who I am? An echo of my fear, guilt, and sadness. This whole time I've been trying to run away from my emotions but what if this was my mind's way of getting me to face them? Was I really ready for that? As I asked myself these questions, the shadows of Mylo and Claggor appeared before me again.
All your fault.
You're a jinx.
Good for nothing.
Look at you.
Jump!
It still hurt to listen but it hurt less knowing it came from inside of me. I got up and for the first time, it was me who took a step towards them. The firelights danced around my hand as I reached out, illuminating their faces and revealing that they weren't the monsters I made them out to be. They were just the faces of my friends saying the words that I'd put in their mouths. Perhaps it was time to stop being afraid and face these emotions head on. And who knows, maybe one day instead of hurting me, they will help me instead.
"Yeah, I like the sound of that." I spun around and tackled Ekko with a hug, clutching onto him like a drowning man to air. Hot tears rolled down the side of my cheek as he hugged me back. I didn't even know why I was crying because for the first time in a long time, I was filled to the brim with hope and happiness. Wait for me a little longer, sis, I'm not ready to give up what I have on the surface yet.
DashBoy47: Thank you for taking the time to leave a review, I really appreciate it. Hope you enjoyed this chapter as well!
ImSuperFluffy: Is it really trolling if they really believe it XD? Thanks for the review!
Warlocktoungue: Yeah I agree, this ship needs more support! Thanks for the review and hope you didn't have to wait too long for this update.
Brian1972: These are also things I'm excited to write about and hopefully I can throw in a couple of twists that'll make it interesting for you guys to read. Thanks for the review!
mockingbird875: Thanks for the review and I'll just say stick around until chapter 6 ;)
Voraces Lector: Thanks for the encouragement, it really means a lot to me.
Sharrum: Thanks for leaving a comment and hope you enjoyed this week's chapter.