Bonus Pay
A Welcome to Night Vale story
Started 4/13/22
[incorporating information from episodes 37: The Auction; 47: Company Picnic; 49: Old Oak Doors into an alternate story-line ] dextrocardia - heart is on the right instead of left.
Transcript episode:
"When one door closes, another door opens. Don't you live alone? I'd leave the house if I were you. Welcome… to Night Vale.
[Opening Theme Music by Disparition]
Hello, Listeners. As you know, our beloved community radio station has been recently purchased by StrexCorp Synernists Incorporated - the only employment company from our neighboring city of Desert Bluffs. After being bought out, Station Management has … rather reluctantly … gone off on a well-deserved retirement, which is nothing I ever expected to happen as they have been here since the very founding of our little radio station. I know that change can be scary, but we can get through this together, Listeners.
In the recording booth is Daniel, our new radio producer. Hello, Daniel. He just stares at me, no expression on his face, but I can tell he's happy to be part of our little family here.
Joining me today is Lauren Mallard, our new Station Manager, with what she says is exciting news."
"It certainly is, Cecil. StrexCorp Synernists Incorporated, our corporate benefactors, have been so pleased by how well we've taken over… I mean, helped… the city of Night Vale that they sent notification to all their employees that they'll be given a bonus."
"That is good news. Though, I don't recall receiving any information about getting a bonus. We're in between interns at the moment, so it doesn't surprise me."
"Oh, no. You're not getting a bonus, you are the bonus."
"Um… excuse me?"
"Kevin, your Desert Bluffs contemporary, has been such a help in StrexCorp getting entrenched in Night Vale that when he was asked what he wanted for a bonus, he asked for you. And a knife. At first he thought he was being a bit too greedy, but StrexCorp is nothing if not generous."
"How is that even….?"
"Did you know that when it comes to organization, StrexCorp is simply the best? They do a full audit of any acquisitions to ensure that everything is accounted for. This radio station had such problems with paperwork and personnel files. Can you believe that the previous Station Management still used clay tablets? And the number of Interns that simply have no date of termination in their files? So disorganized. Anyway, we found paperwork from an Auction a few years ago and Strexcorp decided that since your old Station Managers were no longer in charge, that the sale of Lot 37 is no longer valid. We reversed the charges, can't have radio personnel in the hands of non-radio entities, you know? Kevin is on his way soon to collect his bonus, so we'll just wait for his arrival, m'kay?"
"I'm really not …."
"You should stop talking."
"...comf…." [teeth clicking together and a surprised grunt. A chair forcibly pushed back]
"Where do you think you're going? Stay put." [knees hitting tile with a thump] "That's better. Kevin will be here soon and I don't want him to miss out on his bonus. StrexCorp doesn't do this often, you know. In fact, I don't think they've ever done this before. I'm kind of jealous."
[door opens] "Knock, knock! Hello, Lauren. Hello, Cecil. It's such a beautiful day today, isn't it?"
"Kevin! It's so good to see you. Glad you're here. Your bonus nearly got away. Did you get your knife?"
"Oh, yes. Daniel was kind enough to hand it to me when I spotted him in the hall. He mentioned possible renovations and some type of pest infestation in one of the restrooms? Anyway, the knife is absolutely gorgeous and I can't wait to put it to use. I really can't thank you and StrexCorp enough for all they've done."
"It's our pleasure. Kevin. After all, you've earned it. Here's the paperwork for Lot 37. Sign and it's all yours to do with as you please. Between you and me, maybe you can help curb his more… radical tendencies while on the air?" [sound of scribbling] Everything seems in order. Have fun with your bonus. Bye, Cecil. I'm going to help Daniel with that pest problem."
"Thanks again, Lauren. Bye!" [door closes] "Oh, it's so good to see you again, Cecil. It's been ages since we last got to talk. Isn't StrexCorp wonderful? They sweep in, take control, and make everything so much more organized and productive. Did you get to see the knife they gave me? Isn't it beautiful? So bright, and sharp? So like our Smiling God! Though, I think it could do with a bit of color. Oh. Why do you look so sad? Everything's going to be just wonderful. Let's turn that frown upside down." [squeak of shoes against tile] You really should stop moving. [silence] Oh. Oh, that is interesting. Humn. This could be a lot of fun.
Looks like we're still on the air. Alright, Listeners, while Cecil and I get better acquainted, I think I'll leave you with the Weather." [cloth tearing and harsh breathing]
[ Weather - - - - "Killing Me Softly" by Roberta Flack ]
"Well, Listeners. It's been a … long recovery, but I'm finally back at the station after … well, after.
StrexCorp Synernists Incorporated is no more. Our old intern, Dana Cardinal, returned from beyond the Dog Park through the Oak Doors that had appeared all over Night Vale. She brought with her an army of Giant Masked Warriors and a collection of beings that were definitely not Angels, all named Erika. The Sheriff's Secret Police, along with many Night Vale residents, joined Tamika Flynn and her courageous troupe of Literary Juvenile Militia in destroying the Employee Drones and StrexPets that poured from the StrexCorp building into our streets in a last ditch effort to subsume us all. All former employees and acquisitions have been freed while the StrexCorp guards have been rounded up and incarcerated in the abandoned silos out in the Sand Wastes. Many of the lower level minions, who had stayed at their desks rather than make any attempts at attacking our fair burg, chose to flee back to Desert Bluffs; but with their only source of employment destroyed I don't know what they'll do.
The Erikas, in a bold move, laid claim to the now empty Strex building, saying that they would be rebuilding a new Night Vale Old Opera House - whatever opera is. The Sheriff's Secret Police were annoyed, but since it is illegal to interfere with, acknowledge, or know about Angels, there was nothing they could do about the situation.
Meanwhile, on a more personal note: shortly after the Weather segment began, Carlos, perfect, beautiful Carlos, and Steve Carlsberg, my brother-in-law, burst into the sound booth. In the hallway, just outside the men's bathroom, Daniel lay on the ground with wires emanating from his chest cavity, sparks flying everywhere. A blackened phone melted into presumably plastic skin. Apparently he tried to take pictures of Khoshekh and his kittens, unaware that at this stage in development while they emit certain pheromones, photographing the kittens could lead to catastrophic results. A pile of ash on the carpet beside him, the last resting place of Lauren Mallard, a co-conspirator of trying to get rid of "pests".
Kevin looked up with a smile upon his face, hand upon my chest, a streak of gore upon one cheek. He had just started to utter a cheerful 'hello' when Steve, mouth a harsh carved line, eyes narrowed in anger, tackled Kevin across the room away from me. Steve shoved Kevin up against the wall of the sound booth, hands tight around his lapels, near an Old Oak Door that had appeared earlier in the day, ferociously shouting at the man dangling from his hands.
Carlos, wonderfully caring Carlos, knelt beside me, gorgeous eyes worried, hands fluttering over tattered fabric, crimson stained skin, and knife hilt buried deep in my chest. His honeyed voice murmured reassurances that cracked and stuttered in a fear I could almost taste. Ever the scientist, Carlos wondered how I still lived. I wanted to tell him that Kevin had missed by aiming to the left of my chest, but the blade had pieced my lung and I could only make gurgling noises.
Kevin, still gripping the paperwork for Lot 37 in one fist, ordered me to attack; I made a valiant effort, fingers hooked and aimed at those wonderful eyes, but the blood loss made it easy for Carlos to pin my hands between his own.
I'm not quite sure what happened next, dear Listeners, as I found myself engulfed in the near desert heat emanating from Carlos' touch into my nearly frozen form. It at least stopped the shivering that caused the blade to wedge itself deeper into my chest cavity.
I heard an incomprehensible roar from Steve, the sound of a pen scribbling over paper, a door opening, a body being forcibly flung, an oaken thud.
Steve joined Carlos on the floor of my sound booth and, I later discovered, placed the paperwork for Lot 37, signed back to myself, safely within my wallet.
After some discussion, they took me to the Desert Flower Bowling Alley and Arcade Fun Complex. Teddy Williams is a licensed medic and people only go to the local hospital if they wish for death and don't mind being an organ donor or meal for an eldritch beast.
Teddy did a great job patching me up, I have to say. He even managed to reattach my left pinky finger.
So, here we are Listeners. Night Vale once more belonging to Night Vale. Ourselves belonging to ourselves. Wounded, but healing and still standing.
Stay tuned next for the sounds of buildings being reconstructed, lives being rebuilt, and hearts beating once again.
And good night, Night Vale. Good night.
888
Welcome to Night Vale is a production of Commonplace Books. It is written by Joseph Fink and Jeffrey Cranor and produced by Joseph Fink. The Voice of Night Vale is Cecil Baldwin. The voice of Lauren Mallard was Lauren Sharpe. The voice of Kevin was Kevin R. Free.
Opening theme music by Disparition. Learn more by going to .
This episode was written by Maven Alysse. Check out their other works at both AO3 and FFN at MavnAlysse.
Today's Weather was "Killing Me Softly" by Roberta Flack. Learn more at .
Today's proverb: If you go right you can't go wrong. So we'll go left.
Typed: 4/23/23
revised/edited: 4/25/22 & / 1/29/23
Posted: 11/26/2024