(BPOV)

CHAPTER ONE

Every light in Billy's house was on.

From my parked view across the road, I could vaguely make out his shadow lingering there by the kitchen window, the same way it had the night before.

I watched as he waited with hope that Jacob would return and with every passing minute, my heart broke a little more for him.

Jacob had been gone for days now. There was no word from him. No call home. No update from the pack they were willing to give me, despite my relentless efforts in seeking out any information I could on his whereabouts.

They despised me for what I had done and I couldn't blame them.

That wedding invitation had sent him running the moment he'd received it and no one knew if and when he would come back.

I glanced down at my cell, noting the late hour and cringing when the anticipated text from Edward came through.

"Are you coming back tonight? Should I send Alice for you?"

I sighed and hurriedly wrote back, knowing he'd make good on his word if he went too long without hearing from me.

"I'm waiting. Please don't send anyone for me. Charlie knows where I am. I will message you in the morning."

I knew he would hate my answer, but I didn't have the stomach to care. I was so angry with him for pulling that stunt, for sending that invite in the mail to the Blacks house. He claimed it wasn't done with hurtful intent, but I saw it otherwise.

It was an intentional dig. A one up on Jacob. Proving he'd won after all.

I found it cruel and I didn't like the way it made me feel like some kind of pawn for him to play on a large chess board.

There was no response from Edward now, and I could only hope that he would leave well enough alone.

Sam and the others didn't need any more trouble on the Reservation. I'd seemingly caused enough from the newborn battle.

Jacob had given his all in that fight, almost losing his life to spare Leah that day.

I felt my stomach churn again at the memory of it all, his screaming from shattering half the bones in his body, what I'd said to him in his room.

Our love wasn't enough.

Those were the words that stuck vividly in my mind now on repeat, like a record I couldn't shut off, because it wasn't.

What we had wasn't the same as what I felt for Edward. It wasn't an all encompassing, do or die, be all, end all, kind of love.

Right?

Isn't that what I'd meant when I told him we weren't enough? That what we shared wasn't going to change anything for Edward and I?

Sitting here by the roadside for the fourth night in a row made me not so sure anymore.

Jacobs absence made me not so sure of anything anymore.

The only thing I was sure of was the longer he stayed away, the harder it was becoming for me to ignore this dreaded feeling when it came to the wedding.

Ten days to go and I would carry the Cullen name.

The thought used to fill me with excitement, but tonight, all I felt was anxiety over it.

Charlie had made his stance known upon the matter when he'd heard from Billy that Jacob had taken off. There was a lot of shouting over dinner that night and he warned me to think long and hard about the kind of person I was fixing to be married to. It was no secret that Charlie had never been a fan of Edward, but following the days of Jacobs departure, my dad had shown his true disdain for him. It left us barely speaking at night and the tension at home was high.

A sudden tap on my passenger side window soon pulled me from my reflective thoughts and left me staring at the face of an irritated Sam Uley.

He glared sharply in through the window and motioned for me to roll it down. I shook my head in defiance and looked away from him as he headed over to my side of the truck.

"You can't stay here, Bella." He asserted, pointing toward Billy's house. "It's almost midnight. Billy needs his rest and we've got patrols to run."

I cracked open the door with my response to him, seeing his obvious annoyance there in his hardened features.

"I'm not hurting anyone by being here." I argued.

"You're wrong. We've got all we can do to keep things straight without the distraction. I've got half the pack out looking for Jacob. That leaves us short here."

"I'm not gonna be in the way. I can even park somewhere else."

"Bella-..."

"Sam, I know you hate me. I know you all do, but I can't sleep until I see him again, so- please- can you just let me stay here a little while longer to see if he shows up?"

Sam's eyes softened some at this, his gaze going back toward Billy's for a moment before addressing me again.

"I don't hate you. I may not exactly like your bad choices, but I don't hate you. If you want to stay here, at least head inside and keep Billy company."

"I would, but I'm not sure if he wants to see me." I admitted.

"Can't hurt to try." Sam countered.

I pondered this as the rain started back up again.

"If I go in and wait with him, and Jacob gets close to home-" I fretted.

"If you're worried about being a deterrent, don't be. He's gonna catch your scent a mile away if he gets close enough. So it won't matter. You're forgetting how keen our senses are in the woods." Sam clarified. "Part of him is gonna know you'll be here. Has to. Jacob is a lot of things, but stupid isn't one of them."

I nodded in agreement with this and climbed out of my truck with my keys and cell clutched tightly in my right hand.

"You must think I'm a stupid...-" I soon countered, as we both walked in the direction of Billy's house.

"No, I think you're confused." Sam huffed, "Stubborn maybe, but not stupid. Something must be strong enough of a pull to keep bringing you back here. Four nights in a row?"

I paused and met his stare at this, my stunned gaze meeting his own.

"You've been watching me-" I suspiciously inquired.

"More like, you're easy to spot." He hedged in return. "He wouldn't want you out here this late, wandering the woods alone looking for him. You already know that."

"Why-... he risked everything for me. I figure it's the least I can do."

"The reason is different. It's not the same. That's why." Sam explained, as we reached Billy's porch.

"What do you mean?"

"He risked it all because it was required of him in order to keep you out of harms way. There was no selfish motive there. It was a selfless act of service cause that's what you do when you love someone the way Jacob loves you. I know because I'd give the same for Emily."

I stared up at him, struggling to find the right response when the door to Billy's swung open, halting our conversation.

"Bella...-?" Billy began, his weary look saddening me all the more. "What are you doing here? I called Charlie and told him there's been no further updates. Jacob still isn't back home."

"I know, Billy." I sighed to him. "Charlie gave me the message before he left for work today, but I figured maybe you could use some company?"

He looked between the two of us with a narrowed gaze of confusion, but soon gestured for us to come in.

"I can't stay. I have patrol waiting." Sam told him. "I'll be back to check in before dawn and you have Emily's number should anything change."

"Yes, I'll be sure to call if I need to. Thank you, Sam." Billy tiredly offered. "We'll be right here."

We watched as Sam headed back out into the rain, his running stride fast while he bolted for the dense forest where the others were waiting for him to arrive.

A short lived silence settled in the house after, and I wondered how I'd never noticed before the way the warmth was void here without Jacob and his sunny grin.

"Are you hungry or thirsty?" Billy asked, gesturing for me to join him there at the table by the window. "I could heat something up I'm sure."

"No, I'm fine. Thank you though." I politely replied, my gaze scanning over the dozens of photos that littered the front of their refrigerator, some of them dating back to when Jacob was just a little boy. My attention was drawn to the shot of us holding out our tiny hands that were covered in mud, while standing in a puddle as Sara took the picture. We were just kids then. I could close my eyes now and vividly remember that day.

That felt like a lifetime ago now.

How did we get here?"

"That's one of my many favorites." Billy hedged, taking note of my gaze.

"One of them?" I asked.

"Yes, these here are the others." He pointed, bringing my attention toward the top of the fridge door where there was a more recent one of us together, tinkering in the garage.

"I don't remember that being taken."

"Old Charlie is more sneaky with a camera than what we thought. Jacob has a copy of it in his room."

I studied the photo, seeing my head tossed back in laughter and Jacobs amused grin prominently etched in his face. My hand is in his, our fingers laced together so casually that I can't recall what exactly I was laughing about prior to the moment being captured.

"I guess he is." I slowly agreed. "Who knew dad had the hidden talent or the eye for photography?"

"Oh he is a man of many talents." Billy mused. "He said that was the first time he'd seen you laugh like that in months. He wanted to remember it. I think you were over for pizza night and the mariners game. Something like that."

I nodded, now recalling what that laughter had felt like that day and missing it more than I knew how to put words to.

An uncomfortable silence returned then, and the weight of it felt suffocating.

I looked away from the photos, concentrating on my hands now tightly folded in front of me.

My eyes stung as I fought to keep my composure in front of him.

"I didn't mean to-... what I said-... before-... it wasn't-"

"I know, Bella." Billy interjected, his tone somber. "I know you didn't mean to, and I know you didn't send that invite."

"I would have never-" I tearfully told him.

"But Edward did." He sternly proceeded. "He meant to. It was his way of sending my boy a message. Well message received."

I wiped the lone tear that slid down my cheek and straightened up further in my seat at this.

He wasn't wrong and I knew that.

"I'm so sorry, Billy."

"No- don't you apologize for him. Don't you do that." Billy hedged.

"I don't know what else to say, and I know it's not much."

"It's enough. You being here is enough." He replied, glancing again to the window.

"Have you slept at all since-"

"Not a wink. I won't until I know he's alright. How about you?"

"Same...- I tried, but I can't." I hesitantly admitted.

"Does Charlie know you're here?"

"I messaged him a while ago. He knows." I assured him.

Billy nodded as his gaze remained fixed to the tree line outside.

"How long have you been out there waiting?"

"Only an hour or so-"

"-and the other three nights before?" Billy asked, turning his attention back to me.

"All night." I countered.

His dark eyes mirrored Jacobs so much that looking into them made my tears only return.

"What does Cullen think of that? I'm sure he's not too thrilled?"

"I don't care." I bitterly whispered.

"He better not come here." Billy warned. "That will end very badly. For him. For all involved."

"I think he knows better."

"Lets hope he does. Sam won't hesitate to do what's needed to protect his own. I hope Cullen remembers that."

I nodded and nervously rung my hands together as the many minutes passed. When Billy spoke again, his words were nothing but honest.

"I don't think you really know why you're here." He soon hedged.

"What-..."

"You'll be a Cullen in ten days. Well technically nine now, and yet here you are sitting on the Reservation with me waiting for Jacob to come back."

"Do you want me to leave?" I asked, unable to keep the hurt out of my voice from him.

"I think the better question is, do you want to leave, Bella?"

"No-..."

"Why?" Billy insisted. "Why don't you want to go back to Forks, back to the Cullen mansion and plan for your wedding? That's what you should be doing."

I avoided his piercing gaze the best that I could while trying to form the right response.

"I can't just -... not know- if he's alright, Billy. I just can't."

"Tell me why?"

"I care about him. He's my friend. What happens to him matters to me."

"You still haven't answered my question!" Billy raised his tone now, something I had never heard from him before.

"I-I don't know what you-"

"You do know. You know what I'm asking you, Bella." He insisted, his eyes not leaving mine. "Why... tell me why you're here and not with the Cullens. Tell me why you're at this house waiting for my boy to come back home instead of with Edward planning your soon to be wedding. Tell me why you haven't slept in days and why for the past four nights you've been sitting outside the house across the road? Tell. Me. Why."

I couldn't look away from him, my hands now trembling and my throat tight.

I could feel my face burning with the answer I withheld, and was on my feet in an instant, ready to run, but Billy's fist coming down firmly on the table stopped me before I got to the door.

"If you wanted me to go, all you had to do was say so-" I tearfully started.

"Bella!" Billy half shouted. "Tell. Me. Why! The truth! No more lies. No more running. You can't afford to keep this up and neither can Jake."

I froze where I was, my hand on the door handle as a roar of thunder rumbled over the darkened sky above just outside.

I closed my eyes and drew in a steadying breath while squaring my shoulders and turning back to face him, before giving my answer in a barely audible voice.

"I love him, Billy. I love your son."

Billy's fist relaxed on the table then, his stony face softening upon hearing this from me.

"You love him- or you're in love with him. The two are vastly different. You can let go of someone you love, but you can't live without someone you're in love with. I know that all too well. First hand."

The truth and sorrow reflected back at me in his wise gaze was impossible to ignore.

I opened my mouth to give him his answer when a loud crash from outside startled us both into silence. We both went to the kitchen window, searching through the parted curtains there to peer out into the yard.

"Could have been the storm. Wind has picked up, probably knocked something over in the garage. I'll check on it tomorrow in the daylight."

Billy looked truly weary and beyond exhausted as he headed for the tiny living room and settled into his chair with a blanket.

"Do you need any help?" I offered, seeing him struggle with his tired movements.

"No, thank you. I can manage. I'm going to try and get an hour of shut eye. Can you keep a lookout while I get a bit of rest?"

"Of course. I'll be right here, Billy."

He merely nodded and rested his head against his hand before closing his eyes and dozing off.

I turned off the living room light and paced in the kitchen, my mind racing with Billy's outburst from before as the late night hours crept steadily by.

I leaned against the door frame and shivered as the thunder returned, the lightening now lighting up the yard enough for me to see the front of Jacobs garage. I rubbed my eyes, stubbornly fighting off the sleep that tried to pull at me.

When I could no longer keep my eyes open, I headed for Jacobs room, my heart heavy when I laid myself down there in his bed, resting my head on his pillow for only a few minutes. His woodsy pine scent was there in the sheets of his bedding and I ignored the fresh tears that welled from the memories it brought with it.

Laying there, I gave up the fight with sleeps pull for the first time in days, as the wind howled around the house.

I wasn't sure how much time had passed when the sound of the crashing thunder stirred me from my sleep. I sat up, disoriented and half stumbling in the dark, while I blindly searched for the light switch.

Another loud roar of thunder from above made me jump as the lightening lit up the sky and illuminated Jacobs room.

I gasped at the sight before me then.

Leaning there against the far wall, Jacob stood, his body naked and his eyes holding mine for the few fleeting seconds from the flash of bright lightening. My breath hitched as the room became pitch black once again. The darkness was heavy as the thunder quieted from the storm, the only sounds echoing out between us now being the shaky breaths we took.

The silence was deafening.

It was as if the storm had stopped just for us. Even the rain settled on the roof top.

I couldn't move at first. Couldn't speak.

I heard no movement coming from him either. No shuffling sound. Nothing.

The air between us was so thick, it felt weighted, but the steady pull to get closer to him outweighed it all.

I slowly took a few steps forward, careful where I stepped as I went along in the dark. I stopped when I heard the change of Jacobs breathing. The unsteady heaving in it now, the slight shudder there.

Even in this darkness, I could feel him. The change of the room. The warmth there. The change to the beating of my own heart.

I made my way, one step at a time, across his small room, stilling only when I was close enough to feel the change in temperature lingering in the air between us.

I could almost touch him. Almost feel the heat of his russet skin against mine.

Almost.

His breath ghosted my face and hitched at my closeness.

I marveled at the magnetic pull to him, my mind filling with all the things I wanted to say, all the ways I wanted to tell him how sorry I was but I couldn't form a single word.

Part of me was afraid that if I said the wrong thing, he'd run away again, and this time he may not come back.

The heat from him poured out like a furnace, erasing any chill left on my skin before he'd even touched me.

The backs of my fingers soon grazed his bare abdomen, and he stilled further under my light touch. The rise and fall of his chest slowly became more even, his breathing more steady, the closer I got to him.

I felt his arms wrap instinctively around me. His movements with me were different. They were precise and careful, as if he were afraid that if he moved too fast, I would disappear. Maybe he was questioning how real this all was in the very same way that I had been.

He whispered my name then. The husky sound of it different now than all the other times I'd heard it come from him. There was no laughter in it, no joking nature or lightheartedness. Instead, it was filled with a tangible longing, and laced with a desperate need there in his rich baritone that made my skin heat from the sound.

"Bells-..."

His lips barely brushed mine and I felt my knees weaken from the slight contact, as he stilled there with me in the dark.

I waited a mere breath away from his lips and felt his grip on me tighten when I leaned into him further, my body now fully pressed against his naked form.

He slid one hand up my back and into my hair and the breathy gasp that left me echoed his own.

"Jacob-..."

A/N: Thanks for reading and please review!