Eivor's eyes opened and flit from the dark wood ceiling above her to her moonlit window as she tried to focus on something before her world started spinning. A heaving chest and cold sweat were all that remained of the nightmares that had plagued her mind as she slept. Nausea said its hello with every breath, threatening to give her another taste of the night's festivities; every blink of her eyes allowed another twist in her vision, bringing the sour in her throat closer to her tongue. Shaking hands moved to toss off the covers and wipe the wetness from her face in an attempt to calm her racing heart.
"How long will you haunt me?" She whispered into the darkness as she sat, breaths long but unsteady.
She sat for what felt like an eternity and waited for the feeling of sickness to pass. Her sweat evaporated, sending shivers over her body; how much torment would she have to endure? She pulled the covers from her soaking body and placed her bare feet on the cold wooden floors, gripping the edge of the bed with feral claws. Chills hugged her like an unwelcomed lover, touching every inch of her body and wracking her with promised sickness. Her body rocked, head in her hands, as her heart beat powerfully against her skull, pushing on her teeth with every thump.
"I am not as young as I used to be." she groaned. "It may be time to take it easy on the mead." Her face grimaced as an exceptionally painful wave graced the front of her skull, threatening to push out her eyes with the pressure.
An ataractic melody filled her ears and embraced her mind, easing the pain. She allowed herself to be lulled into a state of calm where colors danced behind her eyelids and her body disappeared. The music was familiar but foreign; it was light and soothing, almost as though it willed the breath out of her lungs and plucked her thoughts from her ears.
Eivor leaned back on her hands and let her head fall so she stared at the ceiling, all pain and dizziness washed away with the soothing of her soul. Her breaths were slow and steady and her eyes unfocused as she let the music blow in with the wind and consume her. The gentle rhythm willed her heart to beat; it controlled her, wooed her, owned her and caressed her disheveled body until it mended.
Eivor was ready to give herself fully to the music; her body sank into her bed and her eyes closed, all thoughts and pains whisked away until a familiar voice added lyrics to the music that filled her mind and body. Her fists clenched the sheets, eyes flew open and her jaw tightened as she sucked in a breath that sounded more like a growl. The voice was beautiful, but it was hers, it was ALWAYS hers. There was no escape from the memories that blighted her.
"ARGH!" She flew from her bed and stomped across the room, all pain subsiding in the wake of her anger. The chair at her desk resisted as her nails dug into its back. She couldn't take it anymore. The chair flew across the room in a huff of curses, followed by the contents of the top of her desk. Trembling fists wrapped into her hair to deal with the familiar pain strangling her heart and the hangover beating her over the head once more.
"You are a curse! Nothing more! It is time I rid myself of you once and for all." She picked up her letter box from the floor and dumped it over her now empty desk, almost tripping over the mess she had created for herself. The box crashed to the floor as she tossed it off to the side and letters fell in a heap on the floor as she searched through the stack, feeling her way through the pile until her fingers found the familiar parchment and clung to the wrinkled paper. All the rage she felt crept into her throat and blocked her airways, choking out her breaths and sounds of pain.
The letters that she used to hold so dear were now the bane of her existence. Keeping them was the worst thing she could have ever done to herself, and it was time to correct that mistake. Shaking hands found their way to the edges of the crumpled letters; one pull was all she would need to be set free, one pull and all the music that played would end. Her memories would finally fade with a simple twitch of the shoulder, but she didn't move, she couldn't.
The blockage in her throat escaped as a hiss through gritted teeth as her eyes locked onto the taught yellowed rectangles that had softened from the oils of her skin. Permanent folds and small tears from being stuffed into her pockets in secret adorned their edges and reminded her of a better time. Was there nothing that did not hold a memory of her?
The room blurred as hot tears streamed down her face. She was not ready to finalize the end. Her hands gradually loosened as the adrenaline faded and dropped to her side as her body sank to the floor. Clenched jaw and bared teeth made a gruesome as she fought through the pain. The music still played, seeping through the window like an old wound. No matter what she did, the music still played.
"Is this my punishment?" she looked up at the ceiling as she complained to the Gods. "Have I caused so much suffering that I must suffer for the rest of my life?" Tears slid from her face as she closed her eyes and took a shaky breath. "I do not know how much more I can take."
The longhouse's timber groaned in the night's quiet as Eivor peeled herself from the hard floor. She had grown all too familiar with the grain of each wooden board after the battle of Chippenham and was none too proud to have traced its patterns once more. The music that tormented her had subsided, leaving her to listen to her own heart beating and feel only the tears that dried to her cheeks.
A loose piece of cord was all she had to tie her hair up and off of her drenched neck to relieve her from the heat that her curled up body had produced. She steadied herself, arms locked tight with wide palms splayed over her desk for balance, and breathed through the pain that still tumbled through her chest. There was nothing she could do to make it go away; maybe it was time to accept that this was her new normal.
The main hall was dark and cool, much cooler than her room, and just as littered. A few stray bodies still clinging to their empty tankards and gnawed turkey legs laid asleep on the floor. She was fortunate enough to be surrounded by those who loved their mead just as much as she for it allowed her some grace for the commotion that must have broken through her door and echoed through the main hall.
She tiptoed her way out of the longhouse, careful not to step on fingers or beards, and into the crisp summer night. The pale blue moonlight kissed her exposed skin as she walked to her favorite place to hide when she needed to be alone. It was in a secluded thicket made from low slung trees and heavy brush only a short distance from the stream where she bathed.
Her body found the ground in front of the log that doubled as a chair when needed and her head lay in the carved out seat to look up at the sky through a hole in the trees. The moon was at its fullest, blocking all the stars in the sky other than one that shone brighter than the moon itself. She was used to looking at these stars, using them for guidance as she sailed. She knew all the constellations by heart and considered the stars a friend; they were always there when she had no-one.
A cool breeze brought on a chill that broke through Eivor's thin skivvies. She brought her legs tight against her body, hugging her knees to warm herself, and listened to the sounds of the night. In the distance, she heard an owl hoot and coyotes howl as they scouted out their prey; crickets chirped and rodents scurried through brush while the cool breeze pushed its way through the trees, rustling every leaf and stick, creating a symphony of calm. Her eyes fluttered shut as the sounds of nature soothed her; the familiarity brought her back to a state where she could think without worry. She inhaled a hearty breath and felt the weight in her chest diminish as she looked into the dark woods dappled with moonlight.
Insanity snapped her out of her comfort.
A new song cascaded in with the growing wind like fall leaves fluttering to the ground; gentle and beautiful, but carrying the message of hard times and hunger. The humming of the singer twirled through the sticks and leaves before it slammed into her eardrums and sent her heart into a frenzy. She kept her breath calm as her sober mind concentrated on the origin of the sound. Whoever, or whatever, tormented her was in these woods, she was sure of it and she would not allow it to take hold again.
Her toes wiggled in the loose earth, reacquainting her bare feet with the natural world before stalking her prey. Expertly trained ears and eyes maneuvered through the forest with ease while her wide feet aided in stepping over stones and branches and through piles of leaves to make it to the one who sang her demise. She climbed over boulder and hill to find the source. She would not allow it to escape her grasp again.
The second song faded as she approached, leaving her to search blindly for what she was looking for. She scanned her surroundings for anything that moved with a shallow breath as she waited for the music to start again, stalking her tormentor without the cover of song. Every breath and step were calculated as she continued in the direction she last heard the music crawl from, leaving Ravensthorpe and her people long behind her.
Eivor became one with the bark as she rounded a large tree, her feet finding the roots and forming to their shape so she could silently observe the exposed woodland. Her eyes found their target perched upon a boulder and locked on. It held a lute in its fingers that it prepped to pluck and red hung around its shoulders in the dappled moonlight. She fought her heart as she focused, prepping her legs to run after this being that had kept her awake since Azar's arrival.
The lute lifted, and thin fingers strummed alongside an Irish woman's voice. She couldn't stand it, couldn't take it any longer; not a single note would leave those strings again.
"YOU!" she shouted, popping out from behind the tree and breaking her cover. The figure gasped and scrambled to its feet, taking off in the opposite direction. "You will not escape me this time." Eivor spoke to herself as she sprinted after what looked to be a woman. Her eyes were locked on her prey and she was going to eat tonight.
Her feet and breath were steady whilst the one she chased was not well versed in running through forests, especially not her forest. The lute fell to the ground as the woman fought her way past branches and small bushes; curses flew behind her and into Eivor's ears as sticks and leaves slapped her prey. Eivor could taste her ragged breaths as she inched closer and tackled the woman to the ground.
"Get off of me!" the woman screamed as Eivor wrestled with flailing limbs that scratched and kicked until they were firmly pinned to the Earth.
Blood filled her mouth as she focused on the face below her. There was no denying that it was Ciara's face at which she stared. She had the same feisty personality that Eivor had fallen for and the fiery red hair that looked all but natural. Heat rose to her cheeks as a flood of emotions ran through her, each compounding on itself until all that was left was anger boiling out of her mouth.
"Who are you?" Eivor sat atop the woman's body with not a care about the hands that dug their nails into her arms. "What are you?" Her voice grew angry with confusion. This was not Ciara, it could not be.
"What are you on about?" the woman spoke. "You know who I am! Now let me go!" She squirmed under Eivor's grip.
"Are you Loki sent here to torment me?" Eivor's voice grew angrier and her grip grew stronger. "Why do you vex me so? Why do you play her music?" Her breaths were heavy as she looked at the scared face below her. "Are you another one of Odin's tricks? I am not a toy to be played with."
"Eivor." the woman tried to calm her voice l. "It's me, Ciara."
"Do not speak her name!" Eivor gritted her teeth and looked away from the women she held. Emotions tickled her eyelashes. "She is gone and you are a sick copy of her. You are a figment of my imagination or a demon sent to torture me for the pain I have caused. You are NOT Ciara."
"Eivor, it is me." her body relaxed under her grip. What was this? She would not be fooled by this trickery, not by the soft blue eyes that burned through to her soul and sent an arrow through her resolve.
No.
"You cannot be," she choked through gritted teeth. "Ciara is gone. She walked away and never returned. She was not on the boat that arrived when your songs began,she is somewhere in Ireland, far away from here." A new tear followed the path that the previous had paved. "What do you want of me? Why can you not leave me to heal?" Her words fell like wet gravel as she forced them past her closing windpipe.
"Eivor, I…" Her accent licked her ear and brought all the memories she tried so hard to lock away to the forefront of her mind.
"I saved your life, and this is how I am to be repaid?" She pushed herself off of her and leaned her back against a tree, allowing the woman to right herself as she slunk to the ground. "Maybe I have been too selfish. I saved you because I wanted to bring you back with me. I wanted you to live in Ravensthorpe, where I could keep you safe, where the Children of Danu could not harm you, where-" She gasped for air through shuddering breaths. "Where I could have you to myself." Tears blinded her. "If you are a demon that has come to torment me, I yield. I cannot take it any longer. I have lost all that I love; I do not wish to go on like this."
"Eivor…" the woman crawled to her and rested a hand on her wet cheek. "Has life treated you so harshly since I have been gone?" The screams of protest had been replaced with words so soft she could sleep upon them.
"Is it really you, Ciara? Or is this the end? I must know, please do not torment me further. If this is what takes me, then I do not deserve Valhalla."
"Ara, it is me, Eivor." Ciara stroked her thumb across Eivor's cheek as the tears flowed.
Eivor closed her eyes and let her head fall back in defeat. The hand that had caressed her cheek so tenderly slid away as she moved, leaving it cold and wet. The world seemed so quiet now that the hunt was over and the fighting was done.
"Is it really you, Ciara?" Eivor reached out with a weak hand as she peeled open her eyes, preying to the Gods that she was not alone and that she would not have to accept insanity. Her hair tangled into the bark as she moved, tugging small strands of her blonde hair. Darkness seemed a friend in this moment.
"Yes, Eivor." Ciara locked fingers with her and gave a weak smile. "It is me."
Eivor's eyes clamped shut as tears threatened her once more and her fingers tightened as though she would disappear if she let go. "If you are truly Ciara," she breathed. "then you are the only one who knows the song you left me with." She had always wished she could have heard the song that she had left her with so long ago. No-one but they had read the lyrics and the page; if it was truly her, she would know.
Ciara began to pull away, but Eivor's grip only tightened, forcing her to leave her lute where it had fallen. Her voice started quiet, but grew in confidence as she felt Eivor's grip loosen.
"Castle Cashelore atop Connacht"….
A smile formed at the edges of her lips as she listened to the words that rolled from her tongue. She read the lyrics in her mind along with Ciara's voice, it was almost as if they had both been reading that parchment since the day she left.
"Why?" Whispered Eivor when the song was done. "Why are you here? Why have you hid yourself away and tortured me with your songs?"
"Eivor, I-"
"Why did you hide after we destroyed the Obelisk that held you captive? You were free, yet you set off back into the forest where those who used you lived. I have lived in fear that they had killed you or done things much worse."
"I needed some time to think about what I wanted to do with my life. I have made some poor decisions that lead to the death of many. I could not let that weigh on anyone else's conscience but my own. You allowed me to live so I could set things right, but it took some time for me to decide if my being alive was fair." Her eyes focused on a branch off to the side of Eivor's head. "I decided that if I were to be graced with being spared, I should use this second chance at life to set things right. I spent my time hunting and removing the last of the Children of Danu from the forests of Ireland; enough to where they could not return to any shadow of their former selves. You stopped them from becoming as powerful as they could have, but they still had the power to hurt those around them."
"So they are no longer a threat?"
"Ara." she sighed. "That is why I am here." She locked eyes with Eivor's weary blues and continued on. "I heard that Azar was making her way to England to see you. I had done what I needed to do, and I felt it was time I pursued a life of happiness. True happiness." Her eyes wandered off again, and she removed her fingers from Eivor's. "But when I arrived, I learned that you already had a lover, so I kept my distance. It was my fault. I had hoped that you would wait for me, but then I learned that you had your eyes set on her since before we met. I was merely a toy to you; you were away in another land and got lonely. I had been waiting for the perfect moment to confront you, but it never came, so I stayed out here where I could be alone once more. I was not aware that my music carried its way to you; torment was not my intention, but I am not sad that my memory has wreaked havoc on your spirit for how you played my heart."
Eivor bit her tongue. She had set herself up for failure from the beginning.
"Does she know? About us?"
"No." Eivor whispered.
"Then she never has to." Ciara stood and fetched her lute. "My boat is leaving tomorrow. I will be out of your hair and out of your life. You can enjoy your cushy life as Jarl with the woman of your dreams." Her back was now to Eivor, and her tone had soured.
"Ciara, wait." Eivor scrambled to her feet, her voice worn from the emotions she had been fighting. "Do not leave. I cannot bear the thought of another night without you." Her hands grasped at the air as she frantically tried to think of something to make her stay.
Ciara spun, anger filling her eyes. "What do you take me for? Am I to live in a cabin in the woods for when you get bored like your Seer? For when you need me to play you a song to lull you to sleep?"
"I-" Her words left her speechless. She was right in her feelings; Eivor had done nothing but breed contempt. "Allow me the chance to explain. You may leave if you do not like what you hear."
Ciara kept a stern stare and nodded for Eivor to plead her case.
"It is true. Randvi and I were together before I left for Ireland. She had been interested in me for some time, but she was married to my brother. He was gone, taken and tortured. I could not act on feelings that either of us had until he was here to state whether their marriage was done. I will admit that her infatuation with me made her requests more enticing; it is hard to ignore someone who pays you such close attention in your time of need." She took a moment to gauge Ciara's reaction before continuing. "Our relationship only made sense. She knew everything about me as we spent more and more time together whilst Sigurd was gone. I was so busy planning and traveling that it was nice to come home to someone who cared; it was merely out of circumstance that we grew close. Randvi is a wonderful, smart woman, but she does not excite me like you. She has never made my heart race and my mind go blank like you. I planned to bring you back home with me and deal with the consequences with Randvi as they came. I was not thinking. I only wanted you. The thought of Randvi- she did not cross my mind while away. When I arrived home, the mere thought of her being close to me in any way other than platonic was near repulsive." She paused as the last words fell from her mouth, surprised at her own admittance. "Randvi is very logical. She would not have felt so much pain as she would now. But, when you did not return with me, I had no choice but to fall back onto that which was familiar. I had an image to uphold, although I did no good at that either. I withdrew as everyone I loved left.. died…everyone but her. Do not think I did not feel guilt for what I have done. I saw you everywhere I went. I could not remove you from my mind as I tried to find the right time to tell Randvi the truth, but all it would have done was hurt all I had left, so the right time never came. I could not bear losing everything I had for something I had already lost. I understand that I was cruel and selfish, but when you have lost everything…"
"Do you love her?" Ciara asked bluntly.
"No, not as a lover. I care for her deeply, but she does not satisfy my heart's desires."
"And what does your heart desire?"
Eivor approached Ciara and delicately placed a hand on her cheek. Her body was unmoving at the touch. "My heart is selfish." Her thumb rubbed Ciara's cheek. "It did not think of you or anyone else when it asked if you were fond of me, when it asked to be taken advantage of by a bewitching Irish woman. When it agreed to spend time with you." Her eyes bounced between Ciara's, whose softened at her confession. "It only thought of its own pleasure. After all of this, I realize that now I need to consider more than just myself. I know what my heart desires, but I will only act on it if yours also desires the same." They locked eyes before Eivor's gaze wandered to Ciara's full lips that were parted as they thought about Eivor's words.
They stood in a deafening silence that was broken with a defeated sigh from Eivor, who dropped her hand. "I understand."
"I did not say that my heart did not desire the same." Ciara whispered as she caught her hand.
Eivor felt as though a tornado had taken the past year and swirled it all around her. She could not decide whether to laugh or cry as the whirlwind of emotions she had been feeling this entire night changed direction once more. She slowly cupped Ciara's cheek and placed her free hand on her hip to pull her close. Ciara steadied herself with a light hand placed on Eivor's chest.
"Ara, are you nervous?" She breathed out a laugh as she felt Eivor's heart pound against her hand.
"You make me feel as though my heart will explode at any moment."
"Then we should not keep it waiting." The side of her lips turned up and her eyes focused in on Eivor. Even in the moonlight, the desire in her eyes was clear as day.
"Aye." she smiled.
At any moment, she expected Loki to laugh in her face, for Randvi to call out her name and wake her or to find herself standing alone in the middle of the woods when her eyes opened, but when she pulled away from their tentative kiss she was surprised to see Ciara only inches away, eyes fluttering with desire as they studied Eivor's face. If this were a trick, it was a good one.
Held breaths were released as they found where they fit once more, exploring and remembering until they could barely breathe. Their reunion was in no way gracious or tactful, but they wasted no time forgetting their transgressions. Dancing tongues and wondering hands took them to the forest floor where their bodies meshed together like puzzle pieces.
"You light a fire in me that I have not felt in a long time, Eivor." Ciara panted.
"Aye." she huffed, her signature grin forming at the corner of her mouth in agreement.
Ciara pulled Eivor in once more. Her fingers pushed past her braids and scratched her scalp and her lips trailed gentle kisses down her exposed neck. Eivor wrapped her fingers into Ciara's hair in response as she held back a moan that clogged her throat. She allowed Ciara to nip at her earlobe and ravage her jawline, and only meeting her lips for a moment before pulling away; she would not allow herself to take control of the situation again.
"Do you want me to stop?" Ciara asked, her breath less labored than before.
"Not if you do not wish. I have waited almost two summers to feel your touch again. I can wait longer if you would like to stop."
"It would be a shame for a bewitching Irish woman to not take advantage of a Norse who finds herself alone and willing."
Eivor's laugh was low and seductive. The woman who had been on the ground moments before, pleading for death, was a spitting image of who Ciara once knew. She slid Eivor's tunic down and off her shoulder, exposing where the skin grew palest, and kissed down to where the collar grew tight. The loose buttons allowed all but the fullest part of her breast to escape.
Eivor caught her breath as Ciara's fingers played at her waistband. "I do not think the forest floor is the best place, if that is what you would like."
"There was a pond down the way; we could take a dip together."
"Why don't I take you back to the longhouse with me? Everyone is too drunk from the feast to know their ass from their face. They will not see us and if they do, they will not remember. It would not hurt to spend the night together in a proper bed for once."
"Will someone not hear us?"
"If they do, that just means we gave each other a good time." She smirked.