Darkness surrounded Subaru, a silence so profound it felt alive, pressing against him from every direction. The ground beneath him was neither solid nor liquid, an ephemeral abyss that held him without weight. He floated, suspended in the void, stripped of all sensation save for the overwhelming presence of her. She was everywhere, within and without, her essence woven into the very fabric of this endless place.
Subaru's breath came slow and shallow, though he couldn't feel the rise and fall of his chest. His body was there, and yet it wasn't, but the parts of himself—his soul, his sins—they whispered to him in this space, defining his fragmented existence.
Deep within his chest, a fire burned—steady and unyielding. It wasn't warmth but something sharper, something that demanded he stand tall even when his body was broken. It was his Pride, the relentless, immovable force that refused to let him crumble, even here, in the face of infinite darkness.
"My Pride…" he whispered, his voice a faint ripple in the silence. "It's what keeps me… me. It's what says I matter, even when everything else screams I don't."
His hands, pale and trembling in the dark, twitched faintly. He could feel them, even in this place. But they weren't his own—not truly. They felt foreign, detached, as though they moved of their own volition. They were the hands of Sloth, endlessly reaching for the answers he could not find, for the meaning he could not grasp.
"I reach," Subaru muttered, his fingers curling into the void. "But it's never enough. I feel everything slipping through my hands…"
And then there was his skin, tingling and alive, every inch of it a conduit for her touch. Through his Greed, he could feel her—intangible and ethereal—pressing against him with an intimacy that made his breath hitch. He wanted more. He needed more. His body yearned for the contact, for the closeness that only she could give.
"I feel you," he murmured, his voice trembling. "Through this skin, I know you're there… But it's not enough. I'm not enough."
His chest ached with a hollow yearning, his heart a storm of contradictions. His eyes—blind in this endless dark—burned with a desperate longing. He wanted to see her, to drink in her image and burn it into his soul. It was a Lust so potent it hurt, an ache so deep it threatened to consume him.
"I want to see you," he whispered into the void, his hands clenching against his sides. "Ineedto see you. Every moment without you is—"
His throat tightened, the taste of the void bitter on his tongue. And then the hunger came. It clawed at his insides, an insatiable void of its own. He wanted more than to see her—he wanted to taste her, to consume her essence until there was nothing left of either of them but the shared bond of Gluttony.
"I'm starving," Subaru gasped, his breath ragged. "I want to take you into me… to make us one… forever."
But as much as he wanted, as much as he reached, his soul burned with the one sin that seared him the most. Wrath. It coiled in his chest like a serpent, biting and snapping at his pride, his greed, his sloth, and his lust. It was a fury born not of hatred but of helplessness, a rage that boiled over because he couldn't hold her, protect her, keep her safe from the world—and even himself.
"I'm angry," Subaru spat, his voice breaking into the abyss. "I'm angry that I can't have you, that I can't keep you from slipping through my fingers. I'm angry at this place, this emptiness, and at me—because I can't ever be enough."
And still, in all his anger, his greed, his yearning, there was a hole. An emptiness that no sin could fill, no desire could satiate. It was her absence, the void she left when she wasn't close enough, and it threatened to swallow him whole.
Subaru's chest heaved, tears streaming silently down his face as he stared into the nothingness. The sins burned within him, shaping him, but they were not enough. Not without her.
"I'm incomplete," he said, his voice trembling. "Even with all of this… I'm still incomplete. I need you. Only you."
The darkness shifted, the faintest ripple coursing through the void, as if responding to his words. A whisper brushed against his ear, so faint it could have been his imagination. But it wasn't. He knew it wasn't. She was there, somewhere, just out of reach.
And Subaru, in all his brokenness, smiled through the tears. Because even in the dark, even in the pain, the void, and the sin, she was there.
And that was enough to keep him alive.
Authors Note:Short lil chapter today one of the two parts released.
Just wanted to clear up some questions/concerns with he work without being a douche lol.
1. To clear up Subarus use of Pride and why he was seemingly so powerful against the whale and betelgeuse but he's nerfed now is a lot more simple then you'd think. When Subaru uses Strides Eye he judges the persons life, essentially viewing core memories- very similar to Typhoon if he deems them a sinner, they shatter. When Subaru essentially kills a sinner he gains "Sin Points" energy. It buffs up all his stats and allows him to Use Breakpoint. To quote chapter three:
"I would like to add that the ability doesn't work on those who were forced to sin, without consent or the knowledge of committing said sin."
furthermore:
( "[Breakpoint: Breakpoint is an ability that relies solely on[Strides Eye] to work, when using the authority, Subaru must have 'racked up enough sin' in the form of judging others, basically, the worse of a sinner, the stronger he gets. However, the ability will eventually run out, as Subaru exerts Breakpoint, he 'uses up Sin' and has to recharge once he's completely out, meaning he must go and use his authority on a bunch of people. I also want to mention, the powerful baru we see in the Petelgeuse fight is only because he fought after judging AN ENTIRE section of the Witch cult in itself. Furthermore, the greater the sin of a person, the stronger Subaru gets, the lesser the sins of a person the weaker Subaru gets, ie; Subaru judges someone lied once, power is practically nothing, but if he judged a mass murder, he'd be powerful af." )
It only makes sense that after judging a bunch of cultist Subaru would gain immense energy. However in the story thus far, he hasn't really done a lot to judge and gain Sin Points, hence he's not a peak compatibility.
2. Will there be romance?
Eh- kinda?
3. The situation with Hector, Regleus, and the "Eternal Coffin" So this whole conversation is a little bit of a mind twister. But what I wanted to imply was that Regelus had lost his senses- He couldnt think straight? Its a bit of a thumb pull considering you'd assume his authority to just automatically reactivate once returning to the physical world, but lets just say Subaru flicked the switch off temporarily. To be honest I just wanted to write the scene so its Subaru drowning Regleus In a puddle.
Its a fanfic so theres leeway to speculate. I just sorta wanted to put Hector on par with Regelus for the most part to drive the plot forward. I couldn't kill off a big bad of the series using logic and lore right?
4. Lastly just to clarify, Invisible Providence saps a lot of energy out of Subaru, he isn't compatible with the Authority but Stride found a way to essentially dominate it and bend it to Subaru and his own will. As the series goes on Subaru develops more and more resistance to Sloth's effects.
Either way, thanks for listening to my ted talk- a lot of yappin.