-AN-

When life gives you lemons, turn them into hand grenades.

-Story Start-

Shinji had to admit, this dream was pretty nice. They all were together, enjoying a picnic under a large shade tree near a lake. The skies were blue with big fluffy white clouds and the air smelled clean and fresh. Asuka and Hikari raced among the wild flowers, four children frolicking among their legs while giddy laughter filled the air. Next to him Rei lay her head in his lap, sleeping with another smaller version of herself curled up in her arms. Like mother like daughter he supposed. In the distance and walking their way with a cooler held between them, Misato and Ritsuko were waving in his direction, three more children behind them but obviously older than the rest. It was a good dream. A happy dream. Something that might never come to be reality, and thus, was probably only here that he would be able to experience it.

Until a scream so soul tearing filled the air and wrenched him awake forcefully.

Being prevented from rocketing into a sitting position, Shinji took a deep breath as his vision filled with the ceiling of not his room, but instead Misato's. Her futon the only one large enough to hold everyone, Rei had been serious about making sure she got her cuddle pile. Said girl had found her way to his chest, holding him down while Asuka slept on his right and Misato slept on his left soundly. Only Rei was awake, red meeting blue as they regarded one another in the early morning dark.

"You heard it." Not a question, she knew something he didn't. Something his mind was still trying to piece together. Which meant it had to be related to the Angels. Everything in their lives had to be related to those monsters.

"I heard. I don't know what I heard." That scream. It was like an animal being tortured before being put down painfully. Like it was pulled apart by each individual atom. "I almost, felt that."

"Part of you might have. An EVA was just destroyed." Rei and Shinji quieted down as Asuka mumbled in her sleep and tightened her grip on his arm. Ever since his return from the last Angel she had been extra clingy. "I'm sure we will have official news later today."

"Great, which means the next Angel is coming right? The one that infects Unit-3?" Seeing Rei nod, Shinji sighed and considered what to do. Well, it wasn't like there was much they could do, that was part of the problem with their runs. They had no major control over the big things. "And Toji is already still furious with me. Now I'm going to have to cripple him."

Humming and snuggling back into his chest, Rei kept her eyes on him, "If I may. I might have another suggestion."

"I'm all ears." Outside of cuddles and this game they played, Rei rarely seemed to have suggestions for what to do next in terms of conflicts. Her ideas did usually work out, strangely.

"Why not, instead of Toji, we suggest someone else." Seeing Shinji's eyes still on her and no challenge, she continued. "I have an Angel connection. You have an Angel connection. We're just missing one."

"Asuka?" Shinji's eyes drifted to the redhead. The only fully human pilot remaining. "Is that, safe?"

It was now that Rei shrugged, "I am, unsure. But do we know anyone who's will is stronger than her's?" Seeing Shinji think about it for a long moment, she mentally sighed as he eventually shook his head. "We know better now, we will not allow her to come to harm."

Shinji's gaze turned to the other member of the body pile, the dark haired Misato who had almost form molded herself into his other side, long legs wrapped around his own, "She isn't the only one I'm worried about." Much like Asuka, Misato hadn't wanted him out of her sight once he had returned. He hated to think about how she would react when Unit One ate him later on. As much as he would want to spend a month with his mother, it would probably be a bad idea. She'd want him to live his life wouldn't she? Instead of trying to change the past.

Rei could concede that point and there was no real way to guarantee their survival. She and Akagi usually survived, though their injuries varied, but death was very, very rare. "We could, suggest the Commander take their place." Though that would still leave Ritsuko on the chopping block, something she could tell Shinji knew and didn't like.

"Misato wouldn't go for it. If Asuka is going to put herself at risk, Misato is going to want to be there. Nothing we say will change her mind." Shinji didn't like it, both because it was a lot of risk, and because there weren't enough upsides to justify it on the surface. What did it matter if Asuka had Angel blood or a core within her? Adam and Lilith were enough weren't they? "Rei…"

Settling in to return to sleep as she could feel Shinji was going to mull over the decision, Rei finally closed her eyes, "Yes beloved?"

"You aren't, hiding anything are you?" There was a long pause where Shinji really though Rei might have gone to sleep, before he could feel her cheek move from a possible smile.

"Never beloved. I would never keep something from you."

Feeling the girl finally drop back into sleep, Shinji felt bad for even having to ask. She wouldn't hide things, from either of them. If she was willing to suggest this course of action then she really did believe it had merit. Still, risking Asuka's safety for the chance to give her the power of an Angel? Was that what they were missing? All of them needed to harness the power of literal eldritch beings in order to break the loops? Well if he thought about it like that the idea wasn't so far fetched. Hard to stomach as it may be, if it didn't work they could always do it again. If they had the energy for it next run. Honestly, with as well as this run was going if things didn't work out he might suggest they make a run for it again next turn. There was to much happiness here for him to return to normal if he lost it all once more.

His left hand twitched, and Misato snuggled even deeper into him, "Kami Shinji….let a girl recover…" mumbling sleepily, Shinji smiled and shook his head. He didn't have to guess what she might be dreaming about. He supposed that was his cue to try to sleep some more. They had school in the morning.

-b-

Nestled deep within a briefing room inside NERV, Misato leaned against the wall of the darkened space as Maya read off a report from an incident involving NERV-2. Between all the assembled staff a holo-projection showed a massive circle of destruction nestled within a desert. Apparently a new energy system experiment had gone wrong and nearly a hundred kilometers of Nevada was simply wiped off the map.

"-with the destruction of NERV-2 and the loss of Unit-4, America and NERV-1 are formally requesting Tokyo-III NERV to take possession of Unit-3 and associated hardware. This includes the burden of activation experiments and the possible repercussions of that."

Ritsuko huffed and consulted a clipboard with a nearly inch thick set of paperwork attached, "Of course they want us to take it. Let's level our country instead. Us, the only branch currently showing results in destroying the Angels." Damned selfish Americans. They certainly would start crying if they activated the unit without a hitch.

In attendance, Fuyutsuki held up a hand, "This also means, if the activation is successful, we'll need to shut down one of our active units. We will need to follow the UN accords." Such arbitrary rules. No nations were to have no more than three active units. As if humanity really needed another war while on the brink of destruction as they were.

Raising a hand, Misato considered the problem, "All three units are equally operational, and all three pilots have a good record. How do we chose. And what about a new pilot, or should we pull from one of our current group." Personally she wouldn't mind Shinji getting a little bit of a break. The boy had been through so much already, and had the most solo kills to date. It was a large burden, and he deserved a rest.

Flipping through her paperwork, Ritsuko finally shrugged, "By the numbers I would say Type Zero should be shut down, but due to its nature we may never be able to re-activate it again, so that decision may not be wise." It's core was more unstable than the others. Talking about activation failures, Type Zero was the poster child for that.

"So that leaves Units One and Two." Maya spoke up as all eyes turned to her. She was quick to continue on, "Unit One has the better record and the Third Child has better synchronization. Sure Asuka is only a couple points behind him, but she also has less battle results."

Misato waved a hand back and forth as the command staff murmured about that, "Only because she was training in Germany. Can only imagine what her record would be if she was here from the beginning." On a technical level Asuka was a phenomenal pilot, in some training scenarios even better than Shinji. Shinji merely outstripped her in raw power. Whether that was because of him or Unit One was a different sort of question.

Remembering something whispered to her from Rei, Ritsuko reached up to adjust her glasses minutely, "Most likely put down Unit-Two for the time being. It's the most standardized unit and effectively a production type. Activation for it in case of emergency would be simple by comparison."

At the head of the table and hands tented together in front of his face, Gendo finally spoke up. "It sounds like it is decided then. Shut down Unit Two in preparation for the arrival of Unit Three. Have the Second Child transfer to pilot the new Unit in the meantime. Until such a time we can have the UN amend their rules and we can have more units active at one time." There was a pause as his gaze locked onto Ritsuko, "Begin proceedings for acquiring a new pilot as well. If anything goes wrong, we will need a spare."

Sure, throw your weight around when no decisions needed to be made, everyone else had already come up with things. Ritsuko huffed to herself before letting it go. She knew the man was petty already, "Sounds like a viable plan then. We'll get started on the work, Misato, you'll inform our resident diva then." No one was going to confront the man on using the children as spare parts, it wasn't like he gave a damn, or that he was wrong.

Groaning and nodding along, Misato was not looking forward to that conversation, "She's just going to love this." If Asuka didn't turn it into a screaming match, she'd count her lucky stars. She tuned out the rest of the meeting, less to do with her as it was mostly logistics for transport of the new unit and regulations involving the UN which was the sub-commander's role. It was a breath of relief that finally saw the lights return to full power as the table's holo-projector shut off and everyone started to leave. Pushing away from the wall, she wasn't all that surprised when Ritsuko snagged her by the arm and they both walked arm in arm out of the room. Pointedly well ahead of the commander. Raising an eyebrow all the same, Misato gave Ritsuko space as they walked in silence.

Far enough away from the waste of space, Ritsuko slowed their pace to something more normal as Misato began to steer them towards one of the many banks of elevators that could return them to the lower levels and thus her lab. "I just can't stand being around him anymore."

Blinking and wondering what she meant, Misato considered who Ritsuko might be talking about. She remembered that Shinji had let slip that Ritsuko had been with someone before him. Someone selfish. There certainly weren't many men in the meeting room, certainly no one that Ritsuko would be caught dead with. None of the bridge crew for sure. Certainly no one from the lower ranks. That only left…"Waaaaait." One of the elevators before them opened and Ritsuko ushered them inside as Misato turned wide surprised eyes towards her. "Waait a minute here."

"By the Kami, did you just now put all the pieces together?" Ritsuko sighed and leaned against the cold metal. Was this the elevator Shinji had her pressed up against the wall? That had been a wondrous time. "You're supposed to be the tactical genius."

"But but…you. You and that…the….no wayyyy." Misato couldn't believe it. Couldn't even speak it into existence. Ritsuko and the Commander? And now she was with the son, who was apparently a major upgrade? Oh Gendo had to be furious. Personally she would probably off herself in such a situation. Passed over for the younger model.

"Yeah yeah, get it out of your system. I thought I was attracted to the power. To the man who had all the answers. Turns out I was just being used, something I should have known but…well. We all do some stupid things for love, don't we?" Hugging herself around her middle, Ritsuko wasn't fully prepared for Misato to pull her forward into a comforting hug. "Hey, don't get all sappy on me now." Neither of them said a thing when Ritsuko leaned into it though. It was nice to have her friend back fully.

"Well Shinji isn't here to reassure you, so I'm going to do it for him. You've got a new life now, a new love and a new family. Don't waste any thoughts on that limp dick." Misato held her friend out at arms length and shared a smile with the other woman. "Maybe you'll finally let your natural hair grow out?"

Another roll of her eyes, Ritsuko vowed to touch up her roots tonight, "New family huh? Guess I do don't I?" It was something to consider. It even had her considering doing something she never would have before. Though she needed to make some protections for herself first before she considered it. "Remind me after all of this. I have something I want to show you. There's…a lot going on here at NERV that you don't know about. Things I've been stuck in, but maybe another mind can help me get away from." Rei's cloning, the EVA graveyard, the captive Angel deep underground. The real reason the Angel's were so drawn to this place.

Feeling the emotional shift in Ritsuko as the elevator finally reached their floor and they stepped out together, Misato nodded along quickly, "Sure Rits. It isn't, super bad is it?"

Deciding a lie would not be any better at this point, Ritsuko just shrugged, "It's pretty bad. They might add a few lines to the Geneva conventions if it ever gets out."

Shivering as she just knew things were going to be bad then, Misato worried for her longtime friend, "You have a weird knack of finding trouble."

"Sort of like your knack for falling for the wrong men?"

"I'm rehabilitated thank you."

Receiving a light punch from Misato in the shoulder, Ritsuko smiled as they reached her office, opening the door with ease. "Huh, so am I, I suppose." It was time to start making things right.

-b-

Keel had to wonder, another emergency meeting so soon after the last. At the least this one was an actual emergency and not the whining of some pedophilic moron with more money than brains. Only four members this time including himself. The American was of course, absent.

"While this was a possible outcome, it is still a small setback. Any concerns?" Keel led the way, eyes tracking from the audio only stand in monoliths before him. Seele 4, 7, and 8.

"While it would be nice to rub it in the smug American's face, my only concern is that boy Ikari has to much power now. Three operational units, and now potentially a fourth? What is the status of the EVA series?" Seele 4 modulated voice seemed calm, though Keel knew that their country was currently on the verge of riots. Famine had come to roost after nearly a decade of poor choices.

Seele 7 answered quickly, "Construction is somewhat behind. Problems with the dummy core system I believe."

Keel knew all attention was on him, and mentally grunted. "It is all within variance allowed by the scrolls. The EVA series will be completed." He knew they were angling to have Tabris woken early. Such a demand would not come to pass.

"But the expenses necessary have already ballooned well beyond the projected budget. Where else shall we squeeze the necessary funds?" Seele 7 again, though it was 8 that took Keels chance to reply.

"What is cost against the evolution and salvation of humanity? We will see it done, as we are supposed to."

Keel nodded his head solemnly, "Correct. We all have our roles to play, so see it done. I will reign in the troublemaker." That he was speaking of Ikari went unsaid. Best to make sure that man didn't get any ideas.

-b-

Ritsuko had to admit that putting thoughts to actions sometimes did not even out in real life. Sure it was easy to say mentally she was going to come clean about everything. But now sitting in Misato's living room while Shinji cooked up dinner and Asuka and Rei bickered at the kitchen table, she realized that this was in fact, very very real. At the least the final and technically youngest member of their group. The only Non-NERV employee, Hikari Horaki had left. Back home to be with her family. Ritsuko didn't want to think about involving a civilian in this mess, especially considering what the consequences could be.

Misato sighed as she leaned over the couch to see Shinji and the others in the kitchen, knowing Ritsuko was dragging this out, "Do I need to break out the riding crop?" So healthy motivation never hurt.

"Should I even question why you have one of those?" Ritsuko nearly bolted at the leer Misato sent her way. "I'm getting around to it."

Misato idly shut the tv off, the noise doing nothing to distract her from the idle ideas her mind was coming up with. Just what had Ritsuko been hiding all this time? Considering what NERV was capable of and everything they had experienced up till now, it had to be something major. "Well get around to it faster. You can't come to me and say you have secrets and just dangle it over me. I will resort to torture."

"I will get to it." Ritsuko ground out as Rei leaned out to give them both a calculated look. Something Ritsuko picked up on a little too late.

Shinji and Asuka were right behind her, several dishes of a simple curry which extras were handed to the adults of the room. Relatively speaking at least. The pilots all arranged themselves on the floor around the table while Misato and Ritsuko remained on the couch. Though all eyes were on the dressed down scientist currently in a mid thigh red skirt and black sweater. "Ugh fine, some of it Rei and I'm sure Shinji know anyway. I'll come clean." Hopefully Misato didn't end up hating her by the end of this.

Filing that away in her mind for later, Misato took a spoonful of the dish and nearly moaned in delight. She could forgive Shinji at least, for cooking this good. "Get on with it then." Mouth full and some food flying, she missed the looks of disgust thrown her way.

Opening her mouth to speak, she was beat to the punch by of all children, Asuka instead.

"I'm sure she's about to explain how NERV has conducted all sorts of illegal experiments. Like human cloning, genetic alteration and that the EVA themselves are just heavily modified and gene spliced humans and not fully bio-mecha." Asuka smirked at the gobsmacked looks from Misato and Ritsuko both. So she hooked a thumb towards Rei, "Oh, and she's part Angel."

Rei shrugged, "According to Shinji, I am fully an Angel." She allowed her eyes to glow brightly for a moment to highlight the affect.

"My Angel." Shinji knew when to be sweet when necessary. Certainly kept him out of trouble.

"See?"

"Gross, get a room." Asuka had to snag Rei's wrist as she was already up and moving.

"You gave us permission, why did you think I would not take it?"

Misato held up a hand, "Wait wait wait. Pause. What's was all that? Cloning? The EVA are clones? Explain. Slower." Misato's eyes tracked between all three children, but there was no surprise there, not even from Shinji. "You knew."

Ritsuko tried to salvage this, "Well, Rei knew most of it. So I'm sure by now she's filled Shinji and Asuka in on the details." It shouldn't have been a surprise that Asuka would have been included in the information sharing. The pilots were much more tightly knit than ever expected.

Rei looked first to Shinji, then to Asuka who was still smirking and shrugged. Right, she was in a mood because they were going to shut down Unit Two. Go figure. "Well-"

Asuka made a flippant motion with her hand, waving it back and forth as Rei sighed in defeat once more, "More like we've lived through this more than once. We've picked up what we could along the way." Seeing confusion on the adults faces, Asuka's grin grew. "We like to blame Seele, it's always their fault."

That had Ritsuko nearly jolting to her feet. She knew? They all knew about the organization? Were they plants? Spies? Was she already a dead woman? Of course her luck wasn't that good, Shinji was in fact to good to be true. "Great, so where's the bullet going to come from?" Might as well accept defeat, the worst part was that she dragged Misato into it. Getting her friend killed in the crossfire, her kharma was just that bad huh?

Seeing Ritsuko's defeated face and Misato starting to panic, Shinji was quick to hold up a hand, "Wait wait, why don't I explain it. Asuka's just in a mood."

"I'll show you a mood." Asuka was quickly silenced as Rei shoved a curry laden spoon into her mouth. Asuka made angry Asuka noises, but refused to waste Shinji's good food.

Regaining control of the conversation, Shinji put down his plate on the table. "We aren't from Seele, we actually really really hate those old farts. But the situation is kinda hard to explain."

Rei of course had no qualms about it, "Originally there is a final battle. Humanity destroys all the Angels, only for Seele to convince the world's militaries to turn on NERV. We're attacked, Seele releases the EVA series, they put us down and drag us into a ritual that would have seen humans turned into a collective soup for all eternity." Probably the most she had ever talked in a long time, Rei turned to Shinji, "Did I miss anything?"

"Only the details love." Sighing as Misato and Ritsuko were turning their gazes between all three of them still and Asuka was giving him a vindictive smirk, Shinji nodded along, "Yeah yeah, I'll get to it. So, yeah. Rei's not wrong. We destroyed what, sixteen angels total originally? Most of Tokyo-III was in tatters, we all were in a bad place mentally and physically, and then Seele launched its attack. From there we fought-"

"Before or after you jerked it over my comatose body?" Asuka accepted the swat from Rei with glee. She may have forgiven him for that but it never hurt to tease him about it from time to time.

"-We fought!" Finally some irritation, Shinji turned to the stewing woman, "What'll it take to put you in a good mood?" Please don't say what he was sure she was going to say.

"A baby would be good." Smiling sweetly and batting her eyes at him, Asuka's smirk only grew as he gave an exasperated sigh and returned to his explanation.

Which at this point he focused on Misato. "We fought, only we were destined to lose on two fronts. First, the EVA series were using cloned Angel hybrids of the last Angel, Tabris, while also utilizing the new S2 cores. Until you destroyed both the core and the pilot, there was no stopping them. Two, my father. Originally he used Rei to take control of Lilith in order to enact his own version of instrumentality and thus cause a third impact." Sighing and picking up his food again, Shinji wished they had not gone full speed ahead with the info dump right now. "Either Seele, Gendo, or some other actor. Third Impact screws us in the end."

Ritsuko didn't have the luxury of not believing them and dismissing them as just over stressed teenagers. It all lined up. They weren't crazy or talking nonsense. These children. No. Possibly by now they were older mentally than even she and Misato were. But the pilots were telling the truth. They just knew to much. "You…how many times have you done this?"

Shinji sighed and started to play with his food, "This life, death, reboot sequence? I don't know. We're in the hundreds now, aren't we?"

Nodding along as she was mostly finished with her food, Asuka sighed, finally becoming serious herself, "Yeah, easily. You didn't always make it to recovering your memories." She was sometimes very mean when she came back. Especially at first. Ordering a hit on a child who was severely neglected was actually ridiculously easy.

Rei nodded along, "Current total I believe is one hundred and fourty-two. There were a few where neither of you made it to recovering your memories." Like Asuka had learned, having a child killed wasn't all that difficult. Easier yet when you had the power of an Angel behind you.

Only Misato had a different focus at the moment, hardening her heart as she stared hard at the man of the table. "Secret shadow governments and illegal experimentation aside. And we will be coming back to those topics. Along with this do over stuff." She paused to stare hard at first Ritsuko who had the good sense to look chastised, then back to Shinji who held her gaze. "I need to know. How many times have we done…this." She motioned to all of them together, hoping she didn't need to explain to him what she was asking. The thought that in the end he had manipulated her into this did not sit well with her.

Which Shinji was at least partially glad he didn't have to lie. "This specific thing? I want to say this is a first." But cutting to the core of what she was really asking, Shinji locked eyes with her first, "Times I've wooed you? Maybe twice before. And I loved you fully each time." Heading off the other question before it could be asked, he turned to Ritsuko, "I've only courted you once before, but I'll admit it was for…less savory reasons. And I have never done so again."

To be honest, Ritsuko felt some relief at that. She appreciated the naked honesty Shinji was displaying now, along with the other children. "That's…reassuring in a way. At least it's nice to know through all of this, you're still human." Considering all of the things she had done up till now, it would have been a miracle if he didn't harbor some ill feelings for her. Even so, separating the scientist from the woman, she needed to know. For her own heart's sake. "But this is…this is real, isn't it?"

"It's always real." Shinji continued to hold his head up, keeping eye contact with them both to show that his feelings were as real as he told them.

Misato wasn't sure how she felt about it at the moment. It was nice, warming even to know that Shinji had loved her more than once. Or at least, some version of her across time. But, were all their actions then taken from a place that they could just perform a redo if it all went wrong? Were she and Ritsuko, the rest of NERV as normal people disposable?

Seeming to read her thoughts, Rei pointed her way, "Every new life is a unique and valid experience. We never know just when these loops will break. We don't know what fully started them in the beginning, so it may be a fluke that ends them. Best to live lives we would be happy with, each and every time." Sooner or later she would convince Shinji to give her a baby or three as soon as he woke up. Certainly would make life interesting.

Almost hearing her thoughts, Shinji sighed and reached out towards Misato. When she didn't pull away, Shinji smiled and placed a calming hand on her knee, "I promise. My feelings, my love for you is just as real and valued as ever. I don't want this to end, and I'll continue to fight as if this life is my last. I just, know the possibility of how things could end."

Now she could see it. That deep sadness that sometimes crept over him when he thought she wasn't looking. She had thought it was just normal teenage hormones and depression. No. This was a man who probably countless times before had fought and raged and lived a short but as full a life as he could, knowing that within a few years it could all be forced to start over against his will. Keeping his sanity at all in that sort of situation was probably a major battle. "I. I'm sorry, I shouldn't doubt you."

Asuka shook her head and butted in, "Your human, so yes you should. Just never doubt that we won't tell you the truth if asked. Especially Shinji, baka couldn't lie to save his life even after all this time."

"Says you."

"Yes says me, wanna fight about it?" Wiggling her eyebrows, Asuka knew what sort of battle she wanted.

Slowly beginning to process everything, Misato finally turned to Ritsuko. Information was good, honesty was necessary. But she was a physical person, and she needed proof. "You said there's an Angel held captive?"

Ritsuko nodded, "Yes, Lilith."

Misato sighed and went back to eating, "You'll show it to me then right? I just. I need some proof that I'm not crazy and the world didn't just tilt a little further on its axis."

Knowing that Misato was going to ask, Ritsuko agreed, "Yeah, I can show it to you. We just have to be careful. Alerting the commander would spell doom for us all." Plus she still hadn't figured out how to protect herself from any retribution. Maybe it was time to make some modifications to the MAGI's code. Core level changes.

Raising a hand, the smirk that grew on Shinji's face was downright bloodthirsty, enough that even Misato and Ritsuko shivered, "Don't worry so much about him. He won't be much of a problem after the fourteenth. That's an Ikari promise." He was saving Fuyutsuki for last. He wouldn't let Seele have him.

Misato leaned over to Ritsuko in a mock whisper, "I'm not sure I like the look in his eye."

Asuka huffed and leaned into her love, "Weak stock, this is the best version of him once you get him going. Shinji and angry bedtime? Peak." There was a reason Shinji and Unit One meshed so well in the beginning. It wasn't just his mother's soul protecting him, Shinji and the Beast held oh so much rage.

Sighing and finishing off her veggie dish, Rei clapped her hands twice in prayer, "It is a wonder your sanity remains at all you cave woman."

"Gotta live a little wonderdoll."

"Dolls are meant to be posed and played with." Rei and Asuka exchanged a look, before Asuka sighed and nodded.

"Okay, ya got me there." Turning to their man, Asuka proceeded to cling to his shoulders, "So, about that baby."

Watching the three descend into more teenage appropriate antics, Misato sighed and considered that somehow, this was not the weirdest thing she had experienced in her life. Sure easily a top three event, but somehow it just, did not rate that high. "Rits. Are we. Are we the normal ones?"

"I'm not sure anymore Misato. I'm just really not." Whatever, she got mind blowing sex out of the deal from someone who actually loved her. She'd take possible time looping children who may or may not be time travelers depending on how it all worked. She'd have to grill them later on the specifics of what they had figured out so far.

-b-

The next day it was a quiet Misato and Ritsuko who followed along behind a sure footed Rei, their path taking them down into the depths of NERV itself. Far below any of the levels normal employees and technicians would ever hope to know about. Having been ushered into a special elevator by the girl, one with glass doors, they began to descend into the bowels of NERV. It didn't take long for the elevator to pass the last major armor bulkhead, the glass doors of this unit showing the cavernous space underneath the geofront that they knew.

"It really is a graveyard." Misato muttered in wonder, as the Elevator continued to take them down towards what looked like acres of discarded and destroyed EVA units. "So each one. They're all-"

Rei nodded, watching Misato's reflection in the glass, "Discarded failures. Failed reconstructions of the original humans of this world, meant to be shackled to your will." Rei shivered minutely as part of her felt the cries of vengeful ghosts. Souls forever locked away in this egg. "Many of these were failures not because they could not live, but because they could not be controlled."

Ritsuko knew the truth of that as well, the project started not first by her mother, but by another brilliant mind. Shinji's mother, Yui Ikari. "It is why activation is so dangerous. The EVA. They are still beasts at their core, and they must first be shackled. All of our technology still isn't enough for that, so an additional lock is needed."

"A lock? What sort of lock are we talking about?" The scene was blocked from them as they fell below a new level, the elevator's indicator showing they had fallen below level E.

Feeling the elevator beginning to slow, Rei looked back at the Major with a glowing red eye, "A human soul." Walking down a dark hallway with only one path, Misato turned to Ritsuko who stepped out just in front of herself.

"What…I'm really not going to like this, am I?" All she received from Ritsuko was a head shake, and Misato shoved her hands into her jacket pockets. It was damned cold down here, shame she chose shorts today.

Ritsuko let her own memories pull her along, though Rei was indeed taking them to their destination for the day. "Through trail and error, Gehrin learned and understood the principle lessons of the EVA. The body, the soul, the anchor. The beast that is the EVA could not be controlled on its own, incapable as it was to follow directions or orders. A human soul was needed, to bind the beast and provide control. But not all souls, being human, would be willing to so blindly follow the will of their masters. So came the anchors. The pilots." The group came to a wall blocking their path, massive and imposing, it was one of the last barriers before their first major stop. "The Marduk Institute is a front. NERV certainly knows all of the children capable of being pilots. Why, Shinji's class is full of them. Better to have them all together in case of emergency, instead of having to scour the world for that one in a million." Ritsuko couldn't bare to look Misato's way as Rei palmed a code reader along the wall. The massive door blocking their way groaned, but began to open. Several locking mechanisms coming loose in intricate ways as the several meter thick barriers gave way. "Is it any wonder almost all of them have no mothers to speak of."

It clicked, and Misato nearly evacuated her breakfast as the implications became clear. "You…all of those children."

"Most of it was done long before I became part of the project. But, I was still part of the machine. Mothers willing to give their lives for the chance of the children having better lives. Fathers willing to work for NERV to continue that commitment. The children may never need to know, other than they got to live and grow in a world that wasn't the harsh reality of the rest of Earth. Remember, most of humanity is at war with itself, scrambling to recover from the effects of Second Impact even to this day. What price would any parent be willing to pay to make sure their children had a future." For many, it beat starving in some UN relief camp. Or cold and alone in some shanty town.

Watching the doors open in full, the trio of women walked forward, the walkway becoming a dock among a sea of orange fluid. Blood. Its owner high above them to watch in silent judgement. Misato took in the massive white form of the Angel held captive here. Crucified and further impaled by a massive red lance on and even more leviathan cross. "But then, that would mean Shinji, Asuka…"

Rei picked up now, stopping just shy of the guardrail as they came to the end of the platform, the large space lit by an otherworldly source, no man made lighting this far down. "Their mothers, yes. They know as well, each having had the chance to communicate with them at one point or another throughout the runs." Here she turned back to them once more, a smirk on her face, "Unit Zero and I have a, truce of sorts. The elder Akagi knows her role well."

Revulsion causing a full body shiver to work through her, Misato looked to see Ritsuko having no reaction at all, "You, know this already then?"

"More like I had a hunch, who the soul within Unit Zero could be." A sad smile and a shrug, Ritsuko turned to regard her friend, "Gendo is and always has been a shrewd man. When one tool was beyond its use, he had one last method to use it." Hugging herself tightly, Ritsuko considered her own dark history, "Plus, he had another in the wings to manipulate."

Rei walked her way, gently taking her hand into hers to lead them away, "That is a life behind you now. Think of it like this, without it, you would not have the happiness that you currently enjoy." Turning her back on the Angel silently calling to her, Rei knew it would be simple. Easy even. To give into the temptation and submit to the might of Lilith. For one glorious moment she would become the greatest being on this world, before it all came crashing down into nothingness. Followed by waking in a fluid filled tank once more. To start the game over from the beginning.

Misato sighed and the pair left, looking up to the massive legless being above her. For a moment, she could have sworn those eyes bored into her own, but in a blink they were staring off into nothingness. No focus or intelligence there. Turning and following after the others, Misato considered that she did ask for this. To know the truth behind the organization she worked for. Once upon a time, she would have said it was necessary for the Angel's destruction. That humanity should use any and all tools at its disposal in order to survive. But now? Knowing the cost of their sins? She wasn't so sure. Bonus, her motivations now went beyond simple vengeance for the father lost to her.

Yet Rei still had more to say, even hand in hand with Ritsuko as they left Lilith's chamber. The doors closed behind them, and Rei let loose a breath she unintentionally held, "The best I can gather, is that as I ascend to godhood at the end, there is something. A directive, a core order that overrides everything. I can never pinpoint its origin, only that with all that power, either myself or Shinji resets everything. Taking us back to a point where all things start. Sometimes things are different, minor details in the world that don't change the larger picture but change how we live. Once, we had five pilots. Another, our NERV was merely an ancillary unit, unprepared for conflict. Many more continued along this predictable path, countless others didn't involve us at all, doomed to failure from the start."

Ritsuko blinked at that, so much like string theory then. The loops started from a fixed point in time, and from there reality would branch and change due to random chance and supposed freewill. "But, that would mean, there have been more than those few hundred loops you mentioned."

Tisking as she let slip something important, Rei shrugged, "It is only a guess based on the information I have gathered. I am sure Asuka has postulated much the same, while Shinji is still playing somewhat mental catch up with us." Rei looked back to wink at Misato this time, "He could probably attend Tokyo-U by now, pass easily as well. You'd have Asuka to thank for that. Refusing to love anyone who could not be as brilliant as her."

Mind deciding to latch onto the science of it all instead of her failures, Ritsuko put her free hand to her chin. "So you retain your accumulated knowledge beyond each run? So it is just a matter of learning all you can as opposed to starting over from square one each time."

Rei nodded, "Yes, though again, previous runs our resources were very limited. It wasn't until recently that we began to gather more critical information. The largest hurdle was and is of course Seele. That information was the hardest to obtain."

Misato caught the way she said that, probably at the same time Ritsuko did by the look of the other woman, "But that's changed this time?"

"Yes. It is such a good child." Rei didn't elaborate as they fell deeper into the bowels of the her original home. There was still more to show after all.

-b-

Happy and content, Asuka was all grins as she dragged Shinji along and away towards their apartment as the evening drew on. They had just finished a wonderful night out, a fabulous date that if she had her way would include a very happy ending. It paid to work for NERV she supposed, the restaurant they had booked never would have let them in if not, even if dressed appropriately. Dressed in a rather formal deep scarlet dress with matching heels, the girl hummed a merry tune as Shinji didn't mind her clinging to his right arm while Hikari walked along at his left. The other girl took her suggestion, a cute and stunning black number that certainly drew Shinji's and every other males attention. But it no longer mattered, she didn't plan for clothes to be part of the evening for much longer.

Elevator closing, Asuka turned to her love and needled a finger into his chest, "Sooo, go on. Saaaay it."

Exasperated but smiling, Shinji turned to Hikari, "Do you think it's physically possible for her to be any more smug?"

Giggling, Hikari shook her head, "Pretty sure Asuka's picture is right next to the word in a dictionary somewhere."

Huffing and flipping her hair, Asuka turned her nose up, "I'm actually pictured next to perfection, thank you very much." Smirking at the pair, the three finally shared a laugh as the elevator came to a stop, the doors opening slowly. She gave Shinji a sultry look as she walked out, "Now then, time for you to finish off the evening properly, before the others show up. I've got this thing I wanna try involving-"

"Toji…" Hikari wasn't focused on her, instead just beyond her. Asuka turned to spy the stooge, there alone as Shinji leaned around to see the taller boy as well. Face screwed up in obvious frustration, Shinji was the first to step around the redhead.

"I'll-" And yet Shinji was stopped by a hand from Hikari. A simple kiss to the cheek further cemented his compliance. "Hikari?"

"Don't worry. Let me talk to him. I've been avoiding it, if I'm being honest. I'll be inside in a minute."

Figuring it wasn't worth Hikari's time, Asuka would at least respect the other girl's decision. "Fine, we'll leave you to it, but take to long and you might miss out on the first run." Grabbing hold of Shinji by the collar, Asuka dragged him along. As they passed Toji, Asuka couldn't help but throw him some snark, "Hurt her monkey, and I'll toss you over the rails."

"Whatever red devil, it aint about you." Toji didn't watch them leave, only hearing their apartment door slide open and then close soundlessly. Left alone in the hallway with Hikari, he felt some tension leave him. Still upset, but more willing to talk. "Hikari you…you look nice." Start slow, be calm. Just like Kensuke and his old man said.

Except Hikari wasn't in the mood for slow, for having her time taken up by the wishy washy boy. "Toji. What is this? Why are you here?" She had had a wonderful evening and wanted to make sure it ended on a high note. She didn't want to be in the cooling air waiting for her childhood friend to figure out his emotions.

Seeing the slight frown on Hikari's face, that look of disapproval that usually meant a stern disciplining back at school directed at him, Toji reached up and scratched his neck nervously. "I uh. Look. I know I never came out and said it. Ya know? How I feel. But like, if you'd just give me the chance-" Toji was forced to stop as Hikari raised and pointed her palm his way.

"Toji, just. Look. We're friends, we've been friends for the longest time, since kindergarten. And ever since we started to grow up and I started to understand what boys and girls were, I had an attraction to you. I kept hoping, wondering if you felt the same way, but you always ran after something else. Someone else. Older girls, porn mags, hell even Asuka." Hikari took a moment to pause, to catch her breath and watch the boy before her nearly flinch as her voice rose an octave. "I…I don't want to lose you as a friend. I think we can still have that. But I let go of my crush for you. I couldn't remain the class rep in your eyes forever. I needed someone who could see me, as a person."

"But I see you Hikari. Really." Reaching out, Toji's heart sank as Hikari pulled away just slightly. A firm rebuttal it was, even if he didn't want to admit it. "It's. It has to be Shinji's fault. Everything has changed since he's shown up. You, my sister…even Kensuke."

Rolling her eyes, Hikari sighed finally and stood up straight, a firm resolve finally in her. "Didn't Shinji and the others make sure little Mari made it into the best hospital NERV could supply?"

"Well, yeah but-"

"And what's going on between me and you, has nothing to do with him. You took to long to realize I was worth the attention, while he saw my worth within weeks of knowing me." Hikari strode forward, passing by Toji who was frozen in place. "Stop blaming everyone else for your problems. Life is hard enough. Don't lose out on what happiness you could have for a grudge."

Hearing the girl continue to walk away, Toji sighed and lowered his head. He knew she was right. Knew Shinji wasn't the problem here. But still. Still. "I won't give up on you. Not yet."

Opening the door and looking at the taller boy's back, Hikari gave him a rueful smile, "It'll only hurt more for you if you don't. But I can't force you to do anything. No one can make you grow up." Then she was gone, inside the warmth of the Ikari apartment and to a Asuka being undressed by a smirking Shinji. Guess she better hurry.

Left outside and shaking, Toji raised a fist as if to smash the shadow of Shinji in front of him. Everything had changed, everyone was moving on. Why couldn't he keep up? His fist came over, smashing into his own cheek with force as he finally started to walk away.

"Stupid idiot."

-AN-

Starting to feel a lot better recently. I missed writing, should probably do it more often. Hope everyone has as safe a holiday season as they can.