HOUSING
The realtor tapped their client on a shoulder, and with a casual yanking of the existential rug out from under their feet, they arrived at a quaint suburban home.
"Welcome home to a lovely three-bedroom, two-bath ranch-style home. Notice the pristine hardwood floors, fully refurbished kitchen, and freshly-installed windows."
The client clamped their hands over their nose. "What the heck is that stench?"
"The seller disclosed that they had a potent aroma Quirk that makes everything they touch smell like limburger cheese. Incidentally, they installed the floors, kitchen appliances, and windows themselves."
"And how long does that last?"
"A minimum of ten years."
The client swiftly vacated the premises.
At the next home, the client had barely gotten reoriented when they got whisked away by a sentient coat hanger.
"Welcome, welcome!" the coat hanger shouted gleefully. "Come, you simply must try the okonomiyaki. It's our chef's specialty!"
A chair scooted itself out for the client, a tablecloth darted out of a closet, a plate rolled out of the cabinet and settled in between the silverware, and the stove plodded over and slid a steaming cabbage pancake in front of the client.
"What's going-" The client was interrupted by the fork unceremoniously shoving a heaping scoop into their mouth. A few chews later, the client said, "That's fantastic!"
"Isn't it?" the realtor said. "This client has a Quirk that makes inanimate objects sentient, and they've graciously included everything in the purchase."
As a napkin wiped the client's mouth, they said, "I could get used to this." Their stomach gurgled. "Uh, where's the restroom?"
A door swung open. In the clean, tiled room, the toilet flapped its lid and said, "You know you want to use me. Go right ahead! I love the taste."
The client slammed the door. "On second thought, I can hold it."
The carpet wriggled and let out a loud sniffing noise. "Mmm… yeah… come kick your shoes off, I bet they're super sweaty. It'll feel good for both of us."
As the house merrily burned away behind them, the realtor said, "It's a tough market, but luckily, another house just went up - and it sold. Technopath Quirk snapped it up." Clearing their throat, they said, "Onwards!"
At the next location, the client gawked at the thin slice of edifice leaking water from dismembered pipes, throwing sparks from dangling cables, and teetering on a single cracked beam. A metal plate was set over a ruptured gas line with a steady flame flickering before it.
"The next one is a bit of a fixer-upper, but it's in a fantastic location."
"What happened to it?"
"Details are classified by the HPSC."
"You know what? Fine. I'll rent instead."
"Very well. Let's head over to the first location."
The moment they arrived, a familiar stench assailed the client's nostrils. "What the heck? I thought this was on sale!"
"It was. Now it's available for rent for half a million yen a month."
With a sigh, the renter resolved to buy nose-plugs.
500
House hunting has been a depressing experience. More than half the homes are flips where they renovated the kitchen, slapped a coat of paint over everything, and left numerous structural issues, suspicious stains, incorrectly installed fixtures, and more! And the worst part is, those houses still sell.
And yet, I can take solace in the idea that it's probably way, way worse in the MHAverse.