You & I were made for this by VirtualHearts
Chapter 1-
The past few weeks without magnus had sent alec back into a depression he had hoped he would bever have to feel again. He couldn't eat, he had no energy, he didnt see the point in training, and he threw himself into any dangerous demon related situation that came along.
He was so tired. He never slept without nightmares of Magnus being hurt and Alec not being there for him because he'd fucked up so bad the warlock didnt trust him. His worst nightmare was Magnus siding with the seelie queen, acting cold towards alec, making alec doubt Magnus had ever loved him, and it hurt like hell. But that one didnt come when he was asleep, no, that nightmare was his current reality.
He currently stood in the training room, where he should be preparing for protecting his siblings if the time came, but instead he was just firing off arrows until his hand had started bleeding, worse than be had done when he killed Jocelyn. Blood ran fron his fingers, down his wrist. It was on his shirt, and on the bow, and if anyone were to enter now they'd think he was losing his mind. He kind of felt like he was. He picked up another arrow and shot it. It didn't hit the target. None of them did.
Alec wrapped a bandage around his hand and went back to his room. He didnt want to use a healing rune, he wanted it to hurt. He deserved to be hurt after what he did to Magnus. He hurt one of the people he loves the most. Besides his siblings, Magnus was the number one person in alecs life. The only person who made him happy and made him feel safe. Who he trusted with anything. Now he didnt have any of that. And after what happened in the cabinet meeting, with Magnus and the seelies, Alec wasnt sure he ever had that.
Was it an act? Or does Magnus really not care about me at all anymore? He ran it over and over in his head, deciding it didnt matter. If magnus was okay, he could live with that. He didnt need to be happy. He needed Magnus to be happy.
He threw himself on to his bed and hoped he could close his eyes and sleep for 5 minutes without another problem hitting him out of nowhere.
Magnus walking into the loft exhausted, and as if the day hadn't been stressful enough, he remembered, right in the line of sight first walking into the room, he had placed photos of him and alec, tucked into the frame of his favorite painting.
He pulled the photos out and looked at them longingly, his heart breaking the longer he stared at a photo of alec smiling at him.
He thought of alec asking the truth of him, and him turning his head away coldly.
He felt horrible and hoped Alec knew this was all he could do to keep himself sane. He needed to be a leader, he needed to protect his people, and he needed to keep shadowhunters away. He was doing his best, he hoped Alexander knew that too.
He smiled at the photos, tears filling his eyes and thought back to the day they were taken, trying to distract himself from the ache in his chest.
Japan had been more amazing than they could've ever imagined, especially since Alec had spent his entire life in new york. The only "foreign country" he's ever been to was idris. He shouldn't have been surprised but how much he didnt know.
Alec put his hands on the sides of a tall box with curtains on either side. "What's this?" he asked Magnus
Magnus raised his eyebrows at his boyfriend. .."A photo booth."
"What's it do?"
"Takes photos."
Alec opened the curtain. Magnus giggled at his wonder. The boy had clearly never in his life had time for himself to just explore. Sometimes Magnus wondered if he even knew what fun was.
"Let's do it." Alec looked so excited Magnus' heart nearly stopped. He loved this side of Alec.
"Okay," He laughed. "Sit inside."
He climbed in bedside alec and put money in to start the machine.
The first one caught them by surprise, Magnus was leaning forward, alecs arms crossed against his shoulders leaning on him.
The second, alec looked at Magnus, he thought of how happy he was, for the first time in his life, to be here this this man. He was smiling at his boyfriend when it took the picture.
"Okay now look like we're taking serious photos. Professional." Alec said but his tone didnt sound serious. They sat side by side, smiling.
The last photo Magnus wrapped his arms around alec and put his head on the Shadowhunter's shoulder. Alec just smiled, the feeling of love and joy growing stronger.
They stepped out to look at the photos, both smiling widely at them.
"We look so cute," Magnus mused.
"We look like those couples you always make me watch on tv," Alec laughed.
Magnus held the photos in one hand and alec's hand in the other and led him outside, still smiling.
"Alec?" Izzy spoke softly trying to shake her brother awake.
He jumped up quickly a hand out of front of him to keep her away.
"By the angel, Izzy, you scared me to death."
She put her hand out as if she was offended. "I didnt do anything. What happened to your hand?"
Alec Remembered everything he had been trying to forget by sleeping. He was planning on healing it before anyone could ask.
"Nothing, I was practicing and I put the arrow in wrong, it slipped."
"Why didnt you heal it?"
"Did you need something?"
"Oh right," she looked down and nodded as if she couldn't believe she'd forgotten. "There were reports of something abnormal, like magic kind of abnormal, we think it might be valentine trying to leave the city."
"Alright, get jace and clary, we need to go. If we miss him again, we're screwed."
"They're already ready. We're waiting for you," she turned to leave but stopped for a moment, "Oh, and heal your hand, brother."
He just nodded and watched her leave.
They were too late. If valentine was here, he'd either given up or made it out.
All their phones went off at once. An alert from the institute.
Izzy shrugged at the notification. Demon activity. "At least we're not out here for nothing. Lets kick some demon ass."
Alec followed clary and his brother and sister as they all took off running. The reported location wasnt far from where they were.
Suddenly clary halted, and raised her sword as a demon jumped from an alleyway into her line of sight.
In only a few seconds they were outnumbered, nothing they hadn't seen before, izzy had two demons on either side of her and a smirk on her face. Jace had his seraph blade in a demons head.
But clary. Damn it. She was fighting two demons, another coming up behind her and neither jace or izzy seemed to notice.
"Fray! Pay attention!"
He jumped in front of the demon before it could sting clary. She was annoying but he'd hate himself if he didnt save her. Before knew it he was on the ground and all he could hear was izzy yelling before he blacked out.
*
There was a knock on the door and Magnus groaned in annoyance. If it was another shadowhunter...
His mean thoughts trailed off when he saw isabelle lightwood standing at his door, her hair was a mess and her clothes were cover in blood. She looked as distraught as when Max was attacked.
Oh no. Alec.
"Isabelle..."
"I don't know he's alive." She broke down in tears.
"Who? Izzy? If who's alive?"
"Alec. He was protecting clary. He got stung. I'm sorry to show up here. But he could be dead right now for all I know and the institute refused to call you. Please Magnus, I know he thinks you hate him, but I don't think you do. Don't let him die."
Magnus opened a portal instantly pulling izzy through with him. "Show me where."
She took off running and Magnus followed close behind until they reached the institute's infirmary. Alec was Lying on a bed, pale and covered in his own blood.
"Everyone out." He didnt shout and he didnt have to. They were all desperate for Magnus' help. They filed out of the room quickly.
When Magnus stepped out of the room, he looked exhausted, his hands covered in Alec's blood and izzy felt horrible for dragging him out here. But she didn't know who else wouldn't have just told her they didnt have the time. Any other warlock would've told her alec's a goner and shut a door in her face.
"He's alive. I dont know if he'll stay that way. Don't call me again."
He walked away without another word, straight out of the institute
Chapter 2-
When Alec woke up, he wasnt alone, he just felt like it. Izzy sat on the bed beside him, brushing his hair aside and asking him too many questions for him to even process.
"Alec? Are you listening? How do you feel?"
"I'm fine, Izzy. What happened?" he sat up successfully, surprised he wasnt in pain.
"You saved clary's life." he made a weird face at her. Izzy widened her eyes dramatically. "I know. She was shocked too."
"I wasnt going to let her die, izzy. That's not even funny. I'm not a monster, she just annoys me a little. But that isnt what I meant. I remember that part. I mean, how the hell did I live?"
Izzy suddenly looked uncomfortable, shifting where she sad. She bit her lip and tried to avoid eye contact. That was answer enough.
"Magnus. But let me guess he said something, complaining about how all shadowhunters are the same, selfish and useless, and left." he took on the mockery in another voice, probably supposed to be magnus' but it was nowhere close.
"Um, something like that more along the lines of 'Don't call me again.'"
"You shouldn't have called him in the first place."
"You would've died."
Alec just shrugged and asked his sister to leave, mumbling about wanting to go back to sleep.
When alec woke the second time it was nearly the end of the day, darkness would start to set in only a few hours. He felt like he'd wasted yet another day. When the sleepiness wore off he thought back to his conversation with izzy and suddenly felt angry. At himself. And at Magnus. He decided even though it was dumb as hell, that he was going to go see the warlock. Probably say something really dumb and have it end in disaster but he didnt want to mope around anymore. When magnus broke up with him, he spoke and he didnt let alec. If it was really over, Alec was going down without a fight, and he sure as HELL wasnt going silently.
He left without telling anyone. He knew izzy would try and talk him out of it and he just needed to make his own mistakes at the moment..
He made his way through brooklyn until he arrived at Magnus' apartment complex. It was a trip he'd made a hundred times before, and he found himself waiting outside Magnus' door yet again.
When he answered, he immediately tried to slam the door in alec's face. But the shadowhunter was worked up. He was done. Magnus was going to face him no matter how much he didnt want to.
He slammed his hand against the door before it could shut.
"Magnus. Damnit you're going to listen to me. If you're done with me, thats fine. If there's nothing more I can do, I'll accept that. But first just hear me out."
Magnus rolled his eyes and moved aside motioning for alec to come in. "Dont wanna bother the neighbors."
"What do you want, Shadowhunter?"
"Why are you acting this way? You told me you loved me before you left and now you're acting like I'm the worst person you've ever known. I get why we cant be together, I know why you did it. But if doesnt have to be like this."
"I gave everything to you and you acted like it was nothing. I do love you, and that isn't easy. I wanted to trust you and I shouldn't have. I forgot what shadowhunters are like. I was stupid to think you were different."
"Magnus I AM different. I care about you, I'm trying to be a leader too."
"I know, that's why this just doesnt work."
Alec stared in disbelief.
"You really think that? After everything we've been through, that we just dont work? I don't believe it. I believe you and I were meant to meet. Meant to be together. Am I really just another stepping stone to you?"
Magnus looked even angrier. "How DARE you accuse ME of not caring. I have tried again and again with you Alec. You refuse to change. I put my trust in you even after you broke it over and over and I cant do it anymore. I wanna have faith in you but you dont return the same."
"You think I don't trust you? Ive told you things ive never told anyone else. I came out for you, I risked my whole career for you. I love you. But you HAVE been different towards me, ever since we've really been together. Like you're always just waiting for me to mess up. What happened to the guy who flirted with me in the institute even when i denied it? Who tried to help me be who I was even when I couldn't say it? Who crashed my goddamn wedding?! I fucking miss him, Magnus."
Magnus crossed his arms over his chest and paced back and forth, not looking at alec. The younger boy just watched him pace, waiting for a reply.
He didnt get one.
"What happened to being there, huh? What happened to 'I'm all for effort?' What happened to 'Dont push me away?'" Alec took a step towards magnus and magnus didnt back up, he didnt falter he looked alec right in the eyes and his heart broke at alec's next words. "What happened to going to you when things got bad? They're bad, Magnus. And I'm alone."
Magnus tried hard to keep his angry front.
"How's it feel to have someone break your trust?"
"I made a mistake. I'm young. Why do you expect me to be perfect? You knew when you met me that I was a fuck up, its not fair to play me like this. I'm only 23, you're hundreds of years old, were you really, after all the knowledge you've collected across centuries, were you really stupid enough to think I could ever be as good as you?"
Magnus' heart stopped. He hadnt realized alec had been comparing them. He was putting Magnus on a pedestal, trying to live up to what he thought the warlock wanted him to be. When all Magnus ever wanted was the real alec.
"I'm trying to be good enough, Mags. I'm always trying. But I'm still learning."
"You are good enough, Alexander. I didn't.. I didnt realize I ever made you feel like you werent I-"
"You didn't," Alec interrupted hastily. "You're perfect Magnus, you didnt do anything wrong."
Magnus looked him in the eyes. "I'm sorry. I really am. I forget how young you are. I forget you're new to this."
"I love you."
"I love you too I just..."
Alec had tears streaming down his face now, he was waiting for Magnus to tell him he was sorry, that he loved him- but that doesn't change anything.
"I made a mistake."
Alec closed his eyes and more tears fell. "Letting me in, leading me on, yeah I get it. I'll leave."
"No. I made a mistake siding with the seelies. They threatened you, Alexander. They threatened isabelle, jace, all of you. The queen reminded me how fragile mortal lives are, I know what that means. I had to choose her for my people, but for you too. I'm sorry I hurt you."
He didnt say anything. He lunged forward attaching himself to magnus, their lips together, their hands together. Magnus could taste alec's tears. He pushed the shadowhunter away.
"Wait. We still have to talk."
"I'm sorry," he brought his fingers to brush across his lips. "I shouldn't have done that." But he was lying. It may have been the last time he ever got to kiss the man he loved and for that he wasnt sorry.
"Don't be. I want you, Alec. I don't think my decision was the right one. I don't want you and I to be on different sides. I just want to make sure all downworlders are safe before I can think of protecting a shadowhunter."
"I can protect myself, you dont have to protect me."
"I know you can, but I cant stop myself from always being worried about you. I cant stop myself from wondering, every minute of every day if you're even alive. I cant afford to put you before the downworld. Not in the middle of a war."
"Its not us you're fighting Magnus," he sighed. "Look, I know it may feel like it is but I'm in charge. I run the shadowhunters of new york and that may not mean a lot but it means something. I'm never going to stop fighting for you. All of you. We can bring the shadow world and the downworld together, I truly believe that. I just need you to believe it too. Because you're right, we are in the middle of a war and we cant win without eachother, you know that."
Magnus stared at him blankly. "The seelies would never."
"Then choose the warlocks. Choose the vampires. Choose the werewolves. I know its hard but choose the Shadowhunters. Because that's who's fighting for you, Magnus. Not the seelies. Its Luke. Raphael. Me. In the end, the seelie queen, isnt going to choose the downworld she's gonna choose herself. Choose me. I promise you, As the man who loves you and as the Head of the New York institute, I will protect you. Every single one of you."
"I dont know, Alec. Fearing for your life makes me weak. And you trying to protect everyone? You just cant. It makes YOU weak."
"And do you feel any better when you push me away? What's the plan? Just hope you wont care anymore by the time I turn up dead? Weakness doesnt go away when you run from it. All you can do it turn into into strength. Together, WE will protect everyone. I'm not alone. You're not alone."
"I was hoping you'd live."
"Hoping? Its war Magnus. Im going to put my life on the line to protect the people I love you know that. I'm protecting every shadowhunter. And every downworlder whether they want me or not. Its not looking like I'm going to live. And I'm not trying to make you sad I'm telling you the truth. A hell of a lot of people come before me. I'll protect them all."
Magnus was crying and his hands were shaking. Conflict clear on his face. Alec hoped that meant he believed him.
"I'm never going to stop fighting for you, Magnus Bane. Question is, when the time comes, do you stand with, or against me?"
Magnus took a deep breath.
"With."
It was hours after their fight and they were now laying in bed. Magnus hadnt completely forgiven him, he made that clear, and they were still a little tense, not quite used to eachother anymore.
But goddamnit they didnt want to be apart anymore. Magnus kept thinking about what alec had said and he was right. They could both die in this war, he didnt want to waste time with questions already asked and answered.
If alec died, Magnus wanted him to die knowing what he meant to him. And if magnus died, he wanted alec to be the last thing he saw.
"Alexander?"
"Hmm?"
"When you said things were bad and you couldn't come to me..."
Alec sat up so they were face to face. He was so tired. "Can we not do this tonight."
"I'll make it short and I'm not judging you, I just want to talk. Not fight."
Alec layed his head on Magnus' chest and gripped his hand tightly.
"I just..felt like I did before you and I met. Its not your fault. I just felt alone even though I had izzy and jace and hell even my mother if I was really desperate. But a year ago, I wouldnt have gone to any of them, even when I was struggling the same way. So i figured why would I now?"
"Because they love you."
"Hear me out. You're the only person ive felt that kind of trust with and when I thought of that, I thought of you leaving and it just hurt again. I wanted so badly to punish myself for what I'd done to you. I knew no one would understand that."
Magnus put his free hand in alec's hair, trying to sooth him before he asked, "Did you think about ending your life?"
"I don't know. I never thought of leaving my people behind, no. I was going to fight this war with them. No matter what. But the thought of losing my life in that was...comforting."
He instantly regretted saying that. "I'm sorry I know you don't want to hear that."
"No," Magnus interrupted. "I wanted the truth. I'm going to be here for you alec."
Alec propped himself up on his elbow to look at his boyfriend. "I know it doesnt hold much weight after everything I've put you through, But i care about you. I'm going to do whatever I have to do to always make sure you're okay."
Magnus kissed him.
"I love you so much, Alexander. Ive missed you."
"Ive missed you calling me Alexander. And I love you too. More than you can imagine."