Hello, it is the 28th and I am back with a new chapter! This one was obviously going to be the PokéShipping Week prompt of "handkerchief" and I just knew it as soon as I saw that was one of the prompts to choose from. Though I don't write Ash and Misty much anymore, I do love going back and thinking about classic things. And I think this chapter is very much it! There's references to the Johto goodbye of Ash, Misty and Brock and you can notice Misty's sadness as portrayed in the special episode Cerulean Blues. I hope you enjoy! :)

So, there we are then. That's that. I guess this is who I am now. Just a crazy person alone in the place that she is meant to call home and writing whatever this is meant to be to try and feel just a little bit better.

This is so ridiculous. But as ridiculous as all of this is, the blueness just isn't going away.

I should be happy, shouldn't I? It must mean something that my sisters trust me enough to run the gym while they are off gallivanting who knows where. This must mean something, right? None of them have ever said anything outright before – why would they? - but does this mean something? That I can actually do something right by them after all?

I know that I can. I know that I held the Cerulean Gym together even while on the road. And what does it even matter what they think? They are pretty much equal amounts of useless. But this blueness is getting to me and my mind is desperate that all of this means something.

It has to. Otherwise, I'm just a crazy person who gave up some of the best days of her life for nothing.

I should be happy, shouldn't I? All the adventures that I had – the friends that I made for the first time in my life – they are all things that I dreamed about while tucked up in bed at night. I never imaged that fast-forward a couple of years I would be sleeping under the stars and surrounded by people – good people – people who actually know me.

My journey could not have gone better.

I thought that I would journey alone and at one point I told myself that I was happy that things would be that way. Now I know what real happiness is. I wouldn't have traded a single minute of it for anything. Not even those jackass Team Rocket members and them stealing our Pokémon over and over again.

I wouldn't trade it for a single thing. And more than anything, I want it back. I just don't know who I'm meant to be when I'm not on the road.

Part of me ran away all those years ago to get away from everything and everyone. Another bit of me hoped that I would find myself out there. In some ways I did. But coming home? Yeah, now I feel just as clueless as ever.

My mind just keeps playing the goodbye over and over again. Should I have said things? Should I have said more? I should have said more.

Brock was and is like a brother to me and believe you me, now I'm the person making my own meals three times a day I really appreciate what he did for me. I mean, we knew what he did for us that time that he was ill. But boy, those meals of his gave me a feeling of home that this place could never give me.

And it's not even what he did for me that I'll miss. Friend or foe, Brock would help you out. Be supportive and brotherly whether you deserved it or not. I know at times I didn't deserve it. But I am so grateful that I had it.

And as for Ash... Oh, Ash. And Pikachu too, of course. But Ash. Part of me has always known that I would have to say goodbye to him eventually. I guess I was always slightly prepared from all the times I thought that he would surely die from doing something unbelievably stupid!

I guess what has shaken me up the most is that us going our separate ways was so... normal. So bland. You imagine these moments as being a cinematic kind of affair with music building in the background. But there was none of that. It just... happened. And then it was over.

I wish I had said more. I don't even know what. Brock sprung him leaving us faster than I did but he said all the right things. As he always does. Even Ash said words that I will never forget. He said that us meeting was basically fate. Brock said we are all best friends. It was. And... we are.

Why couldn't I have said more? I think all I asked Ash was if he would be okay without me. I told him to take care. I'm eating my words now, aren't I? Look at the person who isn't fine.

I am fine.

I am fine, I guess...

I think all this is just going to take some getting used to.

I only have myself to blame really, don't I? I'm the person who chose to come back home when my sisters called. But what choice did I have? The gym could not be closed. Not after everything we've all tried to keep it running over the years. Some more than others (!). Not after everything that Mom and Dad did to build this place from the ground up.

Mom and Dad...

They pop into my mind now almost as much as Ash. And Brock and Pikachu. I hate to always be the girl with the dead parents, but I guess I will always be that. I guess a lot of things will always come down to that. It is that. That and that goddamn handkerchief that I gave to Ash.

Don't get me wrong, I wanted to give it to him. I needed him to have a piece of me with him so that he would remember me even for a second. Even if he threw it away. Or lost it, knowing him.

Even as I write whatever the hell all this is meant to be, the handkerchief's twin is watching my every move. They've always been kind of important. Not as important as other things passed down from my mother. But yeah, I would have felt the twinge of loss if anything ever happened to it.

I don't really know the story behind them. If there even was one. I don't think there was much of one. I think my mom just made one for herself to keep her lunch all together. The one that I still have now – blue with purple around the edges and the embroidered moon on it. She made one for dad too. The one that I gave to Ash – pale orange with red as the border and the yellow sun embroidered on the front.

I hope that he makes good use of it. And I do hope that he hasn't lost it. Part of me imagines that he's long since forgotten about all our adventures together.

That was Ash – always racing towards the next thing.

But part of me shouldn't doubt the person that means so much to me – even if I do not know how to put it all into words let alone words that I could say to him. There's a part of me that knows – and maybe it is just hope – that he does carry that handkerchief with him wherever he goes next.

I hate to be the kid with the dead mom and dad and even though I should feel closer to them back home in Cerulean Gym, I know that a piece of them is out there on the open road. That piece followed me when I had my adventures. Now I quite like that that piece is with Ash.

He can take my parents on adventures that I never could.

And as for me... Yes, I hope there is a piece of me that he carries with him too. I guess that is what this is all about, isn't it?

There's a piece of me left in the hands of Ash – almost the whole lot. That is why I don't feel at home here anymore.

Who I have always meant to be is in all the sunsets we saw. The oceans that we swum in.

Yes, everything that I became is now with Ash. And I must find a new me that can live happily back in Cerulean City.

I guess I'm not just a crazy person but a disgustingly sentimental one now too.

Great (!)

There you go! Thanks so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed! I do really enjoy getting into Misty's head at the moment and it was interesting for me to consider her inner world and see the attitudes and emotions of hers that existed as a teenager and that would lead to certain storylines that I have for her as an adult. Though into young adulthood she has an intense desire to keep hold of the Cerulean Gym and their house attached to it despite not wanting to work there or live there anymore, here you can see the truth that this place is not really home. I think all of the sisters attachment to it comes from obligation and honoring their parents. Once Jordan and Lynne are able to come back down from "up there" (basically heaven), all the sisters gradually heal their connection with their shared home, whether they come back to it or cut ties for good :) I just love adding lore to canon things! I wonder how Jordan feels that Ash has his hankie? Part of me wants to write a story where he tries to get it back xD We'll see! Anyways, my next upload will be December 11th and December will bring Christmas/winter chapters! See you for them perhaps :P

Amy signing out!