"Yes, I would like to know how it all started. First, I want to know how you are out of prison."
"I thought you knew. That was until you called either the dispatch or the prison. Now even I don't know. All I can tell you is that the guards came to my cell and escorted me to the warden's office. My power of attorney and some public defender I didn't recognize were there. They told me I was being released immediately. I figured that someone got gutsy and went through my husband's locker. That is the honest truth."
"Why your husband's locker?"
"I know that Horatio will not touch it. No one had in the 8 years that he has been gone."
"I started to move some of my most prized possessions and some video recordings of who really committed the theft and who was really the mastermind behind the car bomb. I also put in some evidence of what was going on with my husband, hoping to better explain why I've been so frustrated with his death."
"Wait, are you saying that you were set up? But why did you confess if you were innocent?"
"It was a vain attempt to join my husband and stepdaughter in death. Not many people know he had a daughter. She was born at 10:15 PM and passed away at 4:35 AM the next morning."
Ryan looked sad at the mention of how his daughter had passed away.
"The loss of a child. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss."
"I do have to be honest. I did come to your house just after the diamonds went missing. Not for the reasons you're thinking. I was going to ask if you could help me get some help with my alcohol addiction, but a different opportunity presented itself to me. I pulled out my phone and started to record what was going on. I came across Olansky going in with the diamonds. I told him that when he gets caught, to say that I put him up to it. My plan was to wait for the day I get the needle or another inmate not be happy that an ex cop was doing time and finally join my family in death."
"I take it that was one of the recordings you put in the locker."
"Yes."
"I'm still confused about who your husband was."
"Let me take you back to where it all began. Before I even knew he had a daughter."
I had seen him around the lab. Heard him talking to his friends and colleagues, got to know him in passing. It was like the more I got to know him, the more I wanted to be there. I knew all the job sites he was at, so when there was trouble, I was the first one there. I just wanted to make sure he wasn't injured. I had even slowed down on the drinking so that I could have a clearer head.
One night much like this one, I had just gotten out of my night class. I was taking an art class. Don't judge. Being trained to look for the bad in officers, I was forgetting to look for the good, and it was driving me crazy. Art class helped me remember the good. I went to the beach to do some sketching. I sat on the trunk of my car, with my sketchbook and pencil at the ready. A beer was next to me. I looked out over the water and all around to find something to inspire me.
I saw a figure walking along the beach, occasionally picking up a seashell or a sand dollar and throwing it back into the water. I thought this was peculiar. I started to sketch out the scene and sip on my beer. When I finished sketching, I put everything in the back of my car. I looked back at the figure, who had suddenly dropped to their knees and put a firearm to their temple. My heart pounding, I started to run towards them, screaming, "Please don't do this."
I saw him pull the hammer back and pull the trigger. Miss fire number one. I got right next to him and knelt down behind him. Miss fire number two. I thought, "No, please not you." I put one arm around his chest, placing the other hand over the top of the barrel. I said, "Please let go." He said, "Why should I? Give me one good reason to let go of it."
I knew it was now or never so I proclaimed my love and affection for him. I said, "Because I love you. I will be anything you want me to be. I can't imagine a world without you in it." Miss fire number three. I wedged the firearm out of his grip and put it in my waistband. I wrapped my arms around him. I started to sob, "I'm sorry my love wasn't enough to save you."
He laid his head into my arms. I could feel his heart pounding in his chest. After a little bit, he cried out the name Chloe a few times. Whoever this Chloe was, she had him wrapped around her finger, and I wanted to make her love him the way he deserved to be loved.
After a while, I asked him if he wanted me to give him a ride home. He said no. I thought, shit, it's because I've been drinking. I will have to punish myself later when I know he is safe. Then, he said he didn't want to be alone. I offered to give him a ride to one of his friends' homes. He said no and that he didn't want to face his friends. I was like, "What do you want? Do you want to go to my place? You wouldn't be alone, and you wouldn't have to face your friends until you were ready." He said sure.
I lived just a block away. Once we got to my house, I hoped he wouldn't judge all the empty beer bottles, the Crown Royals, or the fireball bottles. I got him to my room and tucked him in for the night. I kissed his forehead. At first, I thought he was going to recoil, but he didn't.
Ryan was now leaning forward, listening to every word with intention.
"Can I ask you something?"
"It is still a free country. You do have the freedom of speech."
"When you say 'punish yourself,' " He paused for just a second. "Do you mean those scars on your arms?"
Rick looked down, almost looking defeated. "Yes. I know that in a drunken rage, I hurt the people I care about. Sometimes I know I cut deeper. A couple of times, it has led me to the ER to get stitches." And yes, my husband knew of it and was one of the only people who could get me to stop."
"You do realize that you have not even said his name."
"I know. I'm just trying to see how long it takes you to realize who he was."
"You're an ass."
"I know."
"Wait till you hear about the next morning and why Horatio was furious with me and ready to kill if I played any sort of game with him."