"Fear"
- By Maven Alysse

Petunia Dursley wasn't an evil woman.
Full of her own importance? She called it pride.
Conceited? One should always strive to enhance one's station in life.
Afraid?
By what?
What could make a woman like Petunia –
with a hardworking husband,
a sturdy son,
and a fine home,
fearful?

She lived in fear of what her neighbors may say if they knew.
Knew that her nephew was magical.
Knew that her own sister had been, as well.
Knew that her husband held back his fear and rage at what he felt was an abomination against
God by a ever shortening fuse.

She lived in fear of her nephew.
That he would use his powers against them when he grew up.
That he would cause Vernon to lose control.
That he would somehow contaminate her own son with his unnaturalness.
That she would one day look into his eyes and see her sister looking back
in disappointment,
in outrage,
in hatred.

She lived in fear of other magicals:
That they'd judge her for her thoughts and actions.
That they'd further disrupt her family's lives.
That they would torment them with their magic.

She remembered the Snape boy - who had followed Lily like a lost puppy
(like all the boys that seemed to flock to the vivacious red head).
He'd sneered at her when he realized she had no magic,
had told her she wasn't worthy of being related to Lily at all,
had used his magic to keep her away whenever he came to visit
so as to keep her sister to himself.

She remembered Potter and his friends:
Potter had been polite, but distant, focused more on his fiancé than anyone else.
Black, always with a laugh and smile,
had a cruel twist to his mouth that reminded her too much of Snape to be comfortable.
Lupin stayed in the background,
looking wan and tired, pleasant but somehow removed.
She never developed an opinion one way or another on him.
Pettigrew ... who stared at her with hungry eyes,
who got soundly shot down on his one attempt to proposition her,
who seemed so smug the last time she saw him,
who's very presence discomforted her.

They'd come over to the Evans' home five times
before Vernon convinced her that saving Lily was a lost cause.
Her dislike of Lily's friends,
Lily's distracted air around her family,
the increasing talk of a Mad Man in their world,
the happy discovery that Petunia was pregnant
finally allowed the Dursely's to beg off any further visits.

Other than a few letters -
a wedding invitation turned down due to illness
a conversation with her disappointed parents
a birth announcement of a son
- that was the last she'd seen or heard from Lily

Until the morning she discovered her nephew lying on her doorstep.
Who did that?

Were magicals so uncaring of their young that they left their children's safety to the whim of chance?

The child could have died from the chill
could have wandered away and been hit by a lorry
or attacked by an animal
or taken by a passerby
(and in her heart of hearts, she wished someone would have
at least then the child might have found someone who loved him).

Instead, they were stuck with the boy
(the boy was stuck with them),
without any recompense for the additional expense.
She knew – even if she'd never made the matter clear to Vernon –
the Potters had been wealthy.
Surely they had left some inheritance for their son's upkeep?

She'd tried to ask -
knew that with Lily dead, their parents' estate at least should have fallen to her.
But no one seemed to know where the money went
and her entreaties for investigation into the matter fell on deaf ears.
Their debt,
and Vernon's anger,
grew.

So, the years passed, and her fear turned to bitterness.
She winced at Vernon's vitriol over the boy's abnormality,
his desire to beat out any indication of otherworldly behavior.
(and the boy didn't make it easy:
out of reach bottles suddenly in a pudgy hand
flickering electric lights at each wail,
giggling at dancing toys,
minor injuries healing before their eyes).

Soon it would become natural to have the boy do all the chores
to exhaust him to limit the unnatural displays,
to keep him in the cupboard under the stairs – containing any contamination,
to limit his food intake so he could not store energy,
to distance herself emotionally from the boy,
so that when the inevitable occurred,
and his own kind finally claimed him,
she wouldn't feel the pain of loss
(like she did with Lily).

Notes:

written 12/20/2016
found and posted 11/28/2024