Trigger Warning: School Shooting and its aftermath

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Santana's POV

Chapter 13

"I'm fine, baby, I'm safe, I'm here, I'm okay."

Santana felt her own tears start up again as she felt Brittany's fall on her neck.

They stood there for several minutes, just holding each other and breathing each other in.

Brittany didn't smell like Brittany; there was a faint hint of copper … Santana pulled back in alarm.

Brittany had blood all over her.

"Britt … you're hurt!" Then it registered that Brittany wasn't wearing a shirt; she was in her sports bra.

"Shhh … no, honey, it's not my blood. It's not mine." She took Santana by the shoulders and looked into her eyes. "I'm fine. It's not mine."

Santana nodded her acknowledgment and pulled her into the apartment. "Shower? Food? Talk? Drink? What do you need?"

"Shower and clean clothes would be great to start." Brittany looked exhausted.

"Okay. Why don't you go on in the bathroom and I'll get you what you need."

Brittany nodded and slipped into the bathroom. She looked confused as she dropped her backpack on the floor outside the bathroom door.

"I don't remember grabbing that," she frowned thoughtfully, "um … could you charge my phone? I wanted to text you but my phone died hours ago. My charger is somewhere in my bag."

"Yeah, of course."

Brittany closed the bathroom door and Santana sagged against the wall for a minute, then took a deep breath, straightened up, and went into the living room.

"She's going to shower. I'm going to get her some clothes and a towel and stuff." Santana told Daniel and Quinn as she walked through the living room to her bedroom. Tears still occasionally slipped down her face. "She's okay. It's not her blood." Santana closed her eyes. It was somebody's blood. Somebody that was close enough to Britt that Britt was splattered with it. "She's okay. It's not her blood." She repeated, quietly, almost to herself.

She went into her room and found a pair of her sweatpants that were a little big on her, a t-shirt, and one of her hoodies that she knew Brittany liked. She grabbed a pair of warm wool socks and a pair of her boy shorts. She grabbed a towel and a washcloth. Everything was robotic. She's okay. She's here. She's safe.

Brittany.

Santana went to the bathroom and knocked on the door.

"Britt? It's me. I've got some clean clothes and a towel and stuff. If you give me your clothes, I'll pre-treat them."

"No, don't." Brittany opened the door a crack and took the stuff from Santana. "Please, San, just … throw them out; everything but my shoes."

Santana took the offending items, everything except Brittany's sneakers, and nodded.

"Okay, honey. Use whatever you need. If you need anything, call me."

The door closed and she went to the kitchen.

She threw the clothes into the garbage and pulled it out of the can. She tied it up and was heading to the door; it needed to get out of the house. Britt needed them gone.

A hand on her shoulder. Daniel.

"Let me take that down to the dumpster. I've got it." He smiled softly at her; his eyes full of compassion and sympathy. Like he knew she was going through the motions, trying to keep it together.

And she was. Brittany needed her.

She nodded and let him take the garbage. She knew he probably needed to feel useful right now. She knew the feeling.

The sound was faint but it was there; she moved without thinking into the bathroom and got into the shower, clothes and all, wrapping her arms around a sobbing Brittany.

"I've got you. You're safe. You're okay. I've got you." Santana kept repeating the mantra while rocking Brittany and holding her tightly. It didn't register that Brittany was naked; her wet clothes didn't register. All she was aware of was Brittany's heart-wrenching sobs and her shaking body.

It may have been a few minutes or a few hours until Brittany's sobs turned to soft cries turned to sniffles and hiccups.

Santana pulled back, "Okay?"

Brittany nodded, her whole body slumping against Santana with exhaustion. "Better. You're wet."

"It happens when you get in a running shower," Santana smiled softly. "You okay to shower alone now?"

Brittany nodded tiredly. "Yeah. Thanks."

"Anytime … but let's not make this a habit, okay?"

That earned her a soft smile and a nod.

Santana stood up and was careful not to look at her naked girlfriend. This was definitely not the way she wanted to be naked with Brittany for the first time. She backed out of the shower and then turned her back, stripping off her clothes and tossing them into one of the small plastic bags they kept for the bathroom garbage can; she didn't want to walk through the apartment dripping wet. She wrapped a towel around herself and called over her shoulder,

"I'll bring you a new towel as soon as I change. Take your time."

The TV had been turned off and there was soft, soothing music playing. Santana nodded tiredly at Quinn and Daniel in thanks as she walked through the living room to her room and into her bathroom.

She wrung out her clothes as best she could in the sink, then hung them to dry on the small drying rack she'd set up in the corner. She dried off and put the towel she'd had on under the drying rack so the floor wouldn't get wet and slippery. After getting dressed, she grabbed a fresh towel and knocked on the bathroom door before opening it slightly.

"Britt? It's just me, I'll leave the towel on the counter for you."

"Okay. Almost done."

Santana dug through Brittany's bag and found her charger then moved into the living room and plugged it in next to the couch; Daniel was seated on the love seat with Quinn curled up in his lap. She sat down on the couch and waited for Brittany to come out.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Brittany POV

Brittany wrapped the towel around herself, then reached out and grabbed her bag, digging around until she found her brush. She sighed and sank down onto the closed toilet lid. This had been a day of "things not going the way she thought they would"; she hadn't planned on telling Santana she loved her for the first time in a text message, she certainly hadn't planned on Santana seeing her naked today. Especially not as she fell apart in the shower. She sighed again. She was exhausted. The day had taken its toll. Her mind kept reeling with the events and then she thought about the people she'd seen in triage and the people she should contact and wondering if … Stop. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. One thing at a time. Get dressed.

She smiled as she saw Santana had given her a pair of boy shorts to put on under the sweats. Her girl … she was something else. She got dressed, grateful for the warm socks and the hoodie. She was freezing despite having taken a hot shower. She took a look in the mirror; well, it's as good as it gets right now.

She left her bag in the bathroom where it wouldn't be in the way and made her way down the short hallway to the living room. Quinn jumped up and grabbed her in a tight hug.

"I'm so glad you're okay."

"Thanks, Quinn," Brittany smiled wanly at the shorter blonde as they pulled apart.

Daniel smiled and nodded and she nodded back in acknowledgment; silently thanking him for not hugging her. Quinn had almost reduced her to tears again and she really felt cried out. She looked at Santana who was sitting on the couch; one leg stretched along the backside, one on the ground and arms wide open waiting for her.

She gratefully sank into Santana's embrace, curling tightly into her; her head on Santana's chest, listening to her strong heartbeat. Santana wrapped her arms around Brittany tightly.

"Britt, you're shivering," Santana grabbed the blanket off the back of the couch and wrapped it around Brittany before wrapping her arms back around her blonde.

"Adrenaline crash, shock, exhaustion, take your pick," Brittany said, her voice a little slurred.

"Rest, baby. Oh, your phone is charging, I don't know if you wanna text people before you drop off …" Santana tightened her hold.

"Oh, yeah, let me do that," she struggled to sit up but Santana just handed her the phone.

"Thanks." She looked at the phone; messages from several friends, her housemates, her father.

She quickly shot off a group message to her housemates, another to her friends.

She contemplated what to do about her father. She didn't want him to worry but, when she'd talked to her mother a few weeks ago and told her about Santana, she'd been less than supportive. Finally, she decided to just answer the text; I'm okay. I'm safe. Talk to you soon.

She gave Santana her phone to put back on the end table and curled tightly into her.

"Where were you two that you got here so quickly earlier?" Santana asked softly, holding Brittany close with one arm and gently rubbing her back with the other.

"We were on our way to Sturgis," Daniel said softly. Brittany's eyes popped open; Sturgis was just across from the Fine Arts Building. "There was a guest lecturer today talking about teaching neuro-divergent kids that we wanted to hear and talk to. We were near the natural science building when we saw people running toward us. Took a few minutes to find out what was happening. We were closer to here than my place so we came here. Quinn called you on the way."

"They're talking about neuro-divergent kids?" Brittany asked.

"Yeah. It sounded interesting and like something a teacher should be aware of." Both Daniel and Quinn were studying to be teachers.

"Would have been helpful when I was a kid," Brittany said softly.

"You?" Santana was surprised; Brittany had never mentioned it.

Brittany nodded against Santana's chest. "Yeah. It wasn't until junior year when I scored an almost perfect score on the PSATs that one of my teachers started questioning my low GPA. MIT offered me a full ride scholarship after they'd talked to me and done some testing. I guess, I just don't learn the way most kids do; I don't process information the same way."

"MIT? But … you're here?" Quinn looked confused.

"Yeah. I … didn't like MIT. It seemed really … I dunno … cold, kinda lifeless. Like, it seemed like all I'd be doing was math, math, and more math. No time for photography or dance or … anything really. So I decided I wanted to come here. They'd offered a partial dance scholarship. My mom was pretty pissed but … my dad … he told me that I was growing up, I was an adult and part of being an adult was making choices and living with the consequences – good and bad – of those choices. He told me that he and my mom didn't have to live with my choices; I did." She shrugged. "So, I chose to come here. I don't regret it," she turned her head and smiled up at Santana, "not even a little."

Santana smiled at her and leaned down to press a kiss to her forehead. Brittany smiled and snuggled back down. She felt her eyes fluttering, drifting closed. Safe. She was safe. She felt safe.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

She woke with a start, heart hammering, and felt Santana's arms reflexively tighten around her.

"I've got you."

Brittany nodded and shuffled a bit so she was still in Santana's arms but sitting up a little.

"You hungry? Thirsty?" Santana asked.

Brittany's stomach let out a growl. "What time is it?"

"A little after six."

She nodded. "Yeah, I, um, missed lunch."

"I had Daniel get a turkey, lettuce, tomato, Swiss on an Italian roll. Or there's pizza?"

"Sub sounds good." She moved to stand up.

"I'll get it, honey. You want mayo, Miracle Whip, or sub oil?"

"Miracle Whip, please."

"Drink?"

"You got a beer?"

Santana chuckled. "Yeah." She stood up. "Anyone else need anything?"

"I'll help you," Quinn stood up as well, checking to see what Daniel wanted.

"How you doing? If there's anything I can help you with … just let me know."

"Um, yeah, I … really don't want to walk home alone … would you mind?"

"My car is actually just down the street, I'll be glad to run you home."

"Thanks."

They ate quietly and, after Daniel cleaned up, Quinn said they were headed to her room; it had been a long day.

"Brittany, you're staying here tonight, right?" Quinn looked at her.

"Oh … I …" she looked at Santana.

"Please?" Santana looked at her pleadingly.

"Yeah," Brittany nodded, "I think I'd really like that."

"Good. If you two need anything, come get us, okay?"

Brittany huffed a laugh. "I guess I won't be needing that ride home tonight, Daniel. But, um, I hate to ask …"

"What do you need?"

"I'm going to text my housemate Kelly and ask her to throw some stuff in a bag … would you mind getting it?"

"Of course, I'll go right now."

"I'll go with you, Daniel. We'll be back shortly." Quinn said.

xoxoxoxoxoxox

Once they got back with Brittany's things, Daniel and Quinn said good night and went to Quinn's room.

Santana stood up. "Ready for bed?"

Brittany nodded and stretched out on the couch, pulling the blanket over her.

"Um, Britt? What are you doing?"

"Going to bed?"

Santana held out her hand. "I didn't want you to spend the night so you could sleep on the couch, come on."

Brittany took her hand and Santana led her into the bedroom.

"Open side or wall side?"

"Wall, please."

Santana nodded and went into the bathroom. Brittany looked around the room. It was relatively tidy, a small desk held books and notebooks and a small lamp. There were posters on the wall; mostly abstracts. The bed was smaller than a queen; Brittany guessed it was a full size. The comforter was either black or dark navy; the dim light made it hard to tell. There was a dresser and a nightstand.

Santana came out of the bathroom a few minutes later.

"I didn't know if you had Kelly pack a toothbrush so I put one out for you."

"Thanks, I didn't even think of it."

Once she was done in the bathroom, they settled in bed together, Brittany's head tucked under Santana's chin.

"You wanna talk?" Santana asked quietly.

"Yes. But not tonight."

"Okay. Um … there is something I need to talk about, though."

Brittany lifted her head. "Okay."

"That text message … I … hated it."

"Oh … um … I just …" Brittany felt her heart drop to her feet.

"No, Britt, not because you told me you loved me … but why you told me … and knowing that the why … meant I might never get the chance to tell you that I love you, too."

"You … you do?" Brittany's heart left her feet and soared high.

"I do. I think I have since the day you asked me out for a beverage of my choice … because not everyone drinks coffee." Santana smiled at her. "You swept into my life and just … made me realize how much I had been missing. Yes, Brittany, I love you. Getting that message and realizing you sent it because you were in danger … I hated that. I hated that I might spend the rest of my life regretting not telling you because it was 'too soon'."

Brittany smiled and leaned up, kissing her softly. "After today? I'm not wasting time with rules someone else made up. I love you, Santana, I thought I was in love before but … I have never felt like this and now I know that whatever I felt before definitely wasn't love."

"I know I've never felt like this before, Britt. I was sick thinking I may have lost you. I don't ever want to feel that again."

"I promise you, Santana, I will do everything in my power to make sure you never do,"

They shared a soft, slow, gentle kiss before snuggling into the covers and cuddling each other tightly.